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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26586586">silent shadows</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magali_Dragon/pseuds/Magali_Dragon'>Magali_Dragon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>silent shadows [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Animal Death, Deaf Character, Deaf!Jon, Eventual Smut, F/M, Infertility, Past Jon/Ygritte - Freeform, Romance, Sign Language, Vet!Dany, Wolves, always a happy ending here, in chapter 12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:54:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>150,899</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26586586</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magali_Dragon/pseuds/Magali_Dragon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Daenerys Targaryen moves to Winterfell to take over the vet practice of her mentor Jorah Mormont, which includes working with the wolves of Winterfell- the Stark family and their wolf sanctuary. After a few months, an encounter introduces her to Jon Snow and Ghost, his service “dog.” Jon is used to being alone, preferring the company of his wolf Ghost to people.  Until he meets Daenerys.  </p><p>Among a pack of unique wolves, away from the rest of society, two lonely souls who have always felt they lived in the shadows discover each other and find that sometimes the best way to communicate and to heal is through love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jon Snow/Daenerys Targaryen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>silent shadows [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2243181</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1783</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1579</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. the wolves</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I do not know where this came from, but I've teased it a little on Tumblr and a post-fic (sort of a spoiler I guess, lol) drabble in my <b>moments in time</b> drabble collection.  It's going to be a little angsty, but my brand of angst, which doesn't involve third parties.</p><p>Also this fic is for <b>AenarSnow</b> who has been so kind to me and who gave me a thumb's up for my portrayal of Jon.  I hope you like this Aenar!</p><p>I am not committing to posting deadlines/timelines.  I've got a lot of WIPs for Halloween and a really big Christmas (!) fic and I'm working on my modern royals (but that will not go up until the entire thing is complete).</p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“So how is the new job, the job you said you really wanted, the job that took you far, far away from me, abandoning me, betraying me?” Missandei licked a drop of gin off her stick of martini olives—three, she hated having them in even numbers—smiling in such a cheeky way, even if they weren’t best friends, Daenerys would know she meant no harm or actual feeling of abandonment.</p><p>She rolled her eyes anyway, returning her best friend’s smile, and sipped her drink—gin and tonic—allowing the bitter tang of gin to sit on the back of her tongue before she swallowed, shivering. The bartender had been a bit heavy on the gin and not on the tonic; she could hardly feel the carbonation from it. “Whew, that is strong.”</p><p>Missandei eyed the bartender, a hulking man with the brightest red hair and beard Dany had ever seen, his eyebrows bushy and expressive over piercing blue eyes. “He’s kind of cute, if you’re into the Northern lumberjack thing.”</p><p>“As you are into the Astapori lithe and silent thing, have been for several years now, put your wandering eyes away.”</p><p>She giggled, sipping her martini, twirling the olives in it. “I am happily married, but I can still admire the other merchandise you know. Besides…” She poked at Dany’s side with a long indigo-painted fingernail. “I’m looking out for you. This is a new city, new job, and new start. That includes a new boy toy, or at least something different than your usual.”</p><p>There wasn’t anything <em>usual</em> about the few men Dany had dated. She rolled her eyes again; sometimes when she was with Missy, she worried she might lose them in the back of her head. She really had to tone it down occasionally. She mumbled around the rim of her glass, “I don’t need a boyfriend.” In fact, she didn’t <em>want</em> a boyfriend. Hence uprooting her life and moving across the world for this job, which couldn’t have come at a better time. Missy knew that, but of course, as her best friend, she liked to give her shit.</p><p>“No one <em>needs</em> a boyfriend darling, just something to keep them warm at night when the Hitachi gets a little routine.”</p><p>She snorted, gin going up her nose and burning her eyes. “Missy!” she spurted. She grabbed for a stack of bar napkins, wiping at her face and eyes, while her friend cackled, spinning on her barstool, feet wiggling in her high-heeled sandals. Sometimes Missy could be downright maniacal. No one would have guessed it, underneath that quiet, cool veneer she put out to the world. Only Dany and precious few got to see the absolute joy she took in giving her friends and loved ones total shite. Dany scowled, blinking gin-soaked tears away. Her makeup was no doubt ruined, thanks to Missy’s little stunt there. If she was cruising for a guy, he would take one look at her runny mascara and bolt away. Not that she’d blame him either. She crumpled a wet napkin in her palm, scoffing. “While I know you are trying to be helpful, I don’t need anybody right now thank you, not while I’m working on developing my practice.”</p><p>“It was so nice of Dr. Mormont to leave it to you.” There was a tinge of sarcasm to Missy’s words. They both knew there’d been ulterior motives of course, for her receiving the veterinary clinic in the far North.</p><p>“Hmm, I don’t know if <em>nice</em> is the right word.” Jorah had been one of her mentors in university, he encouraged her to pursue her passions in hepatological and equine veterinary medicine and with exotic animals, which took her deep into Essos for most of her early career. He’d decided to retire and left her his family practice in the Northern city of Winterfell, as he had no heirs. Since Jorah was a general practitioner veterinarian, Dany had initially been a little bored with the cats and dogs she’d been taking on, but occasionally she got a rather interesting patient. She dealt with lots of farm animals, a few parrots, a couple of snakes, and Jorah also introduced her to the owner of the local wolf sanctuary, run by a rather aggressive young woman who owned a wolf that was as big as she was.</p><p>Missy chewed her olive thoughtfully. “He did have a crush on you.”</p><p>“He did,” Dany agreed. Jorah was significantly older than her, probably even loved her, and when he decided to leave the North and go to Essos, he left his practice to her. It was only if she wanted it and while she had been wary of packing up everything in Essos and moving thousands of thousands of miles away to a world where it snowed more often than the sun shined, she admitted that it had come at a highly opportune time. Like it’d been fated, if you believe in those sorts of things. She needed a change, a fresh start, and here was one readymade.</p><p>“Do you think he’s using the practice to try to still get into your knickers?”</p><p>She snorted again; her nose still felt like there were drops of gin hidden in it. “I think he knows full well that’s never happening, but it definitely hasn’t been easy. Explains why he was chuckling when he left.” The Northerners were a rather distrustful people. She’d been living in Winterfell for at least three months now, only some were only just beginning to open up to her. At least Arya Stark, said owner of the wolf sanctuary, had taken to her after a few tense interactions. Whatever test the young woman put her through, Dany was glad she’d passed. She feared what might have happened if she didn’t pass.</p><p>It was Arya who suggested the bar for Missy’s little <em>Welcome to Winterfell</em> night out. Dany had picked up her best friend at the airport—the Winterfell International Airport was actually located three hours away in White Harbor—brought her home to settle in and clean up from the long flight from Meereen, where Missy lived with her husband Grey, and maybe have a girl’s night in, with just Dany’s three cats for company.</p><p>But nope, Missy wanted a night out, so a quick text to Arya asking for help and here they were at the Wildling, which Dany passed by all the time, but had never ventured in. It was more of a pub than a bar, serving food as well as drink, and had a very merry atmosphere. Dany did think things could get rowdy if no one was careful; the Northerners loved their ale. Also their football, and right now there were two flatscreen televisions playing Premier League games, and while the Winterfell Wolves were beating the Lannisport Lions, it was actually the game of Highgarden United and Oldtown that was bringing out the insults, curses, and roars. There was an even split between fans.</p><p>She finished her gin and tonic, nudging the empty glass away from her. Missy turned and snapped her fingers. “Another please!” she called, catching the redhead’s attention. She smirked, when Dany glared at her. “Come on, have some fun!”</p><p>The redhead sidled up, grinning lecherously. “Another aye?”</p><p>“No actually…”</p><p>“Yes, she’ll have a double whiskey this time.”</p><p>“Missandei!” She scowled. “I only drink double whiskey when I’m really drunk.”</p><p>The bartender roared, slamming his dustbin lid-sized hands onto the smooth oak bartop. “Well I think we ought to get you there! Can’t get really drunk without a double whiskey, like a chicken and egg thing, right? Tell you what, this one’s on the house.” He removed two shot glasses, slamming them upright in front of them and reached back, removing a bottle of golden-brown liquid from the top shelf. He smirked at Missy’s eyebrow lift. “Best we got, Stark Whiskey.”</p><p>“Like the castle?” Missandei confirmed.</p><p>“Exactly like the castle.”</p><p>“And the wolf sanctuary,” Dany added. Arya was a member of the richest family in the North, not that anyone would know it looking at her. From what Dany had learned—through force since the Northerners really loved their local family—the Starks had been around for generations and had their fingers in everything. She smiled politely at the bartender, taking the shot glass. She only intended on one shot, that was it. “Thanks.”</p><p>“Cheers,” he said, having poured one for himself.</p><p>They threw back the shots, Missandei squealing and jumping up and down in her seat while Dany coughed, shuddering. It was good whiskey, but she definitely wasn’t ready just yet for it. She blew out a hard breath, smiling at the bartender. “Thanks,” she squeaked again, blinking back little red dots swimming in her vision. “That’s strong.”</p><p>“Best we got.” He leaned his arms on the bar, narrowing his shrewd blue gaze on her. His accent was rough, incredibly thick, and after three months, Dany had begun to pinpoint where in the North the different accents originated. His, she was guessing, was actually from farther North, closer to the Wall, judging by the sandpaper like rasp on his words. “I know everyone in this town, and I don’t know you. What brings you ladies to my pub?”</p><p>“Your pub?” Missy asked. She grinned, propping her chin on her hand, nodding her head towards Dany, who legitimately wanted to kill her. <em>So much for a quiet night.</em> “Well that’s good to know. This is Daenerys, she just moved here. Like three months ago.”</p><p>He clutched his heart, stumbling back dramatically. “And you just stepped foot in here? I’m offended!”</p><p>“She doesn’t get out much.”</p><p>“Some friend you are,” Dany darkly muttered. She wanted another drink now, whether it be a gin and tonic or even a double whiskey. It would be the only thing that could get her through this evening if Missandei—who was happily on her third martini, courtesy of Mr. Bartender—kept up her good-natured friendly torturing. She looked at the giant redhaired man, who was wearing what she’d come to realize was a standard Northern uniform of jeans and some sort of button-down shirt, whether it be chambray, flannel, or some other thick material. His was the same color as his icy blue eyes. “Might as well pour me a glass of the Stark stuff.”</p><p>“Well newcomer, I’m Tormund, this is my pub, and both of you fine ladies are more than welcome.” He winked, rather obviously, and lecherously. Missandei laughed, waving her left hand under his nose, where her wedding set glittered. He scowled. “Damn, well how about you newbie?”</p><p>Missandei grinned, elbowing her. “This one has been single far too long. I keep telling her if she’s going to start over in a new place she might as well start over with a new man.”</p><p>“Missy, I swear,” she groaned. She took a hefty sip of whiskey, shuddering. It went down smoother this time but was still quite rich. She glowered. “I should have left you in Essos.”</p><p>“Thought you might be from across the sea, silver hair like that.” Tormund cocked his head, eyes narrowing. He slung a rag over his shoulder and went to the taps, starting to build a heavy stout, which someone from down the way shouted for. He called towards her. “You took over the vet place, right?”</p><p><em>Small town gossip.</em> “Yes,” she said.</p><p>“Where’d ole’ Mormont go anyway?”</p><p>“Vaes Dothrak,” Missy answered. She wiggled her dark brows at Tormund. “He had a crush on Dany here. Was her teacher in uni.”</p><p>Tormund laughed, a deep belly roar again. “Aye makes sense. So you’re Dany, huh? Don’t you got some kind of a complicated name or something? Guess Dany’s easier for us simple folk.”</p><p>“Daenerys Targaryen,” she answered. It could be a mouthful, but it wasn’t like it was very difficult. She perked up in her seat, leaning an elbow on the bar, perhaps a bit looser than she had been a moment ago. The whiskey was churning in her belly, heating her to the tips of her toes, which curled in her ankle boots. “Do you have an animal that might need a veterinarian? I take any and all species.”</p><p>Missandei, being the horrible best friend she was, did not let that one get by her, even in her slightly drunken state. She snorted. “But she’s very picky about her men.”</p><p>“Missy!”</p><p>They were clearly entertaining Tormund, far more than the drunks at the other end of the bar or the rowdy football watchers. He was a match made in heaven for Missandei, who went back and forth with him for most of the evening, when she wasn’t poking Daenerys for information on the men of the town, whether she’d even thought about going on a couple dates and hadn’t bothered to tell her, and how when she got back on the plane to Meereen in a few days, she wanted at least one date set up for her best friend. “It’s my duty to make sure you’re getting laid,” she said, after finishing off martini number three. She shifted on her barstool, slipping a little, giggling. “Whoops!”</p><p>Dany was buzzed herself. She polished off her second Stark whiskey, rummaging in her purse, wondering where she’d put her credit card. She tossed her hair over her shoulder; it was slipping free of her braids. She climbed off the stool, throwing her card down for Missy to settle up with Tormund. “I need some air,” she said, blinking out the little red spots clouding her vision. She pushed through the crowd; the Wildling had filled up significantly since they’d come in, and out onto the sidewalk.</p><p>The cool night air was a blessed relief after the stuffy, heated pub. A faint breeze whispered through her hair and over her flushed cheeks. She tugged her sweater a bit from her neck, allowing the air to get to her heated skin and cool her down. The alcohol, the laughing with Missy, and the push and crowding of all the people—many of them large flannel-covered Northern men who hadn’t bathed in some time judging from the smells off them—had caused even her dragon blood to boil over. She closed her eyes momentarily, exhaling hard.</p><p>She opened her eyes, after calming down a bit, and pulled out her phone, intending to check her message service. There was another veterinarian in nearby Moat Cailin who shared the same service with her; they were each other’s backups, and she trusted that Dr. Reed would handle any emergency calls that came in that night, but she wanted to be sure she had everything covered. She fiddled with her phone, holding it up to her ear to listen, once she’d punched in the various codes.</p><p>The computerized voice of the message service didn’t register with her when she gazed across the street, eyes widening at the sight of a gorgeous white dog—more like a wolf—walking down the sidewalk, accompanied by his owner, a dark-haired man who wasn’t looking up, but studying the wolf’s great white head in front of him. The wolf was so white it was almost blinding, even in the dark. No one paid them much attention; the evening crowds of tourists and locals moving up and down the sidewalks, laughing and talking, the main drag lively for such a small town. The man and his dog paused at a corner, where he kept looking at his phone and the dog standing patiently beside him. <em>It’s so pretty</em>, she thought. She nibbled her lower lip, wanting to rush across the street to immediately see what kind of dog it was, whether it <em>was</em> a wolf, and see if that fluffy white mane of fur was really as soft as it appeared.</p><p>Except her plans went by the wayside when a car careened around the corner, the driver not paying attention, and not appearing to slow down as the man and the wolf began to cross the street. Her eyes widened, horrified, seeing the accident happening in her mind. “Hey!” she screamed, wondering why the man didn’t appear to be paying attention. She jumped off the sidewalk, to run towards them, but halted, when the dog looked up and immediately stopped, slamming his side into the man’s leg, forcing him to look up and see the car.</p><p>The man thankfully, jumped backwards, staying on the sidewalk as the dog kept leaning on him, and the car drove off, headlights disappearing before Dany could think to get her phone up to take a picture of the license plate. She was furious; Winterfell was a pretty safe place, but there were always total arseholes, especially on a weekend evening. “Gods!” she exclaimed, looking both ways and crossing the street, to make sure the dog was okay; it had been so startling, she hoped he wasn’t shaken. She shook her head, fingers running over her hair nervously. “People seriously are total arseholes, are you alright?”</p><p>The man didn’t say anything to her, almost didn’t notice her storming towards him. He turned away and had his phone out, looking at the screen again. The dog looked up at her, blinking large eyes that in the yellowish-light of the streetlights and other restaurant and dim shop lights looked almost orange. <em>Weird.</em> Perhaps she’d had too much to drink. There was a good bit of people who were on the sidewalks, some shaking off the surprise at the car speeding down the street, but no one really paid the man and the dog attention, which bothered Dany. <em>So rude</em>, she scowled. People just can’t be bothered to help anymore I guess.</p><p>“Are you alright?” she asked again, but the man kept ignoring her. She scowled, irritated. She almost shouted; it was suddenly loud again, music coming from the restaurants each time the doors opened. “You don’t have to be rude!”</p><p>The dog looked from her to the man and nudged the man’s knee again. It wasn’t so much a dog, she could now see, but yes, probably a wolf or a wolf hybrid. Massive, snow-white, and wearing a red vest and harness, a long leather leash looped around the man’s wrist a few times. She couldn’t make out what the patches on the harness said, but some people loved to decorate their animals’ leashes and things like they had a damn wardrobe. The man looked up then, startled, stepping backwards, like he hadn’t seen her there. Or heard her shouting at him.</p><p>In the dim light, Dany thought he looked rather attractive, his face pale underneath a dark beard. He had dark curls framing his face, some of them pulled back into a messy half-up/half-down topknot. His eyes were very dark behind a set of frameless glasses. She did not let this distract her, crossing her arms and scowling at him. “You know it really is rude of you to ignore me, I wanted to make sure you and your dog were okay. That guy was going really fast, this poor thing could have been hurt.” She knelt to the dog—the poor thing in question—reaching to rub at his long snout, when she caught sight of the reflective label on the vest, just in time before she pet him.</p><p>
  <b>PLEASE DO NOT PET ME. I AM WORKING.</b>
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>Her cheeks burned hot, embarrassed. Downright fucking mortified. “Oh my gods,” she mumbled, smacking a hand to her forehead, eyes clenching shut. The drink had gotten to her head, that was the only reason for it. She stood up, shaking her head, stumbling over her words. “I’m so sorry, I should have asked permission. I mean, gods I am a vet, I should know better...” Her head turned away from them, and she bent to rummage in her purse, to at least remove a card to show him. She kept talking. “I just wanted to make sure he was alright, he jumped back really fast…”</p>
</div><p>To her surprise, the man—who hadn’t spoken— reached his hand over to her, lightly pressing her shoulder. She flinched, turning quickly to face him, surprised. She frowned, a little, put off by his presumption. He hadn’t said one word to her, and he was touching her? <em>What the hell is with these Northerners?</em> “Um, excuse me?” she asked, scowling. She moved to knock his hand aside. “That’s quite rude!”</p><p>The man laughed a little, kind of a bark. He shook his head and shrugged, although to her he didn’t look very apologetic. He tapped his lips and spoke, rather deliberate, and she immediately knew why he hadn’t said anything yet. He had the quiet tinge of the Northern burr, but there was little enunciation or pitch. “Lips. I need to see your lips.” He tapped his ear and then made a slashing sign with his hand, before tapping the dog’s vest, bringing her gaze back to the red harness, the patches standing out now that he called attention to them.</p><p>Beneath the patches with the warnings not to pet the dog, she could see in big block letters on one, which sat between the dog’s shoulders:</p><p>
  <b> HEARING DOG—PLEASE DO NOT APPROACH HUMAN</b>
</p><p>If it were possible to just melt into the sidewalk, perhaps into a puddle of mortification, and just keep sinking farther and farther, coming out on the other side of the world, where she could sink back into that same mortification puddle again, that was what Dany was doing. She looked at the dog’s vest and to the man again. He smiled briefly, but it didn’t meet his eyes. She wanted to <em>die.</em> She closed her eyes again. Covered her eyes with her palm. <em>Oh my gods. You’re drunk Dany. You’re a bloody fucking idiot.</em></p><p>“I’m so sorry,” she blurted. She dropped her hand, eyes wide again, realizing she’d been sort of covering her mouth with it. She cringed, knowing that was rude. “Oh my gods, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m a bloody fool…”</p><p>He barked a laugh again and rolled his eyes, shaking his head. He smirked, saying nothing. He shrugged again and then made a move with his hand, fingers together and flat, curving it forward from his mouth. “Thank you,” he said. She took the sign he made to mean <em>thank you</em> or it very well could have been <em>fuck off.</em> She wouldn’t blame him. He ruffled the dog’s ears and turned away, intending to cross the street.</p><p>Except she heard a call out, Missy shouting. “Dany! There you are!”</p><p>Tormund was with her, coming out of the bar. He looked relieved, not bothering to check the traffic and rushed across, dodging cars, shouting while also moving his hands. “Someone said you’d almost got hit by a car Crow. What the fuck? You okay?” He was signing at the same time he spoke, which threw Dany off, the sight of such a giant man with an almost tender care, even in his rough accent.</p><p>The other man beside her—Crow?— rolled his eyes and didn’t speak, his hands moving fast as he signed to Tormund. He tapped his ear. He really didn’t seem to care at all, shoulders lifting and falling once more. Tormund made a sound that could only be called a <em>growl</em> and scowled. “I don’t give a shit you knew they were there and thought you could cross in time. What’re you doing here?”</p><p>The man reached into his pocket and removed a set of car keys, flicking them towards Tormund, rolling his eyes. He gave him a pointed look. Tormund looked at the keys and sighed, deflated. “Thanks, you didn’t have to return it now, told you I’d pick it up in the morning.” He caught sight of her, standing still on the sidewalk, trying to figure the interaction, and laughed, gesturing to the young man. He signed at the same time. “Dany, this is Jon. Jon, meet Dany.”</p><p>“We met,” Jon said. He smirked, signed something to Tormund. She had the distinct impression it was about her.</p><p>Tormund whooped in laughter; yup, definitely was about her. Dany scowled. “What? What’d he say about me?”</p><p>“You are rude,” he answered.</p><p>Missy had joined them now, just in time to catch that last bit. “Who is rude?” she asked. She stared at the massive white dog, gaping, instantly transfixed. “Is that a wolf!?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>It was Jon who spoke this time, large hand going to the top of the animal’s head. Dany crossed her arms over her chest, irritated. <em>Rude</em>? She was trying to be helpful, yes, she’d made some glaring errors and mistakes, but she was embarrassed enough. She apologized, didn’t she? She sneered at him; her brows pushed into a single line. “I said sorry. I was just trying to help.”</p><p>Tormund snorted, clapping Jon on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about him, he’s rude to everyone.” He spoke to Jon, this time no longer signing, gesturing to Dany. “She’s the new vet in town. Took over for Mormont.”</p><p>The man—Jon—made another sign, which had Tormund roaring again. Dany really didn’t like how she had no idea what was going on when she clearly was the topic of conversation; Missy of course, started laughing. She glared at her best friend. “What’s so funny? How’d you know what he said?”</p><p>Missy signed fast; Dany sighed hard. <em>Figures.</em> Missy was a linguist; she spoke nineteen languages fluently. It shouldn’t surprise her that she knew some form of sign language. She didn’t even speak, but Jon arched his dark brows, answering whatever it was Missy had asked him. She laughed again; translated. “He says that you were rude, came flying over and then tried to pet the dog, then you didn’t look at him when you were talking, and now you’re all angry and it’s kind of funny actually. Then he said that you’re prettier than Mormont.” She grinned, signing back. “I completely agree.”</p><p>“You sign?” Dany asked, shaking her head, and huffed. “Gods, Missy.”</p><p>“I know Braavosi sign language, it’s different than Westerosi, but basic principles are similar.”</p><p>“Of course you do.”</p><p>Tormund nudged Jon towards the sidewalk. “Come on Crow, I’ll get you a beer.”</p><p>Jon wrinkled his nose, shaking his head. He signed, taking a step backwards. “I’m going home,” he said, for her benefit, she guessed. He looked tired, the yellowish glow from the lights around them giving his pale skin a waxy look. He glanced at her again, but said nothing this time, nodding to them and tugging on the wolf’s lead. The wolf trotted off, leading him down the sidewalk and away, where the darkness engulfed him as he turned a sidewalk.</p><p>Like he was a shadow, Dany thought to herself, still staring at the spot where he’d just vanished. She didn’t have a chance to apologize again for her mistakes; Jon didn’t seem to want to hear them. She wrinkled her nose again. He didn’t have to be rude back to her, but she supposed she deserved it. It was Missandei she was annoyed with. She turned to her, huffing again. “I didn’t know you signed? You want to tell me how many other languages you learned?”</p><p>Missy adjusted her septum ring, unperturbed. “I just tested into YiTish but wouldn’t say I’m fluent yet. I learned sign because it was fun to not have to actually <em>speak</em> in class. It’s really come in handy actually.” She looked at Tormund, intrigued. “That’s really great you can sign. My WSL is weak, but like I said, Braavosi didn’t very different.”</p><p>“Learned it for Crow,” Tormund gruffed. He smirked at her, wagging his finger. “You haven’t met Crow yet, huh? Didn’t you say you were the vet?”</p><p>“I am,” Dany said. She wondered what she’d done wrong <em>now.</em> She squinted. “And I’m supposed to know who Jon is? I haven’t seen him.” To be fair, she only traveled between the vet clinic and maybe the grocery store on a regular basis. It didn’t afford her many opportunities to meet other people outside of business. Being the town vet, she met a lot of people anyway.</p><p>He smirked, saying nothing again. He stepped off the sidewalk, wagging his finger once more at her. “You’ll see him again. Just say off his bad side.”</p><p>“He has a good side?” she exclaimed, watching Tormund laugh his way back to the bar. She glanced at Missy, who was smiling, in her <em>I know everything because I am Missandei</em> way. Dany crossed her arms over her chest. “What? What’s that face?”</p><p>“No face. Come on, I settled up. Neither of us can drive, let’s walk back to the apartment.” She looped her arm through Dany’s, dragging her down the sidewalk, talking about what they would do when they got back to her apartment.</p><p><em>Sleep</em>, Dany thought, that was what she really wanted to do. To sleep off her embarrassment at meeting Jon Snow and his beautiful wolf-dog. To wake up and start completely over, so Tormund, the focal point of the social scene in Winterfell, didn’t think she was a bloody idiot and share that information with them. She didn’t need to start off on the wrong foot, she was already the outsider.</p><p>Thankfully Missy passed out once they got home, not even bothering to take off her dress. Dany crawled into bed next to her, listening to her friend’s soft drunken snores, and stared at the ceiling, her head spinning from drink and shame and curiosity.</p><p>The vet in her wanted to inspect the wolf, to see the beautiful creature in his glory. The human in her wanted to apologize for being so damn rude. The woman in her, well…she was annoyed the woman in her was tingling all over, remembering that sweep of Jon Snow’s cool gray eyes, from the top of her head to the toes of her boots. She swallowed hard, turning on her side, and slammed her eyes shut.</p><p>And prayed that in the morning she was so drunk she wouldn’t remember any of it.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p> </p><p>“Are you <em>sure</em> he will be alright?” the young teen demanded, a dark brow arched and untrusting. She pursed her lips, studying Dany intensely. “Where did you get your veterinary degree again?”</p><p>“Lyanna,” the girl’s mother, Maege, sighed. She smiled politely at Dany. “Thank you for indulging her, my brother said you would be a good replacement here, I’m grateful you decided to take him up on his suggestion.”</p><p>The Mormonts were quite a unique family, Dany thought, shoving her hands into the pockets of her lab coat and smiling friendlily. Jorah had warned her his aunts could be a handful, as could his young cousin. It was amusing to her that his aunts were closer in age to him, but she supposed that happened sometimes. “It’s no trouble, I’m quite enjoying the North.”</p><p>“We remember,” Lyanna threatened, voice low. She clutched her puppy to her chest, the mixed breed lolling his tongue out rather stupidly. For such a smart young girl, her dog was rather dumb, which Dany actually thought was endearing. He licked her chin, but Lyanna paid him no mind. “So if anything happens to Bear here…”</p><p>The dog looked less like a bear than a hamster did. He cocked his head, one of his ears half-bent. It was as if he were asking <em>”Who me?”</em></p><p>Dany chuckled, walking them towards the exam room door. “He will be fine. Might be a little sleepy with that shot I gave him…” It was a placebo, to make the girl feel like she was doing something for her pup’s lethargy, which she insisted was because he was ill, when he was just a puppy and slept half his days when he wasn’t destroying everything in sight. “But he will be just fine. Call me though if anything in his behavior changes.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Maege said, nudging her daughter towards the door. “Go on Lyanna.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Do you do equine medicine too? You’ll have to come out to Bear Island and take a look at my brother’s horses. He’s got some beautiful ones, is always in need of a quality vet.”</p><p>Her eyes lit up. “Yes, I do! Jorah suggested I reach out to Jeor.”</p><p>“He’s an old coot, but he’s a softie. I’ll get you his contact information.”</p><p>“Uncle Jeor is an idiot,” Lyanna announced. She scowled. “And so is Jorah.”</p><p>Dany laughed behind her hand, while the girl chattered to her mother and waited for them to leave before she glanced at Gilly, her assistant. “She’s quite a handful,” she laughed. “Bit of a firecracker.”</p><p>“It’s the North,” Gilly said matter-of-fact. She picked up a pile of messages. “I wanted to interrupt you but didn’t want to incur the wrath of Lyanna Mormont. The wolf sanctuary called. Did Jorah tell you about them?”</p><p>“Arya Stark, yes, I’ve spoken with her.” Her heart began to thud hard in her chest, remembering the interaction she’d had last weekend, with Jon Snow and Ghost the wolf. The wolf sanctuary, Tormund mentioned, where Jon worked. She’d dug a little into it, curious, and yes, it was the same one—how many were there really?—as Arya Stark’s sanctuary. She hadn’t been out there just yet, but she’d met Arya and Arya’s wolf. Beyond the meet-and-greet outside the vet clinic, Jorah had provided a rundown on it. Apparently, they handled most of their own veterinary issues themselves, but sometimes had to bring him out there for acute injuries.</p><p>She nibbled her lower li, trying to school her face into one of disinterest. Gilly didn’t notice anything, continuing on, her Northern accent considerably thick, and one of the hardest besides Tormund Giantsbane for Dany to understand. She listened close. “She wants you to call back, guess a wolf might be sick, but call because she has to make sure she’s there and she’s got to go to White Harbor for a delivery today.”</p><p>“Alright.”</p><p>“And a Dr. Mel Sandre called,” Gilly said, peering up curiously. She turned back to her computer. “Didn’t leave a message, said you’re avoiding her.”</p><p>Dany shoved the messages into her pocket, sobering up at the news that Mel called her. She moved away from Gilly, quiet. “Thank you, Gilly.” The other woman watched her walk away from the desk and towards the adjacent office. She did not follow-up, it was not of Gilly’s business. She pulled the messages out, flattening the top one with Arya’s phone number. She took a deep breath and moved to pick up the phone but froze.</p><p>
  <em>Mel.</em>
</p><p>She glanced at the one underneath, with Mel’s name and phone number. Her jaw set. She took a deep breath and blinked a few times. Just something in her eye, she told herself. Lied to herself. She punched Arya’s number and held the phone up, waiting for the brusque response she knew she’d get.</p><p>If Mel called, she hoped Arya could see her as soon as possible. Dealing with wolves would be the highlight of her day.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p> </p><p>The wolf sanctuary was on the far outskirts of the city center, rightfully so, and from Dany's research and the very sparse notes Jorah had left her concerning the Stark Wolf Sanctuary and Habitat, it comprised over several hundred acres of protected wood—the Wolfswood—which belonged to the Starks and had for centuries. Winterfell castle stood proudly atop the hill overlooking the city itself, the wood surrounding it to the east and north. She hadn't had time yet to visit the castle, word was they had a really good restaurant and museum there. The Starks still lived there, in apartments modernized in a couple of the towers.</p><p>She knew the sanctuary protected not only the famous "wolves of Winterfell" but rumors had that there were actually direwolves— massive wolves the size of horses—who lived deep within the sanctuary itself. Dany didn't necessary believe that exactly, but as someone who liked to imagine dragons flying overhead long ago, the notion of giant wolves didn't seem too farfetched from that. She was eager to see these wolves. There was an entire family, Jorah noted, that paired off with each one of the Starks, and were highly trained, almost like dogs.</p><p>And if what she'd seen of Ghost the other evening was only a fraction of his abilities, Dany wanted to know more. She drove the large Suburban belonging to the vet clinic down one of the winding paths, the GPS occasionally flickering out as she moved deeper into the dense thicket. Trees here were so large you could drive a car through their trunks. The road became bumpier, until she took the left turn as the instructions indicated, and it became dirt, rolling up towards a clearing, with a large sign beside an open gate.</p><p>
  <em>Stark Wolf Sanctuary and Habitat, est. 1902</em>
</p><p>A shield like an arrowhead had five wolves carved into it and painted, each one with different color schemes, save the snowy white one at the top. <em>Ghost</em>, she thought, smiling. She pulled through the gate, bumping along in the tank-like SUV through some more trees, until a large house came into view, a series of stone wall and thatched roof-type buildings scattered around. There were two cars in front of the stairs to the wraparound porch, one a Suburban similar to hers, muddy and dusty with the same sanctuary emblem on the doors. The other was a black Jeep Cherokee, also muddy, but when Dany got out of the truck— stumbled more like—she peered into it and saw there were a couple extra features on the dashboard and another screen.</p><p><em>I wonder if this is Jon's</em>, she thought. She looked up to the house, calling out. "Hello? Arya?"</p><p>The side door burst open, a massive brown and white and gray wolf loping out. Dany stood firm, not moving. The wolf barked, deep and warning, before skidding to a stop in front of her, a crisp voice yelling. "Nymeria! Stop!"</p><p>The loud voice came from a tiny woman, almost as small as Dany, wearing heavy mud-covered wellies and a big barn coat. She jumped off the porch, striding towards her. "Dany," she said in greeting.</p><p>"Hello Arya." She’d met her only once, but it seemed she had gotten smaller, if possible. Maybe the wolf got bigger. Definitely didn’t seem like this when she’d met her at the clinic a month ago. “And hello Nymeria.” She rolled her eyes up from the wolf to Arya. “After Nymeria of Rhyonar right?"</p><p>Arya's gray eyes brightened, her lips pulling over her teeth in a grin. "Yeah, you know your history."</p><p>"I'm from Essos, of course I know Nymeria," Dany teased. She reached her hand out, allowing Nymeria to sniff her fingertips, the wolf pushing her head onto her palm, accepting her. Shoulders fell in relief. She scratched her head. "Well you're nothing more than a big pup, aren't you?"</p><p>Arya chuckled. "She's fierce, don't let that face fool you." Nymeria lolled her tongue out, peering up as if to say, <em>"Who me?"</em> The young woman beckoned her towards one of the buildings. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the others and show you our patient."</p><p>"Sounds good." Dany grabbed her kit from the back of the truck, slinging the strap over her shoulder. She cleared her throat, scanning the area, but it looked like Arya was the only one there. "Um, so...is Jon around?"</p><p>The young woman's face whipped towards her, immediately suspicious. Eyes narrowed. "He's around," she said, nothing more. Nothing less.</p><p><em>She's protective of him.</em> Dany didn't push it. She followed her towards one of the buildings, Arya letting her in. Nymeria trotted after them. There were a few rooms, doors open, which looked like a couple offices, storage areas, and one room that Dany was impressed to see looked like a vet office. Arya waved her hand to it. "We can handle most of the things ourselves. I'll give you a call when I need supplies, I can't get at White Harbor."</p><p>"Jorah told me about the arrangement. Obviously, any controlled chemicals or substances I will retain at the office."</p><p>Arya squinted. "That wasn't his deal."</p><p>"It's my deal," she warned. She approached a door at the end of the hall and glanced in, while Arya cut in front of her, pushing it open. They stepped into a long corridor with kennels on the side. They were <em>huge</em>. Each kennel had a door to an outdoor run. All were empty save one at the end.</p><p>They approached it, Arya clicking her tongue, sympathetic. "Hey Lady, you feeling alright?"</p><p>The wolf lying on the kennel floor peered up dolefully. She was lovely, a beautiful gray and white, with kind eyes. They were blue, which surprised Dany. The wolf whimpered, rolling to her side, and Dany could see her belly was distended and her nipples swollen. "Who is the happy father?" she chuckled.</p><p>Arya rolled her eyes. "Some randy bastard who just showed up on our land, probably from the South. Lady is too sweet for her own good. This is her second litter. We're spaying her after this, she can't seem to help herself."</p><p>Lady yipped, annoyed likely at being characterized as a hussy. Even in her obvious discomfort, her tail thumped on the floor. Dany smiled, stepping into the kennel. "Do you have a portable ultrasound? If not, I've got one in the truck."</p><p>"I'll go get it."</p><p>She knelt, refraining from pulling on gloves just yet. Laying hands upon the animal put her as close to understanding their pain and feelings as she could get. "Hey sweet girl," she murmured, stroking Lady's head, mindful that this was a wild animal. Wolves might look like dogs, but at the end of the day, they were not domesticated. She murmured low under her breath in Valyrian, sweet nothings, telling Lady what a beautiful girl she was, how good she was, and to tell her what was wrong with her.</p><p>The wolf's eyes closed, her breathing even, as Dany pet down from her head over her shoulders, moving closer and closer to where she wanted. Lady comfortable with her now, her head moving towards Dany's knee, she gently palpitated her abdomen, tutting under her breath. "Hmm, you have let's see...I've got one...two...three...my, my Lady." She chuckled, the wolf's eye opening on her. "I think you've got a whole baseball team in here."</p><p>Arya returned with the portable ultrasound. Together they booted it up and while Arya held Lady's head, to keep her from jerking at the strange feelings, Dany maneuvered around, checking on the pups. She studied it a few minutes and frowned, gently scratching Lady's flank with her free hand. "What's up?" Arya wondered. "You're frowning."</p><p>"She has five pups. They're good, strong heartbeats..." Dany ran her tongue over her teeth, frowning again. "Hmm...I see the problem. One of them is pressing on a nerve. It's why she's in pain."</p><p>"She's in pain? She isn't making noise."</p><p>Dany glanced over, a little confused. "That's why you called me here, right? You thought she was in pain?" She didn't want to blurt out that <em>Lady told me.</em> Arya barely knew her. Didn't need to start spreading the rumor around town that the new vet, already a suspicious character as she was from Essos, was also crazy and claimed she could hear the animals talk to her.</p><p>"Well...I mean I assumed she was. She wasn't eating like I said, and she keeps trying to get comfortable. I didn't see anything big on the ultrasound this morning." Arya frowned again, but it wasn't in anger. More like confusion. Or curiosity. She cocked her head, a dark brow lifting. "Have you worked with wolves before?"</p><p>"Um...no, not exactly. I worked with horses." She felt defensive. She stood, dusting her hands on her jeans and crossed her arms protectively over herself, looking down at Arya, who remained on the floor with Lady. "But I am a trained veterinarian. Lady's in pain, her back leg isn't feeling much and that's why she's not eating. She won't whimper, wolves and dogs are similar in that way. They try to be strong for us. The pup is sitting right on a nerve. I'm going to check her calcium levels too, make sure she's not preeclamptic. I can also give her some IV fluids, just to make sure she's good. The pups are coming soon, probably in a week."</p><p>Arya stared up at her a moment more. Dany chewed on her tongue. She hoped she didn't go overboard. The woman laughed suddenly. "Damn. You're way better than Old Mormont."</p><p>After that the difference with the woman was startling. She seemed more open and chattier. Dany didn't say much afterward, too stunned. She administered the tests and fluids, leaving Arya with instructions. "I know you are well acquainted, obviously, with delivering pups, but I would like to be here, please call me, night or day," she said, as they left Lady to rest.</p><p>"Of course." They walked out of the kennel together, Arya gesturing towards one of the other buildings. "Want a tour?"</p><p>She smiled. "Sure."</p><p>Arya led her through another building which served as a learning center. "We do lots of stuff with primary schools and boys and girls clubs. They get an outdoor badge and other things like that. We let them hold the pups sometimes, but right now we don't have a litter." She chuckled. "Yet."</p><p>"What about the others?"</p><p>"Oh they're here." Arya took her to a golf cart, outfitted with large wheels, covered in mud. She didn't want for Dany to get settled before slamming her foot down, the cart jerking forwards and zooming off into the wood. Arya spoke loudly over the sound of the whirring tires. "Outside of the kennels we keep them in when they're sick and recovering, we've got them in areas as close to their natural habitat as possible. Only a few of them actually stay in kennels, the rest are free to roam the entire length of the sanctuary."</p><p>"Who can't go the length of the sanctuary?" she wondered.</p><p>"Shaggydog and Grey Wind. Shaggydog belongs to my brother Rickon, he's pretty untamable. Incredibly wild, but he's aggressive and can't be with the other wolves. He wants to be alpha, to a point where he'd even kill the females." She pointed towards a large gate with numerous warnings on it. "That's his door."</p><p>Dany gulped, hoping they weren’t going to go in there. "Alright. And Grey Wind, you said?"</p><p>"Aye, Grey Wind is my brother Robb's. He's an old boy, but he had a severe neck injury and because of that he's weak. The other wolves will see that and take advantage. Most of the time he lives the life of a pampered pup, but when Robb is down in King's Landing, he comes up here and pretends to be a real wolf for a bit." Arya stopped in front of the door that she assumed led to Grey Wind's, reaching for a whistle around her neck. She blew it, no sound coming from it, but Dany knew the wolf heard it.</p><p>Nearby, a wolf howled, snarling and mean. Arya rolled her eyes. "Shaggydog," she said. She approached the door, keys jangling, calling out. "Hey Grey!"</p><p>After a few minutes, the trees rustled and Dany's eyes widened as a gorgeous wolf approached, massive, and a swirling mess of shades of gray. It suited his name. "Oh you're a beautiful boy," she called to him.</p><p>Grey Wind's eyes were yellow, blinking curiously at her. His tail wagged when Arya entered. She passed her a handful of raw meat, which Dany took carefully and knelt, so she was Grey Wind's level. She held it out and after a few minutes of sniffing and sizing her up, the wolf took the meat between his jaws rather delicately and swallowed it whole. She laughed. Arya smirked. "he's a big baby at the end of the day, but when we do live feeding, he's vicious."</p><p>She jerked up. "You do live feeding?"</p><p>"Aye, no visitors allowed when that happens."</p><p>"I should hope not. People don't like to be reminded when things are wild."</p><p>Arya paused, frowning a moment. "No," she said softly. "No they don't."</p><p>They stayed with Grey Wind for a few more minutes, until he grew bored of them and wandered off. Arya pointed towards where he had a mansion-like wooden kennel he could go in when he wanted, but mostly he liked to bed down in a dirt hole he'd proudly dug himself. Dany thought that was actually pretty cute. She got back into the golf cart and they zoomed around some more, getting deeper into the wood.</p><p>Arya pointed. "That's Jon's cart. He must be nearby." She turned her head slowly, that protectiveness returning, her face a cool mask. "You said you met Ghost already, yes?"</p><p>Dany nodded, knowing what Arya was referring to without actually saying it. "Yes...it was ah..." She warmed in embarrassment at the memory. She sighed. "Awkward. For me. I made a few big mistakes."</p><p>"Don't feel bad, Jon's an arsehole."</p><p>She turned quickly. "What?"</p><p>"Oh yeah," Arya said, rolling her eyes. She laughed. "I mean, he has good reason to be, but he's a dick. You could have done everything exactly right; he still would have been a dick. Come on. Just..." She pointed to the ground, twigs and leaves scattered. "Walk quietly."</p><p>That seemed odd, as they were approaching someone who was deaf, but she listened anyways. The young woman picked through the undergrowth, making hardly a sound, and Dany tried to emulate her, but slipped up a couple times, a branch cracking under her boot heel. She flinched each time, wondering why they were being so careful. It wasn’t until they pushed through to a clearing that she could see why.</p><p>She stifled any sort of response, swallowing hard at her gasp. They'd entered a small clearing and in the center of it sat Jon Snow, leaning back on his elbows and his ankles crossed in front of him. The white wolf Ghost sat at his shoulder, a silent guardian, and all around them was a pack of wolves. The difference in size between them and the three she'd already met—Lady, Ghost, and Grey Wind—was stark. She didn't realize just how large the others were until confronted with what she assumed were just average wild wolves.</p><p>They seemed like dogs, rolling and sniffing at Jon, some of them gnawing on remnants of animal bones, another trotting around with what appeared to be antlers in his mouth. One had its head on Jon's knee, eyes shut, dozing peacefully in the cool afternoon, even with the sun shining down on them.</p><p>He made a movement with his hand, and two of the wolves promptly sat. Another hand movement and then were lying down, eyes locked on him. He smiled and tossed some meat at them, both tumbling together to get it. Then he leaned backwards and rested his head in the grass, hands folded over his stomach, the wolves still peacefully loping around him.</p><p>Arya leaned to her, whispering. "He's training them."</p><p><em>Damn</em>, was all Dany thought, wondering how exactly he did that. She didn't want to point out the obvious. <em>He can't speak, how does he instruct them?</em> Except she remembered that he <em>did</em> speak. He just didn't sound exactly like anyone else. She leaned back to Arya. "Are they a pack?"</p><p>"In a way." Arya reached up, cupping her hands around her mouth, and make a sound like 'aroo!' The wolves perked up, but didn't move, only Ghost did, nudging Jon's shoulder.</p><p>Jon sat up at the nudge and glanced around, smiling very briefly at the sight of Arya. Once he saw her, his brows slammed together, and he scowled. He got to his feet, making a few hand motions. The wolves slunk off, returning to the trees. The one still went off with his antler treat. Ghost accompanied him, always at his side. His hands moved fast, tapping at his face and chest. Arya returned whatever it was he was asking, and after a few minutes of flurrying hand movements, she spoke. "Don't be rude Jon, Dany doesn't sign."</p><p>He glanced at Dany, smirking. He signed with his words. Once again Dany marveled at the timbre of his voice, the huskiness there, but how it was hollow. Lonely. "I don't need to be rude. Dany already knows rude."</p><p>She pinked. "I apologized," she ground out.</p><p>Jon made a sound that she assumed was his laugh again. It was actually nice. She smiled at the sound of it, it made her want to laugh too. Infectious. "What do you want?"</p><p>Arya answered for Dany, signing while she spoke. "She checked on Lady. It's a nerve thing, but she's running tests. Pups will be in here about a week. I was showing her around. She's going to be here more than Mormont." Her smile widened, gray eyes dancing as she met Dany's gaze again. "She got Grey Wind eating from her hand in less than five minutes."</p><p>This appeared to be a feat, from how Arya had said it, but Jon didn't give her any congratulatory remarks. He simply glared at her and spoke again. "I need to get the food for Pack C."</p><p>"We name the packs," Arya explained, before Dany could ask. "Pack C is out a bit further on the boundary. One of them has bad arthritis, so we lay out food that's laced with some supplements for him."</p><p>"And they'll eat it?"</p><p>"They eat it because Jon will feed them." Arya clapped her hand on his shoulder. She signed, looking him in the eye even as he tried to avoid her. "He's got a…well, a way with them."</p><p><em>That was obvious.</em> The image of him, like some sort of painting, laying in the grass with the sun beaming down upon him, the wolves literally draped around him, it was like out of a museum painting. She stole a look at him as he pointed to the cart, Ghost hopping i to the copilot seat.</p><p>He had his dark hair tugged from his face at the nape of his neck, fitted jeans and a worn flannel both painted on his trim figure. He wore a thermal vest over the flannel with the sanctuary emblem on the breast pocket. She wondered how come he didn’t wear hearing aids; she had someone in one of her lab classes at university who was deaf but used them. Everyone was different, she reminded herself.</p><p>And besides, it’s not my business, she thought. She walked over to him and reached for Ghost, the wolf eagerly accepting her ear scratches. Jon glanced to Arya, signed something, and she nodded. “See you later,” he said pointedly to her.</p><p>Dany dropped her hands. She reached one up and turned her palm slightly in the formal “goodbye” sign. After a second she tapped her chest lightly and said clearly. “Thank you.”</p><p>Jon frowned. “Why?”</p><p>She gestured to the clearing. “For letting me see that.” After a moment, his frown unnerving g her, she stepped away. Waved again. “Bye.”</p><p>He waited a second, hesitates, but then nodded curtly and took off, Ghost perked up and watching. Dany watched him disappear, hands shoving into the pockets of her coat against the sudden chill she felt at losing the presence of the wolf. She waited a beat and turned, stopping hard, momentum pitching her backwards a bit. Arya was standing directly behind her, brows pinched together, almost snarling. "You met Jon before, you said?" she demanded.</p><p>"Yeah, last weekend." <em>What the fuck?</em></p><p>"How?"</p><p>"On the street," she replied. She didn't like this inquisition. "Is something wrong with that?"</p><p>"He was out and about at night?" Arya stepped away, scowling, muttering to herself. "That's weird, he never goes out at night."</p><p>"I think he was returning something. A car."</p><p>"Oh yeah, Tormund's truck..." she trailed off, sitting in the cart, thinking a moment. She threw her arm over the top of the steering wheel, still scowling. "Well Jon is...Jon." She narrowed her eyes. "He doesn't like people faking it with him."</p><p>Dany didn't get in the cart; she'd walk back if she had to. She crossed her arms, glowering. "And what was I faking?"</p><p>"Niceness."</p><p>"I don't <em>fake</em> anything."</p><p>Arya barked. "Well it won't last long. Everyone new comes to town and tries to get Jon to open up. Whether it's to get to the wolves or to think they give a shit about someone they think needs <em>help</em>, I don't know, but Jon is fine. He's been taking care of himself his entire life. Just consider it a warning. You'll only feel more like shit and newsflash, he isn't going to care." She nodded to the seat. "Now get in."</p><p><em>What the fuck?</em>, Dany thought again. She kept her face impassive, walked slowly to the cart, but refrained from sitting just yet. She kept her eyes on Arya's cool gray ones. Protective little sister, she guessed. "Are you two related?"</p><p>"I'm his cousin," she smirked.</p><p>She nodded, her booted foot going to the floor of the cart, a hand curling around the top of the low seat. "Well, you have nothing to worry about with me." She muttered, plopping into the seat. The cart zoomed away, heading back to the sanctuary. She studied the woods as they blew by, blurring greens and browns. Arya couldn't hear her, but she could hear herself, and she felt she needed the reminder. Essos wasn't long ago, and she left it for a reason. She came here for a purpose. And she felt like she just needed to hear it again. Once more. Just in case.</p><p>"Men are the last thing on my mind."</p><p>
  <em>Especially Jon Snow.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. the dragons</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dany learns a little more about Jon; Lady's pup delivery leads to a moment.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Do not get used to these updates coming so quickly!  I was just in the mood to work on this fic instead of others so I did.  Figured I'd get it out now before I started posting my Halloween fics, which are burning a hole through my hard drive, begging to get posted before October.  </p><p>Enjoy :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“<em>Daenerys, this is Dr. Mel calling again, please call me back. I know you are still upset about this, but we can…</em>”</p><p>It was the same variation of the same message Mel had been leaving every couple of days. If not with Gilly, who was growing curiouser and curiouser about the physician’s phone calls to the main line, and by now had likely searched her name online and discovered the type of doctor she was. The almost <em>pitying</em> glances from her assistant were becoming quite frequent. Dany was trying to ignore it, but she feared hse might have to sit down and talk to the young woman. Perhaps set some boundaries that maybe Jorah didn’t really have between personal private lives and the office.</p><p>She rubbed the back of her neck, sitting at her desk long after she’d flicked the sign from ‘Open’ to ‘Closed’ on the front door, bid Gilly farewell with a polite decline at joining her at her home for dinner with her husband and young son, and sat down with her TV dinner in front of her computer screen and old account books Jorah had let linger too long without proper modernization.</p><p>“Come on down,” she called, hearing scuffling at the door at the top of the steps leading to her apartment. She’d left it open when she’d gone up to change from her scrubs. The dragons had been sleeping and were now awake. She chuckled, seeing the white cat slink his way into the office. “Hey baby boy, how are you?”</p><p>Viserion yowled, high-pitched and squeaky. He was joined immediately by his brother Rhaegal, orange with bright green eyes. The last, the biggest, the most dramatic, Drogon entered last, always making an entrance, and holding a dead spider in his mouth. She smirked at him. “Nice, Drogon. Are you going to share with your brothers?”</p><p>In response, her <em>baby</em> fixed his yellow eyes on her and then began to move his mouth, dropping the spider and plopping his fat butt on the floor to feast. Viserion and Rhaegal looked over, annoyed, but then jumped atop her desk, butting their heads on her hands for pets and scratches. She cuddled both, Rhaegal on her shoulder nuzzling her neck and Viserion curling into her lap. Her fingers idly scratched Viserion’s ears. It was interesting, she thought, glancing down at him. He was deaf. It had never really occurred to her how he’d adapted. He just had.</p><p>He followed his brothers around, he didn’t look up at loud sounds or freak when they did, and perhaps that made him more affectionate, not fearing humans or other animals the way he might have if he could hear. He was sweet, gentle.</p><p>The irony, compared to Jon Snow, who was snappish and aloof. Arya warned her off him, because she was protective, Dany thought, leaning back in her chair. She sighed, shoulders falling, exhaustion settling in her bones from the long day. She hadn’t given him much thought either since she left the wolf sanctuary. Things had been so busy and she went to bed late and woke up early. Running the clinic, getting it off the ground, and serving her community as their sole animal doctor had been more work than she’d realized it would be. It was welcome, necessary and keeping her mind off of <em>things</em>.</p><p>And off of Jon Snow.</p><p>“He’s an interesting one,” she said aloud. Rhaegal meowed, having no idea why he was agreeing with her. She rolled her eyes up, chuckling and took her free hand to rub under his jaw, his eyes slamming shut in happy kitty pleasure. “You don’t even know what I mean, silly boy.”</p><p>Drogon howled and hopped onto the desk, waltzing over to lay directly on her keyboard. <em>Asshole</em>, she thought affectionately. Jon Snow fascinated her, maybe from a scientific perspective, the adaptation he’d had to do in his life to live with his…it wasn’t a disability. Jon Snow seemed perfectly able to her. He drove, he walked around, he had a job, and by all accounts, according to Arya’s warning, he’d had plenty of people lust after him. Yes, likely because he was something that they wanted to <em>fix</em>. Dany had encountered that plenty in her life.</p><p><em>Let me fix your childhood, let me fix your relationships, let me fix everything.</em> People didn’t realize how condescending it was. Mel was starting to move into that territory from just being a doctor to taking on a patient as something she had to <em>save.</em> Dany sighed, glancing at the trash can with all the messages in it. She looked at Drogon, who blinked slowly, his purrs so loud they drowned out the rattling from the old heating system in the office. She smiled gently in his direction. “What?” she asked. “Should I call her back? She’s just going to tell me the same thing she told me in Essos. It isn’t worth it.”</p><p>Drogon purred louder, eyes shut now. Rhaegal hopped off onto the desk, curling atop the account books, his tail flicking back and forth. Dany suspected it was their way of telling her to just knock off and go upstairs. Take a hot bath, read the latest veterinary journals she had piled by her bed, and then go to bed early.</p><p>She couldn’t stop thinking of Jon Snow now. “He’s like you,” she whispered to Viserion, who peered up with his bright blue eyes. She rubbed his ear. “He can’t hear either.”</p><p>Viserion released another squeak. Drogon opened his eyes, glaring at his brother. She supposed Viserion had his own hearing guides by way of the other two. She reached for her laptop, the movement forcing Viserion to hop off of her lap, where he went to stretch out at her feet, never very far from her.</p><p>Dany knew she had to work, but she found herself doing research. It was the scientist in her, she thought, reading articles on deafness, degrees of deafness, and hearing dogs in particular. She wasn’t quite sure Ghost counted as a <em>dog</em> though. She continued to read, falling down the rabbit hole so-to-speak, while the dragons curled around her, only Drogon staying awake to watch her.</p><p>“It’s just research,” she repeated out loud. Drogon meowed, not believing her. “I’m not looking him up or anything. I don’t really care about him.” <em>”Sure”</em>, Drogon meowed, getting up and stretching out his front paws, talons extending into the papers scattered around her.</p><p>Except she did. Just a quick search. <em>Jon Snow</em>, typed into Searcheros. She was sure he’d done the same to her, the new town vet after all. If she was going to be around his beloved wolves, surely he’d looked into her? That was how she justified it, at least. Otherwise she was a creepy stalker or something.</p><p>The only results popped up were related to the sanctuary, even then the mentions were sparse. Mostly business documents, permits and things to build and to keep the wolves there. A couple of people tried to sue the Starks, because they couldn’t build homes within so many miles of the area, since the wolves were protected. She snorted; people sucked, seriously. Thankfully they’d dropped the suits.</p><p>One article intrigued her. She clicked on it, scanning the headline: <em>Lord Robb Stark of Winterfell Speaks at the Lyanna Stark Auditory and Hearing Center</em>. She read the article, noting that Robb Stark, the current Lord of Winterfell, a hereditary title he got from his father even if they didn’t mean much to anyone else days, was invited to speak at a renowned audiology center in the North, named for his aunt. She cocked her head, seeing the words were mostly just the type of thing rich people or benefactors said at these types of events. She was quite familiar with them; her brothers were always like that.</p><p>She narrowed in on one sentence. “Lord Stark spoke about the personal challenges he has faced as the close relative of a hard-of-hearing person, saying he often struggles with guilt over living a life being able to hear his children and wife’s laugh but…my cousin sadly never will…” she trailed off, chewing on the tip of her tongue. She scowled at the face of Robb Stark, standing with some doctor’s in front of the sign. “Well,” she huffed, looking at Drogon. “He feels guilty about that, but what about Jon? He is the one who cannot hear.”</p><p>It seemed very condescending in her opinion, knowing absolutely nothing about the situation. She closed the laptop, pushing it away. She’d gotten in too deep. It was none of her damn business. Drogon walked over and sat on the laptop. “Thank you. I shouldn’t be in there.”</p><p>She picked up Rhaegal, cuddling him, and got out of her chair. There was no point. Might as well get that bath now. They trotted after her and up to the apartment. It didn’t really matter, even as she soaked in the tub, bubbles up to her neck, and steam rising from the boiling water enveloping her body, Dany still thought about him.</p><p>“Seven hells,” she mumbled, dunking her head under the water, hoping that did it. She surfaced a second later, coughing.</p><p>It didn’t.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p> </p><p>"Hey Dany!"</p><p>Dany closed the door to her Jeep, turning at the sound of her name. She smiled, seeing Arya jogging across the street from the hardware store, followed by a guy she didn't recognize. He was a lot taller than Arya and wore what she'd learned was the very common Northern attire of worn jeans, heavy boots, and some sort of jacket over a button-down flannel or chambray. He had a buzzed head and had his hands shoved in hi sprockets. He had a kind face, she thought.</p><p>"Hi Arya," she greeted.</p><p>Arya barely waved to the guy behind her. "This is Gendry, my boyfriend."</p><p>Gendry shifted a bag in his hand and offered it to her. "Gendry Waters, nice to meet you."</p><p>"Nice to meet you too," she said, smiling. It was a lot easier these days, getting to know the town. Something told her Arya might have had something to do with it. She glanced at the bag. "Getting things for the sanctuary?"</p><p>"No," Arya rolled her eyes. "Gendry's some sort of artist."</p><p>Gendry rolled his eyes back at Arya, teasing her. "Not some sort of, I am an artist."</p><p>"Oh, do you paint?"</p><p>"No," he chuckled. He reached into the bag, removing some metal pieces. "I do metalwork. When I'm not creating the perfect Westerosi piece of art, I'm a welder and mechanic."</p><p>"All around handyman, he helps at the sanctuary." Arya had her hands in her pockets, rocking back on the heels of her muddy boots. She glanced at Dany's car, filled with various bags of cat and dog food. "You stocking up or something?"</p><p>She laughed. "I had to go to Moat Cailin and pick up an order of prescription food, I like to keep a lot of variety. Dogs and cats get sick of the same stuff just like humans." In the car, in his traveling basket, was Drogon. She reached in and removed him, dropping him onto the ground, his leash in her hands.</p><p>Gendry laughed, clapping his hands together. "Oh gods, that’s awesome! A cat on a leash!"</p><p>"So weird," Arya said, kneeling. She studied Drogon, who glared up at her, hissing. She hissed back. He stared at her a minute and then began to rub at her legs. She scratched his ears. "He's cute."</p><p>Dany shook her head, trying not to be disbelieving. This was a woman who worked with wolves. Of course her dragon would be nothing. "He usually hates everyone."</p><p>"Maybe it's the magic touch."</p><p>"Perhaps." She picked up Drogon, shifting her bag on her shoulder. Drogon clawed at her arm, startled when a motorcycle drove by. She cursed, holding on tight, her bag falling and the books she'd just picked up from the library tumbling out onto the ground. She scowled at her dragon, who didn't look sorry at all. "Thanks for that."</p><p>"I've got them."</p><p>"No wait...."</p><p>Arya turned the books over, frowning at the covers. She stood, scanning them. Gendry took a look and then glanced at Dany, who flushed. It wasn’t embarrassing. She didn't know why she <em>felt</em> embarrassed. He patted Arya's shoulder. "I'll be at the car. See you later Dany, nice meeting you."</p><p>"You too," she mumbled.</p><p>The young woman pushed the books together and held onto them, studying her a moment. She glanced down at them again. "Sign language?" she murmured.</p><p>Dany snatched the books back. "Yes, sign language. If I am to be working with you and Jon, I'd like to be able to communicate." She didn't know why she was so defensive or even why Arya was so annoyed. She turned, pushing Drogon back into his basket. When she turned back around, Arya had put them back in the bag for her and was holding it out. She took it carefully, unsure of the woman's motives. Her eyes narrowed. "Thank you."</p><p>Arya returned her hands to her pockets. She smirked. "Those books are very formal. Jon uses Westerosi Sign Language, but you'd be better if you look online." She waited a beat, shrugging. "I'm not one for teaching, but believe it or not, Tormund's pretty good at it. And he learned after awhile. I've been signing since I was born."</p><p>It was on the tip of her tongue to ask if Jon had been deaf since birth, but she didn't. It wasn't her business. It just filled in a little gap. Arya was several years younger than him. So he was a kid when he'd either gone deaf or he'd been born that way. She nodded. "Alright, thank you."</p><p>"I told you, he doesn't like the fakers." She waited a beat. Dany stared her down; she'd already told her she wasn’t fake. She smirked. "You're not one of them. Just...don't take it personally, like I said. He's an arsehole. He has reason to be." A dark look crossed over her face, her lips twisting into a scowl. "He's had to deal with...a lot of shit. Just...just don't treat him like one of your dogs or cats, aye? He doesn't need fixing."</p><p>Dany knew that better than anyone. "Believe me," she murmured. She chuckled. "I don’t plan on fixing anyone."</p><p>Arya studied her another moment. "No," she deduced. "No I don't believe you do." She looked into the car, at Drogon hissing at her again. She laughed. "I think he wants to go home."</p><p>"He and Jon should meet, have an arsehole off."</p><p>"I think Jon might win that one."</p><p>Dany glanced at Drogon, who was spitting and hissing again, starting to dig his claws into the leather upholstery. She wasn't so sure, Drogon could be an ornery little shit. She turned around, opening the car door, and laughed. "See you around Arya."</p><p>"Hey, wait..." Arya grabbed the door before she could close it, the smirking warning gone. Replacing it was a furrowed look, maybe even worried. She chewed her bottom lip a second. Exhaling hard, she lifted her brows. "I like you Dany and I don't like just everyone. You proved yourself by having the wolves trust you, that's good enough for me." She frowned deeper. "But like I said, Jon is...Jon. Just...keep that in mind, aye?" She stepped backwards and waved again, turning and walking off down the sidewalk.</p><p>It left Dany wondering further, sitting in the front seat of her car, hands on the steering wheel. She frowned. Obviously, Jon had been hurt. Of course he had been. <em>Fuck I know what that feels like.</em> She jumped in her seat, startled at the sound of her phone ringing. She picked it up and stared. <em>Mel.</em> "Fuck," she cursed, finally just hitting the stupid button. "Hello?"</p><p>"Daenerys, finally."</p><p>"Hi Mel."</p><p>Mel, likely reclining back in her red leather office chair, chuckled warmly. "I see you've finally decided to listen to me."</p><p>"Maybe not listen, but I'm tired of your calls. I told you, I don't want to try again. I don't want to risk it."</p><p>"Daenerys, I told you, the first try was always going to be risky, but sometimes it doesn't take the first, we may have to do two or even three..."</p><p>"No," she exclaimed, tears suddenly welling up. <em>Fuck!</em> She wiped at her eyes, hurriedly. She shook her head, forgetting Mel couldn't see her, and pushed her hand over her hair. "No Mel, not again. I told you. Once was enough...I didn't...I didn't realize..." <em>How bad it would hurt.</em> She took a deep breath, holding it a moment, and slowly released, eyes remaining closed. "I'm sorry...just...you're wasting your time."</p><p>"Daenerys you'd be a wonderful mother..."</p><p>"That's the problem," she shouted, Drogon jumping next to her at the sound. It filled her with pain, Mel's attempt to comfort her. It hurt, aching in her bones. She wiped her nose with the back of her hand, voice thick from the unshed tears. "That's the problem Mel. I would be an <em>amazing</em> mother." She shook her head once more, crying. "That's why I can’t do it again."</p><p>"Daenerys..."</p><p>"No, please, just...no." She hung up before she couldn't take it anymore and dropped her phone into her bag. Arms pillowed on the steering wheel, she took some cleansing breaths, willing the tears back, willing that fiery pain back into the place she kept it locked up tight. Essos was nothing but pain for her, Mel was following her across the sea. Here she could...here she could restart.</p><p>She pushed back and leaned into the seat, pushing the ignition button. The Jeep roared to life and she backed up, turning and heading down the street towards the clinic. She passed by the Wildling pub, stopping at the same light where she'd met Jon on the corner. Hard to believe it was a few weeks ago. It felt like things had changed drastically in that time. Like the fact that she couldn't get through one day without thinking about Jon Snow.</p><p>"Speak of the devil," she murmured, watching him walk out of the Wildling, Ghost at his side, wearing the harness and leash she'd seen him in that night. Tormund was with him. She watched them sign, Tormund laughing at something Jon had said. He clapped Jon on the shoulder and turned to go back into the pub, Jon walking down the street. She bit her bottom lip and then rolled down her window, calling. "Ghost!"</p><p>Ghost stopped hard at his name, Jon stopping with him, looking around. He saw her, frowned, but walked over. He signed. "Hello."</p><p>"Hi," she replied. She hesitated, keeping her eyes locked on his, her lips clear. "Do you want a ride?"</p><p>Maybe it was how she said it, but he frowned, shaking his head, not understanding. She turned, searching and grabbed a pen and old receipt, scribbling out, turning it toward shim. He glanced at it and smirked. He signed again. "Thank you, we like to walk." He peered in at Drogon. Laughed. Made a sign. She remembered it was the one he used to refer to her. "Dragon?"</p><p>"Drogon," she corrected, stupidly. He frowned. She wrote it out, turning back to him once more. "His name. Drogon."</p><p>Jon took the paper, writing on it. He turned it back around to her. She read it, smiling. <em>Looks like a dragon to me.</em> "He is," she said. "I have two more back at the clinic." He wrote again. She looked down. <em>"Three dragons. Mother of dragons."</em></p><p>She laughed, nodding. "Yes. Mother of Dragons, that's me."</p><p>He handed her the pen and receipt back, stepping from the car. He turned his head as Ghost nudged him; cars were honking their horns at her. He gave them the finger and they stopped. He smirked at her, stepping back to the curb. "Sign language," he said, matter-of-fact. "Everyone knows it."</p><p>The laugh she let out was embarrassingly loud, but she couldn't help it. <em>Gods, he's pretty funny.</em> She watched him go back to the curb, wave at her, and then walk away, hands in his pockets, idly looking at the ground, returning to his silent world.</p><p>Another car honk returned her to the present. She rolled her eyes, shooting them the finger, and drove off. <em>Sign language</em>, she laughed. Everyone knew that one, that's for sure.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p> </p><p>Lady was overdue by a couple weeks, but Dany didn’t consider that a problem. She checked in on her every couple of days, each time feeling Jon’s eyes on her, but never actually speaking with him, as Arya took full command. He just stood off to the side, watching, a silent shadow of sorts, with his own shadow on his heels. Dany didn’t let it bother her; she knew he was figuring it out on his own.</p><p>She loved the wolves, finding them to be some of her most favorite patients. Of course Lyanna Mormont popped in a few more times, fearful for her Bear. Who was probably the dumbest dog Dany had had the pleasure of meeting. He was so sweet.</p><p>It was the call that came one evening she’d been waiting for, answering instantly when she saw the wolf logo come up on the screen. “Arya? Is it time?”</p><p>“Yup.” Then Arya had hung up, not one for words, same as her cousin.</p><p>Dany jumped out of bed, threw on some old clothes, and ran down to the clinic’s Suburban, eager and excited. Births were probably one of the best things she had the opportunity to witness as a vet.</p><p>Animals were fascinating, which was part of why she chose her profession. They could do so many things by instinct and nature alone, actions and behaviors humans—as animals—could only dream of doing. Without the advent of modern medicine, she believed the majority of humanity would have died out long ago. Wolves and dogs and cats and every other living creature would go on.</p><p>Which was why Dany was not worried when she arrived at the Stark Wolf Sanctuary. Lady had birthed a litter already, which Arya said had been uneventful, thankfully. She'd done it all herself, with only Jon and Arya there to help out if necessary, watching carefully as pup after pup arrived. She hoped today would be the same. All she wanted to do was stand by in case she needed to intervene. Even if Jon and Arya claimed they didn't need any help.</p><p>She climbed out of the Suburban, stumbling a bit when her boots hit the edge of the running board. She was still not used to the damn thing being as high off the ground as it was. Reaching into the back, she removed a few bags, slinging the straps over her shoulders, glancing to see Jon standing outside of the kennels. He beckoned her forwards, crooking his fingers towards him, and turned, striding into the building. Ghost was the constant shadow, appearing a moment later, wagging his tail as she approached.</p><p>"Hey sweet boy," she greeted him, ruffling his ears. He preened, red eyes fluttering shut. She smiled. She leaned down to put a kiss on his forehead, just between his eyes. "You're such a good boy. The best boy."</p><p>Ghost agreed, swishing his tail again and prancing in front of her, leading her through the kennels. She followed him, nodding to Arya who was kneeling behind Lady in the kennel, towels and blankets stretched underneath the wolf to keep her warm. Her eyes were closed, panting heavily, saliva gathered at her jowls and her belly swollen, chest rising and falling rapidly. "Something's wrong," Arya said, worried, brow furrowed. "It wasn't like this before."</p><p>Jon knelt in front of Lady, his eyes closing, hands moving slowly over her face. She dropped the bags, beginning to undo straps and pockets, taking out equipment. Gloves on, she turned, and stared, transfixed. Jon had stretched out on his stomach, his forehead touching Lady's, his nose on hers, continuing to stroke her face. She wasn't sure what was happening, but Lady's breathing slowed, her chest relaxing. Her legs went slack, body still, breathing deep.</p><p>She tore away from the beautiful sight, to start checking on the wolf, and listened close. Pressing the stethoscope to her belly, she listened and felt, and did her job, while Jon continued to soothe the wolf. Lady's bright eyes followed her, wary of this new person who was trying to feel around her pups. "It's alright," Dany murmured, using Valyrian. Arya frowned at her, but said nothing, continuing to pet Lady's flank.</p><p>The pups were on their way, Lady's belly rippling with contractions. She moved, suddenly, lurching up to her feet. "Let her go," she said, trusting Lady to know what to do.</p><p>Arya touched Jon's hand, but he didn't move, still focused on the wolf. Dany tugged out an IV bag, in case they might need it, and got up, hurrying to the truck to get out a warmer in case they needed that too. By the time she returned, there were two pups wiggling on the floor, Jon snapping the cords while Arya assured Lady, who was trying to get to them, while also struggling to get out another pup.</p><p>"Good job," Arya praised, stroking Lady's head. "Such a good momma Lady."</p><p>Jon smiled; she blinked, surprised, watching his lips pull over his teeth, eyes crinkling. He scrubbed the pups down with towels, pushing the wiggling little things, still damp and squeaking, towards Lady, who nosed at them, but she had other things to worry about. Another pup joined and Dany grinned, reaching to assist with tying off the cords. "So good," she praised, over and over again, as Arya said the same thing.</p><p>Lady panted, laying her head down and eyes closing. Ghost went still, hovering over in the corner. "Oh no," Dany murmured, reaching her hands down and pressing along Lady's belly. She glanced over to Arya, who was concerned, reaching over as well. "Shit."</p><p>"What's wrong?"</p><p>"I think the last pup is..." Dany began to feel, pressing and moving, sensing Lady's distress. She murmured in Valyrian, trying to soothe, and Jon did the same, doing whatever it was he could do. The strange power he possessed with these creatures. It didn't work, Lady panting and heaving, the other pups no longer her priority as her body struggled with the last one. "Damnit! Yes, it's stuck in the canal."</p><p>"Oh gods, can you get it?" Arya exclaimed.</p><p>Jon moved next to her, his hands with hers, and together they palpated at Lady's belly and Dany reached for equipment, hoping she wouldn't have to do a C-section. This was not ideal at all; they didn't have time and she didn't want to cause Lady any further pain. She bit her lower lip, adrenaline coursing through her, working her hands and reaching, struggling to find the pup. Lady cried, whimpering and shivering.</p><p>"It's alright, it's alright," she repeated, over and over, and after a few minutes, she removed the final pup, tiny and limp. Her heart ached, standing up and rushing to the room at the end of the kennels, Jon right on her heels and Ghost on his.</p><p>They lay the pup on the warmer, lights blinding, and she massaged the little thing's belly and throat, Jon taking a vent bag and hovering it over the pup's nose, puffing air over, forcing it into the little one's lungs. "Come on, come on, come on," she begged, rubbing briskly.</p><p>Together they worked on the pup, and after a moment, when she thought that was it, that Lady had lost the last, the little runt, the one her body probably didn't want to devote energy to supporting-- because nature was cruel like that for all its miracles-- the pup's rib cage expanded and it squeaked, a tiny little sound, but for her it might as well have been a scream, filling her ears with the loveliest noise, of a pup taking its first breaths.</p><p>She laughed, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, looking over to Jon, who was also grinning. He laughed, that hollow sound that she found so endearing. She grinned at him and gazed at the pup, breathing down to him. "You're a lucky little one, aren't you?"</p><p>The pup continued to shiver, even in the warmer and the towels. She turned to get another warm blanket and when she turned back around, her eyes widened, staring at what was probably one of the most beautiful sights she had ever seen. A sight she hadn't realized <em>could</em> be so beautiful.</p><p>Jon had tugged his flannel shirt off and was standing with the pup cuddled to his bare skin, the flannel wrapped around it, holding the delicate baby close. Her mouth fell slightly, awed. He couldn't see her, his head bent over the baby, and he lightly stroked at its head with the tip of his index finger. She stared, unable to break away. He was <em>beautiful.</em> It was obviously he was well built, with how his muscles strained against his clothing, but seeing it for herself was something else. Pale, marble-like skin, hard planes of muscle, and to her horror-struck fascination, the faintest red lines across his chest-- angry old scars that spoke to a terrible injury.</p><p>She stepped towards him, the movement catching his attention. He lifted his head, brow wrinkled. He nodded to the pup. "Warm," he said.</p><p>She nodded, understanding. Even with all the towels and blankets in the world, nothing beat the skin-to-skin contact. It was natural. She reached, carefully, for the pup's head, touching it lightly. "He's so tiny," she whispered.</p><p>Jon moved his head, at the same time she did, and for a brief moment, Dany wondered if he might kiss her. She was so close, their noses almost touching, lips a hairsbreadth apart. She swallowed hard. <em>This is not the time. This is highly inappropriate.</em> She cleared her throat and stepped backwards, gesturing toward the door. "Ah...going to...Lady..."</p><p>He frowned; she wondered if she was stuttering so bad, he couldn't read her lips. She snapped her mouth shut and just walked out. Instead of heading towards the kennel, like she should have done, she paused in the corridor, her heart racing.</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck was that?</em>
</p><p>Men were the absolute last thing on her mind. Fuck, there hadn't been a man since...well in a very long time. For good reason. She closed her eyes, steadying her breathing. Her body was still struggling, wanting to return to him. She didn't understand it. <em>This isn't supposed to happen.</em></p><p>"Get a hold of yourself," she mumbled.</p><p>"Dany!"</p><p>Turning her head towards Arya's call, she returned to the present. She hurried to the kennel, pleased to see Lady cleaning up her pups, the four wiggling against her belly, suckling eagerly. She knelt, putting a few more warm blankets around the wolf. "They look really healthy," she said, keeping a bit of a distance so Lady didn't feel threatened by her.</p><p>Arya nodded, grinning happily. "They do. I guess that southern bastard had some good genes, looks like we've got some really pretty coloring on the way for them." She looked up, worried. "The runt?"</p><p>"He's going to be okay I think," she said, swallowing. "Jon has him. We'll give him some supplements before trying to get Lady to take him. But you know she might..."</p><p>"Might not accept him, I know." Arya sighed sadly. She gazed at Lady, shaking her head a little. "It's the shitty thing about working with these wolves. Sometimes they just cast out the weakest, the youngest. My father always said that the pack survives while the lone wolf dies." She got up, crossing her arms and frowned. "He never bothered to mention that sometimes the pack are the ones that create the lone wolves."</p><p><em>Fairly cynical view.</em> Dany understood it. "Well I guess that's why they have you," she said.</p><p>"Aye," Arya chuckled. She smirked. "You know Ghost was the runt of his litter."</p><p>"What? He's huge!"</p><p>"Aye, he's the biggest now of them all. Lady is his sister," she chuckled. She grinned at Ghost, who padded silently towards them both. "Hey silly boy." She scratched his ears. "And for as sweet as Lady and Nymeria are, Ghost is definitely the calmest."</p><p>She nibbled her lower lip. "How long as Jon had him?"</p><p>"Years." Arya continued to gaze down at Ghost, whispering, almost to herself. "It's like the gods brought him to Jon at the right moment. When it was all lost, Ghost appeared. Has been his ears and voice since."</p><p><em>What a lonely existence that must have been.</em> Dany understood a thing or two about loneliness, but to be in Jon's world...silent and alone...she couldn't imagine. "He had you, I take it," she whispered.</p><p>"aye, he did." Arya crossed her arms over her chest, shoulders falling with her heavy exhale. "And he always will." her shrewd gray eyes narrowed further, studying. "Jon hasn't had the best of luck with people...staying there for him." She stepped by Dany; the warning obvious. "Just so you know."</p><p>Dany scowled. "I'm staying here," she vowed. "I moved here, I'm here." Whatever that was supposed to mean, she didn't know. She just felt the other woman should know. She wanted to say that she had no intention of trying to <em>take</em> Jon, in case that's what Arya was hinting towards. She didn't care about Jon Snow.</p><p>She gathered up the bags of her equipment, Arya helping, and they said nothing. Dany went to put it back in the truck, while Arya went to the office to call her sister Sansa, Lady's human companion, and let her know the news. She didn't hear the movement behind her, until he was right there, and she yelped, jumping back against the truck, startled at Jon. "Fuck! You scared me!"</p><p>Jon smiled a little. He had a t-shirt on now; he didn't seem bothered at all by the cold evening air. He made the movement she knew meant 'thank you' with his hand and then signed while he spoke, slow and deliberate. "You did good," he said. He hesitated and smiled briefly again. "You saved his life. The pup."</p><p>She hesitated and then reached her hand up to her lips, mimicking the 'thank you' sign. He smiled, a little encouraging. She tried to remember the pictures on the computer screen, the ones she'd been practicing. "Um," she began, laughing a little, feeling stupid. She formed the signs, fingers clumsy. "My job...doing my job...yes?"</p><p>He laughed, shaking his head. "No. This..." He formed the sign with her hands, his fingers rough on hers, but the touch gentle. She faltered and glanced up, staring into his deep gray eyes once more. His smile fell and he dropped his hands from hers. "Thank you…” He paused, eyes crinkling as he studied her. Then he reached up, using his index finger and brought it down, forming the letter ‘s’, thumb tucked over his folded-up fingers. He shook it slightly and then released, pushing his wiggling fingers from his mouth.</p><p>Neither one of those signs she understood, but she recognized the action from something he’d done with Tormund and again with Arya. Both in front of her. He did it again, gesturing for her to mimic him. She did it, wondering. “Dany,” he said. He did the sign once more. “Dany.”</p><p><em>My name.</em> She laughed, spelling out the letters. “D-A-N-Y.”</p><p>“No,” he said, shaking his head. He made her name sign once more. “Dany.”</p><p>She couldn't remember his name sign, so she spelled it out. J-O-N. "Thank you Jon."</p><p>After a second, he reached again for her fingers, spreading them wide. A peculiar tingle formed in them and she watched, letting him guide her. He took her hand, fingers spread wide and placed them near her forehead, then folded them together downwards, like a point. He did it again and then gestured for her to repeat it. He mimicked her. "Jon."</p><p>She smiled. "Like this?" She did it again. He nodded. Moved his hands once more to her sign. "Dany."</p><p>"Dany,” she repeated.</p><p>He nodded. Touched his fingertips to his lips and then moved, folding them down over his opposite hand, which was flat out like a table, covering it. He did it again and she did the same, watching carefully. "Good night."</p><p>"Ah," she laughed, nodding. She did it again. "Good. Night." She did the sign for him. "Jon."</p><p>He waved, stepping backwards, patting his knee, Ghost loping after him, a tiny smile tossed over his shoulder to her. Until it faded, his face returning to its rather cold, impassive expression, his hands shoving into his pockets. She waited for the door to swing shut and hesitated, contemplating going back. Except she had to get back. To the dragons, to the clinic...Lady would be fine. So would the little runt.</p><p><em>Jon</em>, she thought, driving back, doing the sign again. She wondered what it actually meant. The real sign he'd adopted as his name.</p><p>When she got home, she sent a video of herself doing the sign to Missandei, asking what it meant. The time difference sucked, so she passed out, the dragons curling around her and her alarm set for only a few hours of sleep before she had patients to see in the morning. She didn't hear her phone go off when Missandei returned the text and didn't even see it until she was getting ready to go downstairs to open the clinic. She hit the text and opened the screen, staring at her friend's response.</p><p>
  <em>Of course that was his sign.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wolf.</em>
</p><p>She waited a second and remembered what Jon did for her name. He gave her a name, she supposed. It had to mean something. She sent the video to Missandei. A second later it pinged, the text in all caps. <em>”OMG HE IS SO CUTE. HE GAVE YOU THAT NAME!?”</em> “What the…” Dany frowned, chewing her lower lip, wondering what that meant. She saw Missandei’s next text pop up, eyes wide, surprised. <em>Oh…</em></p><p>
  <em>Silver Dragon.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. the kiss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jon and Dany share a few more moments; a stressful encounter drops their defenses.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m powering through this fic as I have made the decision to finish the fics I have and then will likely stop writing Jonerys.  I just am not feeling as good as I did when I started, between constant demands for more updates, current personal life obligations and let’s face it:  this fandom is nasty on all sides and I’m just kind of sick of witnessing it even if I’m not a part of it.  </p><p>Enjoy this chapter.  I’m working on four as we speak.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Drogon, no!"</p><p>The command went unheeded, her largest and angriest cat lunging out the door, forgetting all manners as he raced down the stairs from the apartment. Dany chased after him, slipping on the last couple of stairs and twisting her ankle. She barely felt the pain, adrenaline surging through her in an attempt to head off the angry dragon, who was spitting mad. He'd been clamoring all morning to get downstairs; she could <em>hear</em> him through the old walls, flooring, and little insulation of the clinic's old structure.</p><p>Gilly had thought it was funny when she'd come in. "Guess he wants something that's down here," she had laughed.</p><p>Dany knew <em>exactly</em> what he wanted. Even though all her cats were neutered, only Drogon retained elements of his randy former self. She had taken in the night before a couple of stray females someone had found huddling in a storm drain, sopping wet and in desperate need of a warm bed and food. As the woman who located them was allergic, she took both and put them in the back with a couple of dogs that had to stay overnight after one needed his stomach pumped—he'd eaten a bag of socks—and the other had some complications from anesthesia during a routine teeth cleaning.</p><p>he smelled them on her immediately and for some reason all he wanted was to get to them. it didn't help that one of Arya's brothers—Bran—brought his pet raven because Three-Eye wasn't eating. She'd gone upstairs to get some medication for Lady, that Bran had also planned to take to the sanctuary for her, when Drogon got loose.</p><p>"No, Three-Eye!" Bran shouted, as his raven—who was out of his carrier—screeched and dug his talons into Bran's shoulder, launching into the air and flapping his wings, squawking as Drogon leaped onto the admin desk and started trying to swipe at the bird.</p><p>Gilly screamed, falling backwards, knocking over a stack of files, while teh two dogs that were waiting for their annual exams began to bark, excited by teh chaos. In the back room the other animals let loose their displeasure at not being involved, a cacophony of barks and howls.</p><p>Dany dove for rogon, who saw her from the corner of his eye, and took a running leap, flying through the air to land atop the bookcase behind the admin desk. He hissed, swipping his claws out at her. She glared at him. "Drogon, no!" She shouted in Valyrian, climbing up to grab him.</p><p>"What is going on?" a cool voice asked. She saw a woman enter, with dark red hair and a rather sour pursed expression. She was holding a huge dog crate in her arms.</p><p>Bran was trying to get his raven into its carrier. "Hey Sansa, what are you doing?"</p><p><em>So this is the mysterious Sansa.</em> She had yet to meet the other Stark daughter. She turned back to Drogon, glaring at him. "Get down," she hissed. He scowled, his tail curling around his body. He glared at her and then turned to his paw, beginning to lick it. <em>He's fucking purring.</em> She was going to kill him.</p><p>The door opened again, bell tinkling, startling Drogon enough to look over. She turned her head, frowning at Jon, who stepped in, Ghost on his red harness. There was too much going on for her to focus. She shot a dark look at Drogon. He dared to yawn and settled down atop the bookcase, tail flicking back and forth lazily. She turned around, trying to smile, to shake off the chaos. "Sorry everyone. My dragon seems to have a mind of his own."</p><p>Bran wrestled Three Eye back into his carrier, the bird still causing some distress among the dogs. Drogon kept one yellow eye on him, watching carefully. She didn't need a bloodbath in her office, annoyed Bran hadn't put the damn bird back after his exam anyway. He smiled, apologizing. "Sorry."</p><p>"It's alright," she sighed. Bran grabbed the carrier and wrested it on his knees, swiveling his wheelchair around to face his sister and cousin. It had surprised her a bit when he'd come rolling in; he laughed at her look, made a joke about having no legs and Jon haven't no ears, they should take a trip to see the wizard.</p><p>"My bad luck climbing up a tower when I was seven," he'd explained. He hadn't said anything about Jon, and Dany hadn't asked.</p><p>She hadn't seen Jon in a few weeks; when she popped into the sanctuary to check the pups and Lady, he hadn't been there. Arya had only said he was out and about, she wasn't his keeper. Dany was grateful that the young woman hadn't said anything further about Jon to her, nor had she asked about the sign language. She was plodding along with her online lessons, Missy helping here out here and there. She still had to talk to Tormund about it. Maybe later, now that he had appeared again.</p><p>He was unbothered by the chaos; Ghost was sitting calmly beside him. If anything he seemed amused. One of the people sitting with one of the dogs, an annoyed dick named Alliser Thorne, sneered up at him. He barely acknowledged the man, let Ghost lead him towards the desk, Sansa following. "I didn't know you were coming today," she said to Jon.</p><p>Sansa stepped in front of him, scowling. "I called and left a message," she said. Her voice was very cool. Like a frosty wind. She arched a brow at Gilly, who was trying to put the files to rights on the desk. "Perhaps you missed it."</p><p>"It's been a little busy," she said, teeth grit. She gestured to the waiting area. "Please have a seat, I will be with you shortly, I have other patients."</p><p>"This is the runt, he's not eating," Sansa insisted. She continued to glare at her. "Arya is busy with other things, which is the only reason why I'm here, since Jon can't use the phone."</p><p>The way she said it was so snotty, so unnecessary, that Dany was almost going to say something, but to her surprise, Ghost snapped his teeth at her, warning. Jon looked at him and rolled his eyes, continuing to stay silent. Sansa edged away, Bran shooting her a dark, annoyed look. "You could have called me," he said, mumbling. He looked over at her. "Do you want me to still take those meds?" He leaned over, poking Jon's knee. He signed quickly, saying nothing.</p><p>Jon signed back, his eyes setting on hers. He didn't smile; she assumed he would do it. Bran confirmed it a moment later. "Very well, take a seat. " She snatched up one of the wiating files, sighing. "Mr. Thorne, I'll see you next."</p><p>Thorne stood, growling at her. "About time."</p><p>As he walked by Jon, she tried to hide her smile, as Jon very obviously stood in his way, even though he saw him coming. Thorne glared at him. "You gonna' move?"</p><p>Ghost bared his teeth, lip curling up. Jon narrowed his eyes and took an obvious step sideways, sweeping his arm over. As Thorne walked by, he made a funny sign, Bran snickering under his breath. Sansa just ignored htem, marching to set the crate down. She gathered her bag on her shoulder, looking at Bran. "I have to get back to the castle. I thave things to do. Can you deal with Jon?"</p><p>Bran rolled his eyes. "Yeah, fine. Bye."</p><p>Jon made a face at Sansa as she walked by him. Dany hid her smile again. He had a pretty entertaining sense of humor. She left, without saying a word, and all Dany could think was that she had yet to meet the other two Stark children, but it seemed hadr to imagine Sansa came from the same family that produced Arya, Bran, and Jon. She caught Jon's attention, by signaling to Ghost, the wolf nudging him. He looked at her, face impassive, and she hestiated, but slowly signed, what she was able to remember.</p><p>
  <em>She's not nice.</em>
</p><p>His eyes crinkled briefly, and he made another sign. Bran snorted; Dany didn't recognize it. She frowned, and Jon shrugged. "She's a bitch." He walked over to sit beside the crate, Ghost taking sentry in front, protecting the runt inside.</p><p>Dany tried not to laugh, while Gilly did, and signed 'Later' to him. He cocked his head, but said nothing, leaning back and taking out his phone. She went into the exam room to deal with Thorne and his dog, Drogon still watching curiously from atop the bookcase. Her other two dragons were good and well-bhaved, hiding upstairs, no doubt worried they'd be punished for their wayward brother.</p><p>It didn't take long, getting Thorne out the door; she did not care for him at all it was clear he only liked her because she was a Targaryen—claimed that he had stock in her family's company for decades, was glad to see one of them coming to the North. She got the impression he was exiled there but didn't ask any further questions. She hated talking about her family. She got him out and her other patient, belonging to a sour looking kid named Olly, who seemed to really dislike Jon, although she wasn't sure why.</p><p>Jon— to his credit—didn't seem to give two shits about either Olly or Thorne's animosity to him. If anything, she noted, he seemed to be his usual dick-like self. Aloof, unsassuming, one would just think he was unfriendly given his demenaor, Ghost serving as his eyes and ears, scanning the two as they walked by with the same sort of suspicious look he'd had with respect to Sansa.</p><p>She sighed, exhausted, nodding towards the door. "Come on back."</p><p>Bran touched Jon's hand, his head looking up. He stood, stretched, and picked up the crate, carrying it back with him. As Bran was rolling in, his raven started squawking again. He cursed, turning to look at it. "Seven hells...um, I'll just stay with him out here, aye?" He signed this to Jon, who merely shrugged, walking ahead of her.</p><p>Dany's heart sped a little, nodding to Bran that she'd be fine. She gestured towards one of the exam rooms that also served as something of a trauma room and went to take off the blanket that covered the crate. "Oh hello," she cooed, seeing the sleeping cub, curled up tightly in a few blankets, eyes still closed. She tutted under her breath, reaching in and removing the baby. He wiggled against her, squeaking at being disturbed, snout instantly nuzzling at the V of her t-shirt. She chuckled, stroking his downy head. "No, no, no, I'm not your momma."</p><p>She lifted him up, studying his eyes and ears, and set him down in the blankets. Jon spoke, signing at the same time. She watched him carefully, matching the signs to his words. "He is not eating anymore. Lady pushes him away." He said things a little quickly and she frowned, not understanding some of the words.</p><p>He scowled, angrily looking around. "Oh," she said, reaching into her pocket and took out a pad of paper and pen, holding it to him. He snatched both, annoyed, and she frowned at him. She signed, speaking clearly so he could read her lips. "I'm trying, don't get mad at me."</p><p>Jon blinked hard, taken aback. He paused in writing and frowned at her hands. He snorted, shaking his head, looking down at the pad of paper as he scribbled. Dany was mad; it was wrong to get frustrated with him, sure, but she was <em>trying</em>, wasn't that enough? Clearly not for him. She kept in mind what Arya said about him being an arse, not to take it personally. Well, she wans't taking it personally, but it was just common decency at hti spoint he was fviolating.</p><p>She pushed at his sholder, bringing his attention back. With he rhone in her hand, she spoke into the voice to text feature, turning it so he could read. <em>I'm just trying to be helpful. If you do not want me to learn to sign just tell me and I will stop. Otherwise try to be a little nicer. I'm the one you need help from.</em></p><p>He read the words, his shoulders sagging briefly. He looked up to her again. Dany marveled at how cold he could look. The sharp wariness in his eyes and the wild tangle of his hair around his face. He set down the pad of paper and pen, lifting his fingers, signing. "I'm sorry. I don't like when people humor me."</p><p>"I'm not humoring you," she laughed. She smirked. She grabbed the pad of paper, turning her note to him. <em>I want to learn because I want to help you.</em></p><p>Maybe that wans't hte right word. He instantly slammed his dark brows to a point, the wolf-like look returning. "I don't need help," he angrily said, his voice hard to undrstand. Emotion was what made him struggle with the words, she realized. She sighed, mentally hitting herself. She shook her head again and took the paper.</p><p><em>Not help then. I have to work with you . I want to be able to talk to you. So you do not have to read my lips. </em> She tossed the pad of paper down and pointed to the wolf cub. "Now, stop being a dick and let's try to help this little one, alright?"</p><p>Jon didn't respond. She left, going into the adjacent corridor with lab equipment and supplies, reaching into the warming box and took out a couple of towels. She brought them back, bundling up the cub who had begun to shiver. After weighing him, checking eyes, ears, and throat, she held him close to her heart, worried for the little one. "I need formula for him," Jon said.</p><p>She nodded, agreeing. "You'll have to hand rear him." She pressed her cheek to the little wolf cub's head; the tiny thing having fallen back to sleep. His breathing was labored, his heartrate a bit too quick for a cub his size. She felt a closeness to the little guy, like she did with all the babies she delivered, all the animals she treated, but there was something special about him. "What's his name?" she asked.</p><p>Jon didn't answer. She remembered that sign, setting the cub down long enough to ask it. He chuffed. "You asked my name."</p><p>She smiled. "His name."</p><p>"No name."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>Jon shrugged. He didn't want to speak anymore; his eyes looked fatigued. Bags underneath them were more apparent. She suspected he had been up with the pup. They needed around the clock feeding, especially this young. He picked up the paper, writing slowly. He turned it, holding it up and Dany's heart broke.</p><p>
  <em>Because he might die.</em>
</p><p>She whispered, almost to herself, looking down at the little thing in her arms. "He should at least have a name if he dies."</p><p>To her surprise, Jon's hand darted out, fingertips gentle on her chin, guiding it up. He looked at her lips for a second and then back up to her eyes. She swallowed hard; breath quickening. He dropped his hand suddenly, nodding. "You name him," he said.</p><p><em>Me?</em> She cuddled the pup, looking down at Ghost, who was watching both of them. She knelt, holding the little one out to the other wolf for inspection. "What do you think?"</p><p>Ghost nosed the pup gently, red eyes unblinking, looking around it. She wondered what went on in this wolf's mind. He was so human-like. The pup wiggled closer to the grown wolf, squeaking louder as he no doubt caught the scent or sensed the presence of his kin. The wolf nuzzled into the little one, the stark contrast of the grown animal’s snowy white fur against the little one’s slicked black coat startling in its difference. She smoothed her thumb over the pup’s head, Ghost sniffing and sneezing as he moved away.</p><p>He’d given his approval, she supposed, bringing the runt to her chest, leaning to press her nose to him. “Ghost,” she said. She looked over at Jon, who nodded, having read her lips. “He makes no sound.” Jon shook his head, confirming the statement. She chuckled at the squeaking pup. He made a lot of sound. Ghost was silent, always there at his companion’s side, and she wondered about this little one. He was the opposite of Ghost in a lot of ways. The name came to her, right there. “<em>Sȳndor.</em>”</p><p>Jon’s brow furrowed, not recognizing the word she formed. She wrote it out, handing it to him. He looked at it and carefully spoke it. Her stomach warmed in her belly at the way his hollow pitch-less voice said the word. “Sin-dor?”</p><p>“Shadow,” she translated. His eyes lit up, understanding. She shrugged, playing it off. “It’s Valyrian. My mother tongue. First language.”</p><p>He signed something. He did it again. “Shadow,” he translated. She nodded and made sure to keep the sign in her mind, to use it in the future. He reached for the tiny cub, who had quieted, grateful for the warmth she provided him. Shadow curled into him, squeaking in protest at the jostling.</p><p>As he took him, their fingers brushed. Dany thought she’d been shocked. She jumped and Jon stepped backwards, also startled. “Static,” she blurted out. She shook her hands, fingers a little numb. <em>It’s just static electricity.</em> She heaved a breath. To get a hold of herself. She stepped backwards to the door. “I’ll get you that formula.”</p><p>Jon didn’t say anything, so she left quickly. She rummaged in the storage room, grabbing the containers of formula powder, stuffing them into a bag along with some supplement powders. She was shaking. It was just a stupid bit of static electricity; so much of it in the dry air of the vet clinic, all that dog hair and cat fur floating around, the radiator heating causing any bit of moisture to just evaopriate. That’s <em>all</em> it was.</p><p>She swallowed down her nerves. Honestly, it was so silly, she had nothing to be nervous about. Other than Jon Snow. He just…there was something about him that set her on edge. Made her both attracted to him and also put off by him. She closed her eyes, breathing deep. “Get a hold of yourself,” she mumbled. She had sworn off men. For a very, very long time. They were nothing but trouble. An almost marriage in Essos and a fling with one of her brother Viserys’s business partners had resulted in only heartbreak.</p><p>New continent, new start, new Daenerys. And the new Daenerys certainly did not have affairs or was attracted to her patients’ owners. Or handsome, clearly damaged wolf whisperers. She had enough of her own issues to attend to, she couldn’t take on Jon Snow’s as well. It was clear he had many of them.</p><p>She regained her composure, returning to the exam room. Jon had bundled up the cub into the crate again. He signed, speaking. “You done with him?”</p><p>“Yes,” she answered. She passed him the bag of formula. “This should tide you over for a couple weeks. He needs feeding around the clock, every couple of hours to get his weight up. You can team it with Arya.” She frowned, blurting out. “I can even come and help out if you need me to.”</p><p>
  <em>What the seven hells was that Daenerys?</em>
</p><p>So much for keeping her distance. She closed her eyes, hands pinning to her hips. Jon smirked. He reached for the pad of paper and wrote: <em>Thanks but I got it.</em></p><p>“Very well.”</p><p>They left the room and found Bran sitting with Three Eye in his cage, covered with a towel. “You done?” he asked, wheeling towards them. He glanced at the crate. “How is he?”</p><p>“Shadow will be okay I think. Just needs to get some meat on his little bones.”</p><p>“Shadow?” Bran grinned. “Excellent name. He can join the pack. Summer will like him I think.”</p><p>“Summer?”</p><p>“Bran’s wolf,” Jon said.</p><p>“You have one too?” she laughed. “How many are there?”</p><p>“One for each of the Starks plus Jon.” Bran reached for his phone and turned it towards her. The wallpaper on the home screen was of five wolves standing together, looking like something right out of a magazine. Each one was massive, Ghost being the biggest, standing to the side, a little distance between him and the rest. She recognized Grey Wind, Nymeria, and Lady, picking each one out. Summer was reddish and white, leaning against Lady, who resembled him a little. There was another one, snarling in the front, a leash and harness on him, the only aspect of the photo that spoke to the true wildness of the animals. She pointed him out and Bran nodded. “That’s Shaggydog.”</p><p>“And Ghost, you’re there too.”</p><p>Ghost thumped his tail at his name. He nosed Jon’s knee, Jon looking up from the papers Gilly handed up, with the bill for the visit. He nodded, scratching Ghost’s head, folding the papers and slipping them into his coat pocket. “Come on,” he said. He didn’t say anything to her, breezing right by, like a cold wind.</p><p>She watched him walk off, annoyed. Bran must have seen her look. He chuckled, wheeling towards the door. “Don’t worry, he’s like that with everyone.”</p><p>Her teeth set. “So I’ve been told.”</p><p>“He’s…Jon.”</p><p>“Does he realize that he’s a complete and utter dick with no reason to be?” she asked sweetly. She sighed hard, leaning against the counter, scuffing her heel on the floor, looking at her hands. It was stupid to be upset by it. She was trying to communicate with him; seemed like it was for nothing.</p><p>Bran hesitated. He clicked his tongue and sighed hard, reaching for Three-Eye’s cage. “He wasn’t always like this. It’s gotten worse, the more people…just the more they’re arseholes back to him, you know?”</p><p>Dany glanced at the wheelchair under Bran’s knees. She smiled sympathetically. “You understand him.”</p><p>“Yeah, I wasn’t always like this. Neither was Jon.” Bran sighed hard. “But when I stopped walking, I just had to relearn very simple things. Jon had to relearn how to speak.” He wheeled to the door. “And people take advantage of that.”</p><p>She watched Bran leave, the bell tinkling above the door when it swung shut. She turned around to Gilly, who ahd watched the interaction curiously. “What?” she asked, seeing the look in the woman’s eye.</p><p>Gilly arched her brows, eyes widening, hands going up in defense. “I’m not saying nothing.”</p><p>“You want to say something.”</p><p>“Well…” Gilly smiled. “I’ve known Jon my whole life. Most of us have. Let’s just say you’re the only one who has bothered to keep pushing by when he knocks you aside.” She laughed, gathering up the files she’d reorganized after Drogon’s escape attempt, backing away to the file room. “Keep pushing Dr. Targaryen. He needs it.”</p><p>Dany was left to wonder what that meant in silence, because Drogon chose the opportunity to dive bomb onto her shoulder, terrified at the howl from one of the dogs in the kennel in back.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p><br/>“No, like this.”</p><p>“I did it like that!”</p><p>“No you didn’t,” Tormund gruffed, his blue eyes twinkling jovially. He formed the sign again with his hand, laughing. “The big finger goes like this, the little one like that…there! Now you got it!”</p><p>Her hand was cramping from the last couple hours of learning sign language at the bar, Tormund helping her in between serving customers who wandered in and out. It did a steady business, even on a Tuesday evening. She closed up the vet clinic early, marched across town with some of her books, and took a seat on the same stool she’d been at the evening she’d first met Jon Snow. Tormund had been utterly delighted when she asked him to teach her sign, saying hse’d pay him in buying drinks.</p><p>“From experience I say that alcohol and sign don’t always go together,” he’d laughed, but agreed all the same. He had been as intrigued as Arya and Bran and even Gilly when she explained she wanted to learn it to communicate with Jon. She gave him the same explanation she’d begun to use when people asked why she was focusing on this effort. Jon was an integral part of her practice; he worked at the sanctuary and she would be helping them and working with them. She couldn’t just rely on him to read her lips, it wasn’t fair.</p><p>Besides, she’d always liked languages. Maybe not as much as Missandei, but she was fluent in Valyrian, Common Tongue, and Dothraki. Now she could add sign to that repertoire. She turned the page in her book with one hand while she sipped her drink with the other, the cold glass soothing her muscles. “I didn’t realize it has a whole grammar structure,” she marveled. She’d been so ignorant.</p><p>“Aye,” Tormund said, prepping a stout. He spoke over the sudden influx of customers, roaring laughing and gathering in the corner. “It’s a language. Bloody fucking hard sometimes.”</p><p>“You learned,” she teased.</p><p>He threw back his mane of red hair, laughing uproariously. “Aye! Aye, I did! For Crow.”</p><p>She cocked her head, smirking. “Why do you call him Crow?” He’d almost never called him ‘Jon’ the entire evening or even when she first met him, outside across the street. Hard to believe it was over a month ago. Probably closer to eight weeks now.</p><p>Tormund opened his mouth to reply, when he glanced to the door, hearing someone say loudly that a dog couldn’t be in the bar. He shouted over, jabbing his finger in the air at the person. “Oi! This is my pub and anyone can bring any fucking animal they want, so long as I say it’s okay and I say it’s okay!” He glanced at Jon, who was holding Ghost’s leash around his wrist, eyes wide at the situation. He threw his arms to the side, bellowing. “My Crow! My little Crow! C’mere!”</p><p>The rather terrified and wary look in Jon’s already wary expression was appropriate, Dany thought. He likely came in for a drink and suddenly Tormund was bellowing out to the pub that he’d entered. He stepped in, dodging a few people here and there, going over to the countertop. He spotted her, when Ghost tugged on the leash, going to sit at her side, wagging his tail and looking up. “Hey Ghost,” she laughed, stroking his massive head. “I don’t think you’re supposed to just walk off. You’re on the job.”</p><p>“Sit Crow,” Tormund signed, setting down an ale he’d just filled.</p><p>Jon did as told, looking between the wilding and her. He signed, speaking, but it was hard to hear him anyway, let alone when there were televisions blaring sports scores, people yelling, and the general sound of a pub. “What are you doing?”</p><p>Tormund signed. “Teaching her.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because I want to learn,” she snapped. He didn’t look at her. She reached over, jerking his face around, his eyes widening at her forward movement. She didn’t care, she was sick of his shit. She glared, fire burning hot in her violet irises. “I want to learn and Tormund is kind enough to teach me.”</p><p>Tormund’s icy gaze darted between her and Jon. He smirked, his eyebrow hooking up to his forehead. “Well, well, well Crow. Got you a Dragon.”</p><p>Jon scowled, signing. “I know.”</p><p>She let go of his face, realizing she still had her hand on his chin. His beard was softer than expected. She rubbed her palms on her knees. “Why does he call you Crow?” she asked, signing what she could, remembering the question words. She spelled out ‘C-R-O-W.’</p><p>Jon did the sign for it. He picked up his ale, shrugging, the classic ‘I don’t know.’ Tormund rolled his eyes, returning to their end of the bar. He flicked the end of his bar rag towards Jon, who flicked a stray peanut at him in retaliation. “Call him Crow because he’s just like those Night’s Watch fuckers. They got me up Beyond the Wall in my younger days.” He tossed his hair out of his eyes, like he was in a shampoo commercial. “Before I became this handsome law-abiding man before you.”</p><p>Jon snorted into his ale. He set the glass down, actually smiling. It made him look so much younger, Dany observed. She eyed Tormund. “Beyond the Wall?”</p><p>“Aye, I’m a wildling, Free Folk, whatever you wanna’ call it. Been this side since I got my arse arrested, dragged over by those fuckers in their black uniforms, all sulking on the wall like crows.” He pointed to Jon, grinning wide again. “This one reminds me of them. Spooky and quiet, lurking on the wall. My little Crow.” He leaned over and rubbed at Jon’s head, ale sputtering out from Jon at the sudden attack. He grabbed him and planted a hard kiss right on his forehead. “I love you Crow.”</p><p>Jon flung a bunch of peanuts at him, but he wasn’t upset, rather he was smiling and maybe a bit embarrassed, his cheeks red above his dark beard. He made a face at Tormund, signing. “Fuck off.”</p><p>“How did you guys meet?” she asked.</p><p>“Saved this fucker’s life.”</p><p>Jon leaned back, grinning, eyebrows lifting high. He signed furiously, not even speaking. Dany could not follow; did not know how she could even hope to try to learn this language. She caught a couple of them, Tormund laughing at whatever it was he was saying. “What?” she asked.</p><p>He glanced at her and reached for her pen and notebook, writing down whatever it was he’d said to Tormund. He turned it towards her. <em>He did not save my life. I saved his. Deaf guy stopped a fucking truck from hitting him. How’s that for irony?</em></p><p>“I was drunk,” Tormund said defensively.</p><p>Dany laughed, nodding in agreement. “Yes, that is irony I’d say.”</p><p>“Plus he dated my cousin,” Tormund said, smirking.</p><p>The laughter in Jon’s face instantly dissipated. It was there one second, gone the next. He picked up his ale, sullen again and sipped it slowly. Tormund cleared his throat, rubbing idly at the bar with the rag. “You got what you need Doc?”</p><p>She didn’t know if she was being dismissed or if the conversation had just ended. <em>That hit a nerve</em>, she thought, trying to figure out Jon’s expression again. It wasn’t heartache; she was no stranger to that. More like irritation. Or regret. “I think so,” she said, closing her book. She picked up her drink, reaching over to clink it to Jon’s. The movement drew his attention to her. She signed, spelling the words she didn’t know. “To the wolves.”</p><p>Jon waited a second. He lifted his glass, clinking it to hers too. He signed. <em>To the wolves.</em></p><p>When she was finished, she paid her drink and left, keenly aware that Jon’s eyes were on her as she left and trying not to wonder on what that meant.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p><br/>Viserion squeaked up at her, as she watched herself in the mirror, signing out the words that the video playing on the laptop beside her instructed. Dany tossed her hair out of her eyes, glancing down to the video again. She took a deep breath and lifted her gaze to the mirror again. “I’m trying boy,” she said to him, scratching his ears with her free hand. She smiled down at him, his bright blue eyes focused on her. “Maybe I should teach you to sign, huh?”</p><p>Rhaegal jumped onto the bathroom sink next to his brother. He walked across the laptop, pausing the video. Drogon yowled from somewhere in the bedroom. She couldn’t get any peace, she thought. She glanced at Viserion, who was scratching his ears. She reached for him. “Hey, hey, hey, what’s this?”</p><p>He squeaked again, pulling back when she tried to peer into his ear. Probably just an itch, she thought, but she’d put some drops in to be safe. There were obviously drops down in the clinic, but in her comfy tank and boxers, she didn’t feel like leaving the warmth of her bedroom for the chill of the locked-up clinic. There was something nice about coming upstairs and leaving the work downstairs.</p><p>It had only taken her about three and a half months or so to realize that.</p><p>“Can’t believe I’ve been here that long,” she mumbled to herself. Three and a half months since she’d gotten off the plane in White Harbor International Airport, ready to start her new life. It was blurring together a bit, the time she’d been in Winterfell and the time she’d spent with the wolves.</p><p>They separated in her mind, because the wolves were a different part of the work. She left to visit the farms, helping with horse deliveries and checkups on pigs and cows, but there was something truly special and unique about arriving at the wolf sanctuary and going to tend to Lady and her pups, or Nymeria when she’d dumbly eaten half a rose-bush and needed a thorn extracted from her gum.</p><p>And of course there was little Shadow.</p><p>Three and a half months in Winterfell; about two and a half since she first set foot at the sanctuary. Since she witnessed Jon Snow’s gift with the beautiful creatures and was allowed to be a part of the world. “And somehow I’m doing well,” she said, kneeling at the bathroom sink and tugging out a box, rummaging in it. It was from Essos, some things she hadn’t bothered to unpack for the bathroom. There might have been some extra drops for Viserion, just mineral oil and peroxide.</p><p>She pushed by a couple bottles and froze, staring. <em>Fuck.</em> She fell back onto her arse, her feet giving out, the box dropping onto her knees. Tears flooded her vision. She took a deep breath, lifting out the bag with the ovulation tests, the pregnancy tests…the charts and the vitamins…</p><p>Drogon came to her instantly, sensing her pain. He rubbed at her side, Rhaegal dropping to her shoulder and Viserion immediately crawling into her lap. She cried, stupidly. It was so stupid to be upset. Just a dumb bag of things she wouldn’t need. She hugged Viserion to her, rubbing her chin atop his head. “It’s so dumb,” she mumbled, tears dripping down her face. “Why am I even crying?”</p><p>Because you were going to have a baby, a little voice said in the back of her mind. Another voice, louder this time, a bit meaner, shouted back. <em>No, you wanted to have a baby. You tried to have a baby. You spent thousands and thousands of dollars on having a baby. It didn’t work. It won’t work.</em></p><p>The odds would be hard, Mel said so herself, but Mel had a high success rate. It was part of why Dany chose her. It didn’t work. Mel of course had to keep proceeding. She had a sense of these things. “The fires do not lie,” she’d said. Dany wasn’t sure what that meant, she didn’t care. It was just the last thing in a long line of absolute shit in her life and when Jorah called a week after she’d realized the IVF didn’t take, she considered it a sign.</p><p>She grabbed the bag again, throwing the box of her knees, and stood suddenly. The dragons flew off of her, startled at their unceremonious dumping. She marched out of her bedroom and down the hallway, storming to the back door. There was a set of stairs attached to the kitchen and she flew down them, ignoring the cold biting into her skin or the snow under her bare feet.</p><p>The bag flung into the trash, she kicked it for good measure. She didn’t want it in her house.</p><p>Drogon yowled up at the top of the stairs, the other two flanking him. “You look like a gang about to take me down,” she commented. He meowed in response. She assumed it was approval at this comparison.</p><p>The cold getting to her, she returned upstairs, toes numb and skin purplish-red from the below freezing darkness. Viserion sat on top of her feet when she went to sit in one of the overstuffed armchairs near the window, pulling a blanket over her shoulders. She slumped down, content to just sit there, trying to drown away the pain, but it seemed the world didn’t want that.</p><p>Drogon yowled before her phone went off in the bedroom. “Can you go get it?” she mumbled under the blanket. Rhaegal chirped. She knew they would if they could. Or cared. She flung the blanket off. “Fine, fine, fine. This better be important.”</p><p>Not in the mood for Viserys or Rhaegar—her brothers had good intentions but inevitably they turned the conversation to themselves as they were both incredibly selfish—she hoped it was Missy. She could use her friend right now. She turned the phone over, frowning at the wolf on the screen. “Arya?” she wondered. She glanced at the clock on her bedside table. “It’s very late, is everything alright?”</p><p>“No, it’s not,” Arya’s voice was frantic. She sounded like she was running through the woods. “We need you here, we’ve got a wolf that just showed up, bad shape, we think a hunter shot him and we can’t move him without your equipment.”</p><p>Adrenaline surged through her veins; all self-pitying melancholy thoughts gone. “I’ll be right there.”</p><p>“Jon will meet you at the gate, it’s locked at night.”</p><p>“I’ll be there as soon as possible.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p><br/>The wolf sanctuary was clear beyond the village, deep into the heart of the Northern territory, the swath of Wolfswood it covered the densest and most remote. On a good day it took about half an hour to reach it and then another half an hour to get through the woods to the main gate. She slammed her foot on the accelerator, the Suburban not necessarily the fastest of vehicles. Come on!" she exclaimed, the engine roaring as it sped down the bumpy side roads.</p><p>She turned a corner, coming upon the main gate, bright high-beams blinding her momentarily before she slammed the brakes, just in time for Jon's SUV to skid to a stop. He jumped out and flung open the gates, allowing her to pull forward. He gestured for her to stop, then ran around to the side, flinging open the passenger door. Ghost leaped gracefully after him, pushing by them both to sit in the backseat.</p><p>"Go," he shouted, his voice muffled from emotion.</p><p>Dany didn't need to be told twice. Jon pointed her down the paths, saying nothing. The adrenaline flowed off of him, his presence beside her vibrating, waves of heat washing over her. They pushed through the undergrowth, going deep into the sanctuary, and just when she wondered if they had moved entirely off the property, he shouted: "Stop!"</p><p>She stopped, coming upon Arya's vehicle, doors open and lights on, hearing a wolf howling nearby. They jumped out of the cab and she ran around to the back, flinging open the doors, pointing to what she needed Jon to grab. Together they maneuvered out a stretcher, which he grabbed single-handed, flinging it out and carrying it into the trees.</p><p>Ghost loped beside her, leading her, and Nymeria came upon them, pacing frantically. Wolves howled nearby; the sound sent chills down her spine. It was pained, terrified even. "It will be alright," she assured the two wolves with her. Or so she hoped.</p><p>Arya had set up two huge floodlights, the brightness jarring against the moonless night. She dropped her bags and knelt, nudging Arya aside, while Jon fretted at the wolf's head, stroking the beautiful animal's jaw. "What happened?" she demanded, yanking on gloves.</p><p>"One of our alarms got tripped," Arya spat. Her entire front was crimson, the wolf's blood seeping over her arms and hands as she held them against a pile of towels, already soaking with it. She shook her head, furious. "I looked at the cameras and saw him, came out to investigate and found him here. He's from Pack A, he's their alpha." She chewed her lower lip, face wrinkling in pain. "Without him they'll be lost, they don't have another ready yet."</p><p>The wolf in question was stormy gray with hints of reddish fur along his neck and face. His eyes were closed, limbs limp, and breathing labored. "You said he was shot?" she asked.</p><p>Jon said something, but neither understood him. He shook his head, seething. "Thorne!" he shouted.</p><p>"Jon, not now!" Arya exclaimed.</p><p><em>Thorne?</em> Dany filed the name away for later. She had a wolf to save. She hurried, giving him a cursory examination. She would need to do surgery, judging from first look, but first she had to get the bleeding stopped. She worked over him, moving Jon and Arya's hands where she needed them, packing the open wounds. The buckshot had nicked an artery, which she managed to tie off just long enough to stop.</p><p>They got him onto the stretcher and into the back of the Suburban, Jon with him while Arya got into her Jeep. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a series of eyes peering at her from the darkness, shining and hovering near. Jon signed to them, saying nothing. He climbed in after the wolf and she closed the doors after him.</p><p>She drove fast, Jon in the back, his hands never leaving the wolf, running over him, watching his vitals. They stopped long enough at the sanctuary for Jon to run in and grab a cooler filled with blood packs, which Arya explained breathlessly they kept "just in case." She was grateful; they would need them.</p><p>They returned to the clinic, busting through the back doors into the surgery room, hurrying and getting the wolf up onto the table. She would prefer having Gilly with her, or another vet tech, but Jon would be fine. Arya stayed back at the sanctuary, said she'd be there soon, she had to call the police to report the hunter who trespassed.</p><p>She moved Jon's hands where she needed them, working furiously. At one point she passed him a mask and gloves and a smock, which he tugged on over his bloody clothes. She inserted a breathing tube, hooked the wolf up to the anesthesia, and started the transfusion while she tied off the artery. She removed the buckshot once she'd repaired the artery, working steadily.</p><p>All the while she focused. The life of the wolf was in her hands and she did her job. She felt Jon near her, moving in tandem, responding to her touch as she guided him to assist. He sometimes paused whatever it was she had him doing to move to the wolf's face, to press his against it, his lips moving wordlessly, hands touching the animal's jaw, nose, brushing over his taped shut eyes.</p><p>It would have been beautiful, if she weren't so terrified the animal would die.</p><p>Hours passed. All she could hear was the slamming of her heart against her ribs and the steadying breaths she took, singularly focused on the animal she intended to save. She wasn't sure when she finished; the sun creeping in through the narrow windows along the top of the ceiling told her it was morning.</p><p>The mask slipped right off her face, barely tugged down. She ripped off the gloves, whispering. "He's stable."</p><p>Jon obviously didn't hear her. He was still at the wolf's head, stroking it gently. She went over, lightly touching his shoulder. He peered up. For the first time, Dany saw what he kept hidden; that mask he always wore, the permanent scowl or the chilly iciness. Lines etched around his eyes, bags heavy beneath them. His shoulders slumped, exhausted.</p><p>Her fingers moved of their own accord, pushing over the back of his neck, resting gently, comforting. He moved away from the wolf, pulling off his gloves and mask. He dropped them on the floor with the other medical detritus; she would clean it later. He stood and turned.</p><p>And she was suddenly enveloped against his hard chest, her face pressing into his shoulder. Tears flooded behind her closed eyelids; she knew it was the culmination of all the emotions of the last several hours, the body's natural response to stress. She clutched him, allowing him to hold her tight, giving his thanks in probably the only way he knew how.</p><p>Several minutes later, he broke away from her and turned his face away; she saw him wipe quickly at his eyes and pretended she didn't see. They lifted the wolf up carefully, bringing him to the largest kennel she had. She wrapped him up in warm blankets, threading the IV through the bars to hang outside of it in case he woke up. Ensured that he was still knocked out, the highest dose of painkillers she risked to give him administered.</p><p>"He should be fine," she said, looking up so Jon could read her lips.</p><p>Jon nodded. He turned away from her quickly and left the recovery room. He had barely spoken in hours. She followed him. Found him in her office, leaning against the desk, his head in his hands. He looked up, when she touched his forearm. He looked up at her again and spoke, his voice croaking. "Thank you."</p><p>"It was my job," she said.</p><p>He shook his head. "No," he disagreed. He briefly smiled; he was so tired it looked like it took all his effort for the simple movement. "You did..." he struggled to speak, tired and overwrought. He signed, hands weak.</p><p>She wasnt sure what he said; she didn't want him to do too much. Sh eunderstood. Her hand covered his, squeezing hard. His fingers threaded into hers, palm warm. They both looked at their joined hands and then lifted up again. She didn't know who moved first.</p><p>His mouth was warm over hers, gentle and soft. It was such a contrast to what she associated with him. She gasped softly, taken aback, breaking away momentarily before instinct kicked in. And desire. Her fingers pushed through his curls, damp with sweat, digging into the base of his skull. Jon roughly palmed at the back of her head, his other hand dragging her towards him, tight on the small of her back. She moaned, heard a similar sound from him. His tongue teased hers, before she opened herself fully under his probing, allowing him entry, and eagerly tangled hers against his.</p><p>They gripped each other, flailing against the desk, until a door slamming somewhere in the office forced her to break from him. She pushed his chest, exclaiming in surprise, her body tingling and heated. He hadn't heard the door, was confused, brow furrowing, and his hands still on her hips. "Jon," she breathed, rolling her eyes upwards.</p><p>He leaned towards her again, but Ghost appeared then, pushing open the door. At the sight of his wolf, he stood straight, stepping away. He raked his fingers through his messy hair, swallowing hard.</p><p>"Dany? Jon?" Arya's tired voice called feebly. "Anyone here?"</p><p>Dany closed her eyes. She laughed slightly. "in here!" She looked up at Jon, who knew someone was there, but couldn't hear. She signed. "Arya."</p><p>He nodded, stepping away from her entirely, going to Ghost, and kneeling at the wolf, rubbing his head and ears. The office door nudged open, Arya entering. "Hey," she greeted them. She'd changed and looked like she'd showered too, but the same lined expression in her narrow face told Dany she hadn't slept either. "Just finished with the police. How is the wolf?"</p><p>"We'll see," Dany said.</p><p>Jon stood, signing quickly. Arya returned it. She glanced between them. "Everything alright?"</p><p>"Fine," Dany blurted. She glanced at Jon, signing slowly. "I'll see you later. Get some sleep."</p><p>He signed, something she didn't want to see, didn't want to hear. Arya turned her head, watching him leave the room. She glanced back to Dany, curious. "Why is he sorry?"</p><p>Dany covered her face with the mask she had also perfected; maybe not as good as Jon had, but hers was good enough. She shrugged, whispering. "I have no idea." She ignored the ache in her belly. The urge to rush after him, grab him and kiss him again.</p><p>If there was anything she'd learned in the last couple of months of interacting with Jon Snow, it was that she might have questions, but he would never give her the answers.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. the pup</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jon and Dany talk about their kiss...sort of; Dany makes a sad discovery about Shadow.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I haven't responded to any of the comments from the previous chapter yet, mostly because I am so absolutely blown away by the lovely, beautiful comments I have received with respect to my announcement.  some of them made me tear up.  This is just a silly hobby for me, one I have done in other fandoms and always stopped when things either got too much or the interest just died out.  I picked it up again after GoT ended to cope with the ending of Jonerys and got caught up in the fandom, I am so grateful to those who have been kind and who said such lovely things.  Truly, truly, truly thank you for it all, I appreciate it so much.  I will respond individual to each comment this weekend.  Until then, know that I really do appreciate you and it does make it very difficult to keep to my decision.  I will not delete my fics, I will finish this one and modern royals, and then just take a very long break.  </p><p>Thank you again so much.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>The following week passed in an absolute blur for Dany.</p><p>She was inundated with patients; it seemed Arya had happily spread the story through the entire town, boasting how she saved the life of a wolf that had been shot on the sanctuary grounds. It went from simply "saved the wolf's life" to somehow becoming a tale of touch and go, fending off the attacker, and almost losing the animal multiple times in a surgery that lasted days.</p><p>Depending on who you talked to, at least.</p><p>"I'm just saying the truth," Arya said, sitting in Dany's living room, sipping on a bottle of beer and munching on a piece of pizza. She'd dropped by to pick up supplies from the clinic, bringing dinner with her. Dany had been plesaantly surprised, letting her upstairs, even though Nymeria looked like she was about five times her 'normal' size, sitting on Dany's small couch beside tiny Arya.</p><p>All three of the dragons were sulking up on top of the bookcases in the corner, mistrustful of this new visitor. Nymeria stared at them, equally fascinated and mistrustful. Dany was glad Drogon decided that he wouldn't attack, thinking himself a panther as opposed to the housecat he happened to be.</p><p>She laughed, sipping her beer. "Sure."</p><p>"How is he? I've decided to call him Rifle."</p><p>"That's morbid!"</p><p>Arya shrugged. "He's tagged as Wolf AA1, so Rifle is better."</p><p>"AA1?'</p><p>"Pack A, Alpha, 1 as in he's number one in the pack." She smirked, reaching into her backpack, removing her iPad. She turned it towards Dany, leaning over the coffee table with the remnants of their dinner. "We track them, the ones that we're aware of at least. Study their behavioral patterns." She cocked her head, smiling. "Didn't Jorah tell you? The sanctuary lives off the trust and donations, but Jon also does research, he's an adjunct professor at the University."</p><p><em>He just keeps on surprising.</em> Dany studied the roving dots on the map interface in her hands. She zoomed in, tapping them, pictures of the wolves appearing along with their location. "So this is how you also knew that Rifle was shot?"</p><p>"Yeah," Arya sighed sadly. "He was so far out of his normal range. The packs stay in certain areas."</p><p>"Did you ever find out who shot him?"</p><p>Arya scowled, taking the Ipad back. "No, but we're pretty sure it was Thorne."</p><p>"Alliser Thorne?"</p><p>"Aye. He <em>hates</em> Jon and the wolves. Claims they killed some of his horses." She shook her head, furious. "The wolves don't kill horses. Jon's got them trained. They wouldn't go after one anyway unless they were <em>starving</em> and they're never that desperate. We would know."</p><p>The man who had been in the office when Jon brought Shadow in was not friendly. She remembered the interaction he'd had with Jon, the dislike in his eyes. The way Jon had ignored him, then sarcastically stepped aside, obvious hatred burning for Thorne. "What's Jon's deal with him?"</p><p>"Who knows, Thorne is super touchy. Jon probably just got him on a bad day. Thorne hates him for all kinds of reasons. He's one of the people out there who thinks people like Jon..." Arya trailed off, her brow wrinkling, concerned. She shook her head again, whispering. "Well, he's one of the reasons why Jon is how he is. Ignorant. Thinks Jon should be in a home or something."</p><p><em>No wonder he hates the world.</em> Dany hadn't spoken with him since that morning in her office. She hadn’t slept in a week. She was busy with the influx of patients, the wolf taking up a lot of her time. She went out to the sanctuary once to check on him—she'd returned him there so he could at least recover in familiar surroundings, in one of the kennels there. She also checked on Shadow, the little pup having gained a few more pounds, but still weak and far behind his litter mates in terms of development.</p><p>She hadn't seen Jon once.</p><p>Dany shook her head, disgusted in this Thorn individual. "I can't believe someone would intentionally harm such a beautiful creature," she whispered.</p><p>Arya shoved the ipad into her bag. "We talking about the wolf or Jon?"</p><p>The question was so nonchalant, Dany didn't realize she'd asked it for a moment. She twisted her finger sin her lap, lifting her head, gazing across the space to Arya, who leaned back, smiling smugly. "Huh?"</p><p>"Something happened, I know it. He's been in the Wolfswood almost exclusively. I only see him when he comes to get Shadow and take him home for nighttime feedings."</p><p>She shifted uncomfortably in her chair. Her knee drew up under her chin, arms wrapping protectively around her leg. "Um...I don't...don't know what that could be." It was silly to play stupid. Arya knew him well enough to ask.</p><p>The young woman snorted. "Yeah, sure. He goes with you here, I walk in on you that morning looking like both of you got your hands caught in the cookie jar, and now he's hiding." She lifted her brow, head cocking, and one of her two messy pigtails on the side of her head—which gave her a very childish quality—bobbed. "He's my cousin, he's my best friend, and he's hiding. Something happened."</p><p>Dany chewed on the tip of her tongue. She sighed hard; she hadn't even told Missandei. She ducked her head again. Her cheeks warmed. She whispered, her inner voice screaming for her not to say it, but she did anyway. Arya was persuasive. "We kissed."</p><p>
  <em>"I KNEW IT!"</em>
</p><p>"Shh!" she exclaimed, although why she didn't know. Drogon hissed from the bookcase, Nymeria jumping up at him, tail wagging in excitement. She sprang up from the chair, gathering their dirty plates and napkins. "Leave it alone Arya."</p><p>"Oh my gods, I knew something happened. <em>Fuck</em>, this is excellent."</p><p>"Excellent?" Dany laughed. That was not what she would use to describe it. She shoved the dishes into the dishwasher, busying herself. Her cheeks were flame red. This was so stupid. "It's nothing Arya, we were tired and...and emotional...it just happened."</p><p>Arya jumped onto the counter, giggling. She finished off her beer, setting the bottle into the sink. "He really likes you; you know."</p><p>Now it was her turn to snort. "Like me? Jon Snow does not like me."</p><p>"Dude, he likes you; I know he does. Best friend, cousin, practically his siter, remember?" Arya grinned, pointing her fingers towards her, positively beaming. She laughed again. "I'm not stupid. Jon's not a monk, but he's very, very selective." Her face fell, darkness crossing her gray eyes. They were similar to Jon's, but where his were dark, stormy gray, Arya's were lighter. Reminding her of the clouds that appeared to signal the end of the storm. “He got hurt. I'm not going to go into it, it's not business, but..." She furrowed her brow again, downcast. "I told you to be careful of him because I'm protective of him...I don't want people to hurt him. You're not going to hurt him, but...but now I don't want him to hurt you." She set her jaw, her gaze lifting again, voice soft. "It's funny, you think he doesn’t like you."</p><p>The rambling of the young woman had her taken aback, struggling to process the load of information. She kept sticking on certain things. Arya protecting Jon. Arya now protecting her. Jon getting hurt before. He liked her. He was hiding away from the only person it seemed he actually really liked.</p><p>She closed her eyes, trying to reconcile the information. This was not at all what she wanted. It was too much for her to process. "I can't...I..." she closed her lips, pressing them tight together. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. <em>This was never supposed to happen.</em> "Arya, I...he hates me." It was weak, fumbling out. A silly excuse. Except he really did. He was rude, downright ignorant of her. He didn’t care about her. She was in his way. “He doesn’t want me around. He’s nicer to everyone but me.”</p><p>"Because he likes you," Arya whispered, leaning closer, smiling. "Otherwise he wouldn't keep going to you...having me come get the formula for Shadow...we can order it online. We can go anywhere, but he's finding reasons to keep you there...he...he told me Tormund was teaching you sign." She laughed. "He doesn't know why you want to learn. He's confused by it. The fact that you are, that he...he gave you a name, Dany."</p><p>Was that it then? Just him giving her a name? "He's rude to me," she mumbled.</p><p>"He can't figure out his own shit." Arya hopped off the counter, going over to her backpack and coat. She slung both on, the sign it seemed for Nymeria, who jumped off the couch, giving another longing look to the dragons up too high for even her to reach. "I'm staying out of whatever this is between you guys, because it's not my business."</p><p>Funny, it wasn't her business, but she was happily browbeating a confession out of her, Dany thought, rolling her eyes. She still didn't understand Jon's feelings for her. She supposed she hadn't known him long enough; it was hard to get through that exterior, even with the times she'd spent around him.</p><p>"Let him make the next move," Arya advised. She looped Nymeria's leash around her hand, walking over to the door. She chuckled. "he's not going to last much longer; I can feel it."</p><p>She narrowed her eyes, arms crossed over her chest. "It was just...tension. That's all." Once again, she mumbled. "He doesn't like me." He <em>hates</em> me. He has no reason to like me. I have no reason to keep trying with this mess of...whatever it was.</p><p>"Sure it was," Arya snarked. She waved, walking to the front door, swinging it open with a loud bang. She turned, grinning. "See you tomorrow. You're coming to check on Shadow, right?"</p><p>Dany nodded. "Yeah."</p><p>"Jon will be there. I can feel these things."</p><p>Whatever it was Arya felt, Dany had no reason to trust it. It didn't matter. She saw her out, saying nothing more on the subject. She closed the door, her head pressing against it, eyes shutting. At her feet, Drogon weaved in and out, emboldened to leave his perch now that the big bad wolf had departed. She glanced at him, chuckling. They always knew how to make her feel better.</p><p>She knelt, lifting him up, and scratched his ears, kissing his head. "Come on guys, let's clean up and get to bed." She was exhausted.</p><p>And something told her tomorrow was going to be a doozy.</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p> </p><p>"Hey Lady," Dany greeted, allowing Arya to unlock the kennel where Lady was still hanging out, her cubs still rolling about with her. She knelt, keeping her distance, even if Lady's tail thumped on her nest of straw and blankets, the cubs wiggling against her. She looked up at Arya, who went to refill the water bowls. "When will she go to the outdoor enclosure?"</p><p>"Soon, when she tells Jon she's ready." Arya laughed. "He insists she still wants to stay in here, she's pampered like that."</p><p>If there was one thing Dany had learned in these couple months with the wolves, it was to never question Jon's opinion on them. She smirked, nodding. Her hand reached out, Lady sniffing it. She dropped her head, allowing Dany to move closer, visually inspecting the cubs from a distance. They appeared to be a good weight and size; she would need to actually handle them to be sure.</p><p>She heard a door at the end open, heavy metal clanging shut. It didn't take a genius to know Jon was there, Arya smirking and ducking her head, puttering about the kennel. <em>Seems she was right</em>. Dany didn't give her the satisfaction of acknowledging it. Even though it wouldn't matter. She looked up at Jon, who entered the enclosure.</p><p>He nodded to her. It was the first time she'd been near him since their kiss a week ago. She swallowed hard, nodding in hello. He looked at Lady, made a couple signs, and she dropped her head, backing off a little. He dropped to his haunches next to her and began to calmly detach the cubs from their mother, a task that no one with a single brain cell should do to any animal. Lady did not flinch, watching him warily, but accepted the action.</p><p>Jon placed them in the blanket next to her and moved to bundle them up, the cubs squalling and yipping, thoroughly displeased at their separation. Dany stood with him and left the kennel, Lady growling low in the back of her throat, subtle warning at what would happen if her cubs were not promptly returned in the same shape they were when she let them go.</p><p>"Good girl Lady," Arya assured her, continuing to clean the kennel. She laughed. "I'll be in soon."</p><p>No, she would not, Dany knew well enough. She went into the exam room, Jon setting the cubs on the table. They moved together, neither speaking, even signing. Dany gathered her ipad, making notes as she measured and weighed them, comparing to their previous marks. "They're getting big," she observed. "That's good."</p><p>Jon signed; he only spoke every couple words. Dany was pleased she could track some of what he was saying, only needing clarification a couple of times, which he wrote out on a dry erase tablet next to him on the counter. "They leave their mom at four weeks. These are six...they need to separate soon."</p><p>"Does Lady make that call or do you?" she asked.</p><p>He chuffed. "Lady should, but she's spoiled. She wants to keep them." He shook his head. "She can't."</p><p>"And why not?"</p><p>"Pack life," he answered. He went over to the cubs, whose eyes were open, all of them wiggling over each other, seeking warmth. He smiled, a tiny little one, but she could see him calm instantly around them. He picked up one of the two females, who wiggled immediately to get to him. He sighed and signed. She recognized it from some that Tormund gave her, told her to focus on, related to animals and wolves, since that was the sure-fire way to get Jon to actually "speak." <em>They're wild.</em></p><p>They were wild animals, at the end of the day. She nodded, understanding. As cute as they were, they were wolves, not dogs. She picked up her stethoscope, plugged it into her ears, and began to feel around each one, inspecting them for anything concerning. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched something rather peculiar.</p><p>Jon took one of the pups and rather than hold it to his chest, like he had been, he lifted him and gently pressed his ear to the pup's belly, his eyes fluttering shut. His shoulders fell, his body relaxing. He practically melted right into the floor. She looked away, not wanting to intrude. It look almost like he...he could <em>hear</em>. His face furrowed, pained. She looked away, not wanting to intrude in what was obviously a private moment.</p><p>And then he set the pup down, and she swore, she swore he was smiling.</p><p>She swallowed hard and blinked a few times, refocusing, and continued with her examinations. Each pup had their eyes, nose, mouth, and ears inspected, until they were clamoring to get down off the table.</p><p>He helped her gather them back up, when she finished, and return them to Lady, who began to clean them, no doubt checking to determine if the nasty humans had done anything to her babies. She chuckled, leaving one wolf and going to the other. Rifle was standing by the door to his kennel, weak, his eyes distrustful.</p><p>As he stood tall, Dany realized how <em>big</em> he was. His fur ruffled around his neck, teeth baring. Jon approached first, hand in a sign. He moved it; eyes locked straight onto Rifle's dark ones. The wolf bowed his head, but did not back down, still growling. "He's probably in pain," she said, catching Jon's attention. "We can tranq him."</p><p>Jon shook his head. He moved his hand again, repeating the gesture. Then he advanced, quick, to the door. Rifle backed away. <em>Jon is the alpha</em>, Dany realized, watching intrigued. The wolf lowered back, whimpering. Jon smiled and opened the door, entering the kennel. He took the syringe she passed him, to sedate Rifle a little more, so she could get close to check on his healing sutures.</p><p>Rifle settled down onto the floor, Jon rubbing his neck, lowering down next to him. It was the same position he'd been in with Lady when she was in labor, stretched on his stomach, face to face. The wolf fell to his good side, eyes shutting, and she barely saw him flinch as Jon inserted the syringe. "Wow," she whispered.</p><p>He stayed with him a moment longer, soothing Rifle into unconsciousness, and a few minutes later, glanced up, nodding to her. She entered the kennel, pulling on gloves and tending to the sutures, inspecting the healing process, checking on his heart and blood pressure. She took a blood sample, to make sure there was no indication of infection. Jon kept stroking the wolf, who she realized wasn’t quite knocked out, grumbling his displeasure at being prodded.</p><p>She lightly touched his forehead, leaning down to Rifle’s ears, whispering. “You’re doing fine boy, you’ll be back to your pack soon, keep healing.” Jon wasn’t watching her, his attention entirely on the wolf. She smiled, whispering again to him. “He’s not really the alpha you know, I think that’s you. You’ll be just fine.” She lightly brushed his ears, standing up. She changed his dressings and finished, gathering her things.</p><p>They left the kennel, Ghost moving from where he’d been waiting at the door for them to finish. In the bright sunlight of the pleasant afternoon, the cold no longer as bothersome as it had been to her when she first arrived in the North. Maybe she was getting used to it, she chuckled, thinking to herself. She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the sun, taking a few deep breaths. She glanced at Jon, hands in her pockets. She took them out, signing the words she knew. “Where is Shadow?”</p><p>“My place,” he said, signing back. He hesitated and then signed. “I didn’t know you were going to be here so early, he’s there…I’ll go get him.”</p><p>“I can go with you,” she blurted out, forgetting to sign. The horror she felt after that statement…<em>Daenerys! What is wrong with you!?</em> She closed her eyes, arms crossing over her chest, huffing out. “I mean…nevermind.”</p><p>He moved with her, stepping in front of her as she tried to get away from him. He shook his head, his hands trembling, lifting up to his face to sign, his voice hardly audible, the quietest she’d ever heard him. She wondered how he modulated the volume, made a note to look into it. “It’s okay…you can come.” He nodded to his Jeep. “Let’s go.”</p><p>She hoisted her medical bag up on her shoulder, following him. Ghost trotted next to her, tongue lolling out. His red eyes blinked up at her, bright rubies against his snowy white fur. His head butted under her hand, demanding pets. She obliged, until they got to the Jeep, the wolf jumping into the back before she climbed in, closing the door after her. She sat still, her mind racing, wondering what Jon was up to.</p><p>And damnit if Arya hadn’t been right. Jon had showed up today. And he was considerably less…abrasive than he had been before.</p><p>She recited in her head, the words she wanted to say. To apologize for kissing him, to say that it was just a moment, that she would never have done that with a client…that she was flattered but she couldn’t get into anything with anyone. And then another part of her wanted to just yell at him, to wonder why he was so bloody mean to her when all she’d done was try to be kind to him. Wasn’t that what people should do to others? Just be nice to them?</p><p>They left the main offices of the sanctuary, returning to the main road. She wondered where exactly Jon lived. Arya lived up at the castle, in one of the modern apartments her family now had there, which were more like terrace houses, she said. She claimed Jon wasn’t too far away, if anything he lived on the property it seemed. So he was never far away from the wolves. She gazed out the window, watching the breaks in the trees, looking out at the craggy Northern landscape. It was nothing like anything they had in Essos.</p><p>She wondered if Rhaegar or Viserys would ever want to come up to visit her. They were so selfish, she doubted it. They barely spoke to her. Their family group chat had been dormant for weeks. Everyone in their own world. She glanced sideways at Jon, watching him as he drove. “Wait,” she blurted out, eyes wide. <em>What if someone honked their horn? Or a siren came out? How could he know?</em> She looked at the dashboard, realizing there was another screen and then glanced at the mirrors on either side of the car. She smiled briefly; there were more cameras on his car so he could see almost entirely around him. “Because he can’t hear the horns if someone honks,” she murmured.</p><p>They drove for several minutes, rumbling back in the direction to the property. They broke through some trees and suddenly were in a clearing, coming up a long driveway. Set off from the road, nestled against one of the rugged hills, in a thicket of trees, was a gray stone and wooden house, with large porch and attached barn, which she realized was a converted garage. The Jeep stopped in front, Ghost jumping out when Jon climbed from his seat. Dany smiled wide at the property. It was <em>gorgeous</em>. It was also exactly what she could see him living in.</p><p>She followed him up to the open garage and into the house. What she found; she was not necessarily prepared for. The first thing she thought of was that it smelled <em>really good.</em> Like pine and cinnamon. The second was that it was <em>neat</em>. The third, it was <em>pretty.</em> A modern kitchen greeted her, but there were two fridges. He opened one and she took a quick peek, seeing nothing but raw meat.</p><p>Ghost rushed towards him, awaiting whatever it was he tugged out, which turned out to be a frozen meat tree, the wolf snapping it down and swallowing whole, tail wagging happily. She followed him into a living room with a massive bookcase crammed from top to bottom with spines she’d loved to examine—she briefly caught sight of a thriller that had been at the top of the booklists but also a massive textbook on animal behavior. There was a beautiful stone fireplace and a worn, comfortable looking couch.</p><p>The windows looked straight into the woods on one side and the open moor on the other. It had to be breathtaking to witness in the mornings and evenings, she thought, lightly touching the edge of a tall end table behind the couch. She turned around tot ell Jon that his home was lovely, but he’d disappeared. He’d left Ghost, who was rummaging in a large box near the edge of the bookcase, filled with bones, ropes, and large plastic toys.</p><p>She laughed, setting her bag down and walked over to him. “What do you have there?”</p><p>The wolf emerged throwing a ratty lion toy into the air and leaping up after it, beginning to give chase to the toy. She clapped her hands, laughing at his antics. He might as well be a common lap dog instead of a ferocious beast. She glanced to the bookcase again, stepping towards it, looking at some of the textbooks he had lined up. Every one of them on animals, zoology, and in particular wolves.</p><p>The room opened via an archway with a low door into what she realized was a study. She glanced around, feeling like she was snooping, but well…the door was open…she was just…going into it. “What?” she asked, Ghost staring at her, his lion toy hanging from his mouth. “I’m just…looking.”</p><p>Ghost didn’t blink. He was judging her. It was the same look Drogon got. <em>Animals</em>, she sighed, scanning the room, trying to see what it could tell her about Jon that he certainly wouldn’t share. She turned to step out, a photo on a credenza near the door catching her eye. She picked it up, staring down at the image. It was of two boys, one slightly taller than the other, grinning wide and sitting on a bench in front of a large oak door with iron wolves attached to the handles. They were wearing school uniforms and holding up their backpacks. She looked closer, squinting to see.</p><p>The one with dark curls and shy smile held up a bag that said ‘Jon’ and the other, with a cocky grin, even for what she had to think was a five-year old, held up his bag, spelling ‘Robb’ on it. “Robb Stark,” she whispered, remembering the article she’d found. The Lord of Winterfell, Arya’s eldest brother. Jon’s cousin. She set the picture down, lightly touching it with her fingertip, to the little smiling face of a tiny Jon Snow.</p><p>
  <em>Could he hear then? Or was he already deaf?</em>
</p><p>She glanced around the room again, another photo drawing her attention. This one hung on the wall above a smaller fireplace. She was transfixed, waking straight towards it. It was a painting. Of a beautiful dark-haired woman, grinning mischievously, and holding a blue rose to her nose. She sat at a white tree with red leaves—a weirwood—a wolf at her feet.</p><p>“My mother.”</p><p>Dany jerked, spinning hard. Jon stood in the entryway, holding a wiggly Shadow in his arms, wrapped in a blanket. He wasn’t smiling, but he wasn’t frowning either. She guessed that could be considered progress for him. He walked in and went to stand next to her, looking at the picture. “She’s beautiful,” she said, signing the words. She had the adjectives down pretty now.</p><p>Jon nodded; his lips pulled a little at the corners. “She was.”</p><p>“She’s gone?”</p><p>“Dead,” he answered. He looked sideways; pain clear in his eyes. He looked at Shadow, the wolf cub gnawing on his knuckle. “When I was born.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry. My mom died too.” When she was born too. She spelled out her mother’s name. “Rhaella. I was only a week old.”</p><p>Jon cocked his head, intrigued. That was the only word she could call it. He signed his age, when his mother died. <em>One month.</em></p><p>Dany reached for Shadow, taking him into her arms, her fingers brushing against Jon’s. She whispered, not looking up, until he guided her chin with his finger again, so he could read her lips. She had to stop doing that, she thought. She blinked back tears at the thought of her mother. “We have that in common.”</p><p>He studied her momentarily; his face retained its usual scowling expression, until he hesitated, the steely gaze faltering, fading away. Unsure. Dany wasn’t positive, but she didn’t think she had ever seen Jon Snow <em>unsure.</em> He licked his lips, opened his mouth, but closed it again, frowning. He struggled, the words no doubt not forming right. He spoke, the emotion thick, she strained to understand. “I…I did not mean…sorry.”</p><p>It took a second to understand he was referring to the kiss. In the office. She looked up, nervous. He reminded her of a walking time bomb sometimes. She was just expecting him to explode, something upsetting him or something she was going to do offending him. Every time she tried with him, it seemed to make things worse. “You didn’t?” she asked.</p><p>He shook his head. “I…I am sorry I…” He struggled, frustrated he couldn’t make the words work. She reached to still him, lightly touching his face. He slackened, eyes closing. When the words caught up to his mind, he spoke again, very deliberate. “I do not like…people.”</p><p>The laugh snuck up on her, burst forth before she realized it. She covered her mouth with her hand. He was affronted, staring at her, a little taken back. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. She smirked, crossing her arms in front of her. “That is an understatement.”</p><p>He shifted on his feet, head hanging a little. “They do not…they do not care about me.” He furrowed his brow again. “Unless they want to fix me.”</p><p>“I don’t want to fix you,” she blurted. She lifted her hands, signing what she could, to keep the practice, her fingers trembling. “I want to…to talk to you.” She signed again, pushing her finger into his chest. “Your way.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Well why not?” she retorted. They squared off again; frustrated with each other. She was doing her best to keep from shouting. Arya told her to be patient. Sometimes it was the hardest thing she thought she could do. He scowled again. She narrowed her eyes, snapping. “You kissed me, and you said sorry. What does that mean Jon?”</p><p>He turned his head, moving to step away, but she grabbed his elbow, bringing him back. He gazed at her, scared. That’s what it was. Fear. Like his wolves, he’d been cornered, and he was trying to find a way out. So he lashed out when he couldn’t escape. She dropped her hand from his elbow, shaking her head slightly. She was going to leave, to step out of the small room where the walls were closing in, but he spoke, stopping her. “I did not think you wanted it.”</p><p>“The kiss?” He nodded. She laughed, smiling, eyes crinkling. “I…I don’t know Jon. I don’t know what I want.” Finally the truth. At least to herself. Nothing was going how it was supposed to go. She understood that that was how the world worked, unfortunately. It was just…these things weren’t supposed to happen like this. <em>Gods, he doesn’t even like me.</em> She leaned towards him again, but he pulled back, so he could look at her lips. He touched his fingers to them, as she formed the words, wanting nothing but to whisper them, but knowing he couldn’t read them if she did. “I can’t do this. But I can’t…not do it either.”</p><p>They stared at each other for a moment. And then she leaned to him, at the same time he moved to her, lips colliding again. Unlike their first kiss, this was far gentler. Practically timid. She was taken aback at how gentle he was, his hand coming up to her face, holding carefully, as he angled his mouth over hers. She moaned softly, breath escaping through her nose, and reached for him, stepping closer. Her tongue prodded gently against his lips, opening into his mouth, sweeping against his palate. He reached around for her, hand dropping to the small of her back. Every nerve ending was on fire, her initial response to grab for him, to deepen the kiss, and her mind going entirely black, singularly focused on him.</p><p>Except they weren’t alone.</p><p>A series of squeaking broke the kiss, her lips tearing from him to peer down at the cub in the crook of his arm, little claws scrambling on his elbow, trying to get out of Jon's clutches. He was startled, blinking at her, surprised, and realized when she reached for the cub. His shoulders slumped, relieved. She tutted, taking little Shadow into her arms. "I am so sorry; we were neglecting you!"</p><p>Ghost moved to stand between them. She silently thanked the wolf; they did have obligations right now. He at least understood those. She hurried by him from the small office to the kitchen and set the cub down on the kitchen island counter, reaching for her bag. Her fingers were shaking, trying not to look at him and to focus on Shadow. She weighed him, measured him, did her exam. "He's good," she finally deduced.</p><p>Except he was still small, she thought, lifting him up to inspect his paws. Jon spoke. "He's eating more, but still not keeping the weight." He ran his fingers through his hair, sending the dark strands astray. "He doesn't sleep very well. Ghost will sit with him."</p><p>Ghost nosed up next to her, sniffing the pup. She felt the large wolf lean hard on her leg, wondering what he was trying to say. She set Shadow back down, watching him wiggle his way, fat little legs clumsy but he was walking. He struggled more than the other wolves; his motor skills not quite as developed. He was just a little behind, she thought, taking her scope again and gesturing for Jon to pick him up.</p><p>She pulled back his ear, pushing by the fuzzy fur and peered into his ear canal. "Oh no," she whispered, her heart plummeting. <em>No, no, no, no, please…</em> She peered into the other one, sighing. <em>Oh gods. Poor little guy.</em> She took him from Jon and set him down again. He blinked his black eyes, turning towards Jon, the closest thing he had to an owner. Dany looked around the kitchen, snapping her fingers at her sides, trying to think of what to use to test her sad theory. "Ah," she said, moving towards a utensil holder near the stove. She picked up a set of metal tongs, walking back over.</p><p>Jon frowned, signing. "What are you doing?"</p><p>Dany didn't answer him. She let Jon hold him again and took a deep breath, hoping she was wrong. Unfortunately, her gut instincts were right. She snapped the tongs next to Shadow's left ear. He kept wiggling in Jon's hands, not flinching. She moved to the other, snapping them. Nothing. She set them down and looked up, removing a pot and lid from the rack hanging above them.</p><p>She took a deep breath, holding it, and smacked the lid against the bottom of the pot. Ghost jumped beside her and even her skin crawled at the clattering sound.</p><p>Only Jon and Shadow did not flinch.</p><p><em>Maybe it is just the way the world works</em>, she thought sadly, setting the object down. Jon realized then what she'd been doing. He closed his eyes, lifting Shadow to his face, his cheek pressing to the small pup's head. She blinked hard, forcing herself not to cry. There was no way Shadow could go back into the wild like his brothers and sisters. Probably why Lady rejected him; she knew he was not the fittest of her litter, he was probably born that way. Animals knew these things.</p><p>It was just so cruel.</p><p>Jon rubbed Shadow's head, leaning to peer down at him. He made a motion with his hand, a sign that Dany had seen him do with some of the other pups. He smiled when Shadow squeaked, already clearly used to what it was. He lifted his sad gaze, nodding for her to follow him. She went with, into a room off the back of the kitchen, where he'd gone earlier to collect the pup. It was probably originally a sunroom or conservatory of some sort, but Jon had turned it into a whelping room.</p><p>There were brown cabinets against the wall, some pictures of wolves hanging, and the windows overlooking the woods. A couch with folded up blankets and pillows at the end was pushed against a wall and there were objects that resembled cat trees near the windows, with shelves high enough for the pup to look outside, she guessed. A huge kennel filled with blankets and covered with a dark sheet was pushed in the corner. The ceiling on it was low, as was the wall inside, pushed to a small space.</p><p>She looked at Jon, who went to the fridge in the corner and removed an already prepared bottle for the pup, still holding him under one arm. "Why?" she asked, pointing to the tiny space.</p><p>Jon set the pup down in the space. "Like cave," he explained.</p><p>"Ah, natural habitat."</p><p>"Yeah." He heated up the formula in the microwave atop the minifridge, testing it on his inner wrist. Dany's heart cramped; it was like how you would with a newborn baby. He pressed the bottle into her hands, before she had a chance to realize it, and knelt again, lifting Shadow, handing him to her. He smirked. "You feed."</p><p>"Me?"</p><p>"I do it all night. Your turn." He laughed; it was loud, hoarse. She laughed in response, looking at the pup, who was already nosing for the bottle. Jon feigned yawning and laughed again. "I take nap."</p><p>"I don't think so!"</p><p>He fell onto the couch, leaning into the corner of it, bringing his ankle up to rest atop his opposite knee. Ghost wandered off, she wondered if he left Jon to his own devices in the house, knowing that this was a place where he could rest. She sat beside him, hugging Shadow, the pup eagerly suckling the bottle, some of the formula leaking out to mess around his little black mouth. She giggled, kissing the pup's head.</p><p>"He cannot go back to wild."</p><p>Jon's statement distracted her, returning her to the present. To the sad reality of Shadow's future existence. She shook her head. "No, he cannot." She glanced at him, so he could see her lips move. "What will you do with him?"</p><p>A muscle ticked in his jaw. He shrugged. "Keep him."</p><p>"What do you do with the wolves that can't go back?"</p><p>He signed, speaking at same time. "Zoos, other sanctuaries...we can't keep too many. Shaggydog, Grey Wind...maybe Rifle. Too many."</p><p>They didn't have the bandwidth, she understood. She gazed around the room, at how it was part bedroom and part doggy daycare. There were puppy pads scattered on the floor and half the floor was tile, the other hardwood. Ghost's nails clicked somewhere inside the house, wherever he'd gone. She was about to say that it was a nice setup Shadow had, maybe he could keep him, when she stopped hard, looking sideways.</p><p>His eyes were closed, head resting on one of the cushions, a lock of dark hair fallen over his forehead. His chest rose and fell, steady and deep. Hands dropped at his sides; she took note of them again. They were his lips, his fingers and palms. You wouldn’t know, by how he let them fall loose beside him. She moved carefully, so as not to jostle him, and stood, carrying Shadow out of the room, the pup still making noise. It took her a few minutes before she realized Jon wouldn't wake up <em>because of the dog making noise.</em></p><p>"You are so dumb Dany," she mumbled, closing her eyes. She went into the living room and sat in one of the chairs near the fireplace, cuddling the wolf. He was so warm. She stroked his face, still holding the bottle, as he guzzled his lunch.</p><p>When he finished, she set the bottle in the sink and carried him around, looking at the bookcases, noting that she and Jon had similar tastes in literature. All the animal books called to her; she wanted to get her fingers on some of them, learn more about <em>canis lupus.</em></p><p>She poked her nose into a room underneath the steps, realizing it was a small half-bath. There was a framed diploma on the wall behind the toilet. She stepped towards it, eyes widening, staring with her mouth almost on the floor. "What?" she laughed.</p><p>
  <em>Queen Alysanne's University Blackwood School of Sciences hereby bestows Jon Snow a Doctorate of Philosophy this day...</em>
</p><p>"Doctor Jon Snow," she blurted out. He had Ph.D.! Of course, Arya had said he was an adjunct professor, but you didn't need a doctorate to just be an adjunct. Or really a professor at all in some cases. She laughed again, looking down at Shadow. "And he keeps it in the bathroom. Good gods."</p><p>Now she wanted to find out what his thesis was about. She returned to the bookcases, figuring maybe it would be there. She had hers bound hardback and it was in her office. Just to remind her of the work she'd put in to get her degree. From what she could tell, Jon Snow probably thought the paper his thesis written on was better used as lining for the wolf dens. She returned to the whelping room and set Shadow down in his den, where he curled up immediately and fell back asleep in the dark, cramped little area.</p><p>
  <em>Now what?</em>
</p><p>Ghost appeared in the doorway, like she summoned him. She went with him, leaving Jon to rest. He needed it. She plucked one of the animal behaviors books from the bookcase and sat down at the end of the couch, Ghost jumping up next to her, and began to read, perfectly content.</p><p>Something she couldn't say she had felt in a very, very long time.</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p> </p><p>"Dany? Are you in there?"</p><p>Dany was in there. There being her office. Was she able to answer the door? No, no she couldn't answer the door. Reason being she was currently wrapped up in Jon Snow, his arms around her, their mouths furious with each other, quite occupied. She broke away from the kiss, moaning as his mouth tracked hot down her neck, pushing by her lab coat to her collarbone, his teeth nipping sharply on the soft skin.</p><p>Her voice was high, ringing out. "Just a second!"</p><p>Gilly shuffle don the other side of the door. "Just wanted to let you know that Arya called, she wanted you to call her back."</p><p>"Thanks, I'll call her," she called again, eyes rolling back into her head as Jon found a particularly sensitive spot behind her ear to nibble. If you had a knife to her throat, she wasn't sure she could honestly say how they ended up in this situation. The day started well enough; she came downstairs, opened the clinic, Gilly showed up and they shared a couple cups of coffee while going over the schedule for the day and prepping the exam rooms.</p><p>Today was surgery day, so she only had two patients. One cat teeth cleaning and spaying, then she had a biopsy and tumor removal on a golden retriever. She had just finished with that when Jon appeared. He claimed he had to speak with her. He needed some more vitamins for Shadow. She wasn't sure if that was true or not, because they went into her office to talk a little about Shadow's prospects when suddenly they were over each other, Ghost going to hide under the desk, no doubt embarrassed to witness such behavior.</p><p>It had been three days since she diagnosed little Shadow as deaf and unable to return to the wild. Jon had woken from his nap, been a little abashed that he'd fallen asleep on her, but she played it off as she needed a rest too. He'd taken her back to the sanctuary to get her car. Even after the moment in the office, she still had zero idea where they stood on much of anything. Just that he was no longer abrasive.</p><p>Plus, things just...seemed to fall into place. She had seen how he lived. The way his life was entirely his wolves. The special modifications to his Jeep. The light on his stove instead of a timer or buzzer. No television or stereo in his house. There was a light at his front door and a few more scattered throughout the house. She'd casually asked Arya about them. "He can't hear the doorbell or knocking, so that's how he knows if someone is there. Same for the smoke alarm and stuff," Arya explained, matter-of-fact.</p><p>Bran’s words rang in her ears when she thought more on it. “<em>I had to relearn simple things, but Jon had to learn how to speak again.</em>”</p><p>And cope without a sense people took for granted.</p><p>She moaned again, tearing away from him, just long enough to take another breath and then push her mouth to his once more. They hadn’t said a word about the kiss in his house, about where they stood, and here they were tearing at each other in her office. All that pent-up energy, she supposed, had to go somewhere. They broke apart again, breathing coming in shallow gasps. Her fingers pushed at his shoulders, forcing his face up to look at hers. “We need to stop,” she advised, blinking hard. “Just…for now.”</p><p>He nodded in agreement. He swallowed hard, signing fast. “I should go.”</p><p><em>Where are we going though?</em> “We need to stop,” she said. He frowned. She quickly elaborated. “Until we…talk. About…about this thing.” The thing that she still didn’t understand. That she didn’t want. That seemed absolutely inevitable.</p><p>He nodded, swallowed hard again, his throat constricting. “Tomorrow?” he suggested. He went on. “We can get…dinner.” He hesitated. “I can pick you up.”</p><p><em>Like a date?</em> She refrained from saying that, trying not to smile. “I…” she sighed hard, frowning hard, brows knitting together. “You confuse me Jon Snow.”</p><p>He cocked his head. “Me too.”</p><p>“I confuse you?”</p><p>“You learn to sign, no one does that.” He tried to smile, except it was forced. He still didn’t understand it, she thought, why she just wanted to help. To make things easier. He shook his head again, whispering. “I am still figuring you out.”</p><p><em>And I you.</em> “Just don’t try to fix me,” she tried to tease, but it hit home too hard for him. She moved away, trying to pretend she hadn’t said it, his face returning to its usual hard mask.</p><p>They didn’t say anything, standing in the office, her back to him. She leaned her hands on her desk, closing her eyes. A moment later, he came up behind her, hands over her shoulders, warm and heavy behind her. Her eyes fluttered shut; <em>this is a mistake</em>, she thought. This shouldn’t be happening.</p><p>“Who wants to fix you?” he asked.</p><p>She wasn’t sure if it was rhetorical or not, but when she whispered a response, she realized he couldn’t see, couldn’t hear. “Everyone.”</p><p>But when she turned to tell him, he’d already moved away, going to the door, and hadn’t seen. It was probably for the best. She regained what composure she thought she had and went to follow him, Ghost behind her. She glanced back at him; he heard her.</p><p>Ghost watched her a moment and then trotted by, going to Jon’s side. Dany smirked, wiping quickly at her eyes; tears had escaped before she realized it. She forced down the emotion and went to join Jon at the desk, Gilly looking at them both, a little curious. She took the messages from Arya and said nothing, while Jon collected the items he needed. He looked at her, straight through, his gray eyes clear and focused.</p><p>“Tomorrow,” he said.</p><p>She nodded, head jerking quick with the movement. “Tomorrow,” she signed. She watched him leave, smiling to herself.</p><p>Gilly grinned over at her. “What’s tomorrow?”</p><p>“Honestly?” she wondered. She grabbed some files, turning away, going back to her office. “I really do not know.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Haven't teased anything for future chapters because the outline fluctuates.  But next chapter is set in stone.  That eventual smut?  Yeah, it's coming (pun intended) next chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. the fear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jon and Dany are supposed to be on a date when an emergency forces them to confront what is actually between them.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is 11,400 words long because I couldn't stop writing, lol.</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>"Not that one, you look like a silent sister."</p><p>Dany threw down the black dress, which was probably one of her most expensive— she did use it for funerals, but Missy didn't need to know that—now at a total loss with what to wear. She grabbed another dress, this one navy blue, and held it up to her, standing in front of the computer screen. She cocked her hip, frustrated at her best friend. "What about this one?"</p><p>All the way in Essos, Missy wrinkled her nose, still not pleased with the options clearly laid out before her. "I don't know. Show me the purple."</p><p>"Missy!"</p><p>"This is very important Dany! You're going to have sex tonight. You need to make sure it's the right dress. Can't be too tight otherwise you'll strangle the goods, you can't have too many buttons or zippers, otherwise he might as well just rip them..." She cackled, arching a dark brow. "Unless of course that's what you want?"</p><p>Dany closed her eyes; between Missy and Arya, she was unraveling. More than she ever would have before for just a simple dinner date. She didn't even know where they were going. It wasn’t like Winterfell had a lot of options. She also didn’t know how Arya found out, unless she beat Jon into confessing to her. Just that her phone was buzzing all morning long, the young woman screaming in ALL CAPS in her text messages over how she KNEW that Jon was going to ask her out, and DID SHE NOT TELL HER ALREADY, and DUH OF COURSE HE LIKES YOU.</p><p>And then the kicker: <em>Don't fuck it up.</em></p><p>Well now she was terrified. She'd managed to get Jon Snow to be civil to her, it had taken almost three months. She still didn't know what did it. Just that the switch had been flipped . He no longer looked or treated her like an annoying creature, distant and removed the way he was with everyone else. He hadn't said anything to her save one text message she received around noon that day: <em>8pm, your office.</em></p><p>He wasn't much for words, obviously.</p><p>Missy was beyond ecstatic when she got the call requesting assistance in choosing an outfit. Dany could have asked Arya, but figured hits was a job for her best friend. Missy was also into fashion; Dany had only seen Arya in jeans, muddy boots, and either a sweatshirt or flannel. She snapped her fingers, sitting up and pointing. "What's that red thing? Is that the dress you got in Meereen?"</p><p>"It's a summer dress. I live in the North." She glanced outside; it was driving rain right now, what remained of a recent snowfall turned to slush and slop. "And I think it's just one step above freezing right now."</p><p>"Who cares? Put on a coat. Let me see it."</p><p>It was a bit more revealing than she would prefer. She didn't know where Jon was taking her. "He could be taking me to Old Nan's Diner, Misys."</p><p>"And if he does, you turn right around and leave, but something tells me he won't." Missy shivered; her hand pressed to her chest. "I remember how he looked. My gods, like a marble statue. He should be n a museum."</p><p>"Who are you talking about?" a soft voice called from somewhere in Missy's house.</p><p>Missy shouted over her shoulder. "Talking about the guy Dany is going to fuck tonight."</p><p>She closed her eyes again, mortification just par for the course with Missy. "Hi Grey," she said, opening them long enough to see that Missy's husband Grey had stepped into the frame, as embarrassed as she was. She waved. "How are you doing?"</p><p>"I'm fine. How are you?"</p><p>"Oh just..."</p><p>"Go away sweetie, I'm trying to dress Dany for her big date with Jon. She's going to have sex for the first time in decades, we need to prepare."</p><p>"Have fun," Grey called, summarily dismissed by his wife. The thing was he didn't question it, didn't fight it, just waved at her and walked off screen, a door closing distantly behind him. She sighed hard; there was a reason her best friend had been married as long as she had. They were made for each other.</p><p>If only he was there to serve as more o fa buffer, she thought, trying not to huff out another frustrated sound, Missy requesting to see the red dress once again. She held it up, the filmy skirt cut with a high slit. It had two straps that showed quite a bit of side boob and her chest and stomach. It was certainly not something you wore in the North even on a summer day, she imagined. They were prudish people.</p><p>And Missy did not give a flying dragon's fart, she said, when Dany tried to use this logic to reason with why she shouldn't be wearing this dress on her first official date with Jon Snow. "And to be honest, I don't even know if it's a date," she complained, setting the dress down on the pile of clothing accumulating on her bed. Drogon took that to mean he had to conquer it, choosing to sit atop the pile and shed all over, while Viserion and Rhagael fought over a scarf that had fallen on the floor of her armoire.</p><p>She covered her face with her hands, groaning. "Missy I don't know about this...he's a client and...and I just..." She chewed her bottom lip. Only Missandei knew the pain she'd gone through in Essos the past few years. She hung her head, muttering. "I don't know if I'm ready."</p><p>The softness in her friend's voice touched her soul. She could feel Missy right next to her, an arm around her shoulders allowing her to cry into her the way she had with all those negative pregnancy tests, all the disappointing lab and ultrasound reports, and the failed laparoscopy. Even in the beginning when they'd been laughing over the binders of donors, guessing if they were famous people or using a face app to try to see what her baby would actually look like if she'd used the 'donation' of famous actor Jaime Lannister or gods forbid her ex-boyfriend Daario ended up as her choice. The irony, Missy thought, with that selection.</p><p>"You are," Missy whispered. She touched her fingertips to her computer screen, smiling gently. Her dark molten chocolate eyes shined. "I love you Daenerys, you are my best friend, my sister...you moved all the way over there for a fresh start, to put the past behind you, and isn't that what this is? Putting the past behind? Creating a new future? Just going to the North didn't mean you had to live like a silent sister or give up anything good. You're not doing penance."</p><p><em>Am I?</em> That's how she initially viewed it. If her body was a cold, inhospitable place, and she was as cold and inhospitable as her exes said she was, she might as well move somewhere like that. TO the far North, where she intended to never find another living soul her age, where she could live out her life in quiet silence. It seemed rather...ironic then, she guessed, that she should be going on a date with a man who actually lived his life in silence. She was nervous about this for so many reasons. <em>What if we don't even like each other?</em></p><p>And then they had to see each other all the time? With Shadow, Rifle, all the other wolves needing veterinary care, and she was stuck in awkward-land with him for the rest of time all because they kissed a few times and went n a failed date?</p><p>Missy clicked her tongue. "You're thinking too hard," she chastised. "I can hear it from here."</p><p>"There's just so many ways this can go wrong."</p><p>"And so many, many ways it can go right."</p><p>Dany sank onto the edge of the bed, Drogon stepping over to claw at her knee. She idly scratched his back, gazing down at the computer. "Missy I don't know how I feel about this guy..."</p><p>"Be honest with yourself Dany." Missy was all seriousness now, her joking gone, replaced with a concerned frown, quiet voice. "Did you start learning sign language solely so you can talk to him about work-related matters? Or did you start learning sign language so you could...communicate with him? Because You wanted to know him?" She didn't wait for an answer, continuing on. "Because you might have learned Dothraki for Drogo, but that was different. We were in college, we'd do anything for guys older than us, and it ended up as a nightmare like most first loves do. You don't have to go to that sanctuary as often as you do. You can make them come to you. You can force Arya to be there to translate for you. But nope, you're doing this to get to him. And let's be real here, cards on the table, everything..." Her eyes sparkled, lips smirking knowingly. "He kissed you first. He asked you out. He likes you."</p><p>They all had a funny way of realizing he liked her. She closed her eyes, defeated again, mumbling. "No he doesn't."</p><p>"Whatever. He could have just ignored the kiss and moved on, but he ran and hid, like most men do when they're overwhelmed with their shit." She snorted. "Look at me! I had to chase Grey down and basically flash him to get him to realize I liked him. Sometimes you have to smack them upside the head just to get them to understand that what they're feeling is actual love and not lust."</p><p>"What if it is just lust?"</p><p>"It's not, because it seems like Jon snow doesn't do lust. He doesn't even do relationships."</p><p>"I think he was hurt," she pondered, remembering the look in his eyes when Tormund mentioned that Jon had dated his cousin. She couldn't get much from Arya, just that yes, Jon had been hurt badly. He was wary for many, many reasons, and that was just one of them. She wondered what this horrible woman had done to make him lash out the way he did when threatened with something like attraction or romance.</p><p>Missy lifted her brows, agreeing. "Sounds like he's been hurt by a lot of people. Which is why this is a big deal. And why it goes to the fact he likes you, logically speaking."</p><p>"Missy I don't know if I can do this."</p><p>"You can. You will." She sat up a little in her chair, whispering. "And when he wants to know why you came to Essos, what will you tell him?"</p><p>She ran her tongue over her teeth. "Same thing I tell everyone else. Fresh start."</p><p>"Mel's been sending me things, I think she thinks this is still your address since you won't give her your new one."</p><p>Dany's face slammed into an angry scowl. "She shouldn't be doing that, she's overstepping herself."</p><p>"Part of why we chose Mel was because of that, remember?"</p><p>It was a reason, she agreed. When she'd gone to her best friend, to let her know what her plans were and how she needed someone to be with her throughout the process as she attempted single motherhood, Missy had been with her at every single appointment, had cried with her and laughed with her. She knew that Mel was renowned, even if she was a bit cooky, and part of it was she took very special care in her patients. paid way more attention to them in some ways than any other doctor would. She took it personally. Now Dany just wished she would leave it alone and find someone else to bother. "Yes," she whispered.</p><p>Missy smiled sadly, reaching her fingers to the screen again. "And I still think you should give it another try."</p><p>"It didn't work."</p><p>"It doesn't always."</p><p>"I can't do it again," she said. She had enough going on. Now just wasn't the time. The distractions she needed were helping. She briefly flicked her fingers over her belly. It was hollow in there. Barren, what did Mel call it? <em>An inhospitable environment.</em> She sighed hard. "Missy I just can’t, and something tells me even if this were to be a thing, which I'm not saying it is, the last thing Jon Snow would want is a child."</p><p>"He can't hear Daenerys but doesn't sound like anything is wrong with his dick."</p><p>"Missy!"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>She grabbed a pillow shouting into it and laughing, throwing it aside. Drogon hissed, jumping up into her lap, glaring at Missandei. "Well I think I needed that. I'm going to let you go and get dressed."</p><p>"If you insist upon not wearing the red one, go with the silver camisole from Myr and your black silk suit with the Ellaria boots we got in Sunspear." Missy rattled off the outfit, something that Dany would never have thought to put together as she found the pieces in question. She stared at them, unable to believe it. Missy smirked. "I'm your best friend for a reason. But promise me one day you will wear that red dress for Jon Snow. You'll render him absolutely speechless."</p><p>"Missy!" <em>Speechless? Did she not hear how it sounded referring to a deaf man in that regard?</em></p><p>"What?"</p><p>Thank gods her friend wasn't around Jon. Perhaps she'd make a bigger fool of herself than Dany had done thus far. She disconnected, with a promise to tell Missy everything that happened—even though she was sure nothing would happen. If anything they would agree to keep things professional between them. Despite the intense fire burning in her belly at the very thought of Jon Snow's mouth on hers again.</p><p>Or other parts.</p><p>Drogon squinted at her. She glared at him. "What?" she demanded. She jumped to her feet, grabbing her things and storming to the armoire, pushing her other two dragons away from the Lyseni scarves they’d discovered for new beds, each one of them purring happily. She lifted Viserion up, kissing his soft white cheek, his squeak of displeasure not deterring her from holding him while she selected the items Missy had selected for her, carrying them into her bathroom.</p><p>By the time she finished dressing, she had to give Missy some credit. “I look good,” she mumbled, glancing at the three dragons lined up on the end of her now cleaned off bed. She held her hands out, posing for them. “Well?”</p><p>Rhaegal chirped, throwing his paw into the air, Viserion squeaking his approval. It was of course Drogon who sneered, tail flicking up. He walked over to the center of the bed and began to tear at the duvet, his arse in the air, right at her. She shook her head, rolling her eyes at his antics. She studied the bed, wondering if she shouldn’t do anything else. She knew Missy would say she should have bought new sheets, should spritz some perfume or something, or just make it more <em>inviting</em>.</p><p>It wasn’t happening, she told herself, turning around to study her reflection in the mirror. The braids she’d tugged her hair into hung to her shoulders, a large portion left to curl loose underneath the braids. Little silver clips dotted them. She touched the necklace she’d chosen to wear, a silver three-headed dragon with ruby eyes. It was a gift from Rhaegar when she graduated veterinary school. She side-eyed her phone, atop the dressing table, thinking perhaps she should give him a call, at least see how he was doing with the businesses in Pentos.</p><p>Or at least see if Viserys had blown through his latest loan from the Iron Bank in his quest to become the richest man in Essos. He was failing so bad in that regard; she almost didn’t want to know how much debt he was in now. Might remind him she had a trust fund she didn’t touch; one he could try to access. “They’re the worst,” she murmured, smoothing her hand over her belly.</p><p>She must have summoned them, for her phone rang as she went to the bathroom to touch up her makeup one last time—it was almost time. She swiped it off the table, staring at her eldest brother’s stern face on the screen. She answered, sighing hard. “Hello?”</p><p>“Daenerys,” Rhaegar’s lilting accent purred. “How are you?”</p><p>“Fine, how are you?”</p><p>“It’s been some time; I was calling to see how you were doing up there in the North. Have you frozen yourself solid yet?”</p><p>“Not quite,” she mumbled.</p><p>Rhaegar chit-chatted for a few minutes, something he <em>never</em> did, which meant he was trying to work his way to asking her something he didn’t want to talk about. He was selfish like that; it was all about him. She touched up her lipstick and dabbed her fingertips on some blush and tapped to her cheeks, blowing out a hard breath at her reflection. The bags under her eyes would just have to stay there; she couldn’t very well get a full night’s sleep—hah, what was that like?—in the remaining ten minutes she had until Jon said he’d pick her up.</p><p>She took the phone out of her bedroom and into the living room, finally interrupting Rhaegar’s soliloquy on the horrors of Westerosi opera, as this was important to him given, she’d moved to the forsaken continent. “I have an appointment, what do you want Rhae?” she asked.</p><p>He cleared his throat. “I…I met someone recently who…said she knew you.”</p><p>“That’s nice, lots of people know me.” Her stomach began to dance in her belly. Her fingers clutched the phone to her ear. “Who is it Rhaegar?”</p><p>“Dr. Melisandre Perzys.”</p><p><em>Fuck.</em> “Well, Dr. Mel is pretty well known in Essos,” she mumbled, glancing at the pointed toes of her boots. “Why are you calling me Rhaegar?”</p><p>“Because Dr. Perzys said she’s been trying to contact you for a bit, she is worried about you, as a friend of course. It prompted my concern as well. It’s been some time and…and I didn’t realize you…” He cleared his throat again; she imagined the sharp edges of his cheekbones were flushed red with embarrassment at bringing up such personal matters with her. “Were acquainted with her.”</p><p>Dany glanced out the window and saw Jon’s Jeep turning the corner at the end of the street. She straightened her back, effectively ending the conversation with Rhaegar. “I don’t know what you’re trying to get to Rhaegar, but I have an appointment.”</p><p>“Daenerys were you trying to have a baby and not tell me?” he blurted out.</p><p>Fire raged inside of her, flaring forth at the absolute hypocrisy of his statement. “Excuse me?” she snapped, reverting to Valyrian, she was so upset. She stormed away from the window, grabbing her nice black coat from the front closet, shoving her arm into it, letting it hang off her shoulder while she shouted. “That is none of your business Rhaegar! It is none of your business what I do with my body or my future, you made sure of it when you and Viserys just dumped me and let me raise myself, alright? You don’t get to just jump in and out as you see fit. It is none of your business why I was seeing Mel and now I don’t know what this is all about, but I have a <em>date</em>!”</p><p>Rhaegar clued in on that before anything. “I didn’t realize you were seeing anyone.”</p><p>“I’m not!” Now she was frustrated. “Rhae, I’m going to hang up on you now.”</p><p>“Daenerys this is important, if you were trying to have a baby and didn’t tell us…we need to talk about these things as a family, it’s the Targaryen name after all…”</p><p>The bloody Targaryen name. Their father had trashed the name, Rhaegar brought it back, and Viserys was doing a good job of dragging it back again. She had nothing to do with their attempts to return to high society or whatever it was they wanted. She wanted her animals and her practice, that was it. “If I have a baby, I’ll let you know, but right now my life is none of your business, have a good rest of your evening Rhae.” She disconnected, shoving her phone into her clutch, snapping it shut so fast she almost trapped her pinkie in it.</p><p>The dragons yowled at her ankles, sensing her distress. She lifted Drogon, scowling at him. He licked her nose. She sighed. “They’re mad,” she mumbled, kissing his head, and setting him back down on the floor. She glanced at them all one more time, giving a small wave. “I’ll see you guys later?” The door swung shut behind her and she jogged down to the front door, seeing Jon waiting on the other side, prepared to ring the bell.</p><p>He jumped back, startled when she flung it open, almost knocking him off his feet. He signed quickly. She was glad to see she actually could follow his hands; he didn’t need to speak with them. <em>Are you ready?</em> He blinked at her, eyes widening slightly. His hands faltered. <em>You look nice.</em></p><p>Dany’s cheeks warmed, pleased. <em>Score one for Missy.</em> She moved her hand forward from her mouth. “Thank you,” she said clearly. Arya warned her that she sometimes whispered too much around him, that he couldn’t read her lips clearly when she whispered. She hesitated and looked at him, taking him in. He was in dark jeans, boots, and a black button down. Instead of his usual canvas coats or bomber jackets, he had on a long black wool overcoat.</p><p>She signed. <em>Black wolf.</em></p><p>His eyes crinkled at the corners. He shook his head, adjusting her hand. “Black,” he said, correcting her move. He touched her cheek; she hadn’t realized she was still so flushed from her angry call with Rhaegar. “You mad?”</p><p>“My brother,” she signed.</p><p>“Ah.” He shrugged, concerned. “Okay?”</p><p>“It will be,” she said, not knowing the sign for that. He touched her cheek again, turning her mouth towards his.</p><p>To her surprise, he leaned in and lightly touched his lips to hers, kissing gently. All the frustration with her brothers vanished, evaporating off of her with the kiss. She stepped closer to him, her hand rising to cup his jaw. She hummed, pleased, but he pulled away before she could try to deepen it, a voice in her mind suggesting he just come upstairs, and they could skip whatever he had planned for dinner.</p><p>He smiled shyly, ducking his head, nodding towards the Jeep. He flicked open an umbrella she hadn’t realized he’d been holding, shielding her from the driving rain that if anything had intensified. It was so thick; she could hardly see through the curtain of water. She got into the Jeep, Jon tossing the umbrella into the back and running around to the driver’s side. She giggled when he shook his wet hair, like a wolf. She turned to the backseat, to greet Ghost, but there was no one there. “Where’s Ghost?” she blurted, forgetting to sign.</p><p>“Night off,” Jon joked.</p><p>It was quite odd, like seeing someone walking around with their head, she supposed; the notion of Jon without his constant shadow at his side. She knew it was silly; they were going to drive to dinner, then likely drive back. Jon wouldn’t need Ghost to help him navigate around things, not like he did when they were out walking around town or at the sanctuary. She found after a few minutes she missed the heavy, warm, comforting presence of the giant white wolf near them.</p><p>She sat silently, gazing out as they drove away from the clinic. There was no need to speak; Jon couldn’t see her lips and he couldn’t sign while he was driving. It was actually very peaceful, her hands folded lightly in her lap, over top her clutch purse. She glanced sideways, saw Jon’s hand resting on his knee while he drove, his left hand loose on the wheel. A sudden urge to touch it hooked around her belly, yanking and she reached, touching his fingers lightly.</p><p>He started in his seat, glancing down, a little gasp escaping him. “I’m sorry,” she blurted out, realizing how foolish that was. <em>He’s driving you lunatic! We could have crashed!</em> She smiled sheepishly, her hand darting back to her lap.</p><p>Except his reached for hers once more, sliding his fingers along hers, turning to fiddle with the ring she always wore on her index finger, her mother’s ring. The only piece of Rhaella she had left. She smiled, nerve endings sparking, her fingers prickling with the light touch of Jon’s in them. She squeezed, resting their hands together between them, continuing to gaze out at the rain while they drove, wherever he planned to take them.</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p> </p><p>They arrived several minutes after Jon picked her up at dinner, which was one of the only nice restaurants in Winterfell, run by a young woman named Alys and her husband Sigorn. It was set in an old castle, Karhold. She climbed out of the Jeep, Jon helping her and holding the umbrella aloft as they ran towards the entrance.</p><p>She laughed, wiping rain out of his hair. “You’re like a wolf,” she signed.</p><p>He smiled, briefly, shaking the umbrella free of excess water, gesturing for her to move forward into the restaurant. She took her seat, after they handed over their coats, studying the menu. She’d barely turned the linen typeset pages in the heavy leather folder when a bright light flashed in her eyes. She blinked hard, glancing over the top of it. A few other patrons had glared in their direction.</p><p>As he always did, Jon paid no one else attention, looking at his phone, which had emitted the bright strobe-like alert. She’d never seen it do that before; she supposed that whenever it had vibrated in his pocket, Ghost nudged him, like he did most everything to get Jon’s attention. “Who is it?” she asked, signing, when Jon looked up, his face suddenly pale. <em>Paler</em>, Dany observed, eyes widening, fearful. “Is it Ghost? Shadow?”</p><p>Jon pushed the phone to her and flung his chair back, gesturing for the waiter and making a check motion for their drinks, which they’d barely even sipped. Dany grabbed the phone, staring at the text from Arya, in all caps.</p><p>
  <em> <b>SHAGGYDOG LOOSE. HURRY NOW.</b> </em>
</p><p>“Oh gods,” she mumbled, jumping to her feet, ignoring the annoyed murmurs of other patrons. She fumbled with her phone, hurrying with Jon out of the restaurant, her heart hammering in her chest. She signed fast, speaking. “Should I call someone?”</p><p>“Sherriff,” Jon said, shoving his coat on. He was speaking so fast, unable to focus on modulating his tone, shouting at her. “We have to go, this is bad, no control. Can’t control.”</p><p>
  <em>He can’t control him.</em>
</p><p>Arya had barely mentioned Shaggydog to her, just that he was the wildest of all the wolves and they couldn’t understand why. He’d kill anything and anyone if he could. He wasn’t sick, didn’t have anything that prompted the bloodlust in him biologically, just that he was unable to listen to anyone, unable to respond or be trained.</p><p>And Jon couldn’t control him.</p><p><em>He wants to be the alpha</em>, Arya had explained to her as they’d driven by the enclosure, the first time she’d been to the sanctuary.</p><p>But Jon was the alpha.</p><p>Thunder rolled ominously, the rain picking up, if anything, while she notified Sherriff Seaworth, called Gilly to make sure that she was able to come in and help if necessary—gods only knew what Shaggydog could do to any of the other wolves. She called Arya, shouting into the phone over the sound of the rain, hitting the car and windshield like bullets. “It’s Dany, we’re on our way, what’s happening?”</p><p>“Did you call Davos?”</p><p>“Yes,” she exclaimed, screaming as Jon took a turn a little too fast, the tires hydroplaning. He didn’t pay any attention, simply corrected his steering and continued to speed. She glared at him. “We’re at Karhold.”</p><p>“Oh gods, I forgot your date!” Arya cursed again. “I’m so sorry!”</p><p>“Davos said something about issuing a lockdown for the town—what do you need me to do?”</p><p>“Honestly?” Arya laughed; Dany was terrified to hear it sound almost like a sob. “We’re fucked if Shaggydog gets to the town. He’s black as pitch and in this weather…we’ll be lucky to track him. His transponder isn’t working either, it’s like everything is just all fucked right now!”</p><p>Jon shouted. “Ghost!”</p><p>“Jon says Ghost,” Dany relayed.</p><p>“I got him already. He wants Ghost to start tracking him but tell him it’s raining!”</p><p>“He’s driving Arya!”</p><p>“Well fuck!” Arya shrieked.</p><p>The panic in normally steady and cool Arya’s voice had Dany threatening to explode. She could scarcely breathe, her heart going so fast it was indistinguishable from the adrenaline pulse in her veins. She was shivering, wet from the rain and her feet numb in her boots, suddenly cold as ice. She closed her eyes hard, sifting through the chaos in her mind. “Alright,” she began. “We’re almost there…we’re on our way. Just…sit tight. Davos will call you, he said.”</p><p>“He’s calling now.” Arya disconnected without another word.</p><p>She remembered Shaggydog’s enclosure; it was high-fenced, barbed wire and also ran on electricity, unlike Grey Wind’s or the other enclosures. There were signs warning to stay away. She’d not even seen him when she walked by it; but she’d certainly heard him, snarling and howling, like a strange evil specter lurking in the forest. She grabbed for Jon’s hand again, squeezing hard, hoping she could impart some calm in him.</p><p>Or maybe he could help calm her.</p><p>“What do we do?” she asked, not expecting Jon to reply, for he couldn’t even see her.</p><p>If he knew she’d asked a question, she didn’t know how, but he spoke, one simple word.</p><p>“Pray.”</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p> </p><p>The Ellaria boots she had spent several paychecks on during her last girls’ trip with Missandei to Dorne were ruined, mud and rainwater seeping over them once Dany leaped from the Jeep, before it had even come to a complete stop, tires skidding in the pooling rainwater and gravel spraying with the force of the braking. She ran through the rain, which stung her face and eyes, like flecks of ice, and rushed up to the main office, the door wide open, wolves running to and from the door, shaking water and mud with them as their claws scrabbled on the hardwood.</p><p>She bypassed Nymeria and Grey Wind with brief pets to their heads, throwing her coat off and onto the newel post, racing upstairs to the room where Arya kept the tracking equipment. “Arya!” she shouted.</p><p>“Oh thank gods,” Arya exclaimed, rushing into the hall just long enough to confirm it was her before she ran back to the large U-shaped series of tables, laptops and a large computer monitor scattered across them. She pointed to a blinking red light. “This was his last location before the transponder went out, he’s close to Pack B, gods I hope he doesn’t come across them, they’ve got a weak Alpha and two of the pack are getting ready to split…it’ll be a bloodbath.”</p><p>She wasn’t sure where to focus or what to do, her skin damp and cold, shivers running down her spine. She swallowed hard, looking at one of the monitors. “Where’s Davos?”</p><p>“Davos is working with the locals, he’s back in town. This <em>never</em> happens,” Arya was almost in tears again. She scrubbed her face hard with her palms, laughing. “If something happens it’ll be all we need to get the townspeople angry at the wolves again. Last time Shaggydog got out he killed Selyse Baratheon’s cat.” She rolled her eyes at Dany’s frown. “Gendry’s aunt. She was in town for some reason and the fucking thing was out in the yard. Shaggydog thought it was a snack. He was only a year old then, easier to manage, he’s only gotten bigger.”</p><p>They could focus on how he’d gotten out and ramifications later, she knew that the focus was getting him back into his kennel. She turned to see Jon storming in; he’d changed from his nice coat and boots into his heavy muddy ones and a long raincoat with reflective tape on it. Ghost was at his side at once, vibrating with energy he no doubt was collecting from Jon. He signed frantically with Arya, neither of them speaking while they did, focused on conveying the information they needed.</p><p>She took the moment to look at the monitors, at the cameras that were set up throughout the sanctuary. It would be impossible to see him. The photo of him on the wall with all the other wolves stood out. He was black as night. Save his bright yellow eyes. She glanced sideways when Jon moved to leave, Ghost running after. “What’s happening?” she demanded.</p><p>“Jon’s going to go look. So am I.”</p><p>“I’m coming too!”</p><p>“No!” Arya shouted, wheeling on her. She laughed, pointing to the computers. “You stay here, just in case that transponder works. Radio me.” She shoved a radio into Dany’s hands, eyes wide. “Please.”</p><p>Dany didn’t know why, but she had to go with them. “Arya if we come upon him and he’s injured I need to be there.”</p><p>“It won’t matter in this mess; you won’t see anything!”</p><p>“And how is Jon going to track him?” she snapped. They failed to mention that to her. She ran after the young woman, down the stairs and out through the door and ran into the adjacent building. She had no idea where they were going; she hadn’t been to this part of the sanctuary before, through doors that were locked and coded. She pushed after her. “Arya, please, I want to help!”</p><p>They arrived in a room, where Jon had his back to them, working on something she couldn’t see. She felt like she was part of this with them. It wasn’t her sanctuary or her wolves, but she had…connection to them. The pain Jon was feeling, she felt it too, and could not explain why. She wanted to be there with him. Arya opened up a cabinet and reached up for a long mental stick with two prongs attached to the end. She shook her head, gray eyes wide, fearful. “You can help by letting us do this, Dany.” Arya glanced sideways, to Jon, who hadn’t noticed they were there yet. She cleared her throat, pained. “This hurts him, alright? He hates that he can’t help Shaggydog…and…and he can track him.”</p><p>A clap of thunder shook the building around them, almost to its foundations, the window lighting up from the almost immediate crack of lightning over the black sky, just a flash, long enough to illuminate the imposing pine trees and the thicket of woods before them, before plunging them into darkness.</p><p>Nymeria and Grey Wind whined near her; she could hear Lady and Rifle howling, the pups yipping and barking in the nearby kennels. Everything went black; until a generator whirred, kicking on emergency lighting in the halls. Dany glared at Arya, reaching into her pocket and removed her phone, turning on the flashlight, and held it up, illuminating her face. “In this?” she echoed.</p><p>Jon finally turned around and Dany saw in horror what he’d been working on. He slung the strap of the long barrel tranquilizer gun over his shoulder and reached for another, this one she recognized as a real one. A real rifle. <em>Oh gods</em>, she thought, mouth falling in horror. Arya closed her eyes tight. “If we have to, we have to,” she whispered, pain obvious.</p><p>She looked at Jon, holding up the flashlight so he can see her lips. “How are you going to track him?” she asked. She pointed to the window; like he didn’t already need to see the torrential rain and storm swirling around them. “In this?”</p><p>Jon pointed to Ghost and then covered his hand over his heart. He didn’t say a word but came across the table in the center of the room and leaned down over her, pressing his forehead to hers. He said nothing, just kissed her, hard and swift. She didn’t want to know what that might mean. He squeezed her shoulder, pushing by and out of the room, Ghost after him and Nymeria following Arya.</p><p>They split up, Arya getting into her truck with Nymeria and Jon into his. She held the radio loose in her fingers, Grey Wind beside her, whining nervously. She touched his head gently. He no doubt wanted to join, but already being older and with his injury, she knew he couldn’t. And so did he. “Come on,” she said to him, nodding to the house. “We have to help them.”</p><p>It didn’t matter; she got up to the room, but the power surge had kicked the computers offline. She just had the last known location for him, could hear the radio crackling in her hand. “You there Dany, over.”</p><p>“Here,” she answered. She laughed, hysterical. “The computers are down, over.”</p><p>Arya cursed into her radio. She groaned. “Fuck, well…wait for them to come back online. Prep what you can, over.”</p><p>Dany grabbed one of the iPads, knowing how to use the app as Jon had showed her briefly. It wasn’t too difficult and soon she could see the flashing locations of both Jon and Arya. She still didn’t understand how Jon would be able to know what was happening, even with Ghost. It was pouring rain, surely, he couldn’t catch the scent of his fellow wolf? Jon wouldn’t be able to hear if Shaggydog was approaching…she pushed her fingers through her hair, sending the elaborate style she’d pulled it into early askew.</p><p>It seemed like a decade ago she’d been fretting over what to wear for her date, now she was standing here fretting about whether Jon would be safe or not in the middle of the Wolfswood, searching for a runaway wild wolf.</p><p>She was still shivering, so she took off the thin silk jacket she was wearing; it had already been damaged by the rainwater and went into one of the other rooms that Arya and Jon used to sleep in when they had to stay at the sanctuary overnight. She found a flannel that she assumed was Jon’s, as it had the same cinnamon and pine smell as him. She wrapped it around tight, took off her ruined Ellaria boots and winced at what Missy would say when she saw them. She shoved on a pair of rainboots that Arya had left in the closet; they pinched her toes, but they would certainly do better than the designer ones.</p><p>Every so often Arya radioed in to tell her where she was, and Davos would call for updates. She kept her eyes on the iPad, praying to gods she didn’t believe in for the red dot with Shaggydog’s last location to start flashing again. She swore for a brief moment it moved, flashing elsewhere on the device, but then she’d blink and realize her eyes were swimming from staring at it so long.</p><p>She was about to call in to Arya to check on her location and progress, when another clap of thunder shook the old house, the lights flickering and then disappearing altogether. “Fuck!” she exclaimed, jumping up. She waited for the generator to kick back on, but nothing happened. Now they didn’t even have the tracking equipment. She looked at the iPad, heart plummeting in her chest at the low battery warning. “No, no, no, no!”</p><p>The lights turned on for a moment, her eyes lifting up to them and to the monitors. She looked up quickly at the televisions that spanned a width of the wall, the security footage flickering on just long enough for her to see a lurking black shape step into view of the floodlight and then disappear when the power went out again. “Oh gods,” she whispered, realizing what she’d seen. She wasn’t sure what prompted her, but she pushed away from the table, running down the stairs and out the open door.</p><p>One stop at the storage building yielded her a thin raincoat and one of the stun-sticks that Arya had grabbed, just in case, she supposed. She ran through the rain to one of the golf carts charging in the carport near the house. She shouted into the radio, ignoring Grey Wind’s howl up on the porch. “Arya, come in Arya!”</p><p>The radio flickered, sputtering a bit, Arya’s voice scattered. It came it fits and starts, before eventually going silent. “You guys have <em>got</em> to get better equipment,” Dany complained, jerking the gearshift up on the golf cart, throwing it into reverse from the carport.</p><p>Water drove in through the open sides, the raincoat not doing a good job of keeping her from getting wet. Rain poured in over her face, stinging her eyes and numbing her to the bone. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping her going as she spun the cart here and there on the paths, coming to a stop at the quadrant where she’d seen the wolf on the screen. She snatched her weapon, a flashlight, and the radio, trying again to call it in, but all it did was crackle uselessly.</p><p>She ran through the woods, remembering this area from the last time she’d been out here with Jon and Arya. It was where she’d first seen Jon, lying in the clearing, surrounded by the pack. She used to go hiking in the middle of nowhere as a kid with Rhaegar. One of her guardians at the time had taught her how to track and tell directions using nothing but your wits. <em>If Barristan could see me now</em>, she thought darkly, tracing the steps they’d taken months ago, when she first visited.</p><p>She lifted up her flashlight, aiming it through the trees she recognized from the footage on the camera. “Where are you?” she muttered, barely hearing herself speak through the cacophony of rain, thunder, and wind.</p><p>It was entirely possible Jon or Arya were nearby, that they’d managed to track him this far, but how she didn’t know. She tried the radio, but it was absolutely pointless, no longer even working. Dany shoved it deep into the pocket of the raincoat, running through the woods, scanning around for any sign of a wolf—whether Shaggydog or otherwise. She shouted, every so often, for Arya, hoping beyond all hope she’d call out.</p><p>Time passed in a manner Dany didn’t understand. It might have been a few minutes since she left the cart, or it could have been an hour. She turned in place, looking at the trees, but now she didn’t remember which one was the one she’d passed last. The thunder shook around her, leaves and branches whipping from all sides, and with another crack of lightning, she realized she’d gotten turned around and no longer remembered which direction she’d come from.</p><p><em>Oh fuck</em>, she cursed silently, mouth open in terror, hand pushing on one of the tree trunks, hoping it was the one she’d blown by a moment ago. She looked up at the sky, but it didn’t matter, as the storm had blocked out all hope of navigation by stars or moon. She reached into her pocket and took out her phone, hiding it enough under her raincoat to find that she didn’t have service, but she did have her compass app. She turned, figuring the direction she needed, and stowed it away, taking off again.</p><p>“Arya!” she screamed, hearing a howl nearby. <em>Please be Nymeria, please.</em></p><p>“Dany!” a voice screamed back.</p><p><em>Oh thank gods.</em> “Arya!” she bellowed again, using all her strength to shout for the other woman. She held the stun-stick aloft, using her flashlight to slice through the darkness, stepping through the trees and back into the clearing she’d initially come through.</p><p>And face-to-face with Shaggydog.</p><p>Ghost was the largest of his pack, Arya told her, and all the siblings were above-average size for wolves. Perhaps even direwolves, if such things were still to exist. She could see how they were close to the mythical creature, but maybe it was because they all seemed so gentle and well trained, she never thought much of it. Until now.</p><p>Shaggydog was a black, snarling mass, his fur ruffled up around his neck, lips curled up over his snout, and white teeth shining in the darkness. He snapped at her, barking, and advancing on her. She didn’t think Ghost was the largest anymore, thinking maybe Shaggydog had outgrown him there. It was a weird thought to have, when confronted with a vicious, wild creature like she was, with little-to-no protection between them.</p><p>Dany held the stun-stick forward, depressing the button. It flickered, but nothing happened. She made a mental note to kill Arya when she came back from the dead, if this was inf act how she was going to die. In the middle of the Wolfswood, mauled to death by a wild, angry wolf. Her hands went up, the flashlight dropping from her fingers, knowing the light might frighten him. “Don’t show weakness,” she murmured to herself. “Don’t show weakness…”</p><p>Shaggydog advanced again, snapping and snarling, spit flying from his mouth. He had her cornered, she thought, backing up.</p><p>As she took a step backwards, her foot caught, and she screamed, falling sideways, an odd snap felt somewhere in the vicinity of her ankle. She scrambled to her feet, pain shooting up her leg, hot daggers of it, and she stumbled again, trying to grab for trees, but she couldn’t, faltering again. “Jon!” she screamed, forgetting, trying for anything. <em>If you are anywhere nearby Ghost, please, please hear me</em>, she begged.</p><p>She managed to get back to her feet again, never turning her back to the wolf moving closer and closer to her. The only thing that kept her from falling again or her leg giving out despite the blinding pain, was the fact that if she turned around, if she gave the wolf her back, that might be it and he’d attack. She heard a sound, somewhere in the distance, of someone screaming, but it might very well have been in her head.</p><p>And then she fell backwards, the pain finally giving out in her ankle, and she crashed into the mud, screaming out in fear and surprise, throwing up the flashlight. As she did, the beam of light crossed over Shaggydog’s snarling face as he lunged, but he released a squeal, whimper, and fell sideways as he jumped into the air, a white blur coming from nowhere, tackling him down into the darkness.</p><p>“Jon!” she sobbed, forcing herself up, seeing him running towards her, lowering the rifle. She rolled to the side, leaves and mud sticking to her, and reached for Shaggydog, his body limp, held in place by Ghost’s powerful jaws around his neck. She pushed her fingers through his fur, water slicking off in droplets, trying to feel for the tranquilizer dart.</p><p>Her fingers, despite being numb, managed to find it and pulled, yanking at the dart and she threw it aside, leaning over the poor wolf, wishing it didn’t have to be. Jon fell to his knees beside her, reaching for Shaggydog’s head, leaning over it, his fingers entangling in the wolf’s thick fur.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” she repeated, over and over again, leaning towards him, Ghost nudging at his shoulder. She reached for his hand, squeezing hard, bowing over Jon as he practically fell upon the prone wolf. Dany didn’t know how much time they had to get Shaggydog back to his kennel and locked away. She knew she didn’t want to rush it. The pain she felt off Jon was palpable, his shoulders shaking.</p><p>She clutched his fingers, murmuring, again and again how sorry she was.</p><p>Ghost sat back on his haunches and threw his head up, in a silent howl for his brother.</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p> </p><p>Heat washed over her as Jon bustled her in through the door from the garage to his kitchen, despite the numbing chill Dany thought might have settled so deep in her bones she was going to die frozen. Her lips were blue, her fingers tinged purple, and she shivered all over, but she was trying to get to Jon, to see how he was. He’d not said a word, had barely signed to Arya or to her.</p><p>They got Shaggydog into the truck; she’d had to limp her away to it, sitting in the back with him, giving the wolf another dose of sedative to keep him down. In the exam room back at the house, she’d verified he wasn’t injured, nor was Ghost from tackling down the wild creature. She hated that they had to return him to his enclosure, but they did, once Arya and Gendry—who had arrived from White Harbor to help out—verified the fencing was secure.</p><p>Davos was there to look at the rest of the tapes, once the generator kicked back on, to try to see what had initially happened, but she didn’t stay long enough to find out. Jon had bodily lifted her, despite her protesting, and carried her to the Jeep. She tried to tell him she was fine, it was just a simple sprain or something, but he wouldn’t listen to her. He’d said something to Arya, whatever it was, she didn’t understand.</p><p>They drove to his house, where he’d brought her in, and helped her up the stairs. She was focused on not putting weight on her ankle to realize he’d brought her into his bedroom and through to the master bathroom. He sat her on the closed toilet lid and began to rummage in a closet, while she kept protesting. Ghost padded in, sitting near her knee, his red eyes rolling towards her. “He’s not listening to me,” she weakly told him, wishing he would say something.</p><p>Ghost dropped down onto his belly, head pillowing on his paws. A wolf way of saying <em>Yeah right</em>, she supposed. She watched Jon move, taking down a first aid kit and turning on the hot water tap into the white porcelain tub. The bathroom was clearly his; men’s shampoo and soap, the strong spicy mint scent she associated with him. There was a single toothbrush in a ceramic cup next to the sink, a gray towel hanging on a hook behind the door. She shivered, hugging the blanket he’d wrapped around her back at the house tighter on her damp clothing. The flannel she’d put on over her silk camisole was damp, smelling musty now and her pants were ruined beyond repair. She watched Jon as he knelt again in front of her, peeling off her soaking wet socks, his hands hot on her chilled skin. His curls, already unruly, were downright riotous, kinked and wild about his head.</p><p>“It’s fine,” she said, his fingers skimming over her ankle. She could see the bruising on the outside of it, but it would heal. He didn’t look at her, so she reached for his chin, lifting his face up to face hers.</p><p>Their eyes locked; his were as gray as the storm clouds outside. The rain had lessened, but it still sounded like a barrage of bullets against the stone walls, the warped glass windows. Wind swirled around, reminding her of the wolves howling earlier that evening. She touched his chin again, keeping it focused on her so he could see, understand what she was saying. So she didn’t have to repeat it again. “I am fine,” she said, voice ringing clear in the tile and stone walls of the bathroom. Her skin tingled, his fingers smoothing over the cold, pained bone of her ankle. “Jon, I will be fine…it’s just a sprain.”</p><p>He nodded. He set it down, gingerly, and stood quickly. He pointed to the bathtub, which was still filling with hot water. “You’re cold,” he said; his voice was thick, she had to focus hard to understand him. “Hot water…towels…” He left her and came back a moment later, dropping a pile of clothes on the counter.</p><p>A snap of fingers, Ghost was at his side, leaving her alone in the bathroom.</p><p>
  <em>What is happening?</em>
</p><p>Dany somehow managed to clean herself off, rinsing out the rainwater, warming her frozen body. She still felt cold, even after she toweled off, after she pulled on a pair of loose black sweatpants and a flannel shirt that were clearly Jon’s. She shivered, wrapping herself in them, and limped out of the bathroom, gazing briefly around the bedroom.</p><p>A large wooden-frame bed was pushed up to one of the walls, flanked with two matching nightstands. A couple of dressers, a table under a large window, rain shining off the glass…she turned her head slowly and saw that there was a large stone fireplace, a smaller version of the one downstairs. It faced the bed, blanketing the dark gray sheets in the flickering orange glow from the flames, which crackled behind the grate, courtesy of Jon stoking them.</p><p>She felt very aware suddenly of how…small she was by comparison. Still cold, damp, and leaning on one leg at the door frame, in the large room, with its slanted eaves and big windows, and Jon…</p><p>
  <em>Jon.</em>
</p><p>He stood, slowly, and in the dark relief cast upon him by the fire’s shadows, she thought he never looked more wolf-like than he had in that moment. He’d put on clean clothes, jeans and a t-shirt and his feet bare, silent on the hardwood. He turned his head from her. It had taken her months, but she finally figured out why he did that.</p><p>It wasn’t that he didn’t want to <em>look</em> at her.</p><p>He didn’t want to <em>speak</em> to her.</p><p>“Look at me,” she ordered, moving her hand in his face. She stepped closer, until she was right in front of him, and she forced his face to hers again, her palm smoothing along his beard, soft and warm. Her heart was racing. So much of the time she felt unsure around him, unsteady and nervous, afraid she was going to upset him, because he was so…<em>upsettable</em> she supposed.</p><p>Except now she didn’t care. In a way, she <em>wanted</em> him upset. To show some emotion and not this cold indifference he’d kept up since they met. Snow was an appropriate name for him. The way he behaved, the cool sneers and scowls. <em>It pisses me off.</em> She signed the words, speaking; shouting. “Look at me!”</p><p>He glared; that’s all she could call it. He was furious with her, eyes burning. And it only served to invigorate her anger. <em>Why was he angry with her? What did she do?</em> It was always <em>Jon.</em> Jon was always mad, angry, frustrated, ignorant. And I’m fucking sick of it, she thought, pushing at his shoulder, wanting a reaction from him that was something other than looking down his nose and turning away from her. Well, she got a reaction.</p><p>“Why did you leave?” he suddenly shouted, signing. He flung his hands to the sides, before he was bringing them back together again, a flurry of movement. “You almost died!”</p><p>“I was looking for you!” she yelled.</p><p>“He almost killed you!”</p><p>“I’m fine!”</p><p>Jon kept shouting, not seeing her lips move, not following the pathetic signing she was attempting to do, his fingers blurry as he moved them together, vibrating with pent up anger. “You should have stayed! You should not have come!”</p><p>“Stayed where? The office? The clinic?”</p><p>And then he yelled, his single word forcing her back a step, knocking the wind right from her lungs. “Essos!”</p><p>Their hands fell to their sides, the only sound in the room the crackling of the fire, the heavy gasps of their breath. She almost choked; eyes wide. Even he seemed surprised, his mouth falling open, his gray eyes shining moons on her. <em>Essos</em>, she thought briefly, blinking, stunned. She wanted to hit him. Fury blinded her and she screamed, charging at him, at the same time he grabbed her hands, his fingers tight on her wrists.</p><p>And then his mouth was on hers.</p><p>And she was kissing him back.</p><p>Dany whimpered, tears hot on her cheeks, tears she hadn’t realized she’d been crying. She sobbed and managed to wrench her hands free from his, to dive them into his hair, clutching his head to hers as he kissed her. His breath was warm, exhaling hard over her cheeks, eliciting another cry from her. His tongue swept past her parted lips to plunge into her mouth, to tangle against hers while she slanted her lips against his, struggling to get closer, to stay upright on one foot while struggling to reach any part of him she could.</p><p>She sobbed and held him closer, their teeth clacking as they furiously tried to dominate the other. A groan escaped him, Jon yanking at the sides of the flannel shirt she wore, tearing it apart, buttons clattering onto the floor. She pushed under his t-shirt, desperate to touch him, to feel the smooth warmth of him she’d gotten a glimpse of, to see if it was really how she’d imagined it.</p><p>They stumbled sideways, Jon turning her towards the bed, his mouth eventually tearing from hers to kiss along the column of her neck, to latch against the pulse racing under her jaw. Her knees gave out against the side of the mattress and she fell backwards, the heavy weight of him dropping over her. She broke away from him long enough to help him get the t-shirt off, and while he pulled at the zipper and button of his jeans, she shimmied backwards up the bed, kicking off the loose pants she wore, grateful she’d decided not to put on her underwear.</p><p>He leaned back, watching her, and under his heated gaze, she felt shy. She reached up to lightly push her hair behind her ear, ducking her head, but he moved forward. His finger pushed her chin up and he gazed down at her, a small smile flirting on his lips. “What?” she whispered.</p><p>If he understood her, he didn’t reply, and kissed her again, his arms wrapping around her, lifting her up slightly against him. She moaned, arms tangling behind his shoulders, touching every bit of him she could, skimming along the hard ridges and dips of his muscles, along his arms and chest and down to his hips, snaking underneath the waistband of his boxers to grip the hard, thick length of him. Her legs fell open around his hips and briefly Dany wondered if she’d fallen in the woods, had knocked her head and this was a dream.</p><p><em>It’s a good dream</em>, she thought vaguely, mind clouding with pleasure, his lips tracing over her collarbone and fingers snaking over her belly. The flannel peeled from her shoulders, as he helped her sit up just long enough to divest herself of the garment, and then his mouth was over her breasts, nipping the sensitive skin and tongue swirling around her nipple. She cried out, digging her fingers into his hair as he teased first one and then the other, his fingers not stopping as he did so, idly brushing his thumbs over the tight peaks, furling the rosy buds even tighter.</p><p>Her hips thrust up to his, her body achingly empty, straining. She peeled her eyelids back long enough to watch his dark head disappear down her belly, his glorious body moving away from her touch. Frustrated, she groaned, twisting on the sheets, one hand still on his head, the other clutching the soft fabric under her. His fingers dug into the soft flesh of her thigh, lifting it up and away from his shoulder, her foot resting on the hard muscle there, and his tongue tracing absent patterns over her belly to her cunt. She thrust harder against him, gasping in surprise when he blew softly over the fiery heat of her cunt, his fingers spreading her glistening lips apart.</p><p>He rolled his eyes up; they were black now, downright feral. Her breath stuttered, anticipating what he was going to do. “Jon,” she begged, arching up on the bed, crying out when his mouth finally closed over her, warm and wet, his tongue sliding along the soaking folds, teasing and tasting. She reached for his hair again, thrusting his mouth harder on her, gasping in surprise when his teeth grazed over her clit, already swollen and sensitive. Strangled cries choked in her throat, her fingers moving from his hair to along her quivering belly to squeeze at her breast, before she reached up, pushing her fingers on the wooden headboard. <em>Anything</em> to hold onto, to maintain some sort of hold on the earth as he teased her, his fingers slipping along the wet seam of her cunt, before he plunged one and then another digit into her.</p><p>She squeezed around them, the feeling of them pulsing and pressing, crooking up against the bundle of nerves he discovered along the velvet sheath filling her but not enough. <em>Definitely not enough.</em> She needed him inside of her; had to feel all of him, and even as she began to hurtle towards the cliff, her vision going dark and her body bowing up, hips swiveling up to meet his furiously moving tongue and fingers, a wide hand pinning her hip to the bed to keep from lifting again—<em>it still wasn’t bloody enough</em>.</p><p>And then his hand darted up, grasping for hers, squeezing. His fingers slid in her palm, index finger tracing in her clutching grasp.</p><p>
  <em>O. K.?</em>
</p><p>“Yes,” she gasped, nodding, over and over, meeting his gaze. He lifted his face from her cunt as she tried to return to earth, but she couldn’t. Shocks ran through her, her limbs twitching, the heat pooling out of her, and she needed him. She nodded again, clutching his hand tight, lurching forward to kiss him, her fingers holding his jaw to her.</p><p>His beard was damp with her want, the taste of her on his tongue sending her shivering again. She gripped him over her, arching her hips again; this time he slid along her, his cock hard, thick, and bumping against her overly sensitive cunt, the head teasing her clit. She cried out again, and swallowed his groan. She kept their hadns together, resting beside her head on the pillow and met his gaze once more.</p><p>
  <em>Something was happening.</em>
</p><p>He gazed down at her, taking a few deep breaths, the firelight playing shadows over his features. Curls fell around his face and curtained around them both. She touched her forehead to his, noses bumping, and kissed him gently. He pushed up over her, his free hand diving between them and she lifted her hips at the same time he pushed his forward, his cock slipping easily into her dripping cunt.</p><p>The first press of it into her forced her to pull away from him, eyes slamming shut and her neck arching up. He kissed at her pulse, his breath ragged, and their grasping hands almost painfully tight. It had been so long, she briefly thought, meeting his worried look again. “It’s okay,” she said, clear, nodding her assent. He nodded back, muscles tight in his neck and shoulders, obviously restraining himself from slamming into her, the moment he felt her body resist briefly.</p><p>And then it finally gave away, allowing him entry, her groan inhuman, and his joining with hers. He gasped into her ear, his hand pushing under her hip, fingers pressing into the soft flesh of her arse. She drew her knees up, steepling them around him, giving him greater access to her. It was torturous, how slow he pushed into her, her cunt squeezing hard around his length.</p><p>“Jon,” she sobbed. She dug her fingers into his bicep, tugging, encouraging. She needed him to move.</p><p>And then eh did.</p><p>Slow at first, her body accepting him with every push of his hips to hers. Shallow, gentle thrusts, until she was warm and pliant, her hips lifting to meet his in a steady rhythm. His nose pushed to hers, their lips barely apart, breathing gasping and hot, never letting go of each other’s hands, now pushed up above their heads. She dug her foot into his hip to encourage him further, until his pace was downright punishing, lifting them clear up onto the bed, his knees anchoring him to the mattress as he slammed into her again and again.</p><p>“Dany,” he managed to get out; she saw him fighting with the words and shook her head hard, not needing to hear it. She knew.</p><p>His mouth worried down her neck, kissing at her pulse, teeth grazing her shoulder. It had never been like this before, she briefly thought, mind consumed with only him. The heat he brought to her, the absolute perfection of how he slid along her body, their limbs entangled, hands never separating.</p><p>Her clit rubbed against his pelvic bone, grinding up to him, so close to the edge. “Jon,” she breathed, hardly able to speak, her body shaking and overheated. And then she was there, again, that explosion of color and darkness and intense pleasure, smothering her cries, causing her body to lift to his, shaking and crying.</p><p>She spasmed around him, triggering his release, his hips juddering against hers, and his cock twitching as he emptied into her. She locked her legs around him, not wanting him to pull away, needing the weight of him on her. He cried out, almost sobbing, and she thought she heard her name again, a hoarse oath into her hair, spilling out under her head on the pillow beneath them.</p><p>He continued to move, shallowly against her, riding out the rest of his release and she pushed weakly with him, until eventually they gave out completely, and collapsed into each other. Her legs fell around his hips and she closed her eyes, inhaling deep, smelling sweat, sex, and the smoky pine from the fire. Every nerve ending was numb, her muscles warm and sated, and her cunt sore, still squeezing against his softening cock.</p><p><em>This is different</em>, she thought idly, turning her face to his, taking his lips once more with hers. She let go of his hand, finally, to touch his face, as he fell gently beside her, their legs tangled in each other and the sheets, sealed together, bodies damp with sweat. Everything felt hot, her skin and her heart and her breathing. “Jon,” she said, fingertips briefly touching his lips.</p><p>Hers were dry, her throat parched. Jon kissed her fingertips and reached for her. He wrapped his arms tight around her waist, bringing her tighter against his chest. She pillowed her head to his shoulder, kissing idly at the tip of his collarbone, where it met his sternum.</p><p>As she fell asleep, she felt his fingers playing in hers, and she squeezed them lightly, threading together, eyes shutting with the last image of their hands together, lifted up against the glow of the fire, a dark shadow embracing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. the snow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jon and Dany get comfortable, and Dany celebrates snow.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome to the Fluff Show.  Things get interesting in next chapter so here’s some calm.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A blinding flash of light was the first thing that woke Daenerys up.</p><p>The second was the shock of cold air against her bare breasts when she jumped up in the bed, the cocoon of blankets and tangle of warm limbs and strong body falling away from her. She yelped, startled, and flailed, attempting to get her bearings in an unfamiliar environment. She looked sideways, to the stretch of pale skin of a broad back, leaning over the nightstand at the side, fixing something. The light stopped and she blinked hard, little red dots in her vision from the stimuli.</p><p>Sun streamed through the wide windows along the side of the room and embers from the dying fire glowed feebly, emitting no heat. She shivered, tugging the quilt up over her chest and glanced sideways, a hand pushing through her rat's nest of hair. She focused, watching Jon recline back into the pillows, his phone no longer resembling a disco ball. He smiled briefly, fingers moving clumsily with leftover sleep. "Alarm," he said.</p><p><em>Ah, yes that makes sense.</em> She nodded, smiling down at him. She scanned the room again; it looked different in the morning light. Bigger, somewhat colder. She shifted in place, slowly lying back down, and turning her face towards Jon's. <em>What am I supposed to say?</em>, she wondered, mind racing. It all came flooding back, vestiges of sleep gone. Her skin pebbled, what was exposed to the chilly air, but Jon paid no attention to it, the sheets pooled at his waist and his knee lifting up lazily as he yawned, stretching like a cat.</p><p>Or a wolf, rather.</p><p>The body twisting slightly next to her had been what warmed her all night, wrapped around her, moving over her and under her. She smiled at the memory of what they’d done to each other. At least three times, by her last count. When she'd passed out, draped over him, she'd suspected she could sleep for days. She turned to her side and he mimicked her, both of them facing each other, sharing the same pillow. "Morning," she said. She cleared her throat, trying to dislodge the lump there, not accustomed to speaking so loudly.</p><p>His lip quirked. "Morning," he voiced back.</p><p>They stared at each other a moment longer; she wondered briefly if he was embarrassed or if he regretted what happened. To be honest, she wasn't sure what to do. Did she just get up and leave? Did they go back to how it was before? They'd said things to each other last night...she shivered, and worried her lower lip under her top teeth, brow wrinkling. She wasn’t sure she wanted it to go back to how it was, but then again, it couldn’t get more awkward and stilted between them, could it?</p><p>Jon didn't say anything. he shifted beside her and his arm lifted, draping over her hip, tugging her closer to him. She instinctively sought his warmth, sighing into his neck, idly pressing a kiss to a mark blooming near his shoulder. She flushed; that had been from her, she remembered. She lifted her face up and touched her fingertip to his temple, pushing back his wild curls. "You look cute in the morning," she teased.</p><p>He was affronted. "Cute?"</p><p>She giggled, nodding. "Yes. Cute. Like a wolf cub."</p><p>He laughed. Her stomach warmed and instantly any sense of awkwardness faded. They had plenty of time to figure out what this was, but if he was laughing, she knew he did not regret it. It was probably the closest anyone could figure that he was not like anyone else; if he hadn't spoken a word, but he laughed, you knew immediately he was deaf. he didn't care, the volume loud, the sound kind of hollow, but she loved it. It was Jon as himself, not caring. She suspected he never did it much anyway.</p><p>She skimmed her fingertips over his face, down his beard and touched them briefly to one of the horrid scars on his chest. She'd seen them, briefly, when he'd done skin-to-skin with Shadow, but now in the stark light of the morning, she could see just how terrible they really were. Faded with time, but still evident of something terrible. her finger slid down, between his pecs and to one of the ones slicing midway across his abdomen. His muscles quivered under her and he drew a sharp breath, covering her hand with his, squeezing.</p><p>eyes lifted; she met his. They were black again, pupils dilated and drowning the gray. She moved at the same time as him, moaning softly when he wrapped her up again, lips insistent over hers. She slid beneath him, his body stretching over hers and settling between her thighs, which fell open eagerly to accommodate him. "Jon," she gasped, arching her neck, hands flat across his shoulders. She swiveled her hips to his, encouraging, her mind fogging with the intense pangs shooting up through her to have him inside of her, his kisses more insistent, harder and gasping as he fell into the same dizzying spiral of want as her.</p><p>And then his alarm went off again.</p><p>He cursed; she wasn't sure which word he used. He rolled off of her again, stopping the strobe light and fell hard onto his back, head turning again. He smiled sheepishly. Made a motion for wolf and what she knew was 'eat.' She smiled, tapping her fingers to his lips. "We cannot keep them waiting," she teased.</p><p>He swept over her, kissing her hard and jumped out of the bed. Unabashed with his nudity, he wandered to the bathroom. She sighed and draped her arm over her eyes. She tingled all over, simultaneously hot from their furious kisses and cold from the sharp air in the room. A noise at the door drew her attention up and she leaned onto her elbows, chuckling at Ghost pushing his way in. "Hey silly boy," she greeted, the wolf leaping onto the bed. He turned several times and collapsed in a white furry heap at the base of the bed, shooting her a disgruntled look.</p><p>She stuck her lower lip out, mock pouting. "Did I take your spot?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>She glanced at Jon, standing in the doorway of the bathroom. He'd pulled on a pair of loose black sweats. She smirked. "Well I won't take up his space any longer then." She climbed out from under the covers, shivering again, arms immediately wrapping around her. Her foot hit the floor and she stumbled, completely forgetting her bad ankle. She cried out, falling backwards, and if not for Ghost to dart off the bed and supply a hard surface to grab for, she'd have gone right down onto the hardwood and probably twisted her <em>other</em> ankle.</p><p>Jon hadn't seen her fall, turning around to the armoire and she struggled a moment, coming back up to her feet. She gazed at his back, at he was oblivious to her, pulling out a t-shirt. She sank onto the mattress, catching her breath, Ghost trotting across the room to nudge him. She pressed her hand to her chest, blinking hard from the spots of pain still in her eyes. She looked up at movement, Jon at her feet, signing and speaking.</p><p>"I’m sorry I didn't..." He trailed off. <em>Hear</em>, she finished for him, touching at his furrowed forehead. She leaned down, signing: <em>It's okay.</em></p><p>He continued to frown, checking her ankle. It was still a little swollen, bruised, and she knew she wouldn't be walking on it much. She reached for his face, pressing a kiss to his temple and then over his cheek to his lips, comforting him. It was obviously troubling him he hadn't noticed her fall. She didn't want him to disappear; he couldn't. Not now. One step forward, twenty steps back, that' show it seemed with him, and she didn't want to do that anymore.</p><p>Gods, she had no idea what this was, but she didn't want to go back. Of that she was certain.</p><p>He helped her stand and handed her a t-shirt. As all she had by way of clothing were her mud and rain-soaked dress pants and camisole, she took another pair of his sweatpants, rolled them up at the waist and used a hair tie to bunch some of the excess fabric off. She embraced him once more, giving him a kiss for extra assurance, and went into the bathroom.</p><p>By the time she finished, using a spare toothbrush she located in one of the cabinets and washed her face, she felt more awake and ready. She limped out of the bedroom and down the stairs, carefully leaning on the banister for support. It took her a few minutes, but eventually she ended up in the kitchen, Ghost wagged his tail while Jon puttered with a large silver bowl and some sort of ground meat.</p><p>Under his arm was Shadow, wiggling and trying to get to the bowl Jon was also preparing for him. She walked over and reached for him, the wolf cub squeaking and trying to get to her, immediately plying her with kisses, licking her chin and cheeks. His tongue was raspy, and his breath smelled like skunks, which she thought was hilarious, as even wolf cubs had "puppy breath." "Good morning to you too," she giggled, kissing his soft head. "And aren’t you a spoiled little boy?"</p><p>Jon set down Ghost's food and took Shadow from her, nodding for her to follow him. He carried the bowl in his hand and sat it down in the center of the pup's room. He kept a firm arm around Shadow, who struggled to get to his breakfast. She watched, fascinated, as Jon moved a baby-gate in front of the food, setting it off from the cub.</p><p>She was fascinated to see that at the sign of the gate, Shadow stopped wiggling. He sat down and Jon kept a hand on his haunches. The wolf watched him, Jon holding his fist up. He stood ,slowly, and Shadow moved to the gate, but Jon stepped in the way. He snapped his fingers and pointed, Shadow falling back again, affronted.</p><p>After a few minutes, he finally removed the gate, and Shadow sprung for his food. And Jon immediately removed the bowl. Dany propped her chin in her palm, watching as he did this a few more times, until Shadow finally waited. At Jon's signal, he went to the food, scarfing down the meat. And Jon crawled down to his level, on his stomach, and began to mess with the food, sticking his fingers in Shadow's mouth, playing with it and generally creating a mess.</p><p>She moved, carefully, to sit next to him. She tapped Jon's shoulder, his eyes rolling up. "Why?" she signed.</p><p>He smiled, spoke. "No bite. No aggression."</p><p>Ah, that made sense. Shadow got used to the fingers in his food, he wouldn't become territorial. She wished the same worked for her dragons. If you got within an inch of Drogon and his food bowl you were liable to lose a finger. She waited for Shadow to finish. Once he did, Jon swept him up from the floor and carried him to the back door. He opened it and she got a gust of cold air wash over her and watched him hook Shadow up to a lead and go outside to a patch of gravel along the foot of the back-deck steps.</p><p>Ghost wandered over, sniffed Shadow's empty bowl for anything else, and huffed in disappointment. "You already ate," she laughed, ruffling his ears. She watched through the window as Shadow did his business, ran back and forth a few times and promptly yawned. Jon picked him back up, detached the lead, and brought him into the house again.</p><p>He set him down, the pup scampering around, more active than she'd ever seen him. She chuckled, allowing him to nip at her heels and leave his room, returning to the kitchen, where Jon began fussing with a coffee maker. She walked over to him and carefully slipped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek between his shoulder blades.</p><p>He stiffened momentarily. She froze; maybe she overstepped. Until he relaxed, moving to wrap his arm around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head. She met his gaze. "We need to talk," she said. She didn't want to; gods knew she didn't want to talk, to upset this calm world they'd been in thus far.</p><p>He sighed, nodding. Except he signed quickly. "Not now."</p><p>No, not now, she agreed, rising on her good foot to kiss him gently. He returned the kiss, palms sliding beneath her t-shirt and up to cup her breasts, thumbs flicking across her nipples, which tightened at the touch, a shock shooting straight down her belly to her cunt. She lifted her hips to him, rubbing at the growing hardness pressing against her.</p><p>He hoisted her onto the counter, moving his mouth from her lips to nibble at the base of her ear. She thread her fingers in his curls, tugging, sinking into the warmth of him. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ghost and Shadow sitting in the doorway, two statues, heads cocked at them. She chuckled, pushing at Jon's shoulders, nodding towards them when he followed her gaze.</p><p>He scowled. He signaled to Ghost, the wolf chuffing, annoyed, but followed his instruction. Shadow yipped and scampered after Ghost into the other room. She marveled at Jon, who smirked, smug. "How did you do that?" she laughed.</p><p>"Persuasion," he replied, grinning.</p><p>She giggled, pulling his chin up, kissing him again, forgetting the coffee. Or speaking.</p><p></p><div class="center">
  <p> </p>
  <hr/>
</div><p><br/>They were going to die of starvation. Or dehydration. Or overdosing on each other.</p><p>To be fair, Dany didn't think the third was a bad way to go.</p><p>She closed her eyes, trying to regain her breathing, her skin damp with sweat and the remnants of hot water from the bath they'd been relaxing in before Jon got it into his head that he didn't quite <em>want</em> to relax any more. It had been her idea, the sight of the old-fashioned porcelain claw-foot tub doing her in, with windows overlooking the pine trees and the mountains in the distance. Plus, she was still cold, she'd protested.</p><p>"Warm me up," she challenged.</p><p>She leaned forward, her arms still around Jon's shoulders, his breathing heavy against her neck, his face buried into the tendrils of her hair, falling out of the topknot she'd tugged it into before she'd gotten into the steaming water. He reclined back against the slope of the tub, eyes fluttering open. He signed but didn't speak. She took that as a positive, as he was still speechless.</p><p>Cocking her head, she used the sign to ask what it was. He repeated and then finger-spelled it. She was very pleased that she'd been able to follow it whenever he spelled out the word. She laughed, swatting at him, water splashing. He grinned. "Kill you? I think you will kill me first."</p><p>He pulled lightly on her hair, tilting her face to his again. He had a rather dopey smile pulling at his lips, his gray eyes soft. She smoothed his curls back, holding his jaw in her palms, thumbs brushing across his high cheekbones. There was something there; she didn't want to put a label on it. It was easier to ignore it, lock it away deep, where no one could touch it. A furrow formed between her brows. His thumb rose, pressing it away.</p><p>They had stayed in their world here for several hours now. Their time in the kitchen had resulted in scarfing down toast and coffee before stumbling into the living room to pass out on the couch together, tangled beneath a flannel blanket, the wolves staring at them like they were crazy. She woke up to him underneath the blanket, lips tracking along her breast and belly further south, which led to them running up the stairs and her desire to further warm up in the massive tub.</p><p>And now here they were. Her stomach growled, hungry for more than just him, and a nagging voice told her she needed to check on the dragons. They could survive on their own a few days, but they were still needy attention seekers. She wondered about Shaggydog, about what happened the previous evening. She knew Missy was likely blowing up her phone for details. Her mind raced, thinking of things she had to do that weekend, of how she was going to get back home as she had nothing to were but his clothes and Arya's ill-fitting boots.</p><p>
  <em>Arya!</em>
</p><p>She signed his cousin's name. He scowled. "Don't want to hear that here," he said.</p><p>She huffed. "We need to find out about Shaggydog." She pushed his shoulder, insistent. "And the others. Come on."</p><p>He groaned, pulling her hips to his again, water sloshing. It was lukewarm and her skin was turning pruny. "No."</p><p>"Jon Snow."</p><p>He grumbled and kissed her, hard and fast, before rising, knocking her off. She laughed, his head shaking like a wolf and he grabbed a towel, wrapping it around his waist and walking out of the bathroom. She jumped up, wrapped herself up, and followed him out. It was far warmer now that the sun had risen, even if the floors still remained cold. She tugged on one of his flannels and left the bedroom, mindful of her ankle.</p><p>It was odd; she realized on the couch as he napped beside her that she didn't have to <em>speak</em> much. The signing was getting easier the more she used it. She realized she wasn't calling for him, like she would have otherwise. She edged around the bannister and into the kitchen. She was going to call for Ghost though and as she turned the corner, she stopped hard in her tracks.</p><p>Standing at the counter, in his towel with wet skin and hair, Jon was talking to Arya and Gendry was playing with Shadow in the living room. Arya turned her head slowly, smirking. Dany's eyes widened, trapped in place. "Ah....hello," she squeaked.</p><p>Arya grinned. "Hello Dany." She rotated her head, slow, grinning at Jon. His cheeks flushed and he ducked his head, busying himself with the papers she'd set down in front of him. "So this is where you've been all day." She laughed. "Gendry owes me 100 stags."</p><p>"What?" Gendry wandered in, stopping hard. He turned beet red at the sight of her in only Jon's flannel shirt. She tugged at the edges, grateful for being short as at least it came to her mid-thigh. although she still felt like she was on display. "Um, hello Dany."</p><p>"Hi Gendry."</p><p>Arya did not care, continuing on. "Like I said, Gendry you owe me 100 stags. I told you they were busy, and we could have waited until tomorrow to give Jon the police reports." She glanced at Dany, explaining. "Davos and I did an inspection this morning when the sun went up. Seems like the power blew on the fence, but the thing was, someone also snapped the chain. All it took was Shaggydog throwing himself at the gate a few times and he was out. We gave all the tapes to Davos, but since the power blew who knows if they got anything." She sighed hard, growling, and signed for Jon's benefit. "It was Thorne, I know it was."</p><p>"We know it was Thorne, but we have no proof," Gendry corrected.</p><p>"Who gives a shit? I'll kill him next time I see him."</p><p>Jon huffed, clearly agreeing with her. He had looked up to follow Arya's lips for her last statement. He shifted on his feet, glancing between them and signed: "You done?"</p><p>"Not so fast," Arya announced. She grinned. "I want details."</p><p>Dany groaned, burying her face into her hands, already embarrassed. This was mortifying. She hid her smile in her hands, dropping them down and watched Jon bustle Arya to the door, Gendry following, grateful no doubt to be leaving. " Bye Arya," she called.</p><p>"Bye! And I was right! Ha!"</p><p>The door slammed behind their unwelcome visitors. She laughed, covering her face again as Jon returned, sheepish. She limped to him, leaning against his bare chest, arms locking around his neck. "Well that takes care of telling her," she said.</p><p>He briefly smiled, but it faltered. The creases around his eyes deepened and his mouth opened, but he closed it a second later. He wanted to say something; except she didn't think she wanted to hear it. Not yet. She chewed on the tip of her tongue, wanting to bring it up, but also not wanting to destroy this fragile peace they were in. She shook her head, his mouth dropping open and hands lifting. Hers took them, kissing his fingers and knuckles, turning his palms over to kiss them too. His hands were his lips, after all.</p><p>She reached for him, intent on having him take her back upstairs, when a yip and snap at her heels tore her from him, laughing. He glanced down, following her gaze and rolled his eyes. He signed something; she recognized a couple of the words: <em>Little shit.</em></p><p>"He is not," she said, picking up Shadow. He was getting so big. He needed attention; they'd neglected him that day after all. She nuzzled his face, giggling. "He's so sweet." She snapped her fingers near his ears, but he did not react, her heart clenching. Just a hope, she supposed. She carried him into the living room and set him down, grabbing some of the toys from Ghost's box. Ghost immediately cut her off when she returned to pick up a particularly large rope, warning in his red gaze. She tutted, swiping him aside. "Oh hush and share."</p><p>"He hates sharing," Jon said.</p><p>She pulled out a tennis ball, rolling it towards Shadow, who pounced. "Shadow," she called, speaking in Valyrian, cooing to him. "Come here, come here, bring me the ball!"</p><p>After a moment, Jon signed. "That's not Common Tongue."</p><p>She smirked. "Valyrian."</p><p>"Ah." He signed. "You going to learn Valyrian sign?"</p><p>It took her a second to see the light in his eyes, the teasing there. She laughed. "I can barely do WSL."</p><p>"You are better." He moved his hand from his lips again, flat and forward. <em>Thank you.</em> He hesitated and cleared his throat, getting up and moving to the fireplace, tossing a few logs on and puttering with the lighter.</p><p>In the few minutes while she'd been playing with Shadow, he'd gone and changed, his sweats back on and a t-shirt. They were really playing lazy that day, she supposed unaccustomed to feeling of having <em>nothing</em> to do. At last Arya had dropped by to update them on Shaggydog. She played with Shadow for a few minutes, until Jon took over, and commenced some training, tossing the small wolf little pieces of meat he'd brought in from the kitchen, each time Shadow did a good thing, following the hand signals.</p><p>Dog training—or wolf training in this case—was known to her in the professional sense. The concepts, at least. Positive reinforcement, it was the best way to get dogs—and people—to follow what you wanted, to learn new behaviors. Who wouldn’t want a treat for doing something good? It was the way he did it though. The way he would be firm, would refrain from giving the treat from time to time, clearly upsetting Shadow, who was expecting it. He messed with him, he used hand signals only, never speaking.</p><p>And in the case of Shadow, she knew it worked for him. He couldn’t hear. Hand signals would be the only way he could communicate. He barked every so often, little squeaks and howls, especially when he didn’t get treats. She followed Jon’s guidance, copying his hadn movements for ‘sit’, ‘down’, and ‘come.’</p><p>“What about stay?” she asked.</p><p>He snorted, shaking his head. “Hard. Not yet.”</p><p>Almost on cue, Shadow took off, chasing after Ghost’s tail, which was flicking side to side as the wolf searched for a toy in his box. He pounced on it, the elder wolf silently snarling, setting the young back into his place. He scampered back to Jon, jumped into his lap, and then took off for her, leaping right into her waiting arms. She grinned, falling backwards onto the thick rug in front of the fireplace, the heat washing over her like a wave. She scratched his ears, his eyes closing a couple of times, fighting exhaustion from his playtime and training session. “Such a good boy,” she murmured, petting his head. He licked her chin, agreeing.</p><p>She rolled her head sideways, watching Jon stretch out beside her, back propped against one of the chairs flanking the fireplace. He folded his hands in front of him, smiling briefly at her. She hesitated and lifted her hand, forming the letter ‘e.’ She spelled ‘s’ and ‘s’ and then stopped, dropping it back to Shadow.</p><p><em>Essos.</em> He knew she came from Essos. He’d shouted it at her last night. <em>You should have stayed….in Essos.</em> She took a deep breath, slowly exhaling it, closing her eyes. The floorboards creaked and she shifted, realizing Jon was lifting her and holding her against his chest. She burrowed her head into it, inhaling and keeping her eyes closed, cradling a sleeping Shadow in her arms.</p><p>And he spoke. “I’m sorry I said that.”</p><p>Eyelashes fluttering, she peered up through them. He was staring at the flames. It was still light out, the sun on one half of his face, the other glowing from the fire. She chewed her bottom lip, nodding in understanding. She lifted her hand, guiding his chin down so he could see her. She signed: <em>“Why?”</em></p><p>He frowned; his grip tightened around her. This was treading in dangerous territory. They were not even 24-hours into whatever the seven hells this thing was between them. She thought it was just an explosion of chemistry, a simple reaction when two objects in motion came together. She could apply science to it all she wanted, to ignore the very simple fact of what it <em>really</em> was, what she did <em>not</em> want it to be. Because it was inconvenient and unnecessary. And <em>not at all what she needed or wanted or…or…or…</em></p><p>She had feelings for Jon Snow.</p><p>Oh yes, she could ignore them all she wanted, but she had stupid, dumb, idiotic, ridiculously inconvenient feelings for Jon Snow. Jon Snow, who had been rude and uncouth and demanding and…and…and scared.</p><p>He signed the word, before she even asked again, as he had remained quiet behind her. It was a sign she didn’t know, although she thought she’d seen it before. She looked up at him, watching his mouth. He swallowed; his throat bobbed. “Scared,” he said. He would have whispered it, if he could modulate like that, she thought momentarily. He spoke again, frustrated, his words slow but she knew he would prefer them to be out quickly. “You…you scare me, and…and I don’t like it.”</p><p>Her shoulders slumped. She closed her eyes, unable to stop the smile on her lips. Her fingers lifted, taking his and she interlaced them, squeezing hard. She shifted against his lap, Shadow still sleeping against her left arm, which was going numb from his weight. She waited for him to finally dart his eyes towards her, not wanting to mess this up. Her words enunciated, clearly formed, so he could make no mistake on her lips. “Me too. You have a funny way of showing it Jon Snow.” She narrowed her eyes. “You were mean.”</p><p>He shrugged, trying not to smile. “I don’t like this…don’t need it.”</p><p>“I know.” She wondered if it would be worth it to bring up what Arya had mentioned. About him being hurt before. She thought against it. It might scare him. And gods knew they were in a very fragile place. It oculd shatter and then where would they be? She knew she didn’t want this to break. Not even to crack. She squeezed his hadn even tighter, conveying all she felt into the touch. She was scared too. She frowned, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. “I left Essos and I did not come here for…for this…whatever this is.”</p><p>He cocked his head, confused. “Why did you leave?” His arm muscles twitched, no doubt confused why he wasn’t also signing when he spoke.</p><p>
  <em>Because I wanted to have a baby and I couldn’t and because I needed to get away from everything that reminded me of all I had lost.</em>
</p><p>She glanced down. Shadow shifted in her arms, snuffling. “New scenery,” she said. It was the truth. <em>Without telling the whole truth.</em> She tried to smile. “My brothers are there. I wanted something different.” That wasn’t entirely a lie.</p><p>He nodded again. “I understand.” He smirked. “Cousins…brothers and sisters…same.”</p><p>Tormund explained to her that when Jon spoke in fragments it could be from a variety of things. He said sometimes it was because he was tired, he didn’t feel like forming all the words. Sometimes he knew that words he said couldn’t be understood, because he couldn’t form them very well. Also, eh said, it was because WSL had its own grammar structure and Jon had been using it for so long, his sentences when spoken followed that way than ‘ours.’</p><p>She wondered how long he’d been using it. Since Arya was born, judging from her statements about knowing it since birth. She guessed the same for Bran, since he was younger than Arya. Sansa didn’t use it, but that was because she was a “raging fucking cunt” according to Arya.</p><p>“Do all your cousins sign?” she asked him.</p><p>He stiffened underneath her. She closed her eyes; held her breath. <em>Damn, that didn’t take long.</em> He gave a curt nod and then shook his head. He frowned, holding up four fingers, counting off. “Arya, Bran, Rickon…” He rolled his eyes. “Sansa no. Robb…yes.”</p><p>
  <em>Robb Stark, the Lord of Winterfell.</em>
</p><p>“Where does Rickon live?” she asked, thinking of the one who was technically the owner of Shaggydog.</p><p>He snorted. “Everywhere. Wild. In a band.”</p><p>“Does Shaggydog go near him?”</p><p>“Sometimes. Not around a lot.”</p><p>“And Robb?” she asked, gently.</p><p>The fire crackled, a log shifting and popping, the room filled suddenly with only the sound of it in the grate. If she listened hard, she could make out Ghost’s deep breathing, the white wolf stretched like a carpet before the hearth. Shadow made a tiny sound in sleep, a foot kicking out, likely dreaming. And Dany wondered if she’d stepped forward too soon. Although, she sighed, still looking up at Jon’s still face, it was getting exhausting, wondering what to say around him and when.</p><p>She traced her fingers in his palm. “Does he live here?” she prodded. <em>Might as well go all the way.</em></p><p>He nodded curtly. “Sometimes…he has a wife. Margaery Tyrell. Lives in the Reach. Lives there sometimes.”</p><p>“And Grey Wind lives up here when he does?”</p><p>“Aye.” He took a deep breath, exhaling hard, forcing a smile she knew he didn’t want to make. “Sorry I…Robb is…complicated.”</p><p>As that was about as far as she was willing to risk it, Dany ceased conversation on the subject. Questions swirled in her mind about him and Robb; it was clear there was an issue there. She moved in his lap again, Shadow shifting from one arm to the other. His fingers dropped to rub Shadow’s little pot-belly, the wolf still small for his age group, but decades ahead of where he had been weeks ago, when Jon wouldn’t name him for fear he might die. She dropped her head to the fold of his neck.<br/>She smirked, lifting her face again. He looked down. “What?”</p><p>“You did not have to be so mean to me you know.”</p><p>“I know, I’m sorry,” he apologized, bashful. His cheeks looked flushed again; although it could have been the glow from the fire. “I…not great…like this.”</p><p>“Me either,” she agreed. She remembered her only two serious relationships. One when she was in early days of college, with a much older guy, she’d almost married him. Then Daario, another ill-fated love affair. She patted his cheek, laughing and she signed. “<em>You are an arse Jon Snow.</em>”</p><p>He laughed, his chest rumbling. “I know,” he signed back. He looked ready to say something else again, but chose not to, mouth closing. He squeezed his arms around her, gazing into the fire, his gray eyes darkening, and face slackening as he rested his head to hers, holding her close.</p><p>They sat like that for a long time, comfortable and content. She had to get up and find her phone. To call the office and check messages, to get someone to go look in on the dragons if she clearly wasn’t going to be able to do so, and to unscrew Missy from the ceiling she’d no doubt lodged herself into, wondering what had happened on the “date.”</p><p>Except she didn’t move. She was too content. It was a feeling she hadn’t felt in…<em>I don’t know.</em> Her eyes stung. She sniffed. Blamed it on the fireplace, the smoke and the pine. Jon wrapped his arms tighter around her. His hand lifted, formed the classic ‘okay’ sign with his right hand.</p><p>She smiled and mimicked it, replying back. ‘Okay.’</p><p>“Good,” he said.</p><p>Yes, she believed, closing her eyes, Shadow moving to drop his head onto her chest, listening to her heartbeat, she believed it was.</p><p>Or maybe it would be.</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p><br/>“Jon no! No!” Dany lifted her finger in warning, glaring angrily at him. She was fully prepared to go to war on this. She was prepared to <em>die</em> on this hill. She grit her teeth, not even caring if he could hear her. “Do not dare.”</p><p>He smiled, mischievous, and shrugged, like he wasn’t going to do what he had already done to her a few times already. She thought maybe he finally got the hint and turned around, kneeling to pick up Shadow, who was sitting politely in the snow, awaiting someone to clip the leash to his little red harness. She had her back turned and then she felt it.</p><p>
  <em>Splat.</em>
</p><p>Cold ice and water melted down from the back of her head to her neck and dripped underneath the collar of her scarf and thick parka to her skin. She whirled around, horrified, her mouth falling open. “You bastard!” she shouted. She dove for the snow at her feet, gathering what amounted to a very crude snowball and chucked it at him.</p><p>He laughed, not caring at all how he sounded; she really loved when he allowed himself to just be <em>himself</em> and scooped up more snow in his bare hands, forming a rather perfect spherical snowball and threw it at her as he ran towards the back of his house, Ghost tagging along, his red eyes standing out against his white fur camouflaged against the fresh-fallen snow.</p><p>This caused Shadow to bark, excitedly, and try to take off after the larger wolf and the man he’d come to know as his primary caregiver, ignoring the harness and leash attached to him, and trip, going arse over teakettle into a drift. He popped up, stuck his tongue out, and took off again, thoroughly unbothered by the chaos. He ignored all attempts to stop him, from Jon’s hand signals to her all-out chasing.<br/><em>So much for leash training</em>, Dany sighed, before she burst into giggles again, tripping over her own feet to fall sideways, not bothering to hold her hands out to stop from sinking into the soft snowfall.</p><p>It wasn’t good for her ankle, which was still healing from the previous week’s fall, but she told herself the snow and cold was good for the swelling; nevermind it still ached when she put too much of her weight on it. She couldn’t run, not the way Jon was, going after Shadow and Ghost, his pale face flushed pink, breath coming out in misty puffs. He’d lost his knit cap earlier, somewhere in the yard. He didn’t even have on gloves, while she felt bundled up so tight in her parka, scarf, gloves, hat, and boots. <em>And she was still cold.</em></p><p>Her first Northern winter snowfall apparently was cause for celebration.</p><p>It started when she was at the office, light little flakes the previous afternoon. It looked like dust, she’d initially thought, a hand stretched out the window to let it fall and melt on her palm. It was pretty. And then Gilly said she needed to close up early, as it was coming down “really hard.” Dany didn’t think it looked too bad, but trusted Gilly’s judgment. And thankfully she had, as an hour after Gilly went home and she closed up the clinic early, Arya called to say Jon was on his way to get her.</p><p>“Because if you’re snowed in and die in your apartment, I don’t think I’ll hear the end of it from him. Get your dragons ready to go too, just in case power goes out.”</p><p>Dany bundled up the dragons, unsure what the seven hells was happening, and by the time Jon got her, collected them all, and drove back to his house, she was actually very glad she’d listened to Arya now. Not that she’d admit it.</p><p>The dragons had not liked Ghost <em>at all</em>. They raced as far away from him as they physically could, while also eagerly exploring their new habitat. Viserion was the only one who bothered to stick around long enough to sniff at Ghost, but peer pressure from his brothers had him running to join them atop the bookcases in the study. Shadow had been fascinated, never seeing anything quite like them. He had spent a long part of the evening staring up at them, tail wagging, wondering why they didn’t come play.</p><p>And then Jon said that they had to “get warm” in case the heat went out. Of course it meant taking off all their clothes. Dany suggested that this seemed counterproductive, but Jon had just shrugged, grabbed her around her waist, and hauled her up to his bedroom, where she was plenty warm for the entire night. And when she thought she was a little cold; Jon very kindly warmed her back up again.</p><p>The celebration came the following morning. Jon forced her to bundle up, laughing and grinning, pushing her clear outside into the large drifts. “The first real snow," Jon told her, throwing her scarves and hats and gloves after saying they had to go out and experience it. "Is very big. Must celebrate." She learned some new signs in the process. 'Snow' and 'celebrate' and 'fun.' She found it hard to sign with the gloves and took them off for all of a few minutes until she decided Jon would need to study her chattering lips if he wanted to know what she was saying as it was so bloody cold. He only smiled at this proclamation. They celebrated by bringing Shadow out to do some leash training. She did not know what his future held. He could not go back to his litter or inbto the wild. Unlike Ghost he could not hear so he could not be a hearing dog. She hadn't asked Jon what he planned, but it seemed he did have something in mind for him. He just was not saying. Which was not a surprise at all. Even in the week together Jon had not opened up much beyond smiling a little more with her and the few words he'd said about his family situation the first day they spent together. He was still closed off. She didn't push. She didn't feel like opening up either. It was a bit of a detente, she supposed. I fhe wasn't going to open, neither was she. It wasn't worth it. She didn’t know what the future held for them either, but right now, it was fun. And she hadn't had fun in a very long time. Maybe she was just going to take MIssy's guidance on the subject. Her best friend had lost her mind at the news that they'd slept together. After getting details of how it was, she finally laughed and said: "I just want you happy Dany. Even if it's for a few minutes."</p><p>I think I am, she thought, smiling at the sight of him. He came over to her and knelt at her side. He signed, “Are you cold?”</p><p>“A little.” She sat up and rotated her ankle, hissing slightly. He reached over and helped her up to her feet. She looped her arms around him, smiling. “I suppose you don’t want to go to the sanctuary right now?”</p><p>He shook his head and dropped his mouth to hers. She smiled into his kiss. No, the sanctuary would keep. She sighed. He broke away and rummaged in his pocket, looking at his phone. His face immediately fell. She frowned and glanced at the image on the screen. It was Arya. She signed: “Everything alright?”</p><p>He nodded curtly. “Robb,” he said. He looked at their hands, joined together. Her knuckles were red. “Visiting next week.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>He looked up at the back window, chuffing. He pointed and she turned to follow his finger. “Drogon!” she exclaimed. All the dragons were in the window watching but Drogon had grabbed a curtain and was currently swinging from it.</p><p>Shadow took the moment to run off, Jon chasing him. She looked at Ghost, who sat politely. “Controlled chaos,” she said. He nodded, she swore he did, agreeing. She ruffled his ears and ran off after Jon and Shadow, snow kicking up under her boots.</p><p>A bit later she stumbled into the house with Jon, kissing furiously, flushed and clammy. He signed, his breathing heavy and eyes dark: “you cold?” he teased.</p><p>She grinned, signing in reply: “Yes, so warm me up.”</p><p>All in all, her first Northern snowfall was quite a success.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter we meet Robb and find out how Jon lost his hearing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. the brother: part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dany comes to a realization about how she feels about Jon.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this chapter ended up being so long by the time I got to Robb's intro and I ended up deciding to split it into two. Mo stay because I STILL wasn't done yet.  I didn't want to split his actual appearance, so there will be a part two for this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Oh fuck, yes,” Dany moaned, eyes screwing shut, her cheek pressed hard into her forearm, hair streaming over her face and sticking to her lips and damp skin. She had been in the middle of a dream, of Jon underneath the sheets, kissing along her thighs and settling over her cunt, until she realized he wonderfully was actually there, using his marvelous tongue to bring her to the brink, before he slipped behind her and lifted her leg up over his hip, sliding easily into her.</p><p>His breath heated on her neck, lips pressing just under her ear, his hands tangled with hers, one above her head and the other pressed to her abdomen, the pressure over her cunt too much. One hard slap of his hips into hers and she came, whimpering his name, bowing against him, and shoving her face into the mattress, her cries muffled. He pushed into her, a few more powerful thrusts, and then he was coming too, filling her cunt and rising over her, pushing her down, hand lifting to grip her shoulder and groaning out her name.</p><p>“Dany,” he mumbled. She loved hearing it. The way he said it, just for her, when he didn’t have to say anything at all. He kissed the back of her neck, lapping at a drop of sweat down her shoulder.</p><p>Her eyes remained closed, face pressed into the mattress, and breathing still coming in heavy gasps. It had never been like this before, this desperation for another person, to be as close as humanly possible. She needed him in every cell of her body, every beat of her heart, and inhale of her lungs. She whimpered, not wanting him to move from her, but he shifted, lifting his weight off of her. She turned with him, keeping his arm wrapped around her waist, facing lifting to study his.</p><p>She touched his chin, turning him to her. His eyes remained closed, breathing ragged. She watched one of the scars on his chest flex, his abdomen still quivering. She touched it, lightly scraping her fingernail over the mark. He opened one eye, watching her warily. It reminded her of one of his wolves. "How did you get these?" she asked. She had not brought them up, fearing his response would be to shut down, as he often did when questions veered too far into the personal.</p><p>It bothered her, that he didn't think he could be open with her, when he had already made so many strides in trusting her. Except she knew she didn't have much of a leg to stand on herself there-- she had not been as open with him as maybe she should be. <em>I'm not ready yet</em>, she repeated to herself. They stepped around the topics between them. It was easier to pretend they weren't there. To be with each other because at least they felt good.</p><p>He turned to face her fully, eyes fixed on hers, gray and deep. He could sign, but he chose not to, his hollow voice hurting her heart. She had heard many deaf speakers via her online classes, watching video of WSL lessons, and compared to many who were born deaf, Jon had greater enunciation than them, but it still hurt, because she knew it was because he could not hear himself, did not know any longer how to modulate volume, tone, or hear the difference in vowels or consonants. It made her curiouser over how he lost his hearing.</p><p>It scared her to bring it up. Arya told her to leave it alone, when she'd dared to mention that Jon didn't wear hearing aids. "It's a personal choice," Arya said. And then she'd followed with: "It wouldn't help him anyway." Dany didn't dare push, the young woman warning her with a look. <em>Leave it alone.</em> She might be fully on board with her cousin and the town vet, but Dany also saw the protectiveness there, the refusal of Arya to dive too far into Jon's personal world without his permission.</p><p>It had been two weeks since that night with Shaggydog, when everything flipped on the axis. Two weeks did not seem long, at first glance, but to her it did. In this fragile thing they had, she'd gotten closer to Jon Snow than she suspected anyone had in years. And he'd gotten close to her too. More than she wanted. <em>Unnecessary, this entire thing is unnecessary</em>, her rational mind chanted.</p><p>
  <em>But it feels so good.</em>
</p><p>He furrowed his brow and his fingers slide through hers, lifting them from his scars to his mouth, kissing her knuckles. "Accident," he said. He wrestled internally a moment; she watched the flicker in his eyes, the tensing in his jaw. He opened his mouth and closed it a couple times. Whatever fight he'd been having, something lost out and he replied again. "I was seven."</p><p>Her throat tightened. "I'm sorry. It looks horrible."</p><p>"It was." He closed his eyes, moving closer to her. She slid her leg up and over his thigh, trapping him against her, their foreheads touching. Her hands began to dance in his, tracing words in his palm. Mindless words of reassurance. His breath mingled with hers, hard puffs, frustrated. "I fell... and..." He chewed his bottom lip, gasping, pain filling his face. And she could see in the place of the hardened man, a scared little boy. He touched his chest, to the scar over his heart, and then to his ear, making an explosion motion with his hand. "No more hearing."</p><p>
  <em>Oh my gods. Oh my gods.</em>
</p><p>She gasped, surprising herself. He smiled sadly, bags appearing under his eyes, haunting. A dark shadow crossed his face. She reached for him, pulling him to the light, so he didn't stay there. "I'm so sorry," she said, kissing his fingers. She had taken to doing that often now, touching the hands that gave him a voice.</p><p>He let go of her and instead of pulling away, he wrapped her up tight, her face pressed to his warm, still damp skin. She kissed the scar, grateful for the heart beating underneath. The confession generated more questions. <em>How did an accident cause him to lose his hearing? What did the scars have to do with it? What kind of accident?</em></p><p>And her heart ached for the scared little boy who no doubt woke up that morning being able to hear his voice, the laughter of others, and the howl of wolves...and then wake up again with no ability, something everyone took for granted. She could not imagine it. And while she wanted to apologize for the cruelty of fate, how the hand he'd been dealt had been total shit, she refrained. The last thing Jon Snow wanted from anyone was pity.</p><p>The feral in his single reaction to her learning sign had been proof of that.</p><p>His shoulders slumped, body melting to hers. "TBI," he said.</p><p>She didn't think she heard him correctly and looked up, confused. He signed; the letters easier for her to recognize. "TBI?" she signed back, gesturing for question emphasis.</p><p>"Traumatic brain injury," he clarified. He had to say it twice, for her to get it. His emotions were seeping into his words again. He tapped his index finger to his temple. "Ear bones...broken."</p><p>And his chest damaged forever, she added. She touched the scar on his heart again. "Why this?"</p><p>"Surgeries..." He frowned. "Fell...branches and...things."</p><p>She kissed his scars, moving up the warm stretch of his sternum, to the curve of his collarbone, and the corded muscles in his neck. To his soft bearded jaw and eventually to his lips, silencing any future conversation. It wasn't to reassure him or to give him any sense of pity, but to reassure herself. He was there with her, in the bed, under the covers, and in her life. He had not died after that accident that cruelly took his hearing. He was safe with her.</p><p>He returned her ardent kisses, sensing her distress. She pushed back the curls from his face, knotting them at the base of his head and pulled back long enough to draw in a harsh sobbing breath. The feelings this man evoked in her frightened her. The idea that he might not be here with her...she didn't like it. She pushed the thought from her mind, but it remained. The image of a scared little boy, the one in that picture he had in his office, holding up his backpack in his school uniform, grinning with missing teeth.</p><p>It occurred to her that must have been before his accident. Whatever had happened to him to result in such traumatic injury he lost his hearing and broke the delicate bones of his inner ear. "Were you scared?" she asked, meeting his gaze.</p><p>He hesitated. Jerked his head in a nod after a minute. "Yes."</p><p>"You were strong."</p><p>"Maybe."</p><p>She shook her head, kissing him again. "No," she said against his mouth. He would have felt the vibrations , her words against him, but he didn't request she follow up. He pressed her down into the bed, sliding between her legs, and kissed down her neck, to the narrow valley between her breasts, warm nibbles on the soft slopes.</p><p>And he paused, hovering over her midsection. She whimpered, pushing at his shoulders, her skin on fire. "Please," she begged, wondering why he'd stopped. She groaned, his weightlifting from her and moving back up her body, his elbows propping beside hers. "Jon," she whined, signing. "What is it?"</p><p>He frowned, suspicious. He signed and spoke afterward. "Two weeks and..." He nodded towards her belly. His skin went hot beneath her hands, cheeks reddening. "You let me..."</p><p><em>Ah, so we finally reach this topic.</em> Her heart hammered against her ribs, nervous. They'd briefly said each were clean but hadn't mentioned anything regarding the <em>other</em> issue. She'd silenced him the couple of times it might have arisen in conversation. Changed the subject. It hurt too much to bring up on her own. Now she didn't think she'd be able to avoid it. She closed her eyes, forcing back the tears. She'd cried too much over this. Sometimes she wished she was just numb to it. It would make it easier for sure.</p><p>She took a deep breath and looked up at him. She spoke clearly, making sure he could read her lips and not be confused. She didn't want to repeat it. "I cannot have children." Her heart ached, yearning it not to be so. No matter how many times she said it or heard it, it was never easy. Mel would have told her it was nothing to be ashamed about, it was just the way of the gods. "Rholl'r works in mysterious ways," she would say. Even if Dany didn't believe in Mel's Lord of Light.</p><p>It was a thing that women should be able to do, and her body refused to do it. She didn't understand why. It broke her heart, each and every time she dared to think about it. So she didn't. And yet Jon had a valid question. They were in a sexual relationship and hadn't mentioned protection—how stupid was that of them? Two weeks too late, she supposed. Not that it mattered. There'd be no resulting 'accident' from their multiple couplings.</p><p>He cocked his head, confused. "You sure?" he signed.</p><p>"Very."</p><p>The bitter tone would not be conveyed to him. Except Jon was unlike anyone else she'd ever met. HIs capacity for understanding emotion ran far deeper, a skill he might have had because of his loss of hearing, or perhaps from his relationship with the wolves. He turned her face towards him, from where she buried it into the pillow. His thumb traced her lips, to her chin, and up to curve around her eye socket and along her cheek. His eyes narrowed; lips twitched. "I am sorry," he signed.</p><p>The same words she said to him about his accident. They rang hollow. He didn't mean it like that, to mean nothing. He was sorry. She shook her head, exhaled hard and sought him again, snaking around him. Her hand lifted and signed: "It's okay."</p><p>It wasn't okay, not at all. It was so painful it hurt her, a lash to her back, slicing her open. If only he knew the pain and the extent, she went to have a baby. Only to discover it would never happen.</p><p>
  <em>No, he doesn't need to know that right now.</em>
</p><p>Or maybe ever.</p><p>Regardless, this was too new. It only mattered to the extent that they could safely fuck each other day and night without consequences. She turned in his arms, not wishing to discuss it further. It seemed he did, and he tugged from her, still questioning. He traced a tear that had escaped her clutches. She blinked hard, furious she'd allowed it. "Do not be sad," he said.</p><p>She frowned. "I'm not," she lied.</p><p>He cocked his head briefly, a smirk saying he knew otherwise. He sat up on his elbow, looking down at her, so he could use his left hand to sign, slipping into fingerspelling, since it was easier for her. "How do you know? I ask because..." He trailed off and ran his tongue over his teeth. He scowled. "I do not want kids."</p><p><em>Of course he doesn't.</em> She smirked, angry. "Well I cannot have them. I know for sure." She pushed up and tugged the sheet over her chest, gazing over her shoulder to him, frustrated. She would have looked away, but she stared at him only so he could read her lips. Her heart went cold. "I am getting a shower. I should go home." She had spent too long with him. There were patients back at the clinic she should see.</p><p>She climbed out of bed, furious that it bothered her this much. <em>This is two weeks old Dany</em>, she chastised herself. She could not have children. She could not go through with the IVF again, she didn't care what Mel said. At least Mel had taken to calling her once a week now, rather than multiple times a day. She hadn't heard from Rhaegar on the topic either, thankfully. Her stupid older brother said that he had been busy, which was why he hadn't called, but she guessed it was more, so he no longer needed to worry about the Targaryen legacy falling on a child of hers.</p><p>The water was hot, but she barely felt it, standing under the spray in Jon's bathroom. She closed her eyes, shoving her face under the pulsing showerhead, splashing her hands up and over to sluice down her hair and tug it over her shoulder. She stiffened, the curtain pushing aside. He moved behind her and pushed her hair back again, holding it to the side so he could kiss behind her ear. He spoke, voice rumbling over the sound of the water. "I'm sorry. I did not want to upset you."</p><p>"You didn't," she lied.</p><p>He scoffed. He turned her face and pulled her to his chest. The water and steam enveloped them, wrapped around each other. He touched her forehead to his. "I cannot hear Dany," he said. He barked his laugh, angry. "I do not want a kid to deal with me."</p><p><em>No, don't say that.</em> She closed her eyes and kissed him, her heart breaking. She hadn’t thought of it like that. It didn't matter. They weren't in a position to bother talking about these things. She wrapped her arms tighter around his neck and rose on her toes, moaning into his mouth, the kiss depending as his hands wandered, tugging and pressing into her overheated flesh.</p><p>They didn't have to talk about it anymore. It was done. He knew she couldn't have kids, didn't need to worry about that matter of their relationship. And she knew that his hearing loss came from something terrible and likely violent. Something no child should have had to deal with. There were still questions, but she didn't press, she couldn't.</p><p>Dany didn't want this relationship or whatever it was with Jon. She fought against it each time she found herself in front of his house or he came up to her apartment and visited the clinic. Two weeks of reasons to be with each other—the first snowfall, checking on Shadow, Lady, and Rifle...yesterday Jon had showed up at closing time at the clinic and claimed that he had to check her heater for the kennels in the back.</p><p>"It will be cold tonight," he said, by excuse. Even though the heaters were perfectly fine. Somehow that meant he ended up in her apartment, the two of them on the floor of her living room, unable to bother making it to the bedroom.</p><p>She didn't want it, but she couldn't stop it. Neither could Jon, it seemed.</p><p>She fell against the hard-stone wall, mouth falling open in silent cries, Jon's body covering hers, his hands slick over her skin, lifting her up under her thighs and pushing into her. They kissed, finding each other, and began to move together.</p><p>She didn't want this. but she couldn't stop it.</p><p>And neither could Jon.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p> </p><p>"It's alright <em>issa prumia</em>," Dany cooed, leaning over to kiss Shadow, who was seated in the front seat of her SUV, his harness bothering him. He had taken to chewing on it, the wet strap rubbing against his puppy skin. If he didn't stop soon, she warned, he would need a cone to let the skin heal and he certainly did not want that.</p><p>Neither did she. All they did was give the wolves and dogs a megaphone. As she had learned the hard way when she fixed Lady the previous week. She had been most upset that she could no longer have cubs and took out her displeasure in pitiful howls, which Dany could hear at the entry to the sanctuary and almost clear down the road.</p><p>Shadow chewed on the harness again, trying to get it off and fell sideways in process, almost right off the seat onto the floor. He popped upright, yipping and jumped to peer out the window, recognizing they were home. He liked his field trips to the clinic and Dany liked providing them. Now that he didn't need feeding every couple of hours, Jon could afford to let him go for brief periods of time. Especially since he needed constant supervision.</p><p>And companionship.</p><p>"Pack," Jon explained. "He needs pack."</p><p>It broke her heart, the cruelty of the world. All the rest of Lady's litter were coming into their own; Jon would be moving them into an enclosure so they could continue to grow while Lady returned to Winterfell to continue living. Nymeria and Ghost it seemed were the only ones who actually traveled with their 'owners.' Even if Arya had laughed at the notion of any of the wolves having owners. They were <em>companions.</em></p><p>She pulled her SUV up into the gravel patch next to Jon's Jeep and Arya's truck, curious to see a van parked near the entrance to the sanctuary's main building and not the offices. There were bright splashes of primary colors on it from the distance, but she couldn't tell what it said on the side. "Do you have visitors?" she asked Shadow, signing for him to stop chewing. He ignored her and kept at it.</p><p>He dropped hard from the seat onto the ground, tumbling and tangling in his leash, yipping up at her. She signed for him to sit, which he did, and he got a cookie. "Such a good boy," she assured him, signing her approval of his behavior, which got him another cookie, because he was such a good boy.</p><p>Shadow walked beside her, tugging at his harness, still not very well mannered with the leash. She looked over to see Nymeria sitting in the window of the offices, forlorn, and wondered why she was locked up inside instead of wandering about with Arya as she normally did. "What did your auntie do?" she asked Shadow, not expecting an answer, but he yipped, sniffing through the crunchy snow and tracking at a scent, zig-zagging every which way to follow whatever it was he'd picked up.</p><p>The wolf would not follow her guidance, so she ended up just hauling him under her arm, grunting at his weight. She shifted her medical kit on her shoulder and walked to the main building, which she'd only been in once, on her first tour of the facility, where they did learning and engagement with visitors. She pushed inside, stepping as quietly as she could while also shaking off mud and snow from her boots; Shadow's paws were dirty and he once again attempted to untangle himself from his harness, despite being in her arms.</p><p>It didn't matter, she realized, seeing the small group of children seated on the floor in the sitting area, coats hanging around chairs on the small tables, the remnants of art projects scattered around, while Arya signed and showed them pictures of the wolves, no one speaking, but the ten or so children watching with rapt attention as she explained. It looked like she was talking about the family, judging from the signs she was using, the big posters she was referring to with the pack.</p><p>A couple of the children had Cochlear implants or hearing aids. All of them were shifting and moving in their seated positions, eager to learn all Arya told them. Nymeria stood stoically at the side, looking up at Arya. A few of the kids kept shooting nervous, thrilled glances to the massive wolf, who paid them no mind.</p><p>Shadow, on the other hand, as a pup, was not so well behaved, and yipped, struggling to get to the group. A couple of the children with implants turned, able to hear. One frantically pointed, giggling. "Puppy!" he shouted.</p><p>Arya looked up, laughing. She signed, speaking for Dany's benefit. "This is Dr. Dany, everyone. She is our vet. Do you know what the vet does?"</p><p>One of the children frantically waved her hand and signed: "The pet doctor!"</p><p>Dany grinned, walking forward, still holding Shadow beneath her arm. He was strong, panting to get to the kids. He just didn't know his own strength. She waved to the children and smiled at Arya. She set him down, still holding his leash. Nymeria shot him a warning look, a wolf version of "Behave!". "Hello everyone, "she signed. "My name is Dany. I am a doctor for the wolves."</p><p>The signs were faster for her, coming fluidly and often she didn't need to think any more on them. "Is that your wolf?" Arya translated, for a little boy who pointed to Shadow. She laughed. "No, but he is a puppy and he's very special." She signed, a big reveal. "He's deaf, just like you."</p><p>Shadow demonstrated how he could not respond to calls, but he did reply to signs, Arya showing how she would get him to sit and lay down. that was the extent of it. Dany fed him treats for his behavior. She scanned the crowd, while Arya did her presentation. All the children were under the age of eight, she guessed, and every one of them was watching, eyes wide and smiles splitting their small faces, especially when she told them that Shadow could not hear either.</p><p>"He's just like you," she told them. "He was born without hearing and he will use sign language too."</p><p>One little girl looked over at Dany and waved, catching her attention. She signed: "<em>Are you deaf too?</em>"</p><p>Dany faltered, glancing to Arya for guidance. Arya just smiled, shrugging, and allowed her to answer. "No," she replied, signing slow. "But I am learning. I am not very good." Her heart ached, swollen, desperate. She watched to hug all of them and squeeze them and block them from the darkness of the world. It was so bloody <em>unfair</em> sometimes. They were just children. Shadow was just a baby pup.</p><p>"Why?" a young boy asked, rising up to his knees. He frowned, a little confused. "Why do you learn? You can hear?"</p><p>"Do you have a baby who can't hear?" someone asked, Arya translating it fast, before she darted to another little kid who was waving their hand and asking if she had a brother like Arya did who could not hear.</p><p>She laughed, the onslaught of questions. She couldn't focus, certainly could not sign that quick. Arya helped her out, explaining how she was learning because she was friends with Jon, who was Arya's cousin, not her brother, and they would meet him soon. "In fact," Arya announced. "Let's go see what he is doing, I think maybe he's got the food ready to go feed Grey Wind. Would you all like to meet Grey Wind?"</p><p>A cacophony of yells, shouts, and waving hands responded, all the children jumping up. Their minders— Dany recognized one woman who was very tall and blonde as someone who visited the pub on occasion and Tormund was hopelessly in love with her—assisted them with getting their coats on and gloves and hats as they would be moving into the elements.</p><p>She went with them, trailing with Shadow, who was still struggling to get close. She was careful with his lead, remembering everything Jon told her about keeping control, so he learned. They crossed over to the outside kennels, maintaining healthy distance as Rifle prowled along his outdoor enclosure, ears pricked, shoulders rolling with his pacing, and his yellow eyes fixed on the children.</p><p>"He's scary!" one signed, excited.</p><p>"He was hurt," Dany explained, coming forward so they could see her signing. She said she would be helping him today, that was why she was there, and she would also be helping to check on the pups.</p><p>"Baby wolves?" a young girl asked.</p><p>Arya nodded. "Yes, we have a litter and guess what?" She clapped her hands to her face, exhibiting surprise. They all vibrated, watching, and waiting for her to drop the punchline. "You <em>all</em> get to play with them!"</p><p>The cheers startled Shadow and even Nymeria, who whirled her head around, but her tail wagged, realizing it was okay. Rifle took another look at them and stalked off to his dark den area he'd created, disappearing in a flurry of gray tail and rustling leaves. Dany hoped Shaggydog was well locked up, not wishing for a repeat experience there. She went into the room with Arya, who showed them where the wolves went to the "doctor" and Dany even showed them how to weigh Shadow and how she would measure him. She put up some X-rays from Rifle and explained it was a picture of the wolf insides.</p><p>And they went down to see Lady, who was watching them from her kennel, polite and tail thumbing, but kept her distance as well, still wary. They left the kennels and walked down through the area towards where Grey Wind was. Dany wondered about Jon. She trotted to Arya, catching up with her while the children walked behind. "Where is Jon?" she asked.</p><p>"He's with Grey Wind, he had to go deal with some fencing issues on the edge and then Pack D had a little skirmish last night." Arya chuckled. "And Pack C had a surprise litter. It's really weird, it isn't mating season, but lo' and behold, we were wondering where the second female was and turns out she got herself knocked up and had bedded down. Jon hadn't seen her in a bit and went to check, there she was with her pups. They're about two weeks. He's observing them for changes in the pack dynamic. It seems the Alpha skipped over the current Beta for her, they're sisters, and that could cause trouble."</p><p><em>Fascinating.</em> "Is Grey Wind good with the kids?" she asked.</p><p>"He's great with them. Lady is still recovering so we wouldn't bring her out. The pups are back up at the house, we'll let them play together with the kids at the end and take pictures."</p><p>"Do you do this often?"</p><p>Arya shrugged. "When we can. School was canceled a couple days, but Brienne called to say that were looking at making a visit in the snow, if we could accommodate. We do these visits a few times every year." She paused, shrugged again. "Jon likes the deaf school. For obvious reasons. But we also get the occupational therapy kids from the hospital, a few summer camps come out, that sort of thing. This was kind of a surprise, but it's fun."</p><p>Dany didn't ask, but she was curious how Jon handled them. She remembered his dark look, how he admitted he didn't want children. She gazed longingly back at the little ones, skipping and chattering—hands moving so fast she could barely make out individual signs, some of them adding volume and shouts to their movements—her heart wanted to just take them into her arms, hug them, and never let them go.</p><p>Except she couldn't do that. She knew she had options. The idea of adoption was still there, but she hadn't begun looking into it just yet. She wanted to try the other way first, as she wanted to feel her baby in her womb, to look into eyes that might be the same as hers. She looked down at her boots as they walked, pushing it from her mind. Mel would have a list of adoption agencies and partners to her in a second if she asked, even if she would still offer to let her go another round.</p><p>It was just so hard. The horror stories she'd heard. Missy and Grey had looked into it, at the beginning of their marriage, to see what hurdles they might have to go through, and the idea of a birth mother changing her mind last minute...Missy said at the time she didn't think she was ready for that, but she was working her way to it.</p><p>Dany thought if that happened to her, she would just crumple and die. It would be the world’s final straw. It would mean she could never have children, whether from her body or adopting another lost soul like her. She wrapped her arms tight around her, ignoring Arya's curious glances. "Are you alright?" the young woman asked.</p><p>"Fine."</p><p>"You look paler than normal."</p><p>"It's the cold," she mumbled.</p><p>Jon didn't want children because he didn't want to burden a baby with his hearing problem; she didn't think it a problem. It was just how he was. he just couldn't hear, same as some people couldn't see or speak a foreign language. Some people had dark hair and others had silver. Jon couldn't hear. That was all. he didn't see it that way. Dany didn't press him on it; she didn't want him to start to wonder why it mattered so much to her.</p><p>Besides, no baby could come of their couplings. The universe had made sure of that by making her womb "inhospitable." She trudged along and stopped when they got to Grey Wind's enclosure. She saw Ghost standing sentry, his ears lifting at the sight of her and tail beginning to wag. "Hey sweet boy," she greeted him, dropping a kiss to his forehead, between his bright red eyes, as was her standard greeting.</p><p>Arya stopped and turned to the children. "This is Grey Wind," she said, pointing to the picture on the outside of the fence. She grinned. "He's very big, but this is Ghost." She pointed to Ghost. "And he is very, very sweet. Ghost does not speak."</p><p>A little boy laughed. "Wolves don't talk," he signed.</p><p>"Ah," Arya laughed too. "But they can howl, and they can bark, and they can talk, remember how we said so earlier? Well Ghost can’t do that. He is mute, but he can hear. And he hears for Jon. He's a hearing dog." She pointed out his vest, which Dany realized that the wolf had been wearing. he usually only wore it out and about in the town with Jon, never at the sanctuary.</p><p>Guess it was a special day.</p><p>"Is Shadow going to do that too?" a little girl asked, looking over at the wolf pup, who now was chewing Dany's boot laces.</p><p>Dany shook her head, speaking over Arya. "No," she answered, signing. "He cannot hear, remember? He will need his hearing human."</p><p>It was like the cats. Viserion had his "hearing cats", Rhaegal and Drogon who helped him navigate around the house and clinic. He followed their lead, he didn't frighten, but she knew that if he ever got out, he'd be in trouble. He knew it too. Shadow didn't quite have that figured out yet, but he would one day. He'd adapt. Like all other humans did. Like Jon did.</p><p>"Look!" A little girl shouted, pointing suddenly to the fence.</p><p>Out of the dark pine and brush, Grey Wind emerged, hulking and massive. He was walking slower than normal, favoring his back leg. Dany made a note to check on it. He may have another pinched nerve; poor boy's neck injury flared up now and then, screwing with his gait. She looked over and saw Jon appear behind him, stern and wearing his parka with the sanctuary symbol over one of the pockets.</p><p>He had his hair pulled from his face in a knot at the back of his neck and his breath came in warm puffs in the cold air. Dany smiled at him; he caught her gaze and smiled back, brief. He signed to the kids. "Hello there. My name is Jon."</p><p>"And you are deaf," a boy signed back.</p><p>Jon laughed. "I am deaf. Just like you." He signed fast, but Dany could catch every few words; Arya murmured a few things to her as he 'spoke.' "I can talk to the wolves. Wolves are very special. They talk to each other and they are unique. They look like dogs, but they aren't. They are wild. These wolves are very special. They're my wolves." <em>My wolves</em>, he said, claiming possession, she noted, smiling. He pointed to Ghost, explained Ghost was his hearing dog and helped him. He said maybe one day they could get hearing dogs too because they were really helpful.</p><p>What does he do?"</p><p>Jon explained to them that he told him when someone was at the door, someone was behind him or nearby, and stopped him from getting hit by cars. The entire time he said nothing, hands moving fast, all the children following, laughing when he said something funny. He was actually smiling, a rare sight to see, and she stared, fascinated. And aching. Because he was <em>good</em> with them. He was wonderful, bringing each one up to pet Ghost, to scratch his belly and have them do signs so that Ghost would listen and get a treat each time.</p><p>The wolf was patient, allowing the children to pull on his fur and face. Grey Wind watched carefully from nearby. Jon then had each one of the kids come up and give Grey Wind some of his lunch, putting it in the bowl for him, so they could all say they fed a wolf. Grey Wind was vibrating, obviously wanting to jump for his food but waiting until he got the command from Jon.</p><p>"Ready?" Jon signed, all the kids waiting, knowing they had to sign the word 'go' for Grey Wind, who watched rapt. He laughed. "Go!"</p><p>They shouted, some of them almost charging forward, laughing when Grey Wind tackled his bowl, scarfing down his lunch, tail wagging happily. Whether because he was done with the show or because he finally got his food, Dany couldn't tell. She stepped to Arya, who was watching with a smirk, and quietly spoke to her. "He's wonderful with them."</p><p>She nodded. "He is. He likes kids."</p><p>"But he doesn't want them," Dany whispered, forgetting a moment she was with someone else. Arya turned her head, frowning, confused. She swallowed hard, smile faltering. "Nothing...nevermind, sorry."</p><p>Arya studied her, suspicious, a moment longer, until the tall blonde Brienne walked over to her, polite. "I think the children might be getting a little cold, perhaps we can go back inside for the rest of the tour?" she suggested.</p><p>"Oh yeah, dur, of course." Arya moved forward, and signed to Jon, who nodded and kept up with the kids, until all of them began to move back to the sanctuary, laughing and grinning as they told each other all that had happened.</p><p>It left Dany and Shadow with Ghost and Jon, while Grey Wind pushed his bowl clear to the edge of the fence, lapping up any remnants. She signed to him. "His leg...he's limping."</p><p>Jon nodded and signaled for Grey Wind, who trotted over. She rubbed his ears, moving her hands slowly over the massive wolf, and felt along his flank and leg. She would need x-rays to confirm. Maybe even get him in for an MRI. She nuzzled into his neck, sighing hard. There was a patch of fur missing from his neck injury, a jagged scar horizontal towards his chest. "What happened to him? "she asked, signing.</p><p>"Thorne."</p><p>She frowned, still rubbing Grey Wind's ears. "Thorne?"</p><p>Jon nodded and squatted next to her, petting Grey Wind. He sighed hard. "He wants the land," he said. He scoffed. "Thinks if he can kill the wolves, he will get it. Now he makes them look bad."</p><p>"Shaggydog," she said.</p><p>"Aye."</p><p><em>Fucking asshole.</em> She looked over the top of Grey Wind's massive head, meeting Jon's eyes. She spoke, hands still clutching the wolf's fur. "You are good with the children."</p><p>He stared at her a moment. Brows flickered to a brief frown and he nodded. "They are like me." He stood up, shoulders slumping, and he signed, but did not speak. Dany was grateful she knew it. She could follo0w it. She wondered momentarily if he thought she couldn't follow his hands, or knew the sign.</p><p>And her aching heart, for those children, for the child she could never have of her body, for whatever Jon thought he might be...it split into two, because she wanted to tell him he was wrong, but she didn’t, because right now she was feeling the same too and she understood it. More than he thought she did. And it killed her, because she knew he didn't really feel like that, not with how he behaved around the rest of the world and if that was truly how he felt, then he was as damaged as she was too.</p><p>
  <em>Broken.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p> </p><p>"Count of three," Dany signed. Jon nodded and they bent, Arya and Gendry helping as well. "One, two...three!" She hefted the massive crate on one end, each corner supported by one of the others, lifting it from the bed of the truck and carried out to the open patch of grass where they planned to release Rifle. Sweat beaded at the nape of her neck, her ponytail already frayed and straggly from getting him into the crate and then the crate into the truck. The wolf was a lot of dead weight and he'd woken up during the drive from the sanctuary offices to the far reach of the land where they would release him to rejoin his pack.</p><p>The pack had been prowling the area, according to their transponders, and Jon wanted to make sure they could stay near while he watched, in case there was trouble. Rifle was the alpha and he'd been gone for a few weeks. He was also still a little weak and they might view that as opportunity to pounce. Since he'd stick around, he'd driven separately, while Gendry and Arya would leave to go back, to work on procurement and budget.</p><p>Things Arya hated, but Jon made her do because according to him, he hated it more and he was the one with the Ph.D. so he had to watch the wolves. If Dany wasn't mistaken, she'd watched them "rock, paper, scissors" it out when they thought Gendry and she weren't looking. Jon got paper and Arya had rock, so he won. Dany would need to tell him the secret signal—Doom. Viserys always did it to her as kids, he'd mimic an explosion and call it the "Doom" which killed everything and he won, always.</p><p>She hadn't thought of her brother in some time, she really couldn’t be bothered, but she guessed she could find out from Rhaegar what he was doing. Rhae had called a couple of times to "check" on her, whatever that meant. She wondered if he was sick or something. Usually he could care less. The problem of having a brother old enough to be your father.</p><p>The crate set on the ground, Rifle was stalking inside, growling and snarling. Ghost and Nymeria were back at the office, just so they didn't threaten him at all. She nodded to Jon, who pulled on the release lever of the crate, the door flinging up. Rifle stilled inside, silent. She watched, her heart racing and Jon's arm flung out like a bar, to keep her back. Arya and Gendry had already gone to the cab of their truck to watch, keeping distance.</p><p>Dany stepped back and watched, fascinated, as Rifle stuck his nose out. He sniffed a few times and slipped from the crate, shoulders rolling, head swinging side to side, checking for threats. He pawed the grass and the leaves, sniffing some more. And in the distance, a couple of wolves howled. Jon didn't hear them, still watching Rifle.</p><p>Until to her surprise, he knelt onto the grass, and put his hands on his knees, turning his head towards the left side of the clearing. Dany followed his gaze. She gasped, covering her mouth with her palm. She hadn't even <em>heard</em> them.</p><p>Two wolves were standing in between a few pines, watching. Their eyes glinted, initially malevolent, but Dany realized it was curiosity. Rifle walked towards them, head held high, and did not flinch. Each wolf—a dark gray and one that was whiter than gray—flanked him, and to her surprise, bowed their heads and began to rub against him, chuffing. Rifle nipped at them and they pulled away, looking over to Jon and her.</p><p>Jon bowed his head but did not take his eyes off Rifle.</p><p>Rifle looked at him and flicked his gaze to hers.</p><p>And Dany was sure he nodded his head in thanks, before his tail swished, and he disappeared, the other two wolves taking off. She heard the howls, moments later, and grinned, hands covering her mouth. It took a moment for her to realize she was crying, tears tracking down to her chin. She wiped hard on them, sniffling.</p><p>Jon stood slowly and moved to stand next to her. Out of the corner of her eye, she noted his alarm, his hand lifting quickly to cup her chin, turning her face towards his, furrow forming between his brows. He signed: "Are you alright?"</p><p>"Fine," she signed. She laughed, wiping her eyes again and shrugged. She signed again. "That was beautiful."</p><p>He smirked, questioning. "Beautiful?"</p><p>"His return," she clarified, speaking now. She looked back to the empty space in the trees, the wolves having slipped off into the darkness. She laughed. "They were glad he was home."</p><p>He nodded and reached for her, wrapping her up tight in a hug. He kissed the top of her head and pulled away so she could see his hands. He signed for her: "Thank you. You saved him."</p><p>"So did you," she signed back. She turned around to the crate, moving to get it back up. Jon helped; in the moment, Arya and Gendry had left. She was so lost in watching Rifle's return she hadn't noticed or heard them leave. Jon wasn't bothered either. They got the crate into the back of his truck and went around to the cab, hopping up into it. She rubbed her hands together, shoving them over the heating vent, the engine rumbling.</p><p>Jon fumbled with a notebook, his fingers cold and stiff. He scribbled down some things and glanced at the laptop situated in the dash and console, watching the three dots blinking. He zoomed in and nodded, satisfied. "They're going back to the main den," he decided. He zoomed out and pointed to another series of dots. "New pack. Wanna' go see?"</p><p>There were things she had to get back to the clinic to do. Orders to make and she had a couple of follow-up visits she planned to do out at the Mormont Horse Farm. She bit her lower lip; if she said no, Jon might never ask her again. This was his world and he was inviting her into it. She knew how important that was. She nodded. "Yes."</p><p>He tossed the notebook aside and moved the gearshift, the truck returning to the road through the sanctuary. He drove, silent, and Dany leaned back, accustomed to it now with him. It was pleasant, no mindless chitchat. She could simply sit in peace, not have to bother with creating conversation for the sake of it. Worrying over tone and hidden meanings. She shoved her hands into her pockets, to keep them warm.</p><p>Jon's phone buzzed in the cup holder, beside his thermos of coffee. She glanced to him; he hadn't seen it flash. She picked it up and nudged him with it. He shrugged. "Who is it?"</p><p>She glanced down, saw the text. <em>Robb</em>. "Robb," she said, spelling his name.</p><p>He scowled. "I'll reply later."</p><p>"Isn't he visiting?" she asked. Jon didn't answer; he was staring straight at the road and if he saw her lips, he didn't feel like replying. If he didn't, she would wait. She frowned and looked at the message again.</p><p>
  <em>I'm in town at Winterfell with Sansa and Bran. Marg would love to have dinner tonight. We will stop by the house at 7 to pick you up? You okay with this? Text me Jon. I want to see you this time.</em>
</p><p>Implying he hadn't seen him the <em>last</em> time Robb was in town. Arya said that despite his hereditary title as Lord of Winterfell, Robb spent most of his time at Highgarden, his wife's family estate in the Reach. It was easier for him to travel to King's Landing for work-- he did something with the Stark Industries that Sansa did, only he worked out of their capital office while Sansa was at the main headquarters.</p><p>Arya told her that Robb had two kids: Eddie and Allie, short for Eddard and Alerie, named after their grandfather and grandmother respectively. They were both under the age of six and they didn't see them much because Margaery kept them far from Winterfell and Catelyn, Robb's mother. "She's insane, I say that as her daughter, lovingly," Arya told her over drinks last week, when Dany had brought it up. She laughed. "But Robb is her baby. We all barely exist compared to precious Robb."</p><p>As Dany had never had that but was always asked if she was "Rhaegar's sister," she supposed she understood where Arya was coming from.</p><p>She slumped in her seat, retaining warmth as best she could in the drafty truck. They rumbled down and along to a far reach of the sanctuary, eventually parking in front of one of the large fenced gates, which blocked off a portion. "This pack is here?" she asked him.</p><p>Jon nodded, going over to the panel box. He punched in his code and removed his keys, to unlock, the gate buzzing and electricity shutting off. He tugged it open and allowed her to step in. He'd grabbed a backpack, slung it over his shoulder. "Aye," he said. He signed, smirking. "Bit of a walk."</p><p>She groaned. "It's freezing!"</p><p>He snorted. "Breezy."</p><p>"Jon there's no sun."</p><p>"The trees."</p><p>She pushed his shoulder, laughing. "You're an idiot."</p><p>He stuck his tongue out, signed back. "You're weak."</p><p>"I am not!"</p><p>"Weak."</p><p>"I'll show you." She ran at him and jumped, laughing as he grabbed her with one arm and spun her around, her feet clear off the ground. He almost threw her over his shoulder, her arse straight in the air and she squealed, blood rushing from her feet to her head. He spun her in a few circles, her mind going dizzy, but she laughed, warm underneath her heavy parka and various snow accessories. She kicked her feet; it did no use to shout.</p><p>He dropped her down again, arms around her and dipped her backwards while he dipped forwards, mouth on hers. She groaned, suddenly tingling, and her mind blanking out with everything but him. His lips were cold, but they warmed up quickly under hers, their tongues tangling, and he pushed her against the nearest tree trunk. There were too many layers, she idly thought, trying to get her hands through the warm folds of his coat and pull on the lapels of his chambray.</p><p>The wolves could all circle them and pounce, she didn’t think she could notice anything when Jon got this close to her. She panted, wrapping around him tighter, and hiked her legs farther around his hips; he was holding her upright with the weight of his hard body, pinned against the tree, giving her the ability to unbuckle his belt and slip her hands in to push his briefs and jeans down over his hips enough to free him. Her thumb flicked over the tip of his cock, moaning into his mouth and parting her lips and teeth to allow his tongue to dive deeper.</p><p>He squeezed her tit underneath her sweater—how’d he get there so fast?—his other hand cupping her arsecheek over her lace panties. Dany couldn’t believe how things spiraled out of control with them. One moment they were laughing, teasing, and the next they were fucking up against a tree in the middle of damn winter. “Fuck Jon,” she cried, hand on the side of his neck, holding his face to hers and the other tight on his bicep, holding on for dear life.</p><p>He was hot inside of her, completely filling her and stretching her from within. All the sex they had, it felt like the first time, tight and warm and wet. She bit down on her lower lip, head hitting against the scratchy trunk behind her, Jon’s grunts and groans mingling with hers, mouthing at her neck. “Yes,” she exclaimed, his hand slipping between them to thumb at her clit, and a few more hard, powerful thrusts and tapping at her cunt, and she was coming, squeezing around him and seeing stars. Any cold she felt was gone, replaced with the warm spill of him inside of her, the tingling along her spine and the overwhelming heat he gave off around her.</p><p>
  <em>I love him.</em>
</p><p>Her eyes sprang open.</p><p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>Jon pulled away from her neck, kissed her hard, and dropped away. Her feet fell back to the ground, the dirt frozen and her numb feet suddenly shocked to life again. She cleared her throat and hurriedly righted her clothing, while Jon fixed himself. She laughed, looking over at his smirk. “What?” she asked.</p><p>He signed: “Never fucked in the woods before.”</p><p>It diffused the tension. She laughed again, except it was a choke. She couldn’t focus, hands raking through her hair, pulling at her hat, pine needles and flaking tree bark shaking loose. None of this was supposed to happen, she inwardly screamed, stumbling away and scrubbing her face. She closed her eyes tight. Tears gathered in the corners, threatening to fall free, but she couldn’t.</p><p>Essos was where the only thing she wanted out of life couldn’t exist. So she came to Westeros, to <em>get away</em> from that pain of loving something so much it could have killed her. Until now. Now she had to deal with that pain, of never having the baby she desperately wanted, the family she had never had, but this overwhelming, gut-punching, and heart-ripping pain in her chest.</p><p>
  <em>Love.</em>
</p><p>She scraped the back of her hand over her eyes. Jon didn’t notice, he was looking at the iPad, watching the wolves. He shoved it into his bag and slung it over his shoulder, nodding for her to follow. She did, forcing out the thoughts. The horrible fucking thoughts. She managed to keep up with Jon. Sex, she’d discovered, invigorated him. He was pushing through the brush and the weeds, stepping over the fallen and dead trees and jumping over frozen creekbeds.</p><p>They got wherever he wanted them to go, kneeling and hunkering down, reaching into his pack. He removed a set of binoculars, focused them, and grinned. He handed them to her, pointing. She followed his gaze and peered through. “Oh,” she exclaimed softly.</p><p>In a sliver of sunlight, between some trees and coming out of their den, she could see the female wolf, lying half in and half out, while several cubs tumbled around her, ripping at their fur and bouncing up to their feet. They were different than Lady’s cubs. Smaller, a bit more raggedy, but still as cute. There was something about their faces; it was like they were all smiling, tongues out and eyes bright, yipping and ripping at each other’s necks and paws.</p><p>Their mother allowed a couple of them to pull on her ears before she snapped, growling and warning. Another wolf wandered over, spotting her while she got up and slunk off. Dany grinned. She glanced sideways, signing: “Babysitting?”</p><p>Jon nodded, pointing. “Sisters,” he signed. “Aunt helping. Pack.”</p><p>They were all a family, helping each other. She moved closer to Jon, leaning against him while he made notes and watched the pack, clearly in his element. She had to return to work, but she didn’t want to leave this moment. She tapped his arm, getting his attention after about an hour, freezing to death and limbs numb again. She signed. “Robb wants dinner tonight…he texted it.”</p><p>He nodded, looking down at the snow. He frowned, looking back towards the pack. He made a few more notes in his book, folding back the cover. His knuckles were white, fingers gripping the pen so tight if it could breathe, well it wouldn’t be. She hesitated again; it was none of her business. Certainly not what she wanted at all. Especially not now that she thought she loved him. Because she really didn’t love him.</p><p>It was the sex. It was the fact that she was new here…if living here six months now constituted new. It was just…it just <em>wasn’t</em>, she thought fiercely. She huddled closer to him, breath in visible puffs in the cold. “Are you going to go?” she asked.</p><p>Jon’s shoulders fell. He nodded. “Have to go. It’s Robb.”</p><p>“Arya said that he does a lot of good with the deaf community…that’s really nice.” Dany knew she was pushing hard; too hard. He would seize up and run away. Like one of his wolves.</p><p>He didn’t say anything, kept watching the wolves. After a few minutes later, he got up, nodding for her to follow. They walked around a little more, found some more of the pack he’d been tracking. He let them come up to him, doing the thing where he just sat silently and they wandered up, drawn to whatever presence he had with them, the wolves sniffing at his feet and hands, and allowing him to hold the cubs.</p><p>“You want to come?”</p><p>Dany was watching one of the wolves move closer to her, still wary of this interloper in their territory. She jumped in place, leaning back on her hands. It didn’t matter to Jon that they were sitting in snow and dirt and wet leaves. She’d found a blanket in his bag and was sitting on it, but her jeans and boots were covered in muck. Leaves in her hair. Nose freezing and lips chapped. She didn’t care.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>He signed. “To dinner. With Robb. Want to come?”</p><p>She swallowed the lump in her throat. That was so…formal. She glanced away. “Ah…” She caught herself, realizing she wasn’t looking at him. She turned her face and smiled again, nodding. “Yes.”</p><p>“Okay. I’ll tell them.”</p><p>Dany ran her tongue over her teeth. She frowned. “What happened with you and Robb?”</p><p>Jon shook his head, shrugging shoulders, and tapped at his phone. He shoved it into one of the inner pockets of his parka and leaned back on his elbows, ankles crossed. He struggled with the words and eventually signed, one of his one-word answers that broke her heart. Not because it was the truth, but because it wasn’t. And she wasn’t stupid.</p><p>
  <em>Nothing.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. the brother: part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The dinner from hell hath arrived; Dany finds out how Jon lost his hearing.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So um, this is 12,100 words....sooo....yeah.  </p><p>Get some tissues too...we got some angst on the way big time.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jon was nervous, an emotion and behavior Dany was not accustomed to, in the short time she'd known him. She felt it coming off him in waves, the way he fussed with the collar of his blazer, pushed his hair repeatedly out of his face, and tapped his fingers on the edge of the steering wheel. He had been quiet. More than normal, barely saying anything to her when he picked her up at the clinic other than "You look pretty."</p><p>"So do you," she teased, replying the sign back to him, but he'd only flashed a hard smile and opened the door for her. The Jeep housed Grey Wind and Ghost, the former excited as he seemed to know he was going somewhere different. "IS Grey Wind coming to stay with Robb?"</p><p>"For a bit."</p><p>They drove in silence, other than Jon's tapping fingers. She tried to still them, once or twice, but he shook her hand free and kept at it. A muscle ticked in his jaw, his gray eyes hard as flint, and all Dany could wonder was <em>why</em>. Obviously, there was more to the relationship between Jon and his cousin than he was letting on, given by his clear lie earlier that day in the woods. There was something between them, something deep and heavy. Arya hinted at it, the way Jon barely spoke of his cousin other than in shrugs and brief acknowledgments.</p><p>And he had a picture of him. When they were little boys, clearly more like brothers than anything else. She wished she'd had that type of relationship with her brothers, even just one of them. She glanced at her phone. Oddly, she had a text from Viserys, and it simply just said: <em>If you are pregnant can I get your shares of the company instead of the kid if you die?</em></p><p>"Fucking Vis," she mumbled to herself, still annoyed. She knew Rhaegar must have told him about her IVF dream, but of course Viserys would skip over the fact that it hadn't bloody worked and look at the possibilities of ensuring he could get money out of it.</p><p>Ghost propped his head on Jon's shoulder, gazing out the windshield. Grey Wind copied him, doing the same to her. She smiled, reaching back to scratch his ears. "This is a nice dress," she told him, tilting her head to kiss his jowl. "Don't drool on it." He licked her cheek, tongue raspy and breath stinky. She giggled, swatting him. "And don't get my makeup messed up."</p><p>Jon didn't look at her, too busy driving. He stiffened, the closer they got to the castle. Dany hadn't been there yet. She'd contemplated getting a ticket after moving there to visit the museum and things, but work had gotten in the way. Now it just seemed weird. She couldn't believe how huge it really was, the turrets round and wide. It wasn't very tall, just sprawling. She gaped, as Jon flashed some sort of badge sitting in his console, one of the guards lifting up a gate to allow them to drive through to a private area. They left the tourist areas of Winterfell behind and ended up in one of the farthest and innermost sections of the castle.</p><p>He parked in front of a set of massive wooden doors, behind a shiny black Range Rover, a black sportscar, and what she recognized as Arya's dirty truck. There was another smaller SUV in a space closer to the doors, a handicap pass hanging in the rearview mirror, which she assumed was Bran's. She got out before Jon could get her door, staring up at the large walls and the beautiful carvings and awnings. "This is gorgeous, "she signed.</p><p>He shrugged. "It's Winterfell." He jerked his head towards the doors. "Come on."</p><p>The wolves bounded out and up to the doors, scratching eagerly to get in. Jon didn't bother with the bell or the complicated security screen with speaker she noted next to one of the doors. He punched in a code beside the handle and it beeped, flashing green. He pulled the door open, gesturing for her to enter. She stepped inside and the wolves ran ahead.</p><p>Instead of a house, as she expected, they were in a small courtyard. She immediately recognized one of the doors as the one Jon and Robb had been seated near, in the school day photo he kept in his office. He walked towards that one, away from two other doors set around the courtyard, the walls all resembling terrace houses she saw in town or in White Harbor and Moat Cailin.</p><p>This was where he froze. He lifted his knuckles to knock but dropped his hand instead to his side. He turned, facing her. It was pitch dark, the clouds blocking any moonlight or stars. There were what resembled streetlights around the courtyard and two large sconces lit up next to the door. His face was hidden in shadow. She stepped closer, nervous. She still wasn't sitting right with the realization she'd had earlier, about her....<em>feelings.</em></p><p>Best thing she could do was just try to forget them. To move on and just...be. Until they could figure out what this truly was between them. She swallowed hard and reached to touch his cheek, featherlight, speaking clearly. She didn't want to mess up the signs. "What is wrong Jon? You have been nervous all night. Is there something I should know?"</p><p>He lifted his fingers to sign and dropped them again. He did this a couple more times, until finally whatever internal battle he'd been having, he finally figured out what to say. He signed, fast, but she could follow. He wasn't speaking; she knew when he got upset or overly emotional, it was just easier to sign. Arya said it was like trying to speak two languages at once. HIs head and his hands were two different languages. She tracked the signs, translating in her head, mumbling the words.</p><p>
  <em>Robb and I are like brothers. Were like brothers. He is different. He changed. My accident. Never been the same. He does a lot. Do not be surprised. He will want to talk to you. He does not get...me.</em>
</p><p>His hands fell and he took a few deep breaths, swallowing hard. He signed again and dropped his hands, speaking. "It is an act."</p><p><em>What is an act?</em> she wondered but didn't have a chance to ask. The door swung open, Sansa standing on the other side, glaring angrily. "The security footage showed you two just standing out here, what are you doing?" she snapped. She glared at Jon She scowled again. "Are you going to be nice? Or is this going to turn into like what happened last year?"</p><p>Dany squinted at the younger woman. "I think we can all be civil; we aren't even in the door and you are yelling at us." She scowled. "Are you going to let us in?"</p><p>Sansa pursed her lips tight and stepped backwards, the long skirt she wore rustling at her ankles. She swept her arm dramatically towards the inside of the house. "Come on in." She shot a look at Jon, whose face at turned as hard as steel. "The kids are here, and they don't sign very well yet, so you will have to speak."</p><p>There was a good chance she was going to slap Sansa, if she kept up this ableist and ignorant behavior. She felt a hand on her elbow and glanced down; Jon had grabbed her to keep her from charging the other woman, who had already turned around and was leading them through a grand foyer into an adjacent receiving room. "What?" she hissed.</p><p>He smirked . "Don't kill her," he signed. He laughed. "Let me do it."</p><p>Sansa whirled around. "What was that sound? Did you laugh?"</p><p>"Yes," Jon replied, walking by her into the high-ceilinged receiving room, with large paintings on the walls, old-fashioned velvet furniture, and tall fireplace with a fire already going. In the center of the room, in front of a coffee table, two small children were playing with what Dany noted were new gifts, the paper still crumped in a bag nearby and cardboard boxes the toys came in stacked near the door. There was nothing very welcoming about the room, it was cold and impersonal, with what she assumed was all of Stark history being blasted forth to overwhelm the visitor.</p><p>She really didn't care about Stark history; it meant nothing to a woman whose family had been around since the dawn of Essos. But for whatever reason it mattered to Sansa. And clearly Robb, she thought, seeing the man who could only be him, wearing the traditional Stark kilt and regalia. She wrinkled her nose, then smirked at the thought of Jon wearing one. She turned to him, mouth opening, and he was already glaring at her. "No," he only said.</p><p>"I didn't say anything," she signed.</p><p>"Still no."</p><p>She laughed, leaning on him and pressing her hand lightly to his chest. he relaxed briefly, shoulders slouching, until Robb saw him and strode over, blue eyes wide and bright, his teeth flashing against a scruffy auburn beard. "Jon! It's so good to see you! I'm so glad you came!" He grabbed hold of Jon's shoulders, hugging him hard and slapping his hand on Jon's back.</p><p>This was his cousin, so she didn't say anything, but part of her wanted to interject and say: "He doesn't like that." Affection was not Jon's strong suit and she flinched at the pain rippling over his face, uncomfortable with the display Robb had just put on. Even in front of family. She stood to the side, polite, and Arya thankfully came over. "Arya," she greeted.</p><p>"Want a drink?" Arya cracked ice between her teeth, clinking the remnants in her glass, dark brow arching challengingly. "We can make a game tonight. It'll be fun."</p><p>Gendry sighed hard, coming to her side. "I think you've already had enough. Pace yourself." He took the glass from Arya, who wandered back over to the children playing near the table. He lowered his voice, murmuring down into her ear. "Margaery has already commented three times on her 'cute little job', Sansa has made at least seven different statements against Jon and his hearing loss, the kids have already referred to him as 'weird Uncle Jon' and Nymeria ripped the tablecloth off...it's been interesting so far."</p><p>Dany glanced at the woman who had to be Lady Margaery Tyrell, who was smirking rather cruelly in Sansa's direction, the other woman waving her hands and leaning close to her. Margaery sat with a rod up her back, legs primly crossed, every inch a lady. Her bright green eyes lifted up and caught hers, the smirk curving into a delighted smile. She stood and walked over, her high heels clicking on the hardwood once she made it off the carpet. "You must be Daenerys Targaryen! I know your brother Rhaegar!"</p><p><em>Of course you do.</em> Dany forced her smile. "How nice. Yes, it's Dr. Daenerys Targaryen."</p><p>"Oh I didn't know you were a doctor!" Margaery exclaimed. She swatted Robb, laughing. "You didn't tell me she was a doctor."</p><p>"I didn't know," Robb laughed, breaking from Jon. He signed while he spoke. "Are you deaf too?"</p><p>Dany blinked at him. She shot a look at Jon, who rolled his eyes and crossed his arms hard over his chest. He was already shutting off. She cleared her throat. "No," she said, signing. "But I am learning."</p><p>"Oh wow," Robb said. He smiled again. "What kind of doctor? An audiologist? Is that how you met Jon?"</p><p><em>What in the actual fuck is happening here?</em> Robb seemed friendly enough; it was genuine, the interest in his eyes. She shook her head, signing for Jon again. "I'm a veterinarian. At the clinic in town. I work with Jon and Arya and the wolves."</p><p>"Oh wow! That's amazing! I had no idea." He slapped Jon on the shoulder again. "This one never tells me anything. It's like pulling teeth to get him to talk." He caught what he said, and his face fell, like someone slapped it. He turned to Jon "Oh gods, I'm sorry I didn't..."</p><p>Jon rolled his eyes and signed. "Don't worry about it." He pushed by them, smiling down at the kids, signing. "Hi guys. remember me?"</p><p>"You talk funny," Eddy said, shouting. He shouted again at Jon. "if I scream loud can you hear me!?"</p><p>"Eddard!" Robb yelped. Margaery's face flushed dark pink, embarrassed. He rushed to his son and knelt, scowling at him. "Remember your manners and what I said. You just have to speak normally; Uncle Jon can still know what you are saying."</p><p>"But I want to do the hand things," Eddy said.</p><p>Jon signed and spoke. "It takes practice. Here, want to know your name?" He spelled it out. E-D-D-Y. He gestured for him to repeat, which Eddy did, grinning. He forced his smile again. "See? You did it."</p><p>"I wanna'!" the little girl shouted, shoving her brother out of the way. She mimicked what Jon showed her, spelling her name. A-L-E-R-I-E. She laughed when she got it out and then looked at Jon again, frowning. "You talk funny."</p><p>"Alerie."</p><p>Jon smirked, shrugging and stood up. "Yeah . So do you."</p><p>"No I don't!"</p><p>"I think you talk funny."</p><p>"But you can't hear," Eddy interjected, trying to put it together.</p><p>Jon shrugged; hands shoved into his pockets. "See? To me you talk funny because there's nothing coming out of your mouth." He left them to ponder that, while Sansa smacked her hands over her face and groaned and Robb tried to make the kids feel better. He wandered over to a bar in another room beside the receiving one.</p><p>Dany broke away from them both. "Um...be back." She hurried to Jon, grateful she thought to wear boots instead of heels. She suspected she might be chasing him down all evening. He poured himself a rather large whiskey, no water or ice. "Should you be drinking so early?" she asked.</p><p>"I need it," he signed and picked up the drink again, draining half the glass. He scowled down at her and spoke, the one hand occupied by holding his drink. "We are not staying long. Robb always does this."</p><p>"Does what?"</p><p>"You'll see," he said, voice as low as she suspected he could make it while also having her hear it. He stalked away and she went after him, in time to find Robb cutting him off on the way to the dining room.</p><p>Robb's face was furrowed in a frantic, pained look. "Please Jon," he signed. "For tonight can we just...forget?"</p><p>Dany wasn't sure she read the signs right, since Robb wasn't speaking while he signed. She glanced at Jon's face, hard and impassive . His eyes twitched towards her and again to Robb. He turned his lip up, rather cruel. "I do not need to forget, like you do." He pushed by Robb, head tilting back with his drink.</p><p>Robb glanced to her, standing in the doorway and sighed hard. He laughed, gesturing after Jon. "Sorry, he's...Jon." He cleared his throat and grinned wide again; it was different than the smile he had on when he saw Jon. This one just seemed...fake. He walked over to her, hands going to his hips. He laughed at the sight of himself in one of the mirrors behind her. "I should explain...I don't normally wear the Stark ceremonial outfit, but I was at a function earlier and it was part of the dress code."</p><p>She nodded politely. "I see. What sort of things do you do?"</p><p>"Well I work for the company, down in King's Landing, but being the Lord of Winterfell brings with it some ceremony responsibilities, mostly down with the House of Lords. Although I do still have to manage the Stark castle, museum, grounds...we're a working farm, you know." He grinned. "Although Sansa kind of does most of that. Our mines out west are productive. That's how we met your brother, actually, working with the dragonglass mines and some research and development. He's a brilliant man, your brother."</p><p>"Hmm," Dany said, forcing a smile. "He's brilliant, but he's...Rhaegar."</p><p>"You must be proud of him."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>Robb drew back, a little surprised. he chuckled. "Oh just...running the company, being a respected composer and musician too."</p><p>"I don't know him that well, even if he is my brother," she said. She narrowed her eyes. Something about Robb was there, under the surface, and she couldn't quite place it. She cleared her throat. It wasn’t his business, but she suspected if she could get him to stop talking about her brother, that would be a success. "I'm a vet, because I want to be a vet. Rhaegar is head of the company because he was firstborn. I suppose that's sort of the same with you. Lord of Winterfell instead of Bran or...even Jon."</p><p>It was just a test shot, to see his reaction. She watched carefully, the light from the glowing lamps and the bright fire play on his face. It was smooth, but there were deep lines around his eyes. He had a heavy weight to deal with, something obviously settled with him, that he'd been carrying a lot time. Jon had those same sorts of lines. They deepened, dark creases matching his worried brow, eyelids dropping, eyes downcast. He shifted on his feet, clearing his throat. “Well…Jon…my father was older than his mother so…so he wouldn’t be…Lord.”</p><p>“He could be, right? Isn’t Sansa called a Lady? I remember Arya saying she technically could be Lady Arya, children of a highborn.” She narrowed her eyes, forcing a smile, tight, her cheeks burning. “I guess I am not familiar with the peerage here in Westeros. This home is beautiful, truly amazing. My brother has an estate, it’s been in the Targaryen family a long time, he bought it back when he recouped the company.” She tossed her hair out of her eyes, one of her braids slipping over her shoulders with the movement. “I’m just curious how it all works I guess.”</p><p>He chuckled, making himself a drink. “Well, Jon’s mother was Lady Lyanna, but she did not pass her title to him. She wanted him to grow up…” he trailed off, pained. “Normal.”</p><p>“Normal is overrated,” Dany murmured.</p><p>Robb didn’t hear her, pouring ice into his glass, speaking over the rattle in the crystal. “My father raised us like brothers. We’re less than a year apart. I only ever knew Jon as my brother, not my cousin. Ned was his father…he even called him Dad, like me.” He sighed hard, gazing above the fireplace, where a large family portrait of the Starks hung, all the children, including one she hadn’t met yet and assumed was Rickon. There was also Catelyn, with a matching scowl like Sansa. No Jon though, Dany noted, annoyed.</p><p>Dany looked at the drink he was preparing for her, even though she hadn’t asked for a whiskey. She’d take it though. “And your father? When did he pass?”</p><p>“A few years ago, he had heart problems, unfortunately.” Robb smiled briefly. “My mother doesn’t like the cold much, she moved down south to take care of her father, he’s been ill, at Riverrun. She’s a Tully.”</p><p>He said that like it meant something other than nothing, which it did to her. “Arya said your mom didn’t really like Jon,” Dany commented.</p><p>“Well she just…” Robb began to defend Catelyn, but Sansa appeared int eh doorway. He smiled over towards her. “Sansa.”</p><p>“Dinner is ready and I’m not going to sit by Jon, I never know what to say when passing him anything.” She jerked her head to the door. “So come on, you’re the head of the family right now.”</p><p>She blinked at Robb, when Sansa left in a swish of skirts and red hair. “Is she always like that?” she snapped.</p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“Just…against Jon like he’s a burden and not a human being.”</p><p>“She’s…” Robb waved his hand, rolling his eyes. “She doesn’t understand.” He stepped to her, smiling again. It was genuine, grateful, and his eyes almost seemed watery. “Like you do. You understand, right? About Jon? What he needs?”</p><p><em>He doesn’t need anything.</em> She scowled, unsure what he meant by that statement. She picked up the whiskey, stepping backwards, quiet. “Jon is fine as he is.” She turned and left, going into the large dining room, a cavern with another monstrous fireplace, oil paintings on the wall, and a spread that looked like something from a medieval feast. She walked by Gendry, who was pouring Arya some water, smirking at his eyeroll. She chuckled. He was going to have his hands full, as Arya was downing her latest drink.</p><p>Across the table from Arya, she took a seat beside Jon, who was on another drink himself. His eyes were a little glassy. He swallowed hard, smiling at her. “Having fun?” he signed.</p><p>“Jon,” Sansa exclaimed, clapping her hands. She pointed to her lips, his eyes rolling slowly towards her, glaring angrily. “No signing if we can’t understand what you're saying.”</p><p>He gave her the finger. Dany stifled a laugh, Arya snorted, and even Gendry laughed. Bran wheeled in, having missed the earlier chaos, and caught the tail end, laughing. “what did you say to him Sansa? Just shut up.” He wheeled to sit by Eddy, who was staring at his wheelchair. He smirked sideways at him. “What?”</p><p>“He can’t hear, and you can’t walk,” Eddy said, pointing to Jon and then to Bran.</p><p>“That’s right, it’s not nice to point.” Bran pushed Eddy’s finger down towards his plate, shooting an irritated look down the table to Robb, who came to take a seat at the head of the table. He nodded towards Margaery, who was sitting beside Eddy, while Alerie was seated at Robb’s side, so each one could help the kids. “How is the signing coming for them?” He signed, so Jon could follow.</p><p>Margaery put on a polite smile, one that did not meet her shrewd eyes. Dany didn’t trust her. She suspected she was just putting on the look to appear polite, like this was one of her society functions. “They have not quite started yet. Robb is doing what he can, but they’re very young.”</p><p>“I learned young,” Arya said, loudly. She chuckled and then coughed, pointing over to Jon, snorting. “You taught me. How else could I talk to you?”</p><p>Jon smirked, picking up his glass of wine. He tilted it towards her. “Only one who cared. Till Bran and Rickon.”</p><p>“And me,” Robb said, soft. An icy blue gaze found Jon’s steel gray one. “I always cared.”</p><p>“Hmm.” Jon said nothing, sipping his wine.</p><p>And while the siblings shot zingers back and forth, Arya and Sansa beginning to squabble, Bran trying to fend of Eddy’s curious questions about his wheelchair, and Gendry switching out his glass of water for Arya’s vodka, Dany watched what was going on between the brothers. Robb kept looking in Jon’s direction, a strange look in his eyes, while Jon did his best to ignore him. Sometimes Ghost would nudge Jon, from his position at Jon’s feet, when Robb called for him. He tried to engage him in conversation, but it was hard.</p><p>Dany learned that mealtimes with Jon were generally quiet affairs. He couldn’t sign while he was eating and didn’t like maintaining the eye contact necessary to lip read while he was also focused on whatever was on his plate. It was actually quite pleasant. Gave them both opportunities to decompress. She knew Robb was trying, but part of her wondered why he kept pushing the conversation. She dropped her hand down under the tablecloth, searching for Jon’s fingers, and squeezed.</p><p>He turned his hand over under hers and returned the squeeze. She smiled; grateful he recognized her action for what it was. One of comfort and solidarity. She let go, nodding towards Grey Wind, who was dozing underneath the table at Robb's feet. "I thought while you were here Robb, I might speak to you about Grey Wind's care. His neck injury has been causing him some nerve pain, I'd like to do an MRI and perhaps see about consulting an orthopedic veterinarian. We might be able to get him some more mobility in his right back leg."</p><p>Robb looked up from cutting Alerie's food. He glanced at Grey Wind and smiled, although she didn't think it was very thankful. "That's nice, we can talk about that. He's a good old boy."</p><p>"He's the same age as Ghost and Nym, not that you would care," Arya snapped, reaching for a bottle of wine, Gendry cutting her off and knocking it out of her reach. She glared at him, saying nothing and instead focused her attention on Margaery. "Neither of you have been up North in ages, are you a Southern boy now or something Robb?"</p><p>Bran rolled his eyes. "Knock it off Arya."</p><p>"What? Just asking."</p><p>Margaery smiled warmly. "We live at Highgarden because it is easier for Robb when he goes into Kings Landing and my grandmother is elderly..."</p><p>"She told me that I should sick my wolves on you to delay your return," Arya said, waving her phone up, laughing. "I don't think she's that elderly."</p><p>"Arya knock it off," Sansa hissed this time.</p><p>Robb cut them all off, voice loud and warning. "We have a guest here." He lifted his hands, signing for Jon. "So how did you meet Daenerys?"</p><p>Jon made the sign for her name. "Her name," he signed.</p><p>"Oh you have a sign name already!" Robb exclaimed, delighted. He turned to her, eager. "How are you finding it? You know, you should come with me to the hospital. The things we are doing! I told Jon last time that I wished he'd come with me to the Lyanna Stark Audiology Center at the Queen Alysanne's Hospital, it's really remarkable, the things we are doing with implants and therapies..."</p><p>"No."</p><p>Jon's single word sent a chill down her spine. She stiffened, eyes darting between Robb's pained, smiling expression and Jon's warning cold one. She cleared her throat, noting the other three Stark siblings found their plates quite fascinating, even Sansa. Margaery drained her glass of wine and grabbed for a bottle. The children were oblivious, Eddy complaining about his dinner as 'gross' and Alerie choosing to pull on her green beans instead of eating them.</p><p><em>What is going on?</em> she wondered, straightening up in her seat. Under the table, Ghost pressed his head onto Jon's knee, eyes opening and closing, attempting to comfort him. Jon sought out his wolf, folding his fingers through Ghost's thick ruff, keeping his hand there while he spoke, loud. "That's your center Robb, not my mom's and not mine. You only named it after her because I wouldn't let you use me." His fingers shook, reaching for his glass, which was nearly empty. He met Robb's gaze, smirking. "We have a guest."</p><p>A guest no one seemed to really notice was there, Dany thought, looking to Robb again. She didn't know what was going on, but she remembered Jon's warning. <em>It isn't real.</em> She frowned, lifting her fingers, which trembled slightly, signing for Jon and speaking, even if she fumbled. "Jon and I met when I ran into him on the street. He was rude." She smirked at Jon, who flashed a quick smile. "And I helped with the wolves. We are taking care of one. Shadow. He's deaf."</p><p>The light briefly flickering behind Jon's shuttered eyes went out, the moment she said that. On the contrary, Robb's eyes lit up like fireworks. "Really? That's incredible! Oh Jon, the things we could do for the sanctuary...we could finally merge the efforts of each, that's actually something I want to talk to you and Arya about, where we're going with the sanctuary and..."</p><p>"No," Jon repeated again. He was warning again, the wolf emerging. "My sanctuary. Not yours."</p><p>Alerie poked Robb's shoulder. "Daddy? Why is Jon mad?"</p><p>Sansa sneered. "Because he forgot his manners."</p><p>Jon laughed, loud and unabashed. Margaery swatted Eddy's hand, which came up to point, and no doubt make fun of it, although Dany knew he didn't know any better. He smiled at Alerie. "Not mad. Tired." He grabbed the wine bottle, dumping the rest into his glass and picked it up, draining half of it before slamming the crystal glass onto the wooden table, challenging Robb, whose face had turned impassive. "Very tired."</p><p>The entire dining room went silent. Only the sounds of the children scraping their silverware, the fire crackling, and the heavy breathing of the three wolves who were lurking on the edges of the table filled the large space. Dany didn't know what to do or say. She had zero experience in these types of family issues. Rhaegar was never around and Viserys and she didn't do anything near like family dinner, even when living with their various guardians. They were three strangers who happened to share a last name.</p><p>And yet underneath all the tension between each and every Stark, Dany knew there was something else. She didn't know about Sansa—the woman was so unnecessarily rude— but Bran and Arya clearly loved their cousin and also loved their brother. Robb, well...she didn't know what was going on. The few warnings she had from Arya and then Jon. the way he immediately assumed she was in the Deaf community when he met her, always wanted to turn the topic back to Jon...she glanced at Jon.</p><p>She loved this man. She hated that she loved him. It would be so much easier if she didn't. he was hurting terribly, despite the icy look in his eyes, the way he kept silent like Ghost. She cleared her throat, choosing that moment to be the one to break the silence, if no one else would. "Robb, thank you for the offer," she said, voice soft. She picked up her wine glass, quiet. "But I must decline your invitation to visit the audiology center. I have a lot of work with the wolves that keeps me here and the clinic is very busy." She nodded to Arya. "Arya has me on a permanent retainer, between the litters we have and the various injuries that occur with the wolves."</p><p>Gendry, thankfully, picked up on the wide-eyed expression she sent his direction and nodded, shifting in his seat. "It's really great, you should go to the sanctuary and see what Arya and Jon have been doing. Amazing work. In fact, Lady's litter is doing great on their own..."</p><p>He was cut off by Robb, who frowned. "Didn't Shaggydog get out? I heard from Davos when I ran into him earlier today."</p><p>Bran piped up now. "That was Thorne. He's being a dick."</p><p>"Language," Margaery muttered, as Eddy piped up of course, hearing a bad word.</p><p>"It was Thorne," Arya repeated, waving her hand. "We're dealing with it."</p><p>Robb wrinkled his nose. "I know that this sanctuary is important to you guys, but it's just a pet thing and if it's starting to cause trouble..."</p><p>A loud clang of Jon's hands on the table drew everyone's attention towards him. He was furious; his nostrils flared and eyes almost black. He furiously signed, unable to speak, Arya translating rapidly for everyone, even as Robb flinched, clearly feeling Jon's wrath. "It is not just a pet thing it is important and it science and these are not just dogs, they are wolves and they are not mine. They belong to the Wolfswood and have been here since before there were Starks. Why do you think your precious sigil has the wolf on it? It's because they were here first and all we are doing is making sure they stay. We are protecting them because no one else will. Do not come here and try to stop it. We can deal with it because we always deal with it. It is me and Arya, not you. Who is helping your wolf? Who saved him after Thorne attacked him? Who is doing all they can to make sure they don't hurt anyone else? Me and Arya." She took a deep breath, slurring through her words, obviously drunk while also trying to focus on Jon's flurry of fingers. "Don't come back here Robb as the Lord of Winterfell when you only have that because of Dad. This is not your sanctuary it is mine. My land and my money and my name. Not yours."</p><p>Jon stood fast, Ghost jumping up and rushing after him, his black coat swishing behind him around the corner. Dany's mouth fell and she moved to get up, but Arya shook her head quickly, even Bran as well. "No," she said, laughing. "Leave him."</p><p>Robb's face was pale, his blue eyes downcast. He glanced sideways at her. "I'm sorry you had to see that," he apologized, the consummate professional. He took a deep breath, laughing. "I can never do anything right with Jon."</p><p>"Because you don't listen to him," Arya snapped.</p><p>"Arya!"</p><p>"She's right," Bran mumbled. He looked up and pushed his glasses up his nose, laughing. "You keep pushing him, get a hint Robb. He's moved on from it and the more you keep forcing and trying, the more you're pushing him away!"</p><p>Dany had zero idea what was happening; it seemed Gendry did as well, but he'd given up on stopping Arya from drinking and now was trying to catch up to her. She suspected that might be the only thing to do in this family. Sansa had gotten up and was now taking the plates away. She looked at hers; she'd barely eaten. She dropped her napkin to the side of the plate and stood slowly. "I should go." She had no idea how she was going to get home, honestly. She probably could take Arya's keys and drive her truck.</p><p>Robb raked his fingers through his auburn curls, sending them standing up. He got up and waved to Margaery, who was getting Eddy up. "Take the kids into the kitchen to finish up, I'm sorry about this Dany, truly...it's just...family stuff."</p><p>She frowned. "It seems mor than that."</p><p>He ran his tongue over his teeth and smiled tightly. "It's just Jon. And..." he sighed, pushing his chair in and grabbing his whiskey glass, moving by her, Grey Wind popping up to follow him. "And what I did."</p><p>
  <em>What I did.</em>
</p><p>Dany looked over at Bran, Arya, and Gendry, who were still seated. A pretty pale brown and white wolf wandered in then, going to Bran and dropping a rope in his lap, tail wagging. She smiled. "That must be Summer."</p><p>"He always turns up at the oddest times," Bran sighed. he picked up the rope and passed it to the wolf, still holding one end. He pushed back in his chair. "I'm going to bed. Sorry you had to see all this drama Dany."</p><p>"Nothing I can't handle," she mumbled, although she wasn’t so sure. She let Gendry and Arya keep drinking, both of them now arguing with each other. She turned away and wandered through the rooms on the first floor, not finding Jon or Ghost anywhere. She glanced up the main staircase, large and imposing, and glanced around. With no one to follow her or see, she took the steps two at a time, and saw a brief flash of white on the stairs leading to the third floor.</p><p>A second later, Ghost popped his head between two banister railings. She went to meet him, and he led her across the floor, this one smaller and narrower, to another set of stairs. This set was through a doorway and wasn't carpeted, still roughhewn wood. He padded up them and she went too, coming around one of the small creaky landings to a room that appeared to be a converted attic. Half of it was old boxes, furniture, and paintings pushed up, gathering dust. The other half was blocked off by a wall, another door leading beyond. She went through this door and stopped in her tracks, looking around the room.</p><p>It took up half the floor of the house but seemed smaller because of the awnings and eaves. There was a double bed with a dusty blue quilt and thick layer of dust on the flanking nightstands. Posters peeled on the ceiling, bands from her childhood and movies. Wolves, tons of wolves. Bookcases were relatively empty and there was a serviceable desk. There were children’s' books with large printed hands making signs.</p><p>She touched one, the pages dog-eared and worn. She flicked it open and stared at the angry black letters almost carved into the paper, tearing through it, and wrinkled from water—tears—she imagined.</p><p>
  <em>I hate Robb. I hate him. I hate him. I hate me. I hate the world. </em>
</p><p>On the desk was the same inscription: <em>I HATE ROBB.</em></p><p>Things were still muddled, the pieces missing, but the puzzle was starting to come together. She glanced to one of the open windows and stepped out, a small catwalk leading from one window the other. Jon sat in the center, smoking angrily; there were several butts sitting beside him already. A half-empty bottle of whiskey also dangled between his fingers. She let Ghost notify him of her presence; he turned his head slowly.</p><p>It was so dark she could barely see his eyes; just the quick sheen of them when he turned his head, catching on the dim light coming from the attic room. She signed, until she could get to sit by him. "Was this your room?"</p><p>He nodded curtly. She looked down, over the tops of the rest of the modern quarters of the Stark family and the rest of the turrets of the old castle. She could also see, just beside them, the top of a blood-red tree, the white trunk and branches oddly illuminated. He caught her gaze, speaking. "Heart tree. The godswood." He mimicked praying. "Old Gods there."</p><p>"It's beautiful," she signed.</p><p>"It's not real." He smoked for a moment, blew out a stream, and laughed again. Angry. "I don't hate him. He just...he does not stop." Dany leaned on Jon's shoulder and closed her eyes. He sagged next to her and kept drinking and smoking. After a long while, she opened her eyes to look at him. He was staring in the distance, eyes glassy. He laughed again; his words were slurring, tired and drunk. "He wants...fix...me."</p><p>She shook her head, turning his face so he could see her. "No," she said, loud and clear. She didn't care if her voice carried and anyone else could hear them. "You are not broken. There is nothing to fix."</p><p><em>I love you</em>, she desperately thought. She laughed, touching her forehead to his. "You are not broken," she repeated. He pulled away to see her lips again. She sniffed, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. "I am broken."</p><p>He frowned, shaking his head. "No."</p><p>"Yes." She didn't know why she said it. If they were going to try to 'one-up' each other there, she could join in too. She pulled at his hands, encouraging him to stand. He stumbled a little, the drink obviously still in his head. "Come on. Let's go home. Shadow is waiting."</p><p>"Shadow."</p><p>They got out of the room as quietly as they could; it was when they were leaving did, they catch attention. Sansa appeared out of one of the side rooms. Dany did not want to deal with her, and simply nodded to her as she collected their coats from the front closet, fishing for Jon's keys. The other woman chuckled, arms crossing over her chest. "Well at least it didn't end like the last family dinner. Jon broke a glass and had to get stitches."</p><p>Dany helped Jon with his coat, glad he wasn't looking at the woman and could not see her lips. "We are leaving, thank you for dinner, I'm sorry it did not end the way you hoped it would. Please tell Robb he is welcome to bring Grey Wind to the clinic anytime."</p><p>"Sure." Sansa scoffed, going to pull open the door. She arched a slim red eyebrow. "My mother wanted to send Jon to one of those schools after his accident, where he could be around kids just like him. My father said no, he wanted Jon to grow up normal. " She laughed. "He's not normal and being around Robb made it worse."</p><p>"What are you talking about?" Dany snapped; she was not in the mood for games. She bit the tip of her tongue, seething. "And Jon is normal. There's no such thing as normal. He's Jon."</p><p>"Ask Jon why he hates Robb." Sansa waved at them, moving to close the door when she stepped onto the front stoop with Jon. The other woman cocked her head, blue eyes sparkling. "Maybe he'll tell you the truth."</p><p>The drunk dead weight of a grown man, even one as fit as Jon, had her buckling at the knees, hoisting him through the courtyard and out to the car. She stuffed him into the passenger seat, Ghost jumping in with her. She turned the engine over and left, glancing every few moments at Jon, who was passed out now, eyes shut and breath coming in heavy sighs. Ghost often provided support when his head lolled on his shoulders, sticking his great white one under for Jon to use as a pillow.</p><p>On the drive from Winterfell to Jon's house, Dany mused over what she'd learned that evening. The first being that her crazy family was nothing compared to the damage lurking under the surface of the picture-perfect Starks. It also caused a strange pang of jealousy; she should wish her brothers were as involved as they all seemed to be in each other's lives. It was fine. She was doing quite well and...well...look at the wolves, she reminded herself.</p><p>The wolves had their packs, their structure and hierarchy. They took care of each other. They were a family. Then there were the ones like Shadow. He had to make his family and he had. She glanced sideways; Jon was still asleep, his hands loose on his knees. She whispered to Ghost, his red eyes darting to her. "The lone wolf dies while the pack survives, that's what Arya said." She remembered what else she had said, on that first day she came to the sanctuary.</p><p>
  <em>Sometimes the pack creates the lone wolf.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p> </p><p>"Okay, there you go."</p><p>Jon groaned, flopping backwards onto the bed, after Dany managed to tug off his boots. He grumbled, trying to sit up again, but she nudged his chest, sending him flailing back. His head bounced on the pillow. He grumbled, but she couldn't understand what he was saying, choosing to ignore it. It had taken forever to get him up from the car to the house and then into his room. She briefly considered leaving him in Shadow's room, since it was closer.</p><p>The wolf pup had been excited they were back earlier than scheduled and after she took him out potty-- leaving Jon slumped on the couch in Shadow's room-- she brought him up to his room. Shadow was now sniffing at the boot she'd tossed and then moved up to Jon's feet, paws on the edge of the bed. He barked a couple times, but she shushed him, making the hand signal for 'quiet.'</p><p>He didn't follow instruction, but Ghost snapped at him and he silenced. She grunted, swinging Jon's feet over. "Alright," she huffed. She moved to sit behind him and yanked at his coat. "Come on Jon, you're not sleeping in your blazer."</p><p>"Hmm," he grumbled, his back propped to her chest. He turned, nuzzling his nose into her breast. He kissed it and mumbled some more, arms moving to clutch her.</p><p>She rolled her eyes. "Of course you go for the boob. Hey, knock it off perve." She swatted his shoulder again, but he didn't get the hint, still pressing his face against her, his ear against her chest. She paused a moment, one arm of his out of the blazer, the other still tangled between them. <em>Wait...</em> She glanced down at his face. His brow had relaxed, his eyes still closed, and his breathing deepened. He relaxed against her, as she slumped back onto the bed, his head still between her breasts.</p><p>
  <em>Listening.</em>
</p><p>Jon had never told her if he could hear anything. all he said was it was silence. He didn't use hearing aids, Arya said, as personal preference and it "wouldn't work anyway." <em>What did that mean?</em></p><p>There were still so many questions she had with him. Questions she didn't know when or if he would answer. They had so many deep cuts between the two of them. He let her with his wolves though. He let her get close. He invited her to meet Robb.</p><p>She loved him.</p><p>Tears leaked out the corners of her eyes; she had to tell him about Essos, about why she came over. How she wanted a family. How she couldn't have one from her body, but maybe, when she was ready, <em>if</em> she was ever ready, she might go the adoption route. And he didn't want kids, he said. He didn't want them to deal with him. Seeing the confusion on Alerie and Eddy's faces that night, she understood why.</p><p>even though he was good with them. He was wonderful with the other children who visited.</p><p>
  <em>He would be a good father.</em>
</p><p>Except she knew you couldn't change anyone. She couldn't make Rhaegar be more affectionate with her, more father than distant older brother. She couldn't keep Viserys from trying to get cash out of her as his only means of contact. She'd given up on changing them; only the could change themselves. She wouldn’t change Jon.</p><p>
  <em>I don't even know if I can do this.</em>
</p><p>She shakily wiped the tears from her cheek, glancing down when he mumbled something. She lowered her ear, to hear.</p><p>"My life."</p><p>It was hard to get out, but she was sure that’s what he said. "Jon," she said, nudging him. She caught herself, swallowing hard, lowering her face closer to his, breath whispering over his skin. "Jon." His eyes flickered open, staring up at her. They were bloodshot and exhausted. He tilted his head back, eyes focused on her lips. She spoke clearly, fingers brushing through his dark hair, soft and silky against her palm. "You are perfect," she said. She sniffed. "No one can tell you different."</p><p>He smirked and shook his head a little, voice raspy, unfocused and slurring. "My life. He has my life."</p><p>"Who?" she asked, although her stomach hurt, because deep down she knew exactly to who he was referring. She was already shaking her head, already preparing to say no, no he didn't, that Jon had his life, a good life. He had his wolves and his house, and he had...</p><p>
  <em>He has me.</em>
</p><p>Jon's face broke. "Robb...Robb has my life." He slumped harder on her, sobbing. "His fault."</p><p>There it was.</p><p>Maybe it wasn't the exact confirmation she'd expected, certainly more to the story, but she didn't necessarily need anything else. She felt sick, stomach roiling and surging, tears falling over her face, dropping onto Jon's as she cradled him rocking slightly with his arms around her. She filled in the other puzzle pieces. They weren't all there, but the picture was. It was creeping out of the shadows, fading bit by bit on the edges.</p><p>The accident when Jon was a boy, he blamed Robb for it. And clearly Robb also did too.</p><p>She pressed her cheek to Jon's head, whispering nothing to him, as he fell asleep against her, not making a sound, whatever vibrations of her heart he could feel or potentially hear lulling him into sleep. She did not sleep, she remained awake, Ghost and Shadow curled against each other at the foot of the bed, two opposites attached to each other.</p><p>There was a good chance Jon would not mention this tomorrow; maybe wouldn't even remember it. Dany wasn’t sure if she should bring it up, but she didn't want him to run away from her. She'd let him make the first move. She needed to treat him like how he was.</p><p>A scared wolf, who just needed someone close.</p><p>And since she didn't think she could tear herself away just yet; if only to protect her own fragile and lonely heart, she would be there, waiting, on the edge of the shadows.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p> </p><p>"There you go Shadow, good boy." Dany dropped the pup onto the linoleum, laughing as he dove for her laces again. He really did love her boots. They weren't the fancy Ellaria ones she'd had to trash after the cobbler she'd sent them to in Essos couldn't even save them—the screams from Missy could be heard across the Narrow Sea—although they were still fashionable and sturdy, keeping her feet warm in the freezing snow outside and also comfortable for being on her feet all day in the clinic.</p><p>It was admin day and she sent Gilly home early to deal with a house of colds, not that Gilly was thrilled about it. "One kid goes to school with a sore throat and they <em>all</em> get it," she complained, after the nurse had called her to tell her to come get her two kids. "And then Sam gets it and before you know it, I'm out too."</p><p>"Just let me know when it hits you," Dany teased, as Gilly stormed angrily from the clinic to probably find patient zero and deal with them herself. She was fine with it. She had Shadow today anyway.</p><p>As predicted, Jon woke up, complaining of a headache, but selective amnesia, he claimed he didn't remember anything beyond the roof or anything he might have said while at home. She casually asked him why he put his head on her chest; he simply smirked and said he liked her tits. He was deflecting; she didn't think he'd forgotten anything. But as planned, she didn't push it. He had to go out and do some behavioral studies—laying things around the woods and watching the wolves deal and handle them—so she got Shadow.</p><p>She passed Shadow a cookie and picked up his trailing leash, bringing him with her out of the exam room and up to the apartment. It was easier to do paperwork up there anyway. The dragons weren’t fans of the wolf pup, each one hissing at him in turn, save Viserion, who hissed and then ran towards him, intrigued. She opened the door and unclipped his leash, letting him run off to the little bed he had in the living room, which Drogon had been using for his. “Sorry dude, you brought it on yourself,” she told her big cat, who shrieked and rocketed out when Shadow jumped at him. “That’s his bed, not yours.”</p><p>Drogon swiped her foot and went to seek solidarity with his brothers, atop the mantle. Viserion gave it about five minutes before he jumped down and went to investigate Shadow, not bothered at all by the pups yips and snuffles. He and Shadow began to play, tussling around, while she watched carefully from her perch at the couch. She began to go through order forms, checking them against the inventory she’d done earlier.</p><p>She was about forty-five minutes into it when she heard the bell from the front of the clinic. “Who is that?” she asked out loud, Shadow and Viserion ignoring her, for they were fast asleep together in the dog bed. Rhaegal yowled and jumped down to follow her to the door. She jogged down the steps and went around the corner, hoping it wasn’t an emergency. No one had called her.</p><p>The shadow on the other side of the frosted glass was unfamiliar, but by the time she got to unlock it, she realized who it was, seeing the shock of deep red hair and the large mass of wolf beside him. Robb grinned when she tugged the door back, lifting up the leash attached to Grey Wind’s harness. “Sorry, I didn’t have your personal number and the main one just went straight to voicemail. I’ve got to head back to Highgarden tomorrow unfortunately but wanted to talk to you about his MRI. Mind if we come in?”</p><p>It was all very quick; he really didn’t give her much of an option, she thought, frowning at him. “Well I would prefer an appointment,” she murmured, sighing and glancing down at Grey Wind’s pained face. She knelt, touching his neck. “Hey boy…you hurting?” He winced when she pressed along his spine. “Poor baby…well, come on in. I can always talk over logistics with Arya and Jon.”</p><p>“He’s technically my wolf,” Robb said, rather defensive. She held the door open, letting him in. He waited for her to gesture forward and led the way to the exam room. She chose the trauma room, to take X-rays and moved to get her lab coat. Robb called out while she rummaged in her office. “I’m sorry to just be so announced again…I would have stopped at the sanctuary, but well Arya is…hungover still and Jon wasn’t answering his texts.”</p><p>“He’s doing behavioral tests today,” she said, reentering the room. She detached Grey Wind’s harness, going over to collect the portable X-ray and booting it up. She glanced at Robb, who frowned, nose wrinkling. She arched a brow. “He’s out in the Wolfswood, probably doesn’t have his phone on him…when he gets with the wolves, he tends to…”</p><p>“Become one with the wolves.” Robb said it like it was a joke, but she knew he was serious. It was true; Jon became one of the wolves. He was the alpha over them all and they knew. He sighed hard, shoving his hands into the pockets of his bomber jacket. It was odd to see him in normal clothing after the kilt outfit the previous evening. “I also came to apologize for what happened yesterday at dinner. Since my dad died none of us can really be together…if Rickon were there it’d be crazier. Sansa always goes after him for his life choices.”</p><p>She chuckled. “Well, it was…interesting.” Dany knew what he was doing; he was saving face. Rhaegar would have done something just like it. She tucked a stray braid behind her shoulder, crouching to feel along Grey Wind’s back and shoulders, testing his reflexes. She was careful; he was a gigantic wolf. She glanced up at Robb, his blue gaze rather vacant. “You said some things about Jon, I got defensive.” She wouldn’t apologize for it. She wanted him to know.</p><p>“You care for him.”</p><p>It wasn’t a question, so Dany didn’t treat it like one. She stood, Grey Wind sitting at her feet. She nodded, curtly. There was no hiding that from anyone. They knew she and Jon slept together; Tormund practically took an ad out in the paper on it when he found out. “I do care for him. I learned sign to communicate with him, on his terms.” She pressed her hands onto the exam table, using it as a block between her and Robb, who still stood, hunched slightly within himself.</p><p>His curls weren’t as lustrous as they were yesterday. His eyes were sunken, and cheeks drawn behind his scruffy beard. He didn’t appear to have slept. He raked his fingers through them, lifting his face to meet hers. “I know Jon hasn’t told you…everything. If he did, you probably wouldn’t be talking to me.”</p><p><em>I guess this is it.</em> She lifted her chin slightly, speaking quietly. “I think you know Jon does not really…talk to anyone. I think I can guess. From just…things he’s said. Things Arya’s said.” She squinted, trying to maintain some sort of impartiality. Some sort of distance. It was hard; whatever happened, it hurt Jon. Not just emotionally but changed his entire life. She whispered. “You can tell me, or I can wait for Jon to tell me. But I think you want to.”</p><p>He nodded, head jerking. He spoke, soft. His burr was different than Arya’s or Jon’s. Sansa had lost any sort of Northern accent, even Bran didn’t have much of one. His rolled, soft and smooth. “We were like brothers, you see. Jon’s mom died when he was born and mine took him in, raised him like a son. Jon didn’t even know he was his uncle until he was like five. My mother always made sure of it…she…she’s got issues.” He sighed hard, lifting his face up. His blue eyes were swimming in unshed tears. “We were seven and we were playing. We always played all kinds of things, we would climb up the towers, turrets, and never listened. One time the snow got all the way to the top of one side of the keep’s walls.”</p><p>A chill trickled through her body, hair standing on end and skin pebbling to gooseflesh. The keep’s walls were almost fifteen feet high. Robb nodded, sensing where her mind was going. He barked out a laugh. “We got a ladder and we used it to get the rest of the way up. The ramparts we could get up on when my dad was around, but the walls…we’d never been up there before.” He briefly wiped at his eyes, looking at his hands, eyes downcast again. “Jon didn’t want to go. He always followed me around…but…he knew that if we got in trouble it would be his fault. My mother…always blamed him.”</p><p>Dany made a note that if she ever encountered Catelyn Stark she’d slap her if she hadn’t already found another reason to do so. Sounded exactly like how Sansa generally behaved. “that was unfair of her,” she murmured.</p><p>He nodded hard. “It was…I…I used it sometimes. Said that if he would do what I wanted and we got caught, I’d make sure my dad made sure it wasn’t his fault…he did it. Jon was a good kid, Dany. He had moments, but he was a really good kid and I used it.” He took a deep breath, continuing. “The sun was out, there’d been this huge storm and we’d been inside for days. Not saying much since we lived in a castle, but we were seven. We climbed the rest of the way and got up to the top. The wall is about a foot wide…I ran along it and got to the end, there was a tree and I said we could climb down it. Or we could jump and slide down the slope of snow there.”</p><p>She closed her eyes, sensing where it was going. Robb choked, laughing hard. “Jon didn’t want to. I dared him. I said if he didn’t do it, I’d scream for my mom. I’d make her come out and find us up there and tell her he did it. He’d get in so much trouble and he knew it. I was laughing, I thought it was <em>funny</em>.” He pushed his hands through his hair again and almost sobbed. Dany wondered when he’d last told this story. Her heart ached, clenching and unclenching, already in pain for what Jon had gone through and what Robb was still going through. He closed his eyes tight. “He started to walk…I ran across…he was really slow, and I started egging him on. Said if I did it he could do it. The snow was melting you know, the sun was out.”</p><p>Dany took a deep breath, whispering. “He said he had a TBI. He fell.”</p><p>“He fell,” Robb croaked. He met her eyes, horrified, face stricken white. “I watched him…just…go over the side. I don’t know if I screamed; someone said I did. Someone said it wasn’t me, it was Jon. Just…a scream and nothing.” He hesitated and whispered. “I looked over and he…he hit the ground so hard…blood was everywhere. He…he fell onto a pile of branches that had been pushed there, the gardeners had been cleaning up after the storm. He had branches stuck in his chest and he was on his side and…there was so much blood.”</p><p>She was crying, tears for Robb and for Jon and for the people who found them. “What happened then?” she whispered.</p><p>“I screamed for my dad. I screamed for Jon and…and I couldn’t get down. Our gamekeeper Mr. Cassell came over, helped coax me down. By the time I got down, they were already trying to get Jon. They wouldn’t let me see him. An ambulance came, but then they called for a helicopter. My mom took me inside. Sansa was a baby still and she said I had to help take care of her, that they’d find out what happened to Jon later. Even she was white, she tried to get me to tell her what happened, but I couldn’t…it was all blank.” He sighed again. “I didn’t know what happened until after therapy. I’d blocked it out.”</p><p><em>Of course you did</em>, she thought, hands shoved deep in the pockets of her lab coat. She swallowed the path of dryness in her throat, whispering. “It wasn’t your fault. You were a child.”</p><p>“It was my fault,” Robb said, quiet. “I basically pushed him and it’s my fault he’s the way he is. Why he’s deaf and why he hates everyone and…and I try to make it up to him but everything I do, nothing works.” He glanced up, quiet. “He had a serious girlfriend for awhile. Years. He ever tell you about her?”</p><p>Dany stiffened; she’d only heard the name <em>Ygritte</em> a couple of times, but never pushed it. Jon clammed up, refused to speak. He owuldn’t talk to her about his accident, why would he mention an ex? She didn’t think it mattered. Woman was an ex for a reason. “No,” she whispered.</p><p>“Ygritte was Tormund’s cousin. She came along, she was a ranger. Found a bunch of wolves injured, that’s how they met. Anyway, he was with her for years and I never met her. He brought you to dinner with us, the crazies,” he laughed. He frowned, brow flickering, whispering. “He really cares for you if he did that, Dany. You learned sign for him. That’s more than Ygritte did.”</p><p>She wanted to ask what happened but didn’t. It didn’t matter. She nodded quickly. “He’s a good man Robb. You two need to talk, obviously, but…” She remembered Jon’s pain, the previous evening, the upset he had. The way he said Robb was fake. She frowned. “All the work you do, I know you mean good by it, but he sees it as humoring. He didn’t want me to learn sign, he was pissed off, he thought I was being fake with him. Pretending so I could <em>fix</em> him.” She lifted her brows, eyes wide on Robb’s, which were surprised, and he even took a step backwards. “He doesn’t need anyone to fix him, Robb. He’s Jon. He’s the way he is now because of all kinds of reasons.”</p><p>
  <em>He’s the man I love.</em>
</p><p>She pushed her fingers deeper into her pockets. It wasn’t her place, to say these things, but Jon was in pain and so was Robb. She might have been a veterinarian, but her job was to fix broken animals. That’s what they were to her. Broken wolves, limping to her for help and she had to provide it. As carefully as she could. “I don’t know what you two need to do, but…he doesn’t need anyone to fix things for him. He’s deaf, Robb. That’s his entire life and has been since he was seven. The accident happened. You can’t fix that. You can’t keep making it up to him whenever you see him. You doing that, it just…” She frowned. “I think it’s like he’s reliving it all over and over.”</p><p>Robb frowned and whispered. “I didn’t know…”</p><p>“Just talk to him. At some point.” That was all Dany could say. She didn’t want Jon to think she was <em>fixing</em> things for him, but they were so broken. She scowled again. “I can keep Grey Wind here, if you need to get going. I’ll make the appointment with the orthopedic vet; I’ll give him some cortisone shots to relieve the inflammation in his back leg. We can even do some hydrotherapy.”</p><p>“Hydrotherapy?”</p><p>They spent the next several minutes discussing treatment options for Grey Wind, finishing up with a smile and handshake. Robb clipped the leash to Grey Wind, and went to the door with her, thanking her again for making the time. He stopped on the porch, glancing at her with a wide smile, eyes twinkling. “He’s like my brother Dany, and I miss him. Things sometimes are good and then sometimes they’re not…but I can say for sure that he’s definitely never looked at a woman the way he looked at you last night.” He smiled wider. “And he let you with the wolves. Arya told me. That’s more than he’s done for anyone.” The smile faded. “They’re his family.”</p><p>Dany smiled shakily, whispering. “Thanks Robb. Safe trip back to Highgarden.”</p><p>“It was nice meeting you Dany and…please just don’t…don’t hold anything he does against him,” he said, still pained.</p><p>She nodded, understanding, and watched him help Grey Wind into the SUV he was driving. She waved goodbye and went back inside. Upstairs she found Shadow had woken up and was scratching to go out. While she walked him around the backyard to do his business, her phone buzzed in her back pocket. She tugged it out, glancing at Jon’s text.</p><p>
  <em>Ghost is thinking about you. He misses you. He wants Shadow to visit him. Not my words, his.</em>
</p><p>She laughed, chewing her bottom lip, texting back. <em>Ghost huh? I’m doing paperwork. Stop by.</em></p><p>
  <em>Ghost says he’s on his way. He would like you to please put on that red bra you had on the other day. He liked it a lot.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ghost is a bit of a pervert.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It is the silent once you have to look out for.</em>
</p><p>Dany laughed, shoving her phone away and went back upstairs. She pushed away all the paperwork, changed out of her jeans and t-shirt and switched out her bra from the white cotton one she had on all day for the red one he’d referred to. She dragged out some leftovers, but didn’t feel hungry, not after the story Robb told her. It explained so much. How Jon behaved with others, the wariness in his eyes at new people, and while she didn’t know what happened with his ex-girlfriend, she could guess from what Robb said.</p><p>He really was a wolf, she thought, pouring herself a glass of wine. She sipped it thoughtfully and was about to text Jon to see what he was doing when her phone buzzed. “Ah, there you are,” she mumbled, grabbing it. Except it wasn’t Jon texting.</p><p>
  <em>Dr. Mel</em>
</p><p>She heaved a deep sigh, shaking her head and closing her eyes briefly. She could ignore it. Mel would keep calling. She could answer it and put her off again. And she’d keep calling. “Fuck,” she mumbled, hitting the green button on the screen and lifted the phone up. “Mel.”</p><p>“Daenerys,” Mel purred, her Volantene accent soft and lilting. “You answered me this time.”</p><p>“Well you won’t stop calling, so what else was I supposed to do?”</p><p>“I’m calling because I think we might have something for you here. A new treatment. It will help your endometrial layer thicken, there’s been some promising results. We can try again.”</p><p><em>And have it all fail, again?</em> She looked up at the side door opening, Jon entering with Ghost. She spoke, waiting for him to turn away from her so he couldn’t read her lips. “Mel, I don’t know if I am ready for that. Please, just…give me some time.”</p><p>“I’ll send over the literature. I think this would really help you Daenerys. You would make a wonderful mother and I trust these things; I see them in the flames.”</p><p>“Yeah, so you’ve said.” She smiled quickly at Jon, who turned away from greeting an excited Shadow to smile at her. She waited for him to look away and spoke quick, not moving her mouth much, as wrong as it was to disguise her conversation from him. “Mel just send it over. I told you, I don’t know if I can do this again and have it fail…I’m trying to move on from that.”</p><p>“Hmm, how is that working Daenerys? Sometimes you cannot move on from these things when they are meant to be.”</p><p><em>Meant to be</em>, it was such a dangerous thing. Fate and all that. Seeing things in the fires, predicting the future…whatever Mel believed and whatever Missy even sometimes said to her. If she hadn’t failed the IVF, she wouldn’t have wanted a fresh start, wouldn’t have come here. Wouldn’t have met Jon. Wouldn’t be with a man she loved but who had so many issues and who didn’t want children. Who would be amazing as a parent.</p><p>She disconnected with Mel, shoving the phone aside on the counter, going around to give Jon a kiss and hug. He signed. “You alright? You look sad?”</p><p>“Fine,” she lied, chuckling. She nosed at his neck and stepped backwards so he could see her hands and lips when she couldn’t think of the sign. He fixed her hands a couple of times; she was getting better; he didn’t need to fix near as many of her hand positions and finger curves. She hesitated, but thought she needed to say it, and signed. “Robb came by. I spoke to him. He apologized for last night.”</p><p>Jon’s forehead wrinkled. “He did?” he spoke, throat rather raspy, likely from not having spoken much at all that day.</p><p>She nodded quickly. She stroked his face, speaking clearly. She didn’t want the signs messed up. “He told me about your accident. The whole thing. What he did. What he said.” She blinked back tears, still hurting for the little Jon who got stuck in that entire thing. “Why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p>His lips twitched. He shoved his hands through his hair and dropped them to his side. He glanced at her again, gray eyes wide, terrified. “Because,” he said. His voice was thick with emotion again. He struggled with the words, trying to communicate, starting and stopping. “Because…brain…shut off…don’t remember. Just…Robb. Saying stuff. Then hospital. No hearing.” He chewed his bottom lip and laughed. “Then Robb always there. Never alone. So tired.”</p><p>She wrapped her arms around his neck, letting him walk towards her. He squeezed her hair, burying his face into her neck, relaxing against her. He didn’t say anything. She felt his touch, his hands spreading over her back and his breathing steadying with hers. She swayed in place, comforted in his embrace.</p><p>“I love you,” she whispered. Tears trickled down her face. It was cruel. To say the words and know he couldn’t hear them. She had to say them, they were destroying her. Eating away at her stomach. How had it only been a day since she had that thought? That moment in the woods felt like decades ago.</p><p>Things could be alright between them. She didn’t <em>need</em> a baby. He didn’t need to know about that part of her. <em>Right?</em> It was just a future she thought she wanted, when he wasn’t in it. She wanted him too.</p><p>Shadow came over, sniffing at their feet and scratched at Jon’s ankles. He broke away from her, kneeling to pick up the heavy pup, accepting the kisses the wolf gave him and turned away from her to go to the kitchen, saying something about how Shadow needed a cookie. She wiped at the tears scattered on her cheeks.</p><p>They would be okay, she thought, watching Jon with Shadow. Drogon came up to her and yowled; she picked him up, scratching at his chest, sighing and whispering. “It’ll be okay,” she repeated to him, over and over. “We will get through this.”</p><p>Whatever <em>this</em> happened to be, Dany thought, she wasn’t sure.</p><p>Guess they’d find out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. the other dragon: part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The other Targaryen drops by Winterfell, disturbing the balance Dany is trying desperately to maintain.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Eep this was once again supposed to be one chapter, got really long, and is now going to be broken into two.  Rhaegar's presence shifts a lot going forward, it might not seem like it here, but he starts the 'drama' so to speak.  We'll see in part 2...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Hmm," Dany mumbled, happily cuddling into Jon's side, her head resting atop his heart. He mumbled his agreement, an arm draped over her shoulders, his other stretched up above his head, resting lazily on the pillow. The fire he'd set earlier the evening in the grate cast them both in a warm blanket, their bodies already heated from their evening exertions. She ignored the blanket tangled at their hips, lifting her leg to snake over his hip, idly kissing the scar over his heart.</p><p>She listened to his heart for a moment, the steady thrum, and closed her eyes. All senses diluted, she tried not to <em>hear</em> it, but to <em>feel</em> it. It pulsed inside of her, mimicking the flutter inside her chest. Her eyes opened and she tilted her head up, chin resting over her hand. She smiled at him and used her free hand to touch his cheek gently. His eyes flickered open, curious, watching her. She didn't sign, her limbs loose and lazy. "When you listen to my heart, what do you heart?" she asked.</p><p>He cocked his head, pondering. It was a risky question, but since learning about how he'd become deaf, their relationship-- if that's what you could call it-- had expanded more and she no longer was nervous asking him things about his deafness. He dragged his fingers up and down her arm, tracing little shapes on her shoulder before skimming down again to her elbow and back up again. He frowned and shook his head slightly on the pillow. "Not hear," he corrected. He frowned deeper, thinking. He flashed a smile. "Feel." He tapped his heart. "Here. Feel it. Vibrations."</p><p>She shifted up on his chest farther, so she could look down at him and moved her fingers to his ear, tracing the shell of it and then down to his earlobe and back up. He shivered at the featherlight touch and she smiled. "But they're broken there. The bones."</p><p>He nodded and pointed to his left side. She realized that was the side that he would put against her heart or the wolf cubs. "Not here. Not broken. But no nerve." He made the explosion again with his fingers. "Bang. Head hit, boom, boom, boom. Broken here. Not here, but everything else." He sighed hard and shrugged a shoulder. "Don't want hearing aid. Don't like it."</p><p>"And a Cochlear wouldn't work either," she deduced.</p><p>He wrinkled his nose and shook his head slightly. "No. Nerve damaged."</p><p>"Good," she said, arching her brows. He lifted his, surprised, mouthing the word back to her. She smirked; it wasn't the best word, but it was the one that she wanted . She leaned down, kissing him gently and pulled back so he could see her lips. "I like you the way you are Jon Snow. All of you."</p><p>Pain flickered through his eyes, but he smiled instead of frowned. Something she never would have guessed he'd do at the beginning of their relationship. He'd downright screamed and shamed her in the street when they met, for making an honest and mortifying mistake. He hugged her. "I like you the way you are too Dany."</p><p>It was her turn for pain, to flicker through her heart and belly, settling in her barren womb. He didn't know the half of it, she thought, nibbling on her bottom lip. She struggled with telling him. <em>It doesn't matter</em>, the tiny voice said in the back of her mind. <em>You cannot have children and he does not want them. Just let it go. It doesn't matter. Don't frighten him off. Don't admit it.</em></p><p>He spiraled a lock of her hair around his finger, letting it go and watching it coil back. She giggled, the strands of it hitting her shoulder each time he did. She looked up, his look questioning; he must have felt her shaking with the laugh. "Tickles," she said.</p><p>"Ah." He used his other hand and signed it. She repeated it, folding up at the waist so she could move her arms. She felt a chill again and immediately moved back to him, soaking in the warmth from his body and the fire surrounding them. The entire room glowed. It was comforting, being in his large bedroom with the windows showing the snow falling, the tops of the trees already coated in white. The wolves were settled in front of the hearth, Ghost fast asleep and Shadow curled into his side. It wouldn't be long before Shadow popped up and tried to get up into bed with them.</p><p>Dany quite enjoyed the little wolf cub in their bed, but Jon always removed him. Said he needed to learn where he really slept before he started with bad habits. Although she also walked in a couple days ago and found Jon napping with Shadow on his chest, on the couch, so he didn't have her fooled about his true loyalties when it came to the wolf pup.</p><p>She propped her head on her hand, dragging her finger over the scar on his heart. The information from Robb on the accident broke her heart each and every time she thought of it, but it healed faster each time. Jon was a strong man; he was a strong child. He had to overcome so much, so quickly. An orphan, an evil stepmother, a clearly strong connection with his adopted brother but always second best, and then his accident and subsequent lifelong injury. She refused to call it a <em>disability</em>, for it implied Jon was not able. He was plenty able.</p><p>The dinner from the seven hells, as Arya had started calling it, was a thing of the past, it seemed. Robb left the following day, leaving Grey Wind in the care of the sanctuary again, as Arya predicted he would. "He's half in and half out of the North," she complained. "He doesn't know who he is or what he wants."</p><p>Robb was damaged in his own way from that day, Dany discovered, and she suspected he always would be. Until he could deal with his issues surrounding it, she understood Jon not wanting to associate. It was why she'd left Essos, in a way, so she didn't need to be reminded of the life she'd had there, when she'd begun thinking she could really <em>have it all.</em></p><p>She sighed and settled down again. A moment later, Jon spoke. "Are you alright?"</p><p>"Fine," she spelled out.</p><p>He made a noncommittal noise and spoke again. "Since Robb you do not talk much. Do you want to say something?"</p><p><em>Why now?</em> she wondered. She frowned and propped herself up again, gazing down at him. He lifted himself up onto his elbows and she ended up moving entirely, tugging the sheet up to cover her chest. It felt like a conversation to have at least where she felt somewhat shielded. She shook her hair out and frowned again. She didn't want him to run away. Except he wasn't; he was sitting and waiting for her to say something. "You and Robb...you love each other," she said. He wrinkled his nose, confused, but jerked his head up and down in a quick nod. She nodded as well. "Yeah, so...I think you both should talk. One day. That is all. That's all I wanted to say..." She laughed hard, rolling her eyes. "Coming from someone who doesn't talk to her brothers...take it for what it's worth."</p><p>Now it was Jon's turn to lean down, to watch her and be curious. He leaned against the headboard and signed. "What happened? With your brothers?"</p><p><em>So many things. Nothing.</em> She squinted, gazing across the room to the flames, like she could control them. Barristan, her former guardian, told her she was a dragon and it was her dragon blood singing when she was surrounded by fire and when she was engulfed in warmth. She didn't burn either, which her scientific mind could not quite understand, but her more...fantastical mind, she called it, thought was simply her dragon blood.</p><p>She dragged her finger between his pecs, along his sternum, tracing the scars. <em>This isn't supposed to be this big of a thing. It's just sex Dany. That's all it is.</em> Except he'd brought her to his family's home. He hadn't shared the details, but he hadn't lied about them or shied away from telling her them after she asked, when he would have before. She wrestled with playing it off, just ignoring his question, maybe kissing him senseless and dragging the sheet over their heads for another round.</p><p>Or she could just tell him.</p><p>She nibbled her bottom lip. "We aren't close," she said. She sat up completely and signed, what she could, supplementing the rest with clearly speaking, his eyes focused on her lips when they weren’t on her hands. "Viserys is seven years older. Rhaegar is almost twenty. i was an..." she rolled her eyes, hating the term. "Oops baby."</p><p>He snorted. "Me too," he said. He rolled his eyes at her eyebrow lift. He signed. "My mother never told anyone who my father was. I was not planned."</p><p>She ignored the pang in her gut. "My mom died when I was born. My dad died before that. He was unwell." She didn't know the sign for it but spelled it out. "Schizophrenic."</p><p>Jon's face immediately fell. He sat up with her, both of their knees banging together as they sat cross-legged in front of each other, sheets messy around their legs. He placed a hand on her thighs, tugging her closer. She swallowed hard, continuing. "Rhaegar did not take care of us. He had a life. The company. We had guardians. One died when I was little, Willem Darry. He was nice. There was a friend of my father's, Illyrio Mopatis. I went to boarding schools. Did not see Viserys or Rhaegar much. My favorite was Barristan. He was a friend of my mother's. he got guardianship of me, Viserys was already eighteen. He helped me a lot, taught me about the woods and got me interested in animals."</p><p>"Where is he?" Jon signed, when she trailed off, missing Barristan, still thinking about him.</p><p>She lifted her face, signing the single word: "Dead." She heaved a heavy breath, closing her eyes. Jon's fingers touched her face, bringing it towards him. He gently kissed her, comforting. She smiled, wavering briefly, and explained. "I was in my first year at college. Car accident." She sighed again. "Rhaegar and Viserys are my brothers and I love them, but we never spent time together. Three strangers. They are selfish." She frowned a little. "Rhaegar is different I think, but Viserys just wants his life. Money. He loves money."</p><p>Jon rolled his eyes, understanding. He signed one word; fingers fast. "Sansa." He snorted. "Loves money too."</p><p>"I figured," she laughed. She shrugged a shoulder, the sheet slipping from around her chest. She pulled it up, but Jon knocked it back down. She giggled, crawling over him into his lap again. He laughed, dragging her to the mattress, pinning her onto her back. She traced her finger along his lips, staring into his eyes. They were so deep, soulful. Like his wolves.</p><p>
  <em>I love him so much.</em>
</p><p>He touched her face again, his fingertips scratchy on her soft skin. "Where is Rhaegar?" he asked.</p><p>"Dragonstone sometimes. Volantis others. He travels."</p><p>"Your company?"</p><p>"His company," she corrected. They all had shares, but she let Missy and Grey handle that aspect of her life; Grey was good with numbers and logistics and things. He handled most of her financials for her. She only ever knew what was going on when Viserys sent out a random text demanding money or threatening her for her shares because he was in some sort of debt. She always ignored him. She wrinkled her nose. "You and Arya are close. I'm not close with them. We are strangers with the same blood."</p><p>His eyes shuttered. "Same with me sometimes," he admitted. He rolled to the side, leg slung over hers, keeping her pinned to the bed. Their fingers tangled together, sliding up and down, stroking each other. He frowned deeply, his brows coming to a hard point. "Bran and Arya...we are close. Sansa..."</p><p>"Is a bitch?"</p><p>He laughed. "Yes."</p><p>"And Robb..." she trailed off. She lightly kissed their joined fingers. "He loves you Jon."</p><p>He stiffened and shook his head hard. "Don't wanna' talk about it." His words slurred, hard to understand. The emotion was getting caught up in him.</p><p>She nodded, backing off. She frowned again. "And Rickon?"</p><p>Again he laughed. "Wild. he's visiting soon. I think. Arya said this morning." He blinked at her. "You see your brothers?"</p><p>"No, haven't seen Viserys in years. Rhaegar I saw a few years ago." She remembered his call, bringing up her IVF. It wasn’t any of his business, but he'd spoken like he cared. Maybe he did. He had a funny way of showing it, but then again, he'd always been odd. Barristan had told her Rhaegar was born with sorrow in his heart. He witnessed their father's erratic behavior, the toll it took on their mother. The difficulty Rhaella had with other pregnancies, miscarriages and stillbirths. Then Viserys was born and Rhaegar was already out of the house. He was in his own world.</p><p>She frowned and shrugged, quiet, eyes downcast. "I make my own family."</p><p>
  <em>Or I was trying to at least.</em>
</p><p>his fingertip pushed her chin up, curiosity in his gaze. "What did you say?" he asked.</p><p>She ran her tongue over her teeth and shrugged, repeating the words. "I make my own family." <em>Like you</em>, she suspected. His wolves were his family. Arya was his blood relation. He and Gendry were close. He had Tormund too. "I am a lone wolf," she tried to tease.</p><p>He shook his head, frowning again, disagreeing. "Not wolf," he spoke. He pushed his fist to her heart. "Dragon."</p><p><em>Yes, a dragon.</em> She smiled, leaning into him, kissing gently. She loved him. His arms enveloped her tight, deepening the kiss and pressing her into the pillows, the tangled sheets and comforter. His hands slid over her heated skin, lifting her leg up and moving to kiss at the inside of her knee, tracking up her thigh. She gasped, arching into him, calling his name, her fingers digging into his curls.</p><p>He rolled his eyes up to her; they were black, heated, and he grinned, his feral wolf smile, and Dany forgot what she wanted to say, wanted to ask him. She supposed it didn't matter anyway.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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</div><p> </p><p>"Shadow, come! Come boy!"</p><p>Dany laughed, falling backwards into the grass, the wolf pup-- who was getting so big-- bounding to her and knocking at her knees. He barked, unable to stop himself, despite her signals to quiet him, but he didn't care. The wolf barks weren't quite like dogs, his were far sharper and more like yipping than any sort of deep chested bark. She rolled in the wet grass, the snow melting slowly around them. It was dirty and muddy, but she didn't mind.</p><p>She jumped up to her feet again, signaling for him to sit, which he did, his fat butt plopping down hard in the snow. He wagged his tail, vibrating in anticipation for his cookie, which he tossed him. He snatched it up and ran off again, butt high in the air and front paws in the snow, playful and excited to continue their game.</p><p>She was between patients when Jon dropped him off. "You take him," he'd said, tired and frustrated, the wolf pup peering innocent at her with his big dark eyes. "I can't get any work done!"</p><p>There would be a new semester starting in a couple months, after the holidays, Arya told her, and Jon had a class to teach. He was preparing and working on a paper, Dany knew, having seen him at his desk, working hard and studying his notes and charts and videos of the wolves. She hadn't asked him yet what it was about. Tried not to get too deep into things; they were in so deep with each other anyway.</p><p>With the holidays approaching, Dany felt like there was a ticking clock or a deadline counting down to something. Whether it was an end date on whatever it was between them or a confrontation of sorts to discuss what was happening between them, she couldn't tell. She just knew she was struggling. The longer she was with him, the more she fell in love with him.</p><p>And she <em>hated</em> it.</p><p>She hated how he would find her heartbeat in his sleep and sigh happily at the sound of it. Hated how he teased her. Hated how he would drop by unannounced to just 'check' on her. Hated how sometimes they'd go a few days without seeing each other but when they did see each other it was like no time had passed at all, like it didn't matter. Hated his smile, his laugh, and even his frown.</p><p>She hated him because she was in love with him.</p><p>And it had to stop, sooner rather than later.</p><p>He still didn't open up to her, unless she poked him, a terrifying action. Waking a sleeping wolf, when she asked him questions about his childhood. He sometimes turned them back on her, but when she didn't really answer, he didn't seem to mind or care. Maybe she was more into it than he was.</p><p>And that was a problem.</p><p>Because Mel had sent the detailed reports, the literature, and everything she said she would. She vowed that this time would be different. That she needed to know, Dany had to fly back to Volantis, to meet with her and go through some more updated tests. Her heart yearned or it, but her brain was wary. She didn't know if she wanted to tell Jon.</p><p>"Why should I?" she asked Shadow, thinking about it as he pranced around her feet and shoved his face into the snow, sending it flying up over his head in a shower of flakes. She knew he couldn't hear her, even if he did, he wouldn't understand her. It wasn't like with Jon, where the wolves knew exactly what he was thinking at any given moment.</p><p>She crossed her arms, the email from Mel still unanswered. <em>Should I set you up for an appointment?</em> "I mean," she said, looking down at Shadow's wide dark eyes. "If I did this...Jon and I we're just...it's just fun."</p><p>And he didn't want a baby he said, he didn't want children. <em>But I do.</em> Jon still didn’t open up to her, why should she open up to him? It was bit by bit, but did it really mean anything?</p><p>Robb Stark's words also echoed, how he didn't take anyone to family dinners, but he brought her. That it counted for something. Like Robb knew. "What does Robb know," she mumbled, rolling her eyes. Robb barely understood his brother, in all these years still couldn't see beyond his own pain and guilt to recognize what Jon truly wanted. She still wondered what happened with his ex-girlfriend. If that had any bearing on his lack of trust, his silence on the matter of a future with her.</p><p>Shadow yipped. "What?" she laughed, holding her phone in her hand. "I'm just going to do a quick search." He barked again, wagging his tail, and jumped to put his muddy paws on her knees. She laughed. "Guess that's your way of telling me to knock it off huh?" She'd kept from digging into it, hadn't even brought it up with Tormund, easy as it might be to just casually ask.</p><p>Tongue stuck between her teeth, she just typed in quickly: Ygritte Wilde and ranger. Shadow ran away from her and dove headfirst into a pile of snow near the trashcans, before jumping back out again and racing to the end of the small yard. She looked down at the Searcheros results, frowning and clicking on a Northern Provincial Park Service biography.</p><p>The woman whose official photo popped up did not look like anyone she could see Jon with. Her face was pale, freckled, and red hair severely pulled from her face in a braided bun. She was smirking at the camera, her teeth a bit spaced apart, too large for her mouth, and her eyes were...not trusting. Dany didn't know why she didn't like the vibe she was getting; could have been because Jon broke up with er. Or maybe she broke up with Jon. Whatever happened, it wasn't pretty, given Jon's silence and glares on the matter.</p><p>
  <em>Senior Ranger Ygritte Wilde is stationed in Queenscrown Provincial Park. She is well known for her engagement between the park and the Stark Wolf Sanctuary, rescuing wolves and relocating them to the sanctuary before they can be released into the wild.</em>
</p><p>"That's how she met Jon," Dany muttered. She hesitated and sent a quick text to Arya. <em>Stupid question...ignore me...Robb mentioned her...who is Ygritte exactly?</em></p><p>That was all she did. She felt dumb. Like a teenager. She clapped her hands, kneeling in the snow and Shadow ran towards her with his bright red ball, made from indestructible plastic. He tried to bite down on it, but it spat out at the move and he leaped upon it. She grabbed him and felt the phone in her pocket, reaching to check.</p><p>"I'm outside," Arya called, over the top of the gate. She waved, opening it up and Nymeria flew in, tackling Shadow when he saw the larger wolf and tried to run off. She waved her phone up. "Got your text, but I was already here."</p><p>Dany flushed. "It's dumb, ignore me," she blurted out.</p><p>Arya laughed, shrugging her shoulders. "Stupid Robb, he shouldn't have said anything." She took a deep breath and looked at the wolves rustling around. She jerked her head up to the apartment stairs. "Let's go in. Too early for a drink, but maybe a cup of coffee, it's fucking freezing when you spend most of your time outside. I can't feel my tits."</p><p>"Damn Arya." She rolled her eyes but led the way. She shrugged from her messy clothes, hanging them in the mudroom, while Arya tugged off her snow boots. "I don't have a lot of time; I've got a few patients in the evening. Was taking a break to train Shadow."</p><p>"And stalk Jon?"</p><p>She whipped around, almost tripping over Rhaegal who trotted over to start rubbing at her ankles. "Um...no!" Her cheeks flushed deeper again.</p><p>Arya laughed. "Relax. You guys have been...whatever for how long now?"</p><p>"Two months," she muttered. And they still didn't know what was happening. She began to fuss with coffee, not looking up at Arya. "And it doesn’t matter, I was just thinking of stuff...just...Robb said something, and I wondered is all. Was thinking about it with Shadow."</p><p>"Robb left last week, you've been thinking about it a while." Arya sat at one of the stools at the counter, propping her head on her hand, smirking knowingly. She shrugged. "It’s not a big deal. I grilled Gendry on all the women he slept with before me."</p><p>"Arya! It's not..." She huffed out. She held her hands up, defensive. "It doesn’t matter, alright? I just...Robb said that I’m the first girl he brought to the house is all. Didn't take Ygritte and they were together a couple years, that's all. I just...wondered." <em>And despite that I still haven't heard or gotten any indication of how he feels about me.</em></p><p>Arya narrowed her pale gray eyes. She frowned deeper, her narrow face a bit of a mask, although it was clear she was wrestling with her loyalties to Jon versus her loyalties to her new friend. She took a deep breath and held up her finger, brows arching. "I'm only going to say what I know and the only reason I'm doing this is because I really like you and because Jon is stupid and because I just...well because he <em>did</em> bring you to dinner and because he is happy."</p><p><em>Happy?</em> "How do you know?" she whispered; voice small.</p><p>"Because he brought you to dinner. Because he smiles more than he normally did. Because he's still a total arsehole but he's not as insufferable as he used to be." Arya laughed. "And because he's my best friend and I know these things. Look." She pointed her finger again, jabbing towards Dany across the countertop. "He's got reasons why he is; you know them now I imagine?"</p><p>She nodded hard. "Robb told me," she whispered.</p><p>"Robb is a selfish prick. He's too consumed in his drama to recognize anything for what it is, the fact he was able to see that you mean something to Jon is probably the most we can ask of him now." Arya sighed again. She rolled her eyes. "I didn't like Ygritte. She was a bitch. Very nosy, mouthy, and thought she was funnier than she really was. She's Tormund's cousin, but that's like twice removed or some shit. Anyway, she met Jon when she brought some wolves to him. Then Tormund got involved thinking it'd be fun to set them up. They didn't really get along in the beginning, but I don’t know. Maybe she's just got a certain way with her or something but soon Jon was all over her."</p><p>"All over her?" Dany echoed. That did not seem at all like the Jon she'd spent time with. Even though he occasionally dropped a kiss to her when she visited him at the sanctuary, he wasn't big on the PDA. Openness was not his thing, understandably so.</p><p>"Figure of speech maybe, but in terms of how all over someone Jon can be. Everything was about Ygritte. He drove all the way out to Queenscrown with her, everything. He'd never been with anyone serious when it started." She laughed. "Oh yeah I forgot to say, Jon was a late bloomer. They were both eighteen, but I think Ygritte might have been a couple years older. Anyway, she was his first I think, but I'm not positive. He was always closed off. Never trusted anyone. Girls didn’t want a thing to do with him other than try to make him like a pet project."</p><p><em>Yeah, I figured.</em> That was clear. She nodded, gesturing for Arya to continue. "Long story short, Ygritte never bothered to learn sign. I still don't know how they had much of a relationship but that might have been the problem. Jon put a lot into it. I think Ygritte loved him, in a weird way, but whatever happened, it was not pretty. Jon didn't talk to Tormund for a bit, until Tormund basically said he was on his side in it all. Had nothing to do with his "fooking cousin." especially when he found out what she did."</p><p><em>Did?</em> "What did she do?" she asked, voice quiet.</p><p>Arya shook her head, serious again. "I don't know. Something went down and I don't know but Jon was...well Jon about it. Didn't tell anyone, kept it locked in, and that was that. He's been with other women, but no one like that again." She smirked and got up, going around to get the coffee, which was almost done brewing. She poked her finger into Dany's upper arm. "Not until you."</p><p><em>Lucky me.</em> Dany turned, leaning against the counter and crossed her arms again. "Thank you for telling me," she murmured. Perhaps it was a bit formal, but she had a lot to think about. She wished she could see into Jon's head, could see what he was thinking It was hard enough to get him to say anything about what he wanted for dinner. She ducked her head, fussing with her coffee.</p><p>The other woman didn't say anything, also preparing her coffee. She sipped it slowly, gaze boring holes into Dany's skull, but still Dany said nothing. "You love him, don't you?" she finally whispered.</p><p>it was coming, Dany figured, the question. She jerked her head up and down, not verbalizing. She mouthed the words. "Yeah I do."</p><p>Arya released a heavy sigh, pitying. "For what it’s worth..." she sucked on her teeth a second and chuckled. "I think he loves you too, but he doesn't know what that feels like."</p><p>"He doesn't want the same things as me," she mumbled. Painful as it was to say out oud.</p><p>"Like what?" Arya murmured.</p><p>"Nothing."</p><p>Saved by the phone, she thought, before Arya could say anything, her phone ringing. She glanced at the caller ID and frowned. "Rhaegar?" she asked, when she answered. It was extremely odd to hear from Rhaegar more than once in a six-month period. This would be his second call in two months. Quite odd. "Is everything alright?"</p><p>"It's wonderful Daenerys, I was wondering, is there a car service from the White Harbor International Airport or do I need to rent one?"</p><p>Bewildered, she blinked at Arya, who frowned, concerned. "Um...car service? What are you talking about?" <em>White Harbor!?</em> A horrible sinking feeling in her stomach sent it plummeting to her feet. "Oh Rhae...are you...no..."</p><p>"I see that there is some sort of a shuttle to Winterfell, but you know how I am with public transportation..." Rhaegar made a sound and she imagined he was visibly shuddering. He sighed hard. "Well I suppose I will rent a car. My phone does not seem to have much service either..."</p><p>"Rhae...why are you in White Harbor?"</p><p>Dany knew exactly why he was in White Harbor, but she needed to hear it direct from him. Even if she was already hitting her head down against the counter, groaning, her brother's delighted Valyrian shouting through the phone: "Why I'm coming to visit you of course!"</p><p>
  <em>Of fucking course.</em>
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</div><p> </p><p>"Brother?"</p><p>Jon signed the word, curious when she told him she couldn't see him that evening because she had to deal with her brother. He walked into the office, closing the door and flicking the sign over from 'Open' to 'Closed.' He knelt to rub Shadow's ears, the pup rushing to greet him. He looked up and signed again. "Which one?"</p><p>"Rhaegar," she spelled, fingers flicking quickly through the letters. She went to the window and peered out, like Rhaegar might swoop down out of nowhere to greet them. She turned around and looked down at Jon, who was still gazing up at her and playing with Shadow, face impassive. She swallowed hard, signing. "You can go. I think he will be here soon."</p><p>His brow puckered. "You do not want me to meet him?"</p><p>"No," she blurted. Jon's brows arched. She grit her teeth, frustrated. She fucked this up. It was all so sudden. Rhaegar just deciding to drop in and see her for the first time in years. It couldn’t be a coincidence given his call last month. It was just...a lot. She scrubbed her face, shaking her head again and signed, stumbling her words. "I...no, not <em>no</em>...just..." She pushed her face into her hands again, sensing Jon getting up from the floor. She opened her eyes and looked up, seeing his smiling face looking down at her. She scowled. "You can meet him...if you want."</p><p>He signed, speaking so she could understand too. "Do you want me to?"</p><p>Did she? Meeting the family had already occurred on her end of things. It was different though. Jon's family came with him. There wasn't really one without the other. On the other hand, with her...she could really keep them separate if that's what she wanted. She clicked her teeth together, wrestling with it. If Jon met Rhaegar, there was no turning back. She didn't know what to say about it.</p><p>And didn't really get a chance.</p><p>Ghost lifted his head when the bell rang, and Shadow began to bark when he noticed Ghost getting up. She saw the dragons out of the corner of her eye, sitting on the steps, curious at the commotion. Only Viserion trotted down to investigate. She gave one final look at Jon, who didn't say anything, and yanked the door open, plastering a smile on her face at the sight of her eldest brother.</p><p>"Daenerys!"</p><p>"Rhae," she grumbled, accepting his polite hug. He was the same as ever, she thought, glancing over her shoulder as he stepped into the clinic's writing area. Rhaegar was tall; twice the size of her it felt like, and he was imposing. He was strong from years of horseback riding and fencing, and he played just about every instrument known to mankind. He kept his silver hair long, usually in a sleek ponytail, and was always wearing the latest fashions, and you <em>never</em> saw him in anything other than a suit. Dany once saw him in jeans, and she was pretty sure they were ironed. Viserys said she must have been dreaming, Rhaegar would never be caught dead in jeans.</p><p>Except he was wearing them now.</p><p>She gaped; he was in jeans, boots, and wearing an obviously expensive shiny down parka, which he shrugged off, revealing a clean white button-down. It was very...un-Rhaegar. He turned and she got a good look at his face for the first time in years. Cheekbones and jaw that could cut glass, his eyes deep and dark, indigo to her lavender. He was smiling warmly. "This place is lovely Daenerys."</p><p>His voice was deep and slow, words accented with the upper crust Valyrian lilt. "Thank you Rhaegar. Where is your bag?"</p><p>"It is in the car, I can get it later, I'm planning on staying at a hotel as I did not anticipate you would have room here," Rhaegar drawled, poking his nose to the administration desk. He turned again and seemed to finally see Jon for the first time. "Ah!" He strode forward, offering his hand. "Rhaegar Targaryen, I'm Dany's brother."</p><p>Dany opened her mouth to say Jon was deaf, but Jon did it for her, signing his hello and speaking. "I'm Jon," he said. "Dany's..." he trailed off and shrugged. "Friend."</p><p><em>Friend.</em> She swallowed the sharp pain. Felt a bit like a papercut on her heart. "Um, Jon is deaf," she said, signing. Rhaegar gazed at Jon, obviously fascinated. "He signs and reads lips."</p><p>"And you sign now too?" Rhaegar asked, eyes bright. He was clearly delighted by this. Dany had no idea what sort of pod person had taken over her normally quiet, steady older brother. He rarely smiled and now he'd only been smiling. He couldn't find anything interesting and now it was like the silliest things were sheer entertainment for him. He spoke clearly, but not loud, which she appreciated, as Jon could tell. "Very nice to meet you Jon, do you live here in Winterfell?"</p><p>"I run the wolf sanctuary," Jon said, gesturing to Ghost and Shadow.</p><p>Shadow had stayed back from Rhaegar at Ghost's instruction, but his entire back end was shaking, desperate to investigate this new person. Rhaegar's brows lifted and all it took was Jon to signal to Shadow before the wolf leaped for him, jumping up and licking. "Oh," Rhaegar exclaimed, laughing. "Well, pleasure to meet you."</p><p>Dany had to find out what was happening, because this man certainly was not her brother. She blinked, staring as Rhaegar clapped his hand on Jon’s shoulder. “Rhae,” she warned, but he was pushing Jon out the door.</p><p>So tell me Jon, what is this wolf sanctuary?”</p><p>Jon turned to look at her and smirked. He looked at Rhae and laughed. “Do you care?”</p><p>Oh gods, Dany groaned, smacking her face to her hands. Rhae smiled and shrugged. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t care.” He didn’t wait for a response, marching to the car. “Come along little dragon!”</p><p>Jon smiled, bemused. “I’m sorry,” she signed.</p><p>To her shock, Jon grinned and signed: “I like him.” He trotted off, Ghost following. Dany grabbed Shadow before he ran off. She didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. “Come on!” Jon yelled.</p><p>She closed her eyes. Guess she’d find out.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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</div><p> </p><p>"So Jon, how did you meet Dany exactly?"</p><p>Jon finished chewing his piece of steak, shrugging his shoulder. He signed quickly, Dany translating what she could. She knew he didn't like to speak in public places, lest people look around. Rhaegar watched her, indigo eyes shrewd, darting occasionally to Jon. "She was rude to me on the street," she said, rolling her eyes. She signed to Jon. "I told you, how was I supposed to know?"</p><p>He snorted, continuing, Dany speaking for him. "She thought I was ignoring her, but you know, duh, deaf."</p><p>Rhaegar gaped at her. "Daenerys, how could you?"</p><p>"Rhae," she warned. She pushed her knife to the side, just in case she might be seized with the urge to stab him in the neck. She continued, retelling the story of how she met Jon. How she helped at the sanctuary, they shared 'custody' as it were of Shadow who needed their help, and then of course, Rhaegar dropped the bomb.</p><p>"So are you two in a relationship?"</p><p>She immediately looked away, not meeting Jon's gaze. That was the million-dragon question, she supposed, shoving a piece of roll into her mouth, to keep from having to answer. She refused to look at Jon. It was wrong of her, but he'd have to answer for her. To put him on the spot in public, where he'd need to speak...she felt bad, but she also didn't want to answer. He'd said he was a <em>friend</em>. She snatched up her glass of wine, looking askance at Jon, who was also sipping his wine.</p><p>Rhaegar, ever the observant one, smiled briefly, and picked up his glass. "I only ask because Daenerys never tells me anything about her life. I had to hear from Viserys of all people that you chose to relocate entirely from Essos to Westeros. Of course, I do not mind, I once dated a woman from the North." His face went sad, eyes darkening, and he gazed towards the wind windows of the Karstark restaurant—they'd finally gotten a chance to eat there—snow falling lazily in fat clumps to the sill and gardens around the old castle. He sighed, voice rather haunting, echoing. "She was beautiful, like a blue winter rose...I miss her very much."</p><p>Jon frowned, eyeing Dany. She rolled her eyes; Rhaegar was dramatic. It could have bene a one-night stand and he would write a book of sonnets about the woman. She gulped her wine again. "I told you I was moving. I told your assistant."</p><p>"Well Jon didn't tell me," he complained. He chuckled, patting Jon's wrist, startling him. "My PA is also named Jon, rather amusing. I just call him Griff. Anyway, Daenerys moved from Essos here, I still do not quite understand why."</p><p>Dany cut him off. "Why are you here Rhae?" That was the <em>other</em> million dragon question. She arched her brows, hand tight around her wine glass. She didn't know if Jon needed to be there for the conversation, but she didn't care anymore.</p><p>Rhae ignored her question, turning to face Jon again. "Did Daenerys tell you about the time when she was six years old and the neighbor's cat had kittens? She took every one of them upstairs into her bed and let them cuddle her because she wanted to be the mother cat."</p><p>Jon snorted, laughing. Dany pushed her fingers to her eyes. "Rahe," she groaned. She flushed, embarrassed, muttering. "I was six!"</p><p>"I took her and Viserys to the menagerie in Pentos when she was eight, she almost crawled into the shadowcat enclosure. For about a month she would only speak in Valyrian because she thought if she did, she'd bring the dragons back."</p><p>Jon was watching Rhaegar's lips, laughing and smiling sideways to her. He signed and she mumbled the translation. "I didn't know you had such imagination." She pointed her fork at him, growling. "I was a child."</p><p>"You were old enough," Rhaegar simply said.</p><p>To Dany's surprise, Jon smiled a lot through the meal. He listened to Rhaegar drone about Dragonstone, about the Targaryen family business, and even when Rhaegar made a comment about knowing Robb Stark in passing, he didn't flinch or snarl or otherwise show his discomfort at the mention of his cousin.</p><p>Rhaegar casually sipped his wine, thinking a moment after he said he'd last seen Robb Stark at a charity gala a couple of months ago in King's Landing. "His choice of charity was for deaf children," he said, eyeing Jon. His voice dropped, which he didn't need to do, but it was a respectful thing, she guessed. "I suppose it makes sense now."</p><p>The shutters crossed briefly over Jon's eyes. He smirked and spoke. "Robb does that."</p><p>"Hmm." Rhaegar sighed. "My brother spends all the money I make for him. Daenerys is the one in the family we are proud of." He tilted his glass to her. "And I suspect your uncle Ned Stark would be proud of what you have accomplished too Mr. Snow." He frowned. "He was very dour."</p><p>"Sounds like him," Dany translated, Jon smirking again. She felt her stomach warm a bit at Rhaegar's mention of being proud of her. He had a funny way of showing it. She swished her lips. "Rhaegar plays music too."</p><p>Jon signed. "I would not know about that."</p><p>"I play the harp, piano, violin...many things." Rhaegar looked sad again. "It is a shame you cannot hear music, Jon. It is the loveliest thing. Although..." He pondered a moment, swirling the remains of his wine around in his glass. He narrowed his gaze again at Jon. "I suppose you can sense vibrations, yes?"</p><p>"Rhae," she hissed, flushing. "That's rude."</p><p>"Yes," Jon answered.</p><p>"I brought my violin with me, we can test it, if you are willing of course." Rhaegar smiled again at Jon. "And I would like to see some of your wolves." He looked down at Ghost, who was sleeping peacefully at Jon's feet, his harness on and his leash loosely draped around the arm of Jon's chair. "Are they as behaved as this one?"</p><p>"Not all of them," Dany said, looking at Jon's hands. She briefly thought of Shaggydog and shivered.</p><p>"Come by tomorrow, Dany can tell you how to get there," Jon said. He shrugged . "I can show you around."</p><p>Rhaegar's eyes lit up. "That sounds amazing. I would love to see them. You are also an animal behavioralist too, yes?"</p><p>Dany was stunned, watching Jon and Rhaegar chat back and forth, seeing that sometimes Rhae might say something that had Jon's back stiffen, but overall, he was open with him. She didn't know what to make of it, other than Jon was Jon. He was a wolf, if he felt comfortable with someone, he felt comfortable with them. For some reason he felt comfortable with her brother. She wished she could say the same, flushing again when Rhaegar told another embarrassing story about her in secondary school, terrifying one of the women who worked at the school when she found drawings Dany had done of rabbits and other small animals, she'd conducted necropsies on to see what they died from.</p><p>"You were creepy," Jon said, trying hard not to smile and burst into laughter.</p><p>"I was curious," she corrected.</p><p>Rhaegar's face fell a bit and he pushed his plate forward, glancing for the waitress to request the check. He spoke quietly, but Dany knew Jon saw it, even if he didn't say anything. "I missed a lot."</p><p><em>What did that mean?</em> She shifted in her seat and grabbed for her purse to pay for her meal, while Jon did the same with his wallet, but Rhaegar didn't allow either of them, insisting he pay for the meal and winking, saying he'd put it on the company credit card. She didn't fight it; it was no use, when Rhae had his mind made up, he just went with it.</p><p>They left the restaurant and were going to head to the car, but Ghost had to lift his leg for a moment, after sitting for so long. Dany stood next to Jon while Ghost used the restroom, a bush near the parking lot. Rhae was on his phone, texting furiously with someone, his brow pinched in consternation.</p><p>"That's unsanitary."</p><p>Dany heard the sneering voice of a woman before she saw her. She turned her head; Jon hadn't seen her, was holding Ghost's leash while Ghost finished, shaking his back leg. She caught sight of a blonde woman, walking up to the restaurant, glaring at the wolf. "Excuse me?" Dany demanded, turning to face her.</p><p>The woman had what appeared to be a permanent scowl on her face, her green eyes flashing angrily. She was accompanied by a man who looked like the male version of her. "Cersei, come on," he said, gesturing for her to head into the restaurant. "Leave them alone."</p><p>"I said that is unsanitary and disgusting, this is a restaurant, not a dog park," the woman snapped.</p><p>Jon finally realized something was going on, his face hard like ice. He nudged Dany, nodding for her to come with him. She didn't move from her spot, rooted firmly on the path, furious with this woman. "Ghost is a hearing dog," she spat, removing her hands from her pockets. "He's welcome in any and all facilities, including this restaurant."</p><p>"I don't care," Cersei snapped, glaring at the dog. "And what is a hearing dog? That's made up. It's gross. I'm going to say something to the manager."</p><p>Rhaegar walked over. "Is there a problem?" he cooed.</p><p>The two blonds took a look at him and the man pointed to him, chuckling. "You're Rhaegar Targaryen. I'm Jaime Lannister, I believe my father works with you."</p><p>"Hmm, Tywin Lannister, yes."</p><p>Of course they knew Rhaegar and of course this was happening now. Jon was still, barely even breathing, and Ghost was firm at his side, his ears twitching, and red eyes fixed intensely on the woman, who now backed up a bit, seeing that this was not an ordinary dog, but something else entirely. "Is that a...a wolf!?" she demanded. She took a step backwards again, as Ghost moved closer to her, his lip curling up, barely, but just enough for her to screech and grab for the man she was with, shouting for someone to do something about it.</p><p>Jon signed something to them and tugged on the leash, Ghost backing off. Dany reached for his arm, lightly bringing him towards her, back to the car, as they now had an audience. She didn’t want to make this any more uncomfortable for him than he already was. She left Rhaegar to deal with the Lannisters, as he was now saying something to the man who was shrinking slightly under her brother’s cold, angry words.</p><p>She leaned on him, at the same time a woman approached Jon. “Excuse me?” she said.</p><p>Dany halted, Jon stopping with her. Ghost turned around and sat immediately, looking at a young girl who was standing at the side of the woman who had reached for them. Dany looked at Jon, who didn’t say anything, but followed Ghost’s lead. He signed a quick hello. The young girl smiled and lifted her fingers, signing. <em>Oh wow</em>, Dany thought, smiling as the girl signed a hello to Jon, introduced herself as Shireen, and that she was going to get a hearing dog soon. She wanted to know if she could pet Ghost.</p><p>Jon signed, saying it was fine. The woman who was with Shireen introduced herself to Dany. “Marya Seaworth,” she said. “My husband is Davos, the sheriff.”</p><p>“Oh yes, I’ve met him, he’s wonderful. Is this your daughter?” she asked.</p><p>“Foster daughter,” Marya said with a small smile. She grinned at Shireen, who was signing furiously with Jon. “We took her in, she needed a place to stay, her mother was unable to care for her and her father unfortunately did not want anything to do with her. She’s been waiting on a hearing dog for some time, we received a call that we would be getting one for her soon. I saw what was happening and it just breaks my heart how cruel and ignorant people are.”</p><p>Dany nodded, understanding. “It is, sadly.” She smiled again. “You should visit the sanctuary; I think Shireen would love to see the wolves.”</p><p>“We will make a note of it, I know Davos wants to take her.” The woman smiled at Shireen and smiled wider. “Your husband is very good with her.” She patted her elbow, not waiting for Dany to protest that Jon was not her husband. She beamed. “Have a good evening.”</p><p>Her heart clenched angrily, cold pain spreading throughout her limbs. She remained rooted in spot, until Rhaegar came over and twitched his lips, arching his brows. “I have dealt with the Lannister twins. It is also possible their reservation has mysteriously disappeared.” He consulted his phone. “And I have also notified Tywin that I do not do business with companies that perpetuate stereotypes and cruelty to those who are not like anyone else, which he should understand given as those two have a highly…unconventional relationship.”</p><p>Maybe it was the brief flicker of tears in her eyes, the confusion, the anger she still felt to Cersei Lannister, and the knowledge that Jon was going to be cold for the rest of the night. She tried not let her brother see it, but he was highly observant when he wanted to be and it seemed he wanted to be. He leaned towards her, but she lifted her hand, fending him off. “Don’t Rhae. Don’t pretend like you care,” she spat. She turned away from him and went to Jon. “Come on,” she signed. “Let’s get out of here.”</p><p>Sure enough, he was jerky and cold, saying nothing when he climbed into the car, Ghost hopping with him. They drove in absolute silence back to the clinic. Rhaegar climbed out and gazed up at the house, frowning at it and sighing. “I do not particulary want to go find this hotel…”</p><p>“What hotel?” Jon asked, seeing Rhaegar’s lips.</p><p>“I believe it is called the Wolf Inn.”</p><p>“That’s at Winterfell,” Jon explained. He gestured to his Jeep. “I can take you.”</p><p>“Oh that would be wonderful!”</p><p>Dany did <em>not</em> think that would be wonderful. She shook her head, already trying to fight it. “No, Rhae, you can stay here if you don’t want to go find the hotel.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it,” Jon signed. He turned towards her and she was surprised to see he was actually smiling. He signed, while Rhae got his luggage from the car. “I like him, he’s funny.”</p><p><em>Funny</em> was never a word used to describe Rhaegar and it concerned Dany that Jon thought so. “I don’t know what he’s doing here,” she explained, signing and speaking so he could get her point. She lifted her brows. “Are you alright?”</p><p>His eyes darkened. “Yes,” he signed. “Why?”</p><p>“Just…that cow woman.”</p><p>“It’s my life,” he signed, which broke her heart. She reached for him, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth and rising on her toes to hug him around his neck. He squeezed her quick, letting go. He kissed her one more time. “See you tomorrow.”</p><p>“Tomorrow,” she signed, watching him walk off to his Jeep, Ghost bounding with him. She went to the door, letting Shadow out, the pup rushing immediately to a patch of grass near the sign in the front yard, where countless dogs had relieved themselves, each one trying to smother the scent of the others before them and Shadow did his part in the time-honored tradition.</p><p>Rhaegar came over to her while Jon heated up his Jeep. He smiled again, this time a little nervous. “I’ll be by tomorrow. We have to talk.”</p><p>“Clearly,” she hissed. She narrowed her eyes. “Can I get a hint why you’re here?”</p><p>“Let’s just say I’ve kind of had a…clearing of the mind, I suppose you could call it.” He reached into his shiny leather case, removing a thick folder, black with the familiar red three-headed dragon logo of the family company. Her stomach dropped. <em>Business. It’s always business.</em> He noticed her immediate reaction, shaking his head quickly. “It’s business, but it isn’t what you think. Just look at the documents. We’ll talk tomorrow.” He hesitated and then awkwardly kissed the top of her head.</p><p>She narrowed her eyes, very concerned. “Are you dying?” she demanded, thinking she’d asked him that once before.</p><p>He laughed. “No, I’m not.”</p><p>“Well…alright then. I’ll call you tomorrow.” She grabbed his elbow before he walked off, gazing to the Jeep, where Ghost had poked his head out of the window. “Just so you know, Jon can’t sign while he’s driving and he can’t read your lips, so don’t’ talk to him while he’s focused on the road…”</p><p>“I got it Daenerys,” he chuckled. His eyes crinkled and he smiled. “You know I’ve never met either one of your…serious guys I guess you could call them. Even the one you almost married.”</p><p>“You never wanted to,” she whispered.</p><p>He flinched. “Yes…well…I…I like him, for what it’s worth.”</p><p>“You don’t know him.” <em>Sometimes I don’t think anyone does.</em></p><p>“Yes well…I will see you tomorrow.” He stepped backwards and went to Jon’s car, getting into it. A moment later, Jon gave her a wave, driving off. Shadow watched the car drive away, whimpering and thumping his tail. She rubbed the top of his head, which was getting closer and closer to her hip, the more he grew.</p><p>She led him back into the clinic and turned off the lights, taking everyone upstairs to her room. The dragons were grateful they didn’t have to entertain any other guests, for Shadow was enough. She sat on her bed, nervous, wondering how the drive went to Winterfell and if she would find out what happened. She wrestled with texting Jon, but chose to wait for him to make the first move.</p><p>The words of Marya Seaworth echoed in her head, when she allowed them to slip into the racing thoughts of what was going on with Rhaegar and how Jon would deal with the nastiness he’d experienced that evening. She <em>hated</em> how she felt that brief warmth in her belly at the notion of Jon as her husband. Replaced by the cold angst that he would not be, because they wanted different things.</p><p>
  <em>Didn’t they?</em>
</p><p>“I can’t have babies, but I want them,” she whispered, speaking to Shadow, who was watching her, stretched out next to her. She scratched his ears, looking into his big dark eyes. He couldn’t hear her; it only hurt her more. “But he doesn’t want them at all…you think that would be alright, you know?” Except it wasn’t.</p><p>And then there was his general refusal to open up to her, which she knew was wrong to hold against him, given all that he had let her see. Jon was more of action than words, understandably so. She sighed and picked up the envelope Rhaegar handed her, unspiraling the string at the top and flicking open the flaps. She frowned, removing a thick sheaf of paperwork and stared at the bold typeface in the center of the first page.</p><p>
  <em>The Last Will and Testament of Rhaegar Targaryen</em>
</p><p>Instead of being concerned, she rolled her eyes. Of course this visit was about him. Had nothing to do with checking on her. He was going to tell her about his will. She moved to shove it away, but a nagging voice in the back of her head had her stopping midway through the motion. She flicked up the top sheet and scanned over the initial page, laying out the terms. She flicked through some more and then stopped, midway through, at the bold subheading offset towards the bottom.</p><p>
  <em>Future Children of Daenerys Targaryen</em>
</p><p>The words took her in, reading through the official legalese, scanning back, frantic, over and over, and finally ended up reading it straight through. She dragged her knees up to her chest, a fist pushed to her mouth, teeth rubbing on her knuckles. <em>Fucking Rhaegar</em>, she repeated, over and over.</p><p>
  <em>…monies set aside for future heirs of D. Targaryen, whether by blood or legal adoption...…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>…fund for educational expenses for future heirs of D. Targaryen, whether by blood or legal adoption…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>…all shares of Dracarys Group to be transferred immediately upon death to D. Targaryen…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>…certain percentage for animal welfare funds throughout Essos…</em>
</p><p>When she finished reading, she threw them all to the side of the bed and didn’t even question why Jon didn’t text her. She just closed her eyes and hugged Shadow to her chest, the dragons circling around her head, and she cried. So exhausted, she barely thought. She grabbed her phone and sent one single text to Jon, since he hadn’t said anything to her.</p><p>
  <em>I hope Rhaegar didn’t bother you too much. Have a good night.</em>
</p><p>And her phone dinged. She looked at it and frowned, unsure what it meant. Just a single word. <em>Fine.</em></p><p>She couldn’t begin to worry about what Rhaegar might have said or not said. She was too tired for it. Her eyes fluttered shut and she drifted off, tears trickling down her face.</p><p>
  <em>I’m just so bloody exhausted.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. the other dragon: part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rhaegar and Daenerys talk; Dany and Jon have the confrontation they need...with repercussions.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Before you read this chapter, read this note. </p><p>Jon and Dany are going to go through some bad stuff before it gets better.  Consider this the top of the angst, but there might be some more as we head towards the end.  Just know that when you read the end.  Also, remember, we are ONLY getting Dany's POV here.  I'm doing that on purpose, it isolates Jon more from the storytelling itself and I want us to wonder about his thoughts and motives.  </p><p>So neither one is wrong...but neither one is right either.</p><p>Also-- Rhaegar is NOT Jon's father.  That's not really the point of the fic, I always assume his father is Arthur Dayne if it's not Rhaegar, lol.  But for this fic it' just some unnamed guy.  Or maybe Arthur, who knows, Lyanna kept her secrets.</p><p>Also part 2-- I don't answer it in this chapter, but want to be absolutely clear, Ygritte did NOT have an abortion without telling Jon.  If she did, that's her prerogative as a woman, and he can just fucking deal because that's her choice but that's not at all where I planned to go with this fic.  Jon's anti-baby mentality is made clear when he tells Dany in early chapters-- he just doesn't want a kid to deal with him.  </p><p>So, what Ygritte did to him may not seem bad when you find out what it is, but for Jon, it is beyond the pale and has ruined him for trusting anyone, especially with relation to his deafness.  Dany's not going to be too pleased either when she finds out.  But that's in next chapter, not this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jon hadn’t texted her all evening and not even in the morning, which Dany tried not to let get to her. She hoped it didn’t have anything to do with something Rhaegar said or did, but she didn’t have time to focus on it, as she had a couple of emergencies in the morning. Including Lyanna Mormont dragging in a heaving Bear, who had eaten an entire package of socks. The young girl was apoplectic, shouting how it was the end of time and she would avenge her beloved dog.</p><p>“He’ll be fine,” she assured her, as Lyanna bent over her sleeping dog, after Dany had given him several different medications to dissolve what remained of the socks that he hadn’t barfed up all through the waiting room.</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“I’m positive, stay with him a little longer then you can take him home and he can sleep in his own bed, alright?” Dany assured Lyanna’s mother Maege of the same thing. She left the room, only to dart into the next one, greeting a young Ned Umber and his father, who had brought in their three big mixed sheepdogs, all of whom were salivating and freaking out over their yearly vaccines and checkups.</p><p>A few times throughout her phone buzzed. It was Rhaegar, but never Jon. A few times Arya. She got a free moment to pee, check on Shadow who was racing around the backyard nonstop before he went over to Jon’s later, and feed the dragons, all of whom were glaring at her like she’d done something wrong. “I’m sure I did, just let me know, alright?” she asked them. They each meowed and flicked their tails up, sauntering off.</p><p>Dany flicked the sign over in the afternoon, groaning at the ache in her upper back. She did not sleep well. She glanced at Gilly, who was shuffling files and folders around on the desk. “Gilly why don’t you go home? Take the rest of the afternoon. I’ll reschedule the remaining clients.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” Gilly asked. She picked up a sheaf of pink messages, setting them atop the counter. “By the way, your brother called a few times.”</p><p>“Of course he did.” She trudged to the messages, flicking through them and then dumping them into the trash, patting Gilly’s shoulder. “Go home. I’ll finish up here.” Which she wouldn’t. She’d clean up the rest of the rooms and do the filing that evening. Rhaegar awaited, as much as she wanted to put him off.</p><p>There was also Jon, who hadn’t texted her since the single <em>Fine</em> the previous evening. She was annoyed with him now, after going through a series of panicked thoughts over what Rhaegar might have said or done. He wasn’t going to talk to her? Well <em>fine</em>. She forwarded the text to Missy, asking her advice, and the only thing her friend had sent back was a text that just said:</p><p>
  <em>That prick.</em>
</p><p>Missy was more concerned with Rhaegar’s appearance, wanting to make sure that Dany wasn’t going to get too upset about it. It wasn’t that she was upset, she was just…confused. She rubbed her forehead, a hand pushing to the small of her back, where an ache had steadily been forming all day long from standing on her feet. She pulled her phone out and found Rhaegar’s last text, calling him back.</p><p>“Dany!”</p><p>“Sorry, it’s been a day. Where are you?”</p><p>“I am at this wonderful wolf sanctuary. I feel like I have never been in nature before.”</p><p>“Because you’ve never been in nature before.” Rhaegar’s version of nature was sitting in a wine bar overlooking a garden. Or wandering the ruins of Valyria contemplating poetry and composing a song, but never actually setting foot into the ruins themselves—he’d wander them via the air-conditioned cab of a Jeep or confines of a helicopter.</p><p>“It’s marvelous.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes. “Is Jon being alright?”</p><p>“He’s fine, he’s very quiet.”</p><p>“He’s <em>deaf</em> Rhae.”</p><p>Rhaegar skated right by that one. “Come bring Shadow, Jon said something about how he needed to be there today. We can talk.” He turned serious. “You read the papers I gave you?”</p><p>“Yes,” she bit out.</p><p>“Obviously you have questions. Come out here, bring the wolf, and we can discuss. I feel like this place has the energy we need for this conversation.”</p><p>“Rhaegar I’m going to ask you again…are you dying?”</p><p>“Bring the papers Dany, we’ll talk. See you soon.”</p><p>Dany disconnected, scowling at her phone, and more confused than ever. She shot a text to Jon without preamble, only saying: “Shadow’s on his way.” She didn’t want to hear his response, because she didn’t care.</p><p>She really didn’t care anymore.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p> </p><p>“Shadow, my friend!”</p><p>“Everyone is his friend, Rhae.” Dany slammed the door to her car shut, nodding to Arya who exited the office, Nymeria trotting after her to greet the pup, who took off to Rhaegar and then spotted his brethren, barking and running to join her. She shoved her hands into her pockets, scuffing her boots in the hard dirt near the steps up to the offices. “Hey Arya, how’s it going?”</p><p>“It’s going.” Arya came to stand by Rhae, who was looking out at Shadow and Nymeria, still a bit dazed. She smirked. “He’s a trip.’</p><p>“He’s something.”</p><p>Arya grinned, eyes sparkling. “He’s been a blast actually. Gave us some insight into our business model, suggested we upgrade our security systems, and brought out his violin to play a song for Grey Wind, who immediately passed out. I recorded it on my phone to play for some of the wolves when we need to give them their vaccines, it’s like a drug for them or something.” She eyed her, curious. “What’s he doing here? Jon seems to like him, so that’s a success.”</p><p>“It’s something,” Dany muttered. She was not a fan of Jon right now. “Where is he?”</p><p>“Jon?” Arya arched her brows. “He’s out looking at one of the packs, checking on the litter for Pack C I think. Ghost is with him.” She cocked her head, a chunk of her mousy brown hair falling loose. She tucked it behind her ear. “He was good with Rhaegar, but he’s been…I don’t know. Did you guys get in a fight?”</p><p>She snorted. “If we did, would Jon let me know? I don’t know.” She was worried; she wanted to know what Rhaegar said to him. It had to be something like that. She glanced at Arya, quiet. “He had a moment yesterday…some bitch went after him because of Ghost at the restaurant and then we met Davos’s foster daughter who is deaf. Maybe it was too much for him.”</p><p>“Well it doesn’t give him the right to be a dick, but you know it is Jon.” Arya sighed again. She shielded her eyes, shaking her head slightly. “Your brother still has the tags on his boots I think.”</p><p>"Most likely."</p><p>Dany dug her fingers into her palms, stuffed deep in the pockets of her heavy parka. It was beginning to snow again, large clumps dropping down every few seconds, melting once they hit the pavement, but gathering on her shoulders and in the creases of her wool beanie. It was one of Jon's, black with a logo for the wolf sanctuary. She glanced sideways; feeling Arya's intense gaze. It caused a shiver down her spine; she knew she couldn't hide anything from the observant Stark. She arched her brows, silently questioning.</p><p>The young woman chuckled, lip curling up. "He asked a lot about you, Rhaegar. About what you do, about the clinic. He was very curious." She cocked her head again, gaze soft. "He's really proud of you, I can tell, just in how he spoke about you. He mentioned something though, but then I think I realized he wasn't supposed to."</p><p><em>I'm sure he did.</em> "And what's that?" she murmured, breaking away from Arya. She stared instead at Rhaegar, watching the hood of his silver parka bounce on his shoulders, his ponytail swinging around as he chased after Shadow like he was a child instead of a grown man in his late forties. Who was this stranger allowing wolves to splatter mud on his designer jeans? Who was this stranger who was actually <em>wearing</em> jeans? And yes, Arya was right, she could still see a loop of plastic on the back of his boots and his parka still held the creases from being folded in a box.</p><p>"He asked me if you and Jon were planning a family."</p><p><em>You son of a bitch. I knew it.</em> She fought the bile rising into her throat. The burning anger starting to spiral out and tingling in her fingertips. That explained it. Explained Jon's cold shoulder. Explained why he was here. The will. She needed to confirm, obviously, but gods...she was going to kill him. If only her brothers could just <em>leave me alone</em>. "I don't know what you're talking about," she choked.</p><p>She refused to look at Arya. Her friend grabbed her elbow and dragged her up into the house. "Dany!" Arya exclaimed, surprised when she shook her off. She didn't want anyone to touch her. She ripped at the beanie, dragging her fingers through her hair, tears hot in her eyes but she was so upset they wouldn't fall. "Dany, come on, talk to me. He just said it and when I said that was the first, I heard of it, he clammed up. Wouldn't say anything else...is this why Jon is upset?"</p><p>"It's none of your business," she hissed, teeth clenched. She glared at Arya, warning her off. The Starks were so <em>pushy.</em> She jabbed a finger at her, frustrated, and lashing out. Unfair, but Arya was in the way, and unfortunately, her anger had to go somewhere. "My family isn't your family, Arya! We aren't close, we don't...don't do these things. It was not his business to say anything to you."</p><p>"Alright, I'm sorry!" The young woman held her hands up, defensive, face falling. "Look, I told him I hadn't heard it, I didn't know where you and Jon were going. Jon showed up here with him, dropped him with me, and disappeared! Now you're all...I don't know, but don't get mad at me, alright?"</p><p>A tear leaked free. She wiped angrily at it. It was so stupid. She swallowed hard, trying not to look at Arya, to let her know how upset she was over this. It ached. The hollow in her lower belly, the pain she'd struggled to work through and her time in Westeros had helped, but it was coming back again. Everything she'd fought through. "Please, Arya...I don't know why Rhaegar is here, and he had no right to tell or ask you anything...just...forget you heard a thing."</p><p>She laughed, hard and barking. "I can't Dany. Jon is my brother, he's not my cousin, he's my brother. He's my best friend. I don't know what is going on in his head, but something got to him and I want to make sure he's not going to go do something stupid."</p><p>"That's not your job!" Dany exclaimed. She wiped at her eyes again, Arya drawing back slightly. "You can't protect him from everything, and I don't even know what Rhae said to him, but I'm going to find out." She hesitated and ripped her phone out of her pocket, her turn to bark a laugh. "And honestly Arya? I don't know what is going on with Jon and me. He doesn't want the same things and...and I think that's clearer than anything to me now...especially when his first reaction is to run away to the wolves instead of talk to me!"</p><p>Now it was Arya's turn to lash out, to whip her hand to the side, shouting. "Because he's only ever been hurt Dany! It's all he knows! Just think about that, alright? Every single person in his life has only disappointed him."</p><p>She pushed by Arya to the door, jerking it open and turning to face the confused woman. <em>The irony</em>, she thought, shaking her head briefly, brows lifting. She was defiant. "See Arya, that's the thing...everyone's disappointed me too."</p><p>If Arya said anything, Dany didn't hear it. She closed the door and jogged down the steps, stalking over to Rhaegar, who was sitting on one of the benches near the kennels with Shadow. She marched to him, her arms crossed, prepared for a war, but when he looked up at her, smiling pleasantly, indigo eyes creasing on the corners, bright and wide, she faltered. Rhaegar ruffled Shadow's neck. "This one is something else. Tell me, how do you communicate with him?"</p><p>"Sign language," she blurted, taken aback by his peaceful look. She had never seen him like this. She glanced down at Shadow, sitting docilely in front of Rhaegar, under Nymeria's watchful eye. The wolf cub's tongue lolled out, panting from the exertion of running around. She held her hand out, flat and palm upturned. He immediately sat up straighter. She flipped her palm and he went down, head on his paws, but his eyes were intense, unblinking, waiting for his treat.</p><p>He was still in training, but he was doing so well. Dany wondered what Jon had planned for him. She loved the little guy so much, hadn't realized how important he had become to her. She removed a treat from the baggy in one of her many coat pockets, tossing it to him. He swallowed it whole, wagging his tail and getting up, pressing his head against her palm. She smiled down at him, grateful. Maybe it was his lack of one sense, he was so attuned to everyone's emotional needs.</p><p>She hadn't realized Rhaegar was staring at her until she finally tore herself from Shadow. "We need to talk," she said first, his mouth opening, likely planning to say the same thing.</p><p>Rhaegar nodded. "Let's go somewhere less...freezing." He shivered. "I do not understand how you have managed to adapt here. Your blood must be thicker than water."</p><p>"I think it's the dragon blood, honestly. It's not so bad." <em>Also I have been sleeping with a wolf at my side most every night.</em> Jon and Shadow both, she supposed. She led him to the kennels and opened the door, using her code. It clicked, the heavy metal door unlocking, and she pushed in, stepping aside for Rhaegar and Shadow. Nymeria took off back to the offices. She closed and made sure the door locked behind them, shedding her parka. It was still a little cold, but considerably warmer than outside.</p><p>Rhaegar unzipped his parka and she noted that his sweater was of course cashmere, but he wasn't wearing an Oxford shirt underneath. She kept her opinion on his fashion choices to herself, leading him down one of the halls, assuming Arya had given him a tour. He popped his head into the vet room, chuckling. "I presume you do most of your work here?"</p><p>"Pretty much. The clinic has always been involved with the sanctuary, but they can do a lot of things themselves...I've kind of done a lot more I guess." <em>Because of Jon.</em> She pushed into the kennels, clicking her tongue. Lady was now back at Winterfell with Summer and they didn't have anyone else other than Grey Wind, who was hanging out in the kennels other than his outdoor enclosure, simply because she wanted to keep his mobility limited.</p><p>She approached the kennel, unlocking it and calling for him. The door flaps clinked, heavy plastic moving aside as Grey Wind slunk into the indoor enclosure. "He's so regal," Rhaegar noted. He grinned. "He really liked the violin."</p><p>"He's a good boy," she murmured, taking a seat on the bench built into the wall. Grey Wind came over to get his head rubbed. She looked up at Rhaegar, who was watching her, a calm look over his face, still watching her. She took a deep breath; <em>let's get this over with.</em> "Rhae what did you tell Jon?"</p><p>
  <em>There. It's done.</em>
</p><p>He glanced away, at Shadow, who was digging his nose into Grey Wind's empty food bowl. "I did not realize," he began. He heaved a hard breath, hitting his head back against the kennel wall, hands shoving into his jean pockets. "Daenerys, I do apologize, seriously...I...I had no idea...I just assumed you two were...well that you'd told him. I thought you both were serious."</p><p>"We haven't had that talk Rhae! It wasn't your place!" she exclaimed. Her heart began to race, panicking. She switched to Valyrian, overly emotional, needing their mother tongue for this talk. "Rhaegar, please, you have to tell me. First, what business of it is yours? Why are you even here? Second, what did you tell him? What is going on?"</p><p>It was a mess, so many question marks, both ones that she'd had when he first called her and then about his visit and now whatever he'd told Jon that had him running into the woods with his wolves and ignoring her. She was desperate for answers; she needed to get her feet under her and try to figure out what was happening. Her heart was already in knots; she didn't need it broken too. <em>Not now, not anymore.</em></p><p>The pain Rhaegar sent her shocked her. She hadn't seen him like that before. He was always so calm and collected. Downright aloof. "I..." he trailed off, beginning, and blew another hard breath. He closed his eyes, speaking quietly. "I have not been a good brother to you and for that I am sincerely sorry."</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>He appeared ready to cry, voice heavy, choking. "I failed you and I failed Viserys. I was so caught up in my own mess...I had so much time with both of them, I saw Father and Mother at their worst and I just...I wanted to escape but in doing so I failed you both terribly. Jon asked me last night how I knew all about you if I was not there, I told him it was because I tried to keep up with you through your guardians. Through Ser Darry, Barristan, and then with your boarding schools...but they're just stories and that's all I have, and it pained me." He held his breath in his chest a moment, exhaling hard through his nose. Shadow went over to him, resting his head on Rhaegar's knee.</p><p>She furrowed her brow, listening intently. She had never seen him like this before. Rhaegar was melancholy, yes, but he was never <em>emotional.</em> "So why all this?" she breathed.</p><p>"Because I cannot get through to Viserys. I cannot make up anything to you and I know that. You're a grown woman and I cannot change the past, but I can try to make amends for the future." Rhaegar reached to his sweater and pulled it up. She drew back, unsure of what he was doing, until she saw that there was a terrible black and blue scar making its way across his chest, between his pecs. Her shock showed, mouth dropping open, gasping. It was <em>horrible.</em> It didn’t look like Jon's surgery scars, more like he'd had something dropped on his chest, the skin never recovering.</p><p>She got to her feet, walking over, the scientist within her wanting to inspect, to diagnose, but Rhaegar dropped his sweater back down and pulled his coat together. "Rhae..." she began, whispering.</p><p>He barely shook his head, silencing her. She nodded and let him continue. "You ask if I am dying. No, I am not dying, but I almost did. It was very sudden. I was in an accident...at one of the mines. That piece of stag shit Robert Baratheon was trying to get inside information for his steel company, sent in someone to steal the trade secrets about the dragonglass—well he fucked up big time and I happened to be there when he did. There was a cave in."</p><p>Her hand flew up to cover her mouth, a shocked squeak escaping her lungs. "You could have died," she managed to get out. She stared at him, unsure what that would be like. Yes, she never saw him or Viserys, but the idea that yet <em>another</em> family member would be gone...she tried to focus. He was in front of her, alive. "Why...why didn't you tell me?"</p><p>"That's part of it." Rhaegar hugged the parka tighter around him. He chuckled. "I realized at the hospital when I woke up that they called Griff. Not my only living blood relations, they called my PA." He spat out a laugh, shaking his head. He pursed his lips. "It woke me up. It should not have, but it did. I guess all life and death situations do that. Regardless, after I decided to seek revenge on that stag cunt Robert Baratheon, I also met someone...she's a doctor, believe it or not."</p><p><em> Oh seven hells.</em> Her eyes widened, seeing his tiny smile. "Mel?" she squeaked.</p><p>"Yes, Melisandre. We met at the hospital, she was on the floor for another patient and saw my name, she thought that I was related to you, which of course I am, there are no many Targaryens left after all." He was bemused, his smile pulling again on his lips. "We're no longer together, but it was fun. Very different from the women I have seen in the past. Certainly not anything long lasting or serious, but fun while it lasted."</p><p>Dany felt a little ill. Her fertility doctor and her brother? She didn't think those things should mix. She shook her head again, eyes closing, trying to get the image of her fiery-haired creepy doctor and her serious brother out of her head. It didn't make sense. "So she is who I have to thank for this...new and improved Rhaegar?" she asked.</p><p>"To a point, yes. I lied to you when I brought her up before, I...I was nervous when she mentioned you were one of her patients. I...I knew what it meant, even though she refused to comment further, realizing her mistake." <em>I'm sure it wasn't a mistake</em>, Dany thought darkly, knowing Mel had gone far and away beyond the boundaries of doctor-patient relationships. He sighed again. "That's why I redid the will. I looked you up and read more about your work, I spoke with Jorah...I...I realized I had missed out on so much and you were incredible, and I hadn't seen it."</p><p>"So you want to give me all your money when you die?" she questioned. She laughed hard. "Rhae, that's not love!"</p><p>"Listen!" He held his hands up, stopping her. She snapped her jaw closed, eyes flashing. Grey Wind was lying at her feet, his head on his paws, dark eyes darting back and forth, while Shadow kept up his attention on Rhaegar. She was grateful for the wolves' presence. It was stabilizing. Kept her from strangling Rhae. He sighed again. "Mel may have done wrong in what she did, admitting you were a patient. She didn't say anything further, but I figured it out. Daenerys, I don't care if you have a baby on your own. Of all the people in the world who deserve to have children, you are the only one in the world I would ever want to see have kids. You have so much love to give and it's through nothing that I or the family has done...it's all you." He smiled, wavering, and she could see his eyes were darker, swimming in unshed tears. "And whether you have a child of your body or you adopt...I wanted to make sure that should anything happen to me again, something permanent, you were the one who had it all. Because you deserve it."</p><p>He continued, before Dany could interrupt him, to tell him that there would be no children. "And yes, Mel overstepped, but I looked up what I did on my own. It's possible Daenerys. It doesn't always happen on the first try and I...and I want to be there for you...if you try again." He pushed his hands to his heart, whispering, fierce and determined. "I want to be with you in this, if it's what you choose in the future. It's not a do-over by any means, but I want to support you in whatever way you will let me....which is why..."</p><p>Now his head hung, the fierce support fading, uncertain and scared, his smooth forehead wrinkling. His Valyrian grew thicker; Dany knew he was upset. She suspected she was about to get more upset too. "Which is why I was very surprised to meet Jon...to see how you were with him and I...and I made a mistake. A terrible assumption I now realize...I thought he knew."</p><p>"Knew?" she cracked out, brows arching to her forehead, even though <em>she</em> knew.</p><p>He grew sheepish. "Daenerys I'm sorry...I asked him last night if you were going to try again...he asked about what and I said the IVF...if he was going to try again with you this time...I didn't know that he...that he wasn't involved."</p><p><em>OR even that he knew.</em> She closed her eyes tight, fighting angry tears. Angry because she hadn't confided it in Jon. Angry at Rhaegar for just assuming. angry because she didn't know where she stood on the future of her fertility struggles or even the future of her relationship with Jon. She lifted her face up and sobbed, scrubbing her hands over it and pushing through her hair. "Rhae," she choked.</p><p>"Daenerys...I...I'm so sorry."</p><p>"He didn't know," she managed to get out. She was so angry, so tired, and so sad. She wanted to hit Rhae, but it wasn't his fault. She swallowed hard and before she knew it, she was crying, reaching for her brother, as both Grey Wind and Shadow jumped up to attend to her. "He didn't know and now he won't talk to me and...and I don't know what to do!"</p><p>Rhaegar reached for her and wrapped his arms tight. She didn't realize how much taller he was than her until she was crushed against him, sobbing, letting go the worry she'd had over the last couple days, and the confusion over the last few months with Jon. Tears were angry, hot, and burned her cheeks, soaking Rhaegar's fancy cashmere sweater. He hugged her tight, his hand over her hair and he whispered Valyrian nothings to her. It made her think over what might have been, if he'd been there for her as a child when she needed this most.</p><p>She guessed it didn't matter because he was here now.</p><p>Her shoulders fell, the weight of the world pressing them down, and for what felt like hours, she cried and wiped her eyes and Rhaegar told her it would be alright, that he'd support her whatever her choice and decision, and eventually he lightly pushed her back, gazing down gently at her, concerned. "You need to talk to Jon, it sounds like," he whispered. He wrinkled his forehead and shook his head. "I'm sorry for my part in this, but Daenerys...it sounds like you needed to talk to him a lot earlier."</p><p>She hiccupped and nodded. "You have no idea," she tried to laugh, but instead sobbed. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and whispered. "It's so hard sometimes...he's so difficult to speak with...he doesn't trust anyone and...and I know I've gotten far..."</p><p>"You cannot take on his pain as your own," Rhaegar said. He smiled sadly. "I suppose I did that the wrong way I didn't help you and Viserys...I didn't want to bring on the burden. Except you were children and it was my burden to take on, as the adult." He paused. "Jon is not a child. He's a grown man."</p><p><em>And I cannot take on his pain as mine</em>, she repeated in her head, nodding. She wiped her eyes again, gazing up at him. It was odd, she felt beholden to him now. Lighter, but still...she wasn't sure how to feel about that. "Thank you," she mumbled, stilted. It was strange. To thank Rhaegar for anything.</p><p>They both shifted don their feet, awkward and slightly embarrassed over the gross display of affection and emotion. Rhaegar touched Shadow's head, smiling at the wolf, who continued to peer up at him, wagging his tail. "For what it is worth Daenerys...I do not know Jon and I do not even know you, which breaks my heart, but..." he sighed and smiled again. "I didn't speak to him in the car, not until we got to the hotel and he came in with me to make sure that I was settled. We chatted, had a drink and...and he spoke about you." He smiled wider. "That's why I assumed...assumed what I did. He said you learned sign for him. You were annoying. You love the wolves...I thought he loved you."</p><p>If anything her heart broke further. She nodded. "I love him," she whispered. She'd told Arya and now she was telling Rhaegar. She had to tell Jon. <em>I can't tell Jon.</em> She looked up at him. "He's so closed off...I don't want to get hurt."</p><p>Rhaegar wiped at her eyes, flicking the tears aside. "Daenerys, the sad thing is...you're already hurting."</p><p><em>And that's why it's going to be so much more painful</em>, she thought, reaching to hug Rhaegar again, seeking the comfort.</p><p>Before she went and broke her heart again.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p> </p><p>The little dot on the iPad flashed larger, the closer she got to Jon's tracking signal. His truck, the one he used for tracking the wolves, was hidden between some trees, in a pull-off from the trail. She knew he wasn't in it, was with Ghost somewhere in the forest. It was risky, to go wandering off into the sector since the wolves did not know her like they knew Jon. She had Shadow with her, but he wouldn't be of much help. He was there for moral support, she guessed. Emotional support. He had an uncanny ability to soak it in, helping her stay upright, as it were.</p><p>After the talk with Rhaegar in Grey Wind's pen, they left and she gave him her keys, telling him to take her car back to his hotel. Arya came out, didn't say much, just that Jon was out looking for Pack B. She handed over the keys to her truck, said she could take it for the rest of the day, since Gendry would come and get her and Nymeria, they had a date night.</p><p>"Just talk to him," Arya told her. "And don't let him run away."</p><p>Maybe she should have waited until they got to his house or something, because in his woods, with his wolves, Dany knew Jon could run. This was his domain and she was the interloper. She looked at her phone; no text messages from him. She climbed out and took the iPad with her, Shadow on his harness and lead, so he didn't go running off where they couldn't get him. She followed the blinking dot, until she caught sight of a flash of white out of the corner of her eye, about fifteen minutes of hiking later.</p><p>Ghost appeared, blinking red eyes. Shadow yipped and Ghost turned, leading them to Jon, who was seated against a tree trunk, working on a laptop. He had a few cameras set up on tripods around him. She didn't know where the pack was, but they were leaving them alone, which was good. Ghost approached Jon and nosed him, getting his attention.</p><p>It didn't matter, even with Ghost to notify him, Jon was surprised to see her, dropping the laptop from his knees and gasping in surprise. He got to his feet, scowling angrily at her, and signing. "What are you doing here? I'm working."</p><p>"Well not anymore," she said. She didn't sign, because she didn't want him to mess up what she was saying. She pulled up the writing app on the iPad, in case she had to make her point and he couldn't read her lips. She pointed to them. "Read my lips. I want this clear."</p><p>Jon was not happy about it, but he nodded, jerking his head, annoyed. "Fine," he said.</p><p><em>Fine. what a word.</em> "Fine," she growled. She pulled her phone out, wiggling it at him. "Fine. You stopped talking to me. Why?"</p><p>"You know why." He signed.</p><p>"I want you to say it."</p><p>He glared; his gray eyes turned black. "Your brother told me you are having a baby." He huffed, frustrated, and shouted, his emotion apparent, but she could still understand, even with the unmodulated, angry burst. "You did not tell me!"</p><p>"Because I do not even know what this is Jon!" She laughed. "You called me a friend!"</p><p>"You should have told me you were trying to have a baby." He scowled. "You said you could not."</p><p>"I can't!" she laughed. She jabbed her finger down to her abdomen. "It's dead in there Jon." He cocked his head, shaking it slightly, not understanding her words. She turned the iPad around, using the stylus to scribble and spun it to him, repeating. "It's dead in there Jon. I cannot have children. I want them. Gods, I want them so badly you have no idea." She vowed not to cry, but tears stung her again, hurting. "But I cannot have children. We can fuck all day long without any protection and <em>nothing</em> will happen so you do not have to worry." She spat out, laughing, thinking that's probably why he was so angry. "I wasn't trapping you."</p><p>He scowled. "I did not think you were."</p><p>"Well good."</p><p>"You should have told me," he repeated.</p><p>"When?" she laughed. She shrugged. "When we were screwing around? When we were dealing with your insane family? You do not tell me anything about you Jon, I have to find out from Arya, from Robb, from Tormund even. Why should I tell you about my life when you do not tell me about yours?"</p><p><em>There.</em> It was done, she said it. The one thing that had stood between them for the last two months. Maybe even three, if she was being honest, since the moment she met him on the street. It felt like decades though; she was exhausted, she was beaten down, and she was in pain.</p><p>
  <em>And I came here to avoid pain.</em>
</p><p>Jon hesitated; emotions twisted over his face. She didn't know if it was because he couldn't speak or because he couldn't hear, but he had more emotion in one look than she'd seen from anyone she'd met. It filled his eyes, seeped from his very soul, and when he tilted his head and tried to shake it, his mouth falling open and closing again, confusion and hurt, she stepped backwards, the tears finally trickling out.</p><p>He stepped to her and fisted his palms at his side. Ghost's mouth opened, his tongue lolling, panting. He was keying in on Jon's distress. He tried to go to Jon's side, but he moved away, and Shadow stood between them, whimpering, torn between which one he needed to support. She sobbed and stepped to Jon, spinning him around so he could look at her face. "Talk to me!" she shouted. It was wrong, to yell, but she was desperate for <em>something.</em></p><p>He pushed his hands through his hair, struggling to communicate, his fingers coming up to sign, but he couldn't make them move, stiff and clumsy. He gazed down at her, raw anger and fear. He pointed to his ear, shouting to her now, unable to control his volume, and she flinched at how loud it was. "I cannot hear!" he yelled. He stepped back, falling against the tree. "I fell and woke up and cannot hear ever again. I'm broken!"</p><p>"No," she cried. That was not a good enough reason for her. She shook her head. "No Jon, you're not!” She laughed. “And I won’t let you use that as an excuse.”</p><p>"No one <em>wanted</em> me!" He laughed hard and numb. "My mom died; I don't have a dad...uncle died...aunt hates me...Robb only wants a charity case!"</p><p>She wiped at her eyes, slamming her hands to her chest. "I want you Jon! I learned sign for you! I have only been nice to you! I want you!"</p><p>"I didn't want that!"</p><p>"Well then what do you want?" she screamed; she was so frustrated, sobbing and stumbling in the brush as he tried to move away from her. She didn't care if all the wolves of Winterfell found them now or if they'd scared them all away. She was so upset. Desperate for answers, for <em>something.</em> She grabbed him again, hating him for always turning away from her, knowing that when he did it was because he didn't want to <em>hear</em> her. "Jon look at me!"</p><p>He glared at her, his hand flying out to grip her elbow and his other reaching up, diving into her hair. They were panting, angry and desperate. He gripped the back of her neck and spoke. "I do not want...do not want a baby."</p><p>"But I do," she said, even if he couldn't see her words. She was positive of it now. It was all she wanted. Before Jon. Before Westeros. If she could have it...she knew she had to try. To take it. He blinked back tears; she could feel them. He pulled his face from hers, long enough to stare down at her, his thumb tracing over her cheekbone, dragging at the tears there. "Why can't you trust me?"</p><p>That's what it boiled down to. He didn't trust her. It didn't matter if she learned sign, or if he took her to his family dinner...he didn't trust her, for whatever reason. Something cut his heart so deeply it had not healed, and it didn't seem like anything she did would sew that gash together. She swallowed hard; throat parched. "What happened Jon? What did she do?"</p><p>
  <em>She.</em>
</p><p>That was the word that did it. Jon whipped his head away from her. He clammed up, his lower lip trembling and his breathing coming in hitches. He gazed at her again; the emotion had gone, those gray eyes a moment ago so open and scared, now closed entirely. The wall was up, and Dany knew it would not come down. Not without her banging on it and finding a ladder to climb over it and she didn't want to do that anymore. She was so tired of doing that, she couldn't climb it again.</p><p>He squinted. "She?" he asked, playing dumb.</p><p>"Ygritte," Dany spelled, so he knew exactly who she was referring to. She lifted her brows. "Do I have to ask Tormund? I already asked Arya. I learn more from your family and friends about you than from you."</p><p>He curled his lip, sneering. "Same."</p><p>She laughed. “Oh? Me? What did I not tell you? About my IVF struggles? My infertility? I told you I couldn’t have kids. You didn’t deserve to know the rest.”</p><p>And maybe that was the word. <em>Deserve.</em> He narrowed his eyes. “You do not care, did not tell me,” he said. He shrugged, cold. “Why should I?”</p><p>She grit her teeth. <em>It’s not the same.</em> "Fuck you Jon." It had nothing to do with her any longer. Rhaegar may have done her a favor, slipping out her secret. At least they were talking. Yelling. Breaking each other's hearts again and again.</p><p>Jon grinned. "Go to Queenscrown. Ask her what she did. Then you will know."</p><p>"I want to hear it from you!"</p><p>He stiffened. "I wanted to hear from you about your...baby."</p><p>"Why do you care anyway?" she demanded. "You said you do not want one. It didn't matter Jon. I could not have one, why would I tell you when you tell me anything?" She continued, pushing beyond his hurt that she dared to keep something from him, when all he did was have secrets. Her sympathy and empathy for him was long dying out. "Whatever she did, I would never do it," Dany said, of that she was certain. Whatever this Ygritte had done to him, it hurt him, closed him completely and he couldn't even trust a woman who had done nothing but be there for him.</p><p>He cocked his head, nodding. "You would if you wanted a baby with me."</p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p>That had her surprised. It didn't make sense. He wasn't going to tell her. He was scared. For some reason he was scared, and she was too tired to try again. She stepped away from him, still crying, no longer fighting it. "Goodbye Jon," she said.</p><p>"Dany," he began, trying to get to her, panicked. He no longer looked cold; the shutters came off his eyes. "Dany no! Come back!"</p><p>"Too late."</p><p>Whatever he wanted to say, she didn't want to hear it. She trudged away from him, Shadow making the decision to go with her, bounding away from Jon, even as he shouted her name, but she ignored him. She wiped her eyes, climbing into the truck when she stumbled free of the forest, and got into the cab, her fingers shaking. Shadow nudged her side, licked her tears, and eventually pushed his head into her lap as she drove away.</p><p>Dany didn't stop driving. She drove until she reached the clinic and ignored her phone, ringing and buzzing, texts and calls from Arya, Jon, and Rhaegar. She turned it off and got up to her room, shedding her clothing until she was naked and raw, and climbed into a bathtub filled with downright boiling water, the only thing that could at least attempt to bring her comfort.</p><p>Drogon, Viserion, and Rhaegal all came to her aide, while Shadow whimpered and tried to help; he might not have been able to hear her, but he was still there, hearing her cries regardless, as she slumped in the hot steaming water and cried.</p><p>Cried because she was confused about Jon, cried because she was confused about her future as a mother, and she cried because she was so bloody in love with him that even through it all, she still wanted to find him, and hug and kiss him and tell him as much, and she still wondered if he felt the same.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p> </p><p>The following morning, Dany woke up, eyes itchy and face blotchy. She fell asleep in one of Jon's shirts that he'd left, hating herself for such a pathetic teenager display of emotion. She let out Shadow and she texted Gilly, apologizing but she would have to have all the patients today rescheduled, she was ill.</p><p>Arya called, left a message and said that Jon was not answering any attempts to reach him, and what the fuck happened between them the day before.</p><p>Rhaegar called, said that he wanted to talk to her before he left, they still needed to go over the will in greater detail, but he understood if she wanted to hold it off, that was fine.</p><p>Dany ignored them all. She showered, she did her hair, and she got dressed, and then she sat down at her desk and drew the papers towards her she'd printed off that morning, reading them at least three times. She consulted the other resources she'd received. She compared and contrasted.</p><p>Drogon meowed, sitting in her lap, looking up a few hours later. Shadow was sleeping. She picked up her little dragon, nuzzling his face and set him down, and went over to kneel at Shadow's side. She lightly touched his shoulder and he startled, turning his face. He thumped his tail and licked her chin, nuzzling closer to her. She smiled, scratching his ears. "I need your support," she told him. "Do I have it?"</p><p>Shadow didn't hear her, but he yipped anyway. She grinned and sat on the floor next to him, pulling her phone to her. She found the contact and hit the call button. It rang three times.</p><p>"Dr. Melisandre Perzys."</p><p>"Mel," Dany said, clear-eyed and voiced. She smiled. "I would like to talk to you about the new procedure." She took a deep breath, closing her eyes, and fighting the pain bubbling up. Any fear she had; she would push through.</p><p>And even though she'd come to Westeros to avoid the pain, it didn't seem to matter, it had followed her, and she'd experienced it. Now, she might as well see if she could get something from it. And if Jon wouldn't change his mind...she loved him, but she couldn't trust him if he couldn't trust her. And at the end of the day...</p><p>She wanted this. Desperately. Rhaegar was right. She had so much love to give and she wanted to give it to her child.</p><p>"Daenerys," Mel purred. "I'm so happy to hear from you."</p><p>She pushed ahead, before she changed her mind. "I want to have a baby Mel. I…I’m not fully convinced of this, but…I want you to talk to me about it.” She smiled softly. "And if that doesn't work...then I'm going to adopt, and you can help me."</p><p>Mel chuckled. "Oh yes, I certainly can."</p><p>"Good. Let's discuss." She heard the phone ding while she was in the call and it wasn't until after that she saw the text message from Jon.</p><p>
  <em>Dany please. I'll tell you what she did. Maybe then you will understand...why it is so hard for me...I'm sorry.</em>
</p><p>It was too late, Dany thought, deleting the text.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>**runs and hides**</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. the anger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dany meets Ygritte and finds out why Jon does not trust...especially someone who claims to love him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Soo....here we go, we'll find out what Ygritte did.  Some people will likely not think it's a big deal, that it definitely doesn't warrant the reaction Jon has and how it has damaged him, but you just have to put yourself in Jon's shoes.  We'll dive into it a little more courtesy of a conversation Dany has with someone in chapter 13.  Dany tries to rationalize it a bit in this chapter, but she struggles, because she has her own biases, obviously.  We are ONLY getting Dany's POV, remember.  Jon is working through stuff too, we just don't see it.</p><p>Also, Ygritte says some FOUL things.  I figured I might as well just go full bitch, you know?  And I've gotten some comments from people over my characterization of Ygritte in some of my fics-- you guys know that Ygritte is also a book character too?  Jon is pretty descriptive in his chapters with Ygritte's look.  He really focuses on her teeth and nose, so well, I do too, lol.  I also freaking hate her.  She's infinitely more terrible in </p><p>Enough ranting-- on with the fic!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>Three weeks.</em>
</p><p>Three bloody long horrible no-good very bad weeks.</p><p>This was how long Daenerys had gone without Jon sleeping next to her, without hearing from him, without even going to the wolf sanctuary. she kept her distance on purpose; she did not want to see him, lest she might cave. She couldn't sleep, often feeling the tears rising at some point throughout the night and no matter what she did to try to forget him-- meditation, work, long bitch sessions via Facetime with Missandei-- it didn't work. She missed him.</p><p>She missed Shadow.</p><p>He needed to be with Jon, she didn't have the room for him or the time to get his energy out. He needed to keep working to be whatever it was Jon had planned for him. Dany missed his snuffles in his sleep, his big paw hitting her for extra food, and his little high-pitched whimpers when she wouldn't sit down and pet him. She missed his big dark eyes and his scruffy fur and his endless curiosity at his world, unique and isolating though it may be for him. It didn't stop him.</p><p>Dany tried to keep that mentality, Shadow's mentality, as she worked through the pain that had taken permanent residence in her heart. She didn't know if she could call what happened between her and Jon a "breakup" because that implied, they were actually doing something you could break up. It was more like they just...stopped. They were moving and then they weren't. Except they were moving in place.</p><p>"You did the right thing," Missandei stressed, over and over again. "This is about you Dany. Two months you've been sleeping with him and yes, he took you to his family gathering and that's a big deal, but how did you find out about it? From his brother. How did you find out anything about him? From someone else. That's not a relationship. That's pulling teeth."</p><p>And at the end of the day they wanted different things. There was no sense in keeping up something if ultimately there would be nothing to gain from it, Missandei tried to tell her. Dany understood and she knew, the rational side of her braid knew, but the irrational side, the one that woke in a sheen of sweat, gasping for air, body tingling and craving for Jon's touch, that side didn't understand.</p><p>It took three weeks before their paths finally crossed. Kudos to Arya, incidentally.</p><p>"Where is she?"</p><p>Dany tugged off her mask and gloves, while her vet tech Satin— a beautiful young man with curls that rivaled hers—carried the young cat she'd just spayed as part of a trap and release program, into the recovery room. She stuffed them in the biohazard bin and walked out of the operating room and around to the front, where Arya was standing, Nymeria at her side and Gendry looking nervous by the door. "Arya?" she asked, frowning.</p><p>The break with Jon didn't stop her conversations with Arya. They'd gotten a beer a couple of times at Tormund's, but the topic of Jon was strictly off limits, which Arya hadn't been able to help, still occasionally poking around wanting to know what happened. Or mentioning how miserable he was and how nasty he'd become. His students were complaining to the dean because he would bite their heads off in class, apparently. Dany didn't care.</p><p>Arya looked over at her, gray eyes sharp. "Hey, I tried calling a few times."</p><p>"I was in surgery, what's the problem?"</p><p>Gilly glowered. "Arya came barging in without an appointment demanding to talk to you."</p><p>"Arya, come on, we've discussed this."</p><p>"Well I need you," Arya protested. She pinned her hands to her hips. She was smaller than Dany, which was saying something, but that didn't stop her. Her chin jutted up. "You've not been at the sanctuary in three weeks. The wolves are restless."</p><p>"The wolves or one wolf?" Dany retorted.</p><p>Arya smirked. "Doesn't matter. Anyways, I got a call and need someone to come with me, because I've got to go up to Queenscrown and pick up a couple of wolves that wandered in and got hit by the rangers up there. They relocate them when they get into the camping areas."</p><p><em>Queenscrown.</em> "Ah," she said, running her tongue over her teeth. "And Jon can't come with you?" She ignored her stomach clenching at saying his name.</p><p>Gendry piped up. "Arya needs someone there to keep her from ah...bodily harm."</p><p>"And Gendry's going to the airport in White Harbor on the way to pick up Rickon."</p><p>The mysterious younger brother of the Stark clan. Dany squinted. "Rickon's visiting?"</p><p>"Yes, which is another reason why I need to talk to you." Arya sobered up instantly. If anything, her eyes went shiny, and her voice cracked. She was emotional. Dany was sure this was the first time she'd ever seen her like this before. "We called him in. We need to talk....about Shaggydog."</p><p><em>Oh no.</em> Dany recognized the tone in the woman's voice. She'd heard it in a lot of her patients' owners before. She'd had the same tone when speaking with them too. She nodded, jerking her head briefly. "Alright. I understand."</p><p>"Jon needs to be there, just so you know."</p><p>"I know," she mumbled, looking at her feet. She took a deep breath and nodded again. This was business and she was a professional. It was exactly why she didn't want to get involved with him in the first place, but that could not be undone. She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "When do you want to go to Queenscrown?"</p><p>"Can you come today?"</p><p>Gilly flicked the appointment book over, shrugging and folding her hands over it. "You don't have any more appointments for the day Dany. Just files and the house call over at the Mormont farm."</p><p><em>Yes, the horse that was pregnant.</em> She nodded. "Call Maege, see if we can push it to six." She looked over at Arya, questioning. "Will that give us enough time?"</p><p>"It will, so long as a certain ranger isn't there." Arya pushed away from the counter. "Get your gear, one of the wolves is pretty malnourished, it's why they were in the camping area to begin with."</p><p><em>Great</em>, Dany thought with a sad sigh. She looked over at Gilly, who was smirking. "What?" she mumbled. The front door slammed shut, Arya, Gendry, and Nymeria going outside to wait for her.</p><p>"Nothing." Gilly got up and laughed, grabbing some files and carrying them over to the file room. "It's just that I thought it would be a month before you were getting sucked back into the wolf sanctuary. I was sort of right."</p><p>A lash of hurt crossed her heart. "What's that supposed to mean?"</p><p>"Nothing, just that I don't think you were ever as done with them as you wanted to be." Gilly crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes gentle, and Dany felt like she was being mothered. It was Gilly’s general bearing, but also her soft smile, knowing but not condescending. Dany opened her mouth to protest, but Gilly shook her head, waving her hand. “No, do not fight it. You have to work with the sanctuary, they’re responsible for a lot of the business. I’ll give Maege a call, don’t worry about it. Oh, Dr. Mel called and left you a message while you were in surgery.”</p><p><em>Seven fucking hells.</em> Dany took the pink slip of paper, staring down at the message Mel left. <em>I have an opening in four weeks. Let me know if you want me to pencil you in. We can talk details. Call me if you know.</em> Gilly didn’t question her on what it meant and for that Dany was grateful. She crumpled the message, shoving it into the pocket of her scrub pants. “Thank you, Gilly, I appreciate it.” She cleared her throat again. “You and Satin can lock up early, just make sure to forward the phones to the message service when you do. I’ll go change and go out the back.”</p><p>“No problem.” Gilly rolled her eyes. “If you see that Ygritte Wilde up there, give her a smack for me, eh?”</p><p>“Not a fan?” she asked, curious. Gilly got along with everyone.</p><p>“We’re both Free Folk, born over the Wall, but she takes it a little bit too seriously for me. “ Gilly scowled, her nose wrinkling and the freckles across them crinkling up, giving her face a slight shadow. “And she hurt Jon. That never goes over well with the people here.”</p><p><em>So she knows too. That’s great, just great.</em> Dany walked over to the door to the steps up to the apartment, tugging it open. She glanced around the side of it, narrowing her gaze on Gilly. “What’d she do to him?”</p><p>“Don’t know, but whatever she did, it set him back with you and for that, well…” Gilly shrugged, picking up the phone. She turned away, chair swiveling across to the computer, calling over her shoulder. “I don’t forgive her.”</p><p>Dany’s mouth fell open, snapping back instantly. Her teeth ground together in the back. Whatever Ygritte Wilde did to Jon Snow, she thought, it was having serious repercussions. Butterflies filled her stomach, reminding her of early morning exams in vet school. She hoped to the gods she didn’t believe in that she didn’t encounter Ygritte Wilde. She didn’t know what she would do.</p><p> </p>
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</div><p> </p><p>“So what are we getting into?”</p><p>“A fucking nest of vipers,” Arya said, speeding down the highway north towards Queenscrown. It was a couple hour drive; one which Dany hadn’t realized until they were out of the city limits and she recognized this might have been some kind of Arya ploy to get her alone.</p><p>They’d spent the first 45 minutes talking about some things Dany had missed; Shadow was doing much better with his training, Lady was still nosing around the dogs in the neighborhood after she got out, and Summer decided to eat an entire bag of dog food and then proceed to throw it up for the better part of a day. It was easy to talk about the wolves.</p><p>Until finally a sign noting that Queenscrown was still about sixty kilometers away, that Dany decided to bring up the situation that brought her to Arya again. “Vipers?” she mused. “I thought the rangers were good guys.”</p><p>“To a point they are. They just see the wolves as threats, not animals.” Arya huffed, leaning up over the steering wheel. It was something of a modern marvel how she could see over the dash in the giant Suburban, which she was also putting to its maximum speed, blowing doors off others around them and easily gliding in and out of other cars. Dany was terrified.</p><p>“But they call you?”</p><p>“Yes, when they can’t deal with them on their own. Usually when they’re injured or need relocated. In this case, they wandered into the camping area, which the wolves up North tend to ignore. These ones are malnourished and sick, so we’re going to pick them up, take them back, and maybe introduce them if we can.” Arya darted a testing look sideways. “Jon will observe them.”</p><p>Dany flicked through her medical kit, double and triple-checking she had everything. Not that it mattered. “Well that’s it’s job,” she mumbled.</p><p>“He didn’t tell me what happened.” Dany kept her lips closed. It wasn’t Arya’s business. Nor did she want to bring it up and get worked up before a job like this. She needed to be on her game. Arya clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and clacked her teeth together. “He was really upset. Disappeared into the woods for a few days…came out and he’s been just…the lone wolf again.”</p><p>“Hmm.”</p><p>Arya took an exit so fast, Dany grabbed hold of the safety grip on the roof above the window, cursing in Valyrian. She didn’t say anything, merging onto the road that the GPS screen indicated took them straight through to Queenscrown. “Whatever he did, I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”</p><p>“Maybe he did.” She turned her face to Arya, who should have been looking at the road, but was glancing towards her instead. She wanted to make this absolutely clear. “We’re friends Arya and I would like to stay friends. You’ve hinted and asked a few times over the last month about what happened. All I will tell you is that Jon and I want different things. That’s it. Now…” She tapped the GPS screen, changing the subject. “I want to know what else you heard from the rangers.”</p><p>She grumbled, reaching behind her to the backpack on the floor behind her seat, removing a sheaf of papers. “Here’s what they emailed over earlier.”</p><p>“Thank you.” Dany dropped the papers on her knees, flicking through the photos and the writeup they’d sent over. Her heart paused, seizing a few times at the name on the email. “Ygritte Wilde.”</p><p>“That bitch better stay the fuck away from me is all I’m saying.”</p><p><em>Me too</em>, Dany thought, bypassing the cover page and continuing to read.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p> </p><p>“Welcome to Queenscrown, I’m Ygritte.”</p><p>Dany knew it was her the moment they pulled around through the gate the ranger at the front directed them towards. Arya had some sort of pass that got them through a couple of the employee checkpoints, and they stopped near a loading dock in front of the ranger station. There were two, a wiry man with rather large orb-like eyes and a hawk on his shoulder, and a short woman with red hair rather straggly and pulled from her face in a few haphazard braids. She wore an old-fashioned heavy fur-like coat over her ranger uniform.</p><p>She didn’t need to guess that this was Ygritte, based off the red hair—Tormund’s cousin after all—but because Arya stiffened and made a snarling noise next to her. “Down,” Dany muttered, unbuckling her seatbelt. “We’re in and we’re out.” She was also telling that to herself.</p><p>
  <em>This is the woman who broke Jon’s heart.</em>
</p><p>She climbed out of the cab, the ranger greeting her, and shaking her hand firmly. Too firm. Then she smirked, showing off the rather large front teeth. Her nose was upturned. <em>”Like a pug”, Arya said.</em> “I’m Dr. Daenerys Targaryen, the veterinarian.” Best to be professional. She was wearing her thin scrubs underneath her parka and the wind was biting, stinging through the thin cotton around her legs.</p><p>“You Valyrian?” Ygritte demanded.</p><p>“What’s that got to do with shit?” Arya snapped, jerking open the back of the Suburban.</p><p>The other ranger, the male, chuckled and his hawk screeched. “Got a live one. Forgot about you Starks.”</p><p>“Lay off her Orell, she’s still upset that I broke up with her brother.” Ygritte smiled at Arya, condescending, hands on her slim hips. “He never did get over me, from what I heard from my cousin.”</p><p>That was a blatant lie, Dany knew, and thank gods Arya did as well, since Tormund didn’t talk to her any longer. When she spoke, her voice had dropped several degrees, almost as cold as the air around them. It surprised Dany. “Show us the wolves, we’ll get them out of your hair and leave you alone.”</p><p>“Follow me.”</p><p>Arya seethed at her side, mumbling nothing under her breath. Dany was proud of her for not attacking Ygritte, but there was still time. She followed Ygritte into the ranger station, Orell bringing up the rear and following after Arya. Dany hefted her medical kit up on her shoulder, clearing her throat and trying to be polite. Sometimes she couldn’t help it. Missy said it was her <em>queenly</em> attitude, trying to placate people before she conquered them. Perhaps it was the indoctrination she’d received at her boarding schools growing up. “Have you been stationed up here for very long?”</p><p>“Few years. Did a stint down near Winterfell when I was dating her brother.” Ygritte narrowed her eyes. “Why?”</p><p>“Just trying to make conversation.”</p><p>They entered the room where the kennels were, the two wolves pacing frantically in the small confines. Upon first glance, Dany’s ire rose. “They’re dehydrated and malnourished, they need to have IV fluids before we even think of transporting them.” She dropped her bag onto the table, nodding to Arya. “We’ll need the sedatives as well.” She turned next to Ygritte. “Do you have any raw meat?”</p><p>“Aye I’ll go out and slaughter a deer,” Ygritte snarked. She scoffed. “No, we don’t.”</p><p>“Well get something that they can eat that I can hide a sedative in otherwise you’re going to have two very hungry and very angry wolves pacing around this room,” Dany snapped. She no longer felt any desire to maintain politeness. Arya smirked from the doorway and turned to hit Orell hard in the shoulder when she walked by him.</p><p>Dany shrugged off her coat, setting it down and pulled on her gloves. She didn’t think twice about the beanie she still wore, using her forearm to nudge it up a bit on her forehead so she could have a clear look at the two wolves. “It’s alright,” she murmured in Valyrian, kneeling to the front of the cages. Each one snarled, baring teeth and salivating, in hunger and in anxiety. One snapped, growl curling from the pit of her belly. She nodded, understanding, remembering what Jon told her about the wolves. You had to talk to them, because they needed a pack, and camaraderie and understanding. “I know, you’re hungry and you’re sick and I’m going to make you feel better.”</p><p>The door opened again, Ygritte coming in holding a bag. “This is Orel’s lunch, leftover hamburger.” She dropped it on the table, glancing to her hat. Her red brows formed a tight line over her narrowing blue eyes. “Where did you get that hat?”</p><p>“Sanctuary.”</p><p>“That’s Crow’s hat.”</p><p><em>Crow.</em> She meant <em>Jon.</em> Dany didn’t say anything. She stood and opened the bag, removing the container and took the hamburger patty, breaking it in half. She looked up when Arya came in, bringing the sedatives and started to crush them up, not saying anything. Arya was too busy glaring at Ygritte to bother saying anything. “It will take about half an hour for the sedatives to work, maybe less time because of how dehydrated they are. Once I get them down, we’ll weigh them so I can determine how much more we’ll need for the ride.”</p><p>Ygritte braced her hands on the edge of the table. “So what’s Jon up to lately?” she mused, rolling her eyes between the two of them. “He seeing anyone?”</p><p>“You shut up,” Arya hissed.</p><p>“Arya!” Dany pointed to the door. “Go get the stretchers. I’ll be out to help in a minute.” At least that would keep her busy. The biggest fear she had coming out here was that the wolves wouldn’t go to sleep, now her biggest fear was that she’d need to sedate Arya and Ygritte to keep them from swiping at each other. A viper’s nest indeed, she guessed. She shot Arya a warning look. <em>Chill out</em>, she silently conveyed, hoping Arya got it.</p><p>She knelt down to the crates, pushing the food into each tray. The wolves scarfed it down, almost swallowing the meat whole and panting for more. “Soon enough,” she soothed each one. The male was bigger, but the female had a larger head, her eyes big and doleful, blinking slowly. The drug was already taking effect. She felt bad deceiving them. She smiled softly, slouching down farther, until she was on her stomach, like Jon did with the wolves, at their level. The female slumped down with her but the male kept growling, not trusting.</p><p>A few minutes later, each one was no longer snarling, and were on their stomach, but were still awake. Dany got up and turned around, startled, falling back towards the crates. Ygritte was standing immediately behind her, a scowl pulling at her sharp features. “You work with Jon?” she asked.</p><p>“Hmm.” She didn’t want to do this, pushing by the woman.</p><p>“I’ve only ever seen him do that with the wolves. He teach you?”</p><p>Dany pulled out the syringe kit. She busied herself with getting the more powerful sedation going. “Yes,” she said.</p><p>“And you’re wearing his hat. The little pitbull dragged you out here.” Ygritte clicked her teeth. She flicked her tongue out, chuckling, sarcastic. “Let me guess, you’re fucking him?”</p><p>She spun on her heel, pushing hard by the other woman, who refused to move. Dany’s heartrate increased, her palms sweating in her latex gloves. <em>Guess it is going to be like this.</em> The dragon unfurled within her, stretching wings out, lifting its neck, and drawing back. "Fucking him? That's rather crude, don't you think?"</p><p>"If it fits."</p><p>"It fit pretty well," Dany shot back, irritated she resulted to such a crass statement. Except it worked. Ygritte's eyes widened, momentarily panicked, that she'd been had in such a way. Until they glimmered, malice returning. She chuckled. "And it is none of your business Ranger Wilde."</p><p>"It says something he sent you up here to do his dirty work. He still too afraid of me, to bother coming up?"</p><p>"Or he didn't feel like giving you the time of day," Dany snapped. She opened one of the crates, happy to see Ygritte take a large step back, the male wolf not completely drugged out, teeth baring weakly. She yanked on a pair of heavy gloves Arya had dropped off with the medical kits, and reached in, soothing him in Valyrian, and lifting his shoulders.</p><p>She dragged him out and then took a deep breath, hefting the fully-grown adult wolf up into her arms, dead-lifting about 100 pounds. It should not have been as easy as it was, which told her he was severely underweight. She carried him to the scale in the corner; the ranger set up had a very limited veterinary clinic but at least they had that. Ygritte gave them each a wide berth.</p><p>Except she still kept talking. "He was a good guy you know," she continued. She snorted. "Until he lost his shit on me for something so stupid."</p><p><em>Whatever it was, it was not stupid.</em> Dany noted the wolf's weight and grabbed her stethoscope. She locked her jaw. Ygritte kept going. "He was a fantastic lover. I mean, we were eighteen...well, he was eighteen, I'm a couple years older."</p><p>"I'm younger," Dany shot back, petty.</p><p>Ygritte's nose turned up, annoyed. "Anyways, I didn't break up with him because of what we did in bed. He's quite the wolf, isn't he?"</p><p><em>Say nothing, say nothing...</em> Dany kept reminding herself.</p><p>"It's a shame, like I said. Although after a couple of year, the shtick got old. Boring." She snarked. "Like talking to a wall." She picked at her fingernails. "And I wasn't going to learn to sign, when he could actually hear you know? Waste of time."</p><p>"Excuse me?" That did it. Dany whirled on her, shocked. "He's deaf."</p><p>"Oh aye, he's deaf." Ygritte's accent was harsh to her ears, far thicker than Jon's or Arya's. She made a face. "Trust me, I heard that all the time. He's deaf, so it makes everything he does okay. Ha! If you're really with him, you know those moods are worse than a PMSing teenage girl." She rolled her eyes. "And when I tried to help him, he lost it. I had to leave. Not worth my time." She cocked her head, shrewd. "And you seem like a smart woman Dr. Targaryen. For a Valyrian." Dany's nostrils flared at the comment. Ygritte chuffed, hopping up onto the counter, swinging her heavy boots to thunk against the cabinet. "He can fix his deafness, he just don't want to. I didn't need to deal with that. But I'm the villain."</p><p>It was a trap and Dany fell right into it. "Fix his deafness?" she echoed. From what Jon told her, it couldn't be done. He had broken bones and those could not be fixed. He didn't want the implants in his other ear because they wouldn't have worked anyway. It was too severe.</p><p>"Aye. I found a surgeon who does that kind of thing, but nope. Not interested." Ygritte shrugged. "And then I became the bad guy."</p><p><em>Oh my gods, this fucking bitch.</em> It began to make sense to Dany then, at least, some of it. She completely forgot there was a wolf in her arms, crouched over him, because she felt the dragon start to take flight. The fire bubbling in the back of her throat. She spoke carefully. "What are you talking about?"</p><p>The redhead didn't stop. She didn't seem to have a filter. "I got him an appointment. They fix the bad ear or something, then I wouldn't have to learn to sign. Do you know how hard that was? He can speak and read lips." She laughed. "And we'd go out and couldn't even talk. He'd get so mad. Also, what if we had a kid? He could fix it so he could hear the thing crying or something, but he wouldn't."</p><p>The world around her went kind of black and red. Fuzzy. Maybe she was having a stroke. She heard a heart beating in her ear, thrumming faster than a hummingbird's wings. She didn't know if it was the wolf or if it was hers. Or the blood rushing through her body came from the anger she felt towards the oblivious woman still complaining about how annoying it was dating Jon as much as she did like him in the beginning, or if it was because she was seeing things a little clearer.</p><p>She needed some more information, before she could strike. The dragon didn't just burn without a reason, after all.</p><p>"Why did you do that?" she suddenly demanded.</p><p>Ygritte glanced down at her. "Why did I do what?"</p><p>"Did you talk to him? Before you made that appointment?"</p><p>She shrugged. "I didn't need to. We were practically living together." She jammed her hand to her chest. "Three years I dealt with him. With the moods. With him not getting me."</p><p>"Not getting you?" Dany scoffed, rising to her feet. She yanked the stethoscope from her ears, jabbing it to the other woman. She continued to see red. "You refused to sign! You could not even talk to him!"</p><p>"We talked fine; he didn't talk to me."</p><p>"You selfish bitch."</p><p>Ygritte jumped off the counter, stalking towards her, chin up. "Excuse me?"</p><p>"I cannot believe you...you..." Dany gripped her stethoscope so tight, she feared she'd rip it in half. She shouted. "You went behind his back! You made him feel like he was <em>nothing</em>!" No wonder he was always so reticent, blowing her off so often in the beginning. The only woman he'd ever been in a serious relationship with had made him feel like he was nothing to her. Just something to fix. Disregarded who he was. She trembled in place. "You made him feel like less of a person, do you understand?"</p><p>Clearly, she didn't. "I did what I thought was right and he freaked out."</p><p>"It was a horrible thing to do! You betrayed him!"</p><p>Ygritte did not get it, laughing hard. "I didn't cheat on him or anything!"</p><p>"But you made him feel broken!" Dany was not crying, although inside she cried for Jon. For someone who thought he'd found someone to spend his life with and who didn't want him as he was. Who went around him, betrayed his trust, and ruined him for thinking anything else could be serious. She shook. "You confirmed all his worst fears of himself!"</p><p>The ranger cocked her head, one of her straggling braids falling over her shoulder. She curled her lip up, eyes squinting. "Oh, I see." She snorted. "You're on his side of this."</p><p>"There is no side!" Dany practically shrieked. "You refused to learn sign, you ignored his wishes, you...you made him feel like he was <em>nothing</em>!" <em>Like everyone else in his life. Something to fix. Something broken.</em> She threw the stethoscope aside, unable to move, her feet heavy and cemented in place. "He doesn't trust anyone! Why should he now?"</p><p>Ygritte laughed, almost hysterical. "You're crazy! He uses that deafness like a fucking crutch! It's an excuse for him to be a dick and I was sick of it!" She jabbed her finger to her chests, brows arching to her forehead. "I loved him, I wanted to be with him, and he was the one who lost it on me. He was the one who never talked to me, who..."</p><p>She could no longer hear this. "Because that's who he is!" she exclaimed, cutting off Ygritte. <em>That's Jon.</em> Now she was the hysterical one. "Because that's who Jon Snow is, Ygritte! He's closed off, he's quiet, he's fucking deaf! He cannot communicate the way you and I do, so you have to find another way and you <em>refused</em> and he still put up with you! He loved you!"</p><p>"He didn't love me enough to bother trying to fix his problems," Ygritte spat. She laughed. "I loved him and seems like you do too."</p><p><em>Problems.</em> "Oh sure," Dany grinned. Her eyes were wild. "His problems? Yes, Jon has some issues. Who the fuck doesn't? But you only made them worse."</p><p>Ygritte rolled her eyes. "I still love him you know." She crossed her arms over her chest, quiet. "You think I'm a horrible woman, a villain, but I do love him, and I did. I just wasn't going to waste my time on someone who wouldn't communicate with me."</p><p>"Because you wouldn't communicate with him!"</p><p>"And it wasn't like there was a future," Ygritte continued. It was like she hadn't heard Dany, her voice quiet, faraway, thinking to herself. "I mean, I never really wanted kids but if we had them, it wasn't like he'd be able to help me. He wouldn't be able to hear the baby cry or something. It didn't seem fair. There was no future." She shrugged. "Seems like you did the same thing as me anyway."</p><p><em>I did not do the same thing!</em> Dany didn't want to put all the effort in anymore. It was exhausting. Except she had some answers now. Not all of them, but some. She couldn't think about that just yet, because Ygritte was saying something about how Jon continued to blame Robb for his problems and not take them on himself.</p><p>"After all, he was the one who followed him up on that damn ledge."</p><p>That was it. Blaming a child for making a fatal mistake, it was above what Dany could handle any longer. She sprang toward Ygritte. She didn't know what she was going to do-- slap her, hit her, push her to the ground, who the fuck knew, but she was in the air, fire about to flare out, the dragon about to destroy the entire fucking city.</p><p>And Arya came in, just in time, before she could really make a mistake, shouting her name and grabbing her, hauling her back.</p><p>"You all are fucking crazy!" Ygritte shouted. "What the fuck?"</p><p>"Get out Ygritte!" Arya yelled.</p><p>Dany couldn't see straight. Tears were hot on her cheeks and she raged with fury against Ygritte for being so close-minded and for what her selfishness had caused on Jon. Oh sure, he had his faults, yes. He was closed off. He was irascible and a dick and he didn't trust easily. He had to make an effort, it wasn't a one-way street, and she'd learned that the hard way.</p><p>She'd left him because of it.</p><p>Because she was tired of putting in all the effort, for a two-month relationship of sorts that she didn't even think could have a future, with what she wanted in her life and what he wanted. It made sense though.</p><p>Made sense that he feared a child because the first and only other woman he'd loved had tried to use that against him, say she wouldn't be with him <em>because</em> if there was a baby, he couldn't hear it. How could he help? How could he raise it? He was <em>broken</em>.</p><p>That's what he said to her. Several times. He was <em>broken.</em></p><p>And his text, that attempt to apologize, to make an effort and she'd rebuffed it.</p><p>He said she'd understand after she learned what Ygritte did and she did understand. He had been hurt so terribly. Why should he open himself up? Why should he trust what she was doing? Learning sign and all that? She was just trying <em>fix</em> him.</p><p>Just like Robb, just like Ygritte.</p><p>"Dany!"</p><p>The roaring all around her, the flames and smoke surrounding her, vanished. She blinked, returning to her body. Arya was holding her still, a rather amazing feat. She stared, rather unseeing still. "Huh?"</p><p>"We have to get the wolves and get back," Arya said, wide-eyed, her fingers tight on Dany's shoulders. "Come on, focus. Let's get this and get out."</p><p>"Oh....yes."</p><p>Dany turned from her, hurrying wiping at her cheeks, and returned to the wolves. They were her first priority. She was a professional, after all.</p><p>And when they drove away from the ranger station, Ygritte glowered at her, with only a passing 'Goodbye and don't say I didn't warn you' , which Dany assumed was a reference to Jon, she was positive that she would never see that woman again.</p><p>IF she did, she'd likely burn her alive.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p> </p><p>"Do you care to share what that was all about back there?"</p><p>In the back of the Suburban, which was more like a strange sort of cramped ambulance, Dany finished checking on the heart rate of the female wolf, who was sleeping off her sedative and drinking in all the IV fluids she could handle. She studied the bag, deciding that she would give her another before they reached the sanctuary. She busied herself with one of the large plastic Pelican cases containing the supplies, ignoring Arya.</p><p>Arya, of course, would not be deterred. She spun the wheel, zig-zagging through another clumped procession of cars on the highway. Dany grabbed the side of the crate, scowling over her shoulder. At least the wolves were strapped down. "I asked a question," she sang.</p><p>"I heard you."</p><p>"So answer me. You were the one who was all calm and cool, then suddenly I walked in and you're ready to tear her eyes out." Arya snorted. "I mean, I get it, she's a bitch. What did she say though?"</p><p>"Nothing. Just...shit."</p><p>"Ygritte lives to stir shit, I think she gets off on it. The fights she'd start between Jon and everyone. It's like she'd walk in, set off a bomb, and then wander away to watch the chaos."</p><p><em>Sounds a little like you Arya</em>, although Dany wisely kept her mouth shut on that one. She shook her head, reaching in to replace the IV bag in the wolf's crate. "She just was trying to find out about Jon and I."</p><p>"If that cunt thinks she's going to come back into his life..."</p><p>"Don't worry she won't be doing that." It did seem like Ygritte actually had feelings for Jon, but she'd failed horribly in the execution of being with him. Dany's stomach flipped again. <em>As did I, in some ways.</em></p><p>"Did this have anything to do with why Jon dumped her?"</p><p>"She says she broke up with him," Dany said, not believing that for a moment. She rolled her eyes. "Yes, it did though." She was still shaking. She didn't know if she could talk to Jon about it. Or if she should. They weren't together, <em>remember Dany?</em></p><p>Arya cackled. "Fuck no, Jon dumped her ass. They were together and then they weren’t, and he was furious. Except it was different." She glanced in the rearview mirror. "Very different from this time." Dany didn't ask why. She kept up with the wolves. Arya didn't care and continued. "Because last time with a woman he was with for three years, he just moved on. He was upset and hurt, sure. Whatever she did, fucked him up bad. Fucked him up so bad that he didn't see anyone seriously for years afterward. Then suddenly he's bringing you to dinner, he's smiling more, and we've got a full-time vet when we never had before...so what gives Dany?"</p><p>"I told you, it's..." she sighed. "It's between Jon, Ygritte, and I guess now me."</p><p>"So it did have to do with what she did."</p><p><em>Fucking seven hells</em>. She sat back on her haunches and moved to hold onto either side of the front seats, curving her neck around so she could look at Arya. She sighed; she'd never hear the end of it. "Yes," she mumbled. She stared ahead, watching the road spiral out in front of them. They were about half-way to Winterfell. She closed her eyes. "She didn't cheat on him or anything...she went behind his back and made an appointment with a surgeon for some surgery to try to restore his hearing....didn't understand why he was so mad, she figured that he owed it to her, since why would he want to keep living life the way he was, you know? Decided she didn't want to be with him anymore...unless...you know." <em>Unless he could hear.</em></p><p>
  <em>Bad call.</em>
</p><p>Arya said nothing. Her knuckles barely tightened on the steering wheel. She stared straight ahead. Dany wondered if she'd even heard her. Until Arya spun the wheel, jerking them towards the nearest exit. "Arya!" she screeched, falling sideways. "Fuck! What are you doing!?"</p><p>"I'm going to kill her!"</p><p>"No! Stop it!" She lunged forward, hopping into the passenger seat, as Arya drove like a mad woman down the highway. <em>Fuck!</em> "Arya stop! Jon didn't tell you for this reason and it doesn't matter! You're not going to change anything, and it's been years! Yes, she fucked him up and she should pay but with what? You stopped me from trying to do something to her! What are you going to do differently?"</p><p>"I don't know, but she can't do that to him!" To Dany's shock, Arya was crying, tears running down her flushed cheeks. Her eyes looked black. "She hurt him! How could she do that to him? She made him think he was worthless! Nothing! They all do! Everyone but you!"</p><p>"Arya pull over, <em>now.</em>"</p><p>It was the voice she used with the dogs, when she needed them to listen. With the dragons when they were being extra bad. It was the same voice she suspected Jon might use with the wolves, if that was how he actually trained them. It worked. Arya hit the blinker and the Suburban skidded on the gravel on the side of the highway. Dany smacked the hazard buttons, the faint 'click, click' of the light notification on the dashboard fading in the background when she spoke, her hand atop Arya's.</p><p>"It's the past Arya," she said. "She was horrible, and she hurt him and maybe she's paying for it if she truly did love him, but you can't do anything about it anymore."</p><p>
  <em>Just like you Dany. You told him no, you ignored his outreach. What the fuck...now he'll never talk to you.</em>
</p><p>Arya wiped at her eyes, her hands shaking. Dany reached over to crank the heating dial up. The warm air blasted from the vents, blowing back some of Araya's hair from her face. She sniffed again, coughing through her tears. "He's not my cousin you know. He's my brother. He's my best friend. I used to think that I wasn't part of the family...I don't look like anyone...just like Jon." She turned her small face sideways. Dany was startled to see that suddenly she did look just like Jon, forlorn and defeated. "I knew sign from birth. It was the only way I could talk to him and I just learned it like another language. I was the first one...Bran came after me and followed, but I was the first one he could talk to who just knew how to speak to him right off the bat and didn't think anything of it. Didn't make him talk or try to <em>fix</em> him."</p><p>She hiccupped. "And when Ygritte came along, I thought yay, he's got someone, you know? Someone else...I was young and stupid, I was pissed he had a girlfriend, like anyone, but..." She shrugged, pulling at the zipper on her coat. "Then he was hurt, and I couldn't help him. I hated it. Knowing that that's...that's what she did..."</p><p>Suddenly Arya spun in her seat, her seatbelt catching at her neck. She fought it, ducking under and reaching for her hand, grabbing tight. "Dany," she spoke, frantic. "Does this change anything? I mean...whatever you fought about...can you...can it fix things?"</p><p>She shook her head. "I don't know."</p><p>"Dany I'm not kidding, he's different with you." She was rambling now. "He's a mess. He doesn't show it, I mean...yes he shows it because he's more of a dick than he normally is, but he was always like that to protect himself...now I know why it's so bad...then you came along and you learned sign and he...he opened."</p><p>"No he didn't, Arya." Dany had vowed not to tell her everything, because she didn't need to know. She hit her head back against the headrest, closing her eyes tight. She was so tired, she couldn't even cry. "Arya, he didn't open up to me. I had to find out everything from you and from Robb...we were only together two months and...and it was too much."</p><p>That was a stupid excuse. Except she wasn't going to tell her about the baby issue. Arya didn't care. "Come on Dany," she begged. "He loves you."</p><p>It was too much. She shook her head, whispering. "It doesn't change the fact of the matter. It informs it, yes., but doesn't change it." Jon still did not want children. At the end of the day, if Ygritte made him think he wasn't worthy, it...it didn't matter.</p><p>Perhaps she was being too harsh, but she had wanted this for far longer than she'd wanted Jon. She'd only known him for a few months. A baby she'd wanted her entire adult life. She'd even gone so far as to do the first round of IVF, as painful and expensive as it was...physically and mentally. She turned completely in her seat, staring ahead, mouth closed. She wouldn't speak further on it. Arya would have to deal with that.</p><p>Thankfully she seemed to realize it. After a long time of silence between them, the light faintly clicking, the engine running, wolves shuffling, and the cars blowing by them, Arya eventually sighed. "Alright. So that's it then."</p><p>"Guess it is," she murmured.</p><p>Arya tried to look at her, but Dany didn't move. Her hands tightened in her lap. She needed to get into the back again with the wolves. Check on them. She swallowed audibly. "I don't know what it is that you say...doesn't change things but informs them...I guess I don't get that. I just know that in the beginning I was scared of you hurting Jon and then I got scared of Jon hurting you...now I don't know. You both did damage."</p><p><em>We definitely did.</em> Her nails dug into her palms. "It's done, the damage."</p><p>The engine continued to rumble, heavy and loud. Arya pushed the parking gear back, moving it into drive, and turned the wheel, merging back onto the highway. They drove a bit longer, until she finally broke the silence.</p><p>"I don't think it's done, Dany. I think you and Jon just don't want to bother fixing it."</p><p>Dany didn't reply to that. She climbed into the back and ignored her, working on the wolves. Except she repeated it in her head, over and over. And she hated that part of her agreed.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p> </p><p>"One...two...three!" Dany released the door, which flew up, the female wolf lunging out of the crate into the enclosure. They'd chosen Grey Wind's old one, outdoors since the wolves likely would be more distressed if they were in one of the kennels.</p><p>Beside her, Jon lowered the sallyport door, locking off the one side and allowing them to remove the crate back, shutting the opposite door. The wolf stared at them; her wide dark eyes wary. He met her gaze and nodded. She turned and disappeared into the foliage to find her mate, who had gone off to explore. They were still jerky, lethargic from the sedative.</p><p>They didn't look at each other. Arya had driven up, gotten out, and stalked away, leaving her and Jon to deal with each other for the first time in three weeks. It was awkward, painful, and she hated how her heart kept racing in his presence, how warm he was beside her. And his eyes. The stormy gray locking onto hers, closed off, painful.</p><p>He looked at her a few times like she was a stranger. It was probably easier that way. Except then she felt like he was watching her, and she'd glance his way and he was giving her the same look he'd give her when they were curled up together beneath the quilts in his rooms, tracing each other's scars and marks, memorizing every inch of the other.</p><p>She nodded to the crate, signing&gt; "Help me with this please."</p><p>They lifted it and pushed it into the truck bed. In the enclosure beside them, Shaggydog snarled and there was a rattling. "Get me the fuck out of here!"</p><p>"Fuck," Jon cursed. He stormed over and Dany turned, surprised, to see a young man standing by the door. Jon was signing fast, until he paused, long enough to unlock the electric doors and traps they'd installed as extra security on Shaggydog's pen.</p><p>The young man slipped out, shuddering and emerging. He had wild curly hair, a thin face, and the same auburn and blue coloring as Bran, Sansa, and Robb. He was skinny, wearing trendy jeans, boots, and a thin parka that Dany thought might have been more for fashion than actual warmth. "Thanks," he signed. "He was getting too crazy. I had to get out of there before the tranq wore off."</p><p>"You're Rickon," she blurted out.</p><p>Rickon looked over at her, grinning. "Aye, I'm Rickon." He snapped his fingers. The bracelets he wore on his wrist clicked together, studded cuffs and a heavy watch. "You're the vet."</p><p>Jon nodded. "Dany," he spoke. He made the sign for her name.</p><p>"You have a sign name? That's rad."</p><p>Rickon walked with an easy lope, but there was a slight wildness to him. She smiled, at ease in his presence. She signed, for Jon's benefit. "You can go into Shaggydog's enclosure?"</p><p>"He almost killed Dany," Jon interrupted, glaring at Rickon. He lifted his brows, signing. "We need to talk about him."</p><p>Rickon waved his hand. "He's alright with me, sometimes. When he's tranqued. He's just...different." He shrugged, shoving his bare hands into his pockets. "Like me. It's no big."</p><p>"It is," Dany said, before Jon could. He glanced sideways, nodding briefly. Seemed he was on the same track. She sighed hard. "We need to talk about him."</p><p>Rickon shifted and went over to the truck. "Can I hitch with you guys?" He didn't wait and jumped into the bed of it, leaning an arm over the side, signing. "Come on Jon, I brought my guitar. That cool dude with the silver hair texted me, said I should try something with it."</p><p><em>Cool dude with silver hair?</em> "Are you talking to Rhaegar?" she demanded.</p><p>"Yeah, he's rad. Said he's got some hookups in the industry for my band." Rickon grinned. "And said Jon might be able to feel the guitar. I never tried it. Now I wanna'."</p><p>"How did Rhaegar get your number?" she asked. She didn't like this. Rhaegar and her were just getting back on their feet. Now he was talking to the Starks? <em>Fan-fucking-tastic.</em></p><p>Jon opened the door to the driver's side. "I gave it to him," he signed.</p><p>She sighed. "Oh." She got into the cab. Rickon shouted from the back, saying how Shaggydog looked good. He was dopey from the drugs they gave him, but you know, he was still cool. Apparently Rickon didn't seem to worry about the fact that he almost killed her and that he was wild and out of control unless he was drugged. That was no way for a wolf to live.</p><p>They got back up to the offices, Rickon leaping easily from the back. "So you're the cool vet and you've got a rad sign name."</p><p>Dany wondered if Rickon knew any other adjective than 'rad.' "I guess."</p><p>"We never had a vet here much before, but I left the second I could."</p><p>"How old are you?" She wondered.</p><p>Rickon flashed his white teeth again. He didn't have the remotest hint of a beard, even Bran in his early 20s, as babyish as he could look, sometimes sported something akin to fuzz on his chin. "I'm eighteen."</p><p>"Good gods," Jon signed. He arched his brows, smirking. "You gotta' rub it in?"</p><p>"Fuck that, I'm not living at home anymore, I can do whatever I want."</p><p><em>Ah, to be eighteen again.</em> "Where do you live?" Dany wondered, walking into the warmth of the house. She hung her parka on the rack near the back door and entered the kitchen that served more as a dumping ground for dirty coffee mugs and random snacks.</p><p>"Here, there, everywhere. I'm in a band."</p><p>Jon led her into the room that was sort of like his version of an office, although she knew he preferred to work out of his house rather than at the sanctuary. To avoid the actual administration aspect, Arya accused, which he left to her. There was a small fridge with 'Biohazard' on it and he kicked it open, kneeling and removing a small rack of blood vials, each one labeled and dated.</p><p>She picked up one, noting that it was taken from Shaggydog earlier that day. "These for me?" she confirmed. She would take them and sendto the lab. He nodded and she went around to her bags tossed by the front door, grabbing one of her coolers and returned, carefully packing them in. "I'll run the bloodwork, see if we can't figure out why he's getting worse."</p><p>"He's not," Rickon protested.</p><p>Jon glanced at his cousin, signing. His movements were deliberate. "He is. He's sick, Rickon."</p><p>"Or at least, he's too much for here," Dany said, trying to help. Jon eyed her, warning. She closed her mouth. She stepped backwards. This wasn't her place. She needed to get back to the clinic. It had been an exhausting day already, between waking up early for patients, the unexpected visit to Queenscrown and all that went on there, and now this.</p><p>Her ability to compartment her emotions and function was at its end for the day. Or maybe century, she thought.</p><p>Rickon turned to Jon, shouting and signing. "He's fine!"</p><p>"He almost killed Dany," Jon repeated. He signed quickly. "He got out Rickon....it was bad. He does not follow me."</p><p>"Well he follows me!"</p><p>"When he's drugged!"</p><p>"So?" Rickon asked weakly. He pointed to Ghost, who was silent at Jon's side. Dany blinked, surprised to see him. Sometimes she forgot how quiet he was. She hadn't even heard him come into the room. "You've all got one! I mean, yeah so Robb doesn't have Grey Wind all the time and Sansa thinks Lady is like an accessory or something but how come I can't have one too? "</p><p>"You do, but we can't keep him here much longer. Things are getting bad." Jon's eyes darkened. Dany wondered what that was about. He picked up a pen and sat down in the chair behind the messy desk, clicking it aimlessly. He shrugged and dropped it, signing again. "We will find out what's going on, but we need to talk facts."</p><p>Rickon sniffed. "You want to kill him, don't you?"</p><p>Dany whipped her head to Jon, signing and shouting before he could reply. "I do not euthanize..." she trailed off spelling out the word since she didn't know what it would be in sign and 'kill' seemed worse to her. "because you want me to. There needs to be a medical reason only." It was her policy. Too often people wanted to terminate animals' lives who were just being animals. Like the wolves up at Queenscrown. If there wasn't the sanctuary, they'd probably have just been killed because they were starving and needed food and went to the easiest place for it. That happened to have humans.</p><p>Jon shook his head. "No Rickon...but relocation."</p><p>"Like where?" he exclaimed.</p><p>"Somewhere with more security...a zoo or something."</p><p>"You hate zoos!"</p><p>"I also hate him in pain," Jon signed.</p><p>They would know soon enough. Although she suspected Jon knew something, they didn't about Shaggydog. She lifted up the cooler, bringing their attention to her again. She signed and nodded to Rickon, speaking softly. "I'm going to get this to the clinic. Um...shit..." She didn't have a car. Arya had picked her up there and then drove off once they got back with the wolves.</p><p>Rickon scowled at Jon. "You're not killing my wolf!" He turned and stormed away up the stairs, slamming a door somewhere.</p><p><em>Fuck.</em> She glanced at Jon. He looked over at her and signed, slow. "I will drive you back."</p><p>They both left the house, her things bumping on her side. She climbed into Jon's Jeep, placing everything in the backseat. Ghost jumped in after her. He licked her face, greeting her for the first time that day. She'd missed him. She missed Shadow. She looked over to Jon, lightly touching his knee. He jumped, startled. She yanked back, swallowing hard. She didn't have a right to touch him like that anymore. "Sorry," she signed. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat. "How is Shadow?"</p><p>"He's fine," Jon signed. He sat in the seat a moment, the car running, heater warming up. Their breath was coming in soft puffs. It was the throes of winter now, Arya told her. Would be for a few months. It was black out; the sun went down so early. She best get used to it, there were only a few hours of daylight sometimes, she'd been warned.</p><p>She chewed her bottom lip, signing as best she could, fingers thick. "The wolves should be okay; they are in their natural habitat but call me if you notice..."</p><p>The words trailed on her fingers, his hand lightly touching, silencing her. Her hands dropped to her lap. He let go; his touch practically burned. He looked ahead and then turned his head; his dark curls were tugged back into a bun that any other man would look stupid with, but on Jon it was just casual elegance. "We should just stop," he spoke out loud, surprising her.</p><p>"Stop?" she echoed.</p><p>He nodded. He smirked. "You and me...we tried. Didn't work. Different things. Too hard."</p><p><em>But we didn't try, not really.</em> She nodded. If that was how he felt. She blinked hard, thinking of Ygritte's painful words earlier. Had it only been a few hours ago? Gods. She rubbed her temple; she had a headache forming. She still had to get out to the Mormont farm too. She glanced at him again. He wasn’t looking at her.</p><p>It was funny, she thought, studying his right ear, facing her. That was the bad one, he said. The one where everything was broken. It looked completely normal. Just a regular human ear. But on the inside...those tiny little bones and hairs and nerves didn't work and as a result, the man next to her didn't think <em>he</em> worked. But he did. He was perfect to her.</p><p>
  <em>But he can't see it himself and I can't make him.</em>
</p><p>She blinked hard, not wanting to cry. She couldn't cry in front of him. Not now. "Jon," she said. Ghost nosed him. He turned; gray eyes wary. She took a deep breath. "We want different things. At the end of the day that's what we want. I will not change my view on...on being a mother and I...I do not think you will change yours....I don't know...but if you do...I'm here and...and maybe we can...be friends or...or you can talk to me."</p><p>A voice screamed at her to tell him about Ygritte, but she was scared. What if he pulled completely away? She couldn't risk it. Not right now.</p><p>So right now this was the most she could do, and it was killing her just to say that much. To put herself out there like that. Unfortunately, it was an ultimatum in a way, and she hated that. Hated putting him in that position. She didn't want him to change his opinions on his future for her, she wouldn't risk the pain of him doing something he ultimately didn't want to do for the sake of her. That wasn’t fair. Nor was it fair for her to put aside something that was causing her so much distress. She was a fool to think that just moving continents could stop her heart beating for the one thing she wanted in life.</p><p>He nodded. He took a deep breath, slowly releasing it. He lifted his hands to sign but dropped them again. Whatever he was going to say, Dany didn't know. He didn't say a word, just put the car into drive and when he was driving, he couldn't sign. He didn't look at her either, so she didn't speak. Neither said a word.</p><p>At the clinic she got out and grabbed her gear. She turned to look at him. He was staring at her, eyes sad, and she lifted her hand, silently waving goodbye.</p><p>He returned the gesture and then turned away, driving off without a word.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fair warning, chapter 12 will have a trigger warning for animal death, so think about if you want to read it.  It's not violent, but I want to warn before I post it, whenever that will be.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. the bridge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The sanctuary suffers a loss, which brings Jon and Dany together, and to an understanding.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>TW FOR THIS CHAPTER:</b>  Animal death (sobs); I'm sorry, it probably didn't have to be done, but I did it and there's no going back.  </p><p>The title refers to how I felt this chapter happened to be, a bridge between one part of the story and the rest (the end) and also to a metaphorical bridge, the Rainbow Bridge, that one of the wolves ends up crossing.</p><p>Also, the sign language in the moodboards spells out "Be Brave."</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dany was going to kill Arya.</p><p>It was dumping snow, like someone up in the clouds had a series of dump trucks and were just letting it all fall at once. She heard from various clients that it would get worse before it got better—they were about a week out from the big Winter Solstice holiday. Dany was looking forward to it. Her first true holiday in the North, and judging from the sudden explosion of lights, decorations, trees all trussed and atop everyone's cars, the North went into it pretty hard.</p><p>"It's a big deal here," Arya had explained to her, upon asking. Told her the legend of the Long Night, a never-ending winter that hit the North the hardest. The creator of the Long Night, the Night King, had been destroyed and it happened to coincide with the Winter Solstice. Now winters didn't last years, but a few months. Not that the North could tell. It was why it was a bigger thing there than in the rest of the Seven Provinces, although they did get into the festive spirit.</p><p>Winterfell had also exploded with tourists. Dany had had a couple of emergency patients from out of town, people coming to rent cabins and go skiing, hiking, and all, and their dogs suddenly getting into the stocking candy, eating up pine trees, and in one case, a poor pug who was shitting out tinsel courtesy of a misguided prank a brother tried to pull on his sister.</p><p>It had been a Lannister who brought the animal in, Tyrion Lannister. She'd asked Rhaegar about him, said he was fine, it was his siblings you had to watch out for, the ones who they'd met at the Karstark restaurant. Seemed his niece and nephew thought they'd be funny, but the poor pug had suffered embarrassingly . He'd be fine, but Dany had to lecture Myrcella and Tommen about the perils of feeding tinsel to pets.</p><p>She pushed into the bar, knocking by a couple of tourists leaving, talking loudly how 'charming' The Wildling happened to be. She chuckled, Tormund rolling his eyes at that descriptor of his pub. "Charming," she teased, walking up to the bar, shrugging off her heavy parka.</p><p>"Oh fuck off. Usual?"</p><p>"Yes please." She felt warm all over not just from the gigantic fire roaring in the hearth at the one end of the old building, but at the idea that she had a 'usual.' She was a true local now. She looked around but didn't see Arya. "Where's Arya?"</p><p>"Called, said she'd be a little late, snow is piling up near the sanctuary, they have to plow it."</p><p>"Arya in a snowplow?" she mused.</p><p>Tormund roared, laughing. "Bull does it for her."</p><p>As Tormund had nicknames for everyone, she'd learned that 'Bull' was Gendry. She didn't know why, didn't really care, but she liked how he gave nicknames to the people he seemed to genuinely like the most. She was Dragon Queen. Or Dragon Lady. Or Dragon Doctor. Basically just Dragon. She grinned. "Well, I'm going to kill her. I was planning on putting my feet up and sitting with the dragons tonight, finally relaxing, but she convinced me to come out."</p><p>"And I'm happy for it, you're better looking than this lot." Tormund set her vodka soda in front of her, with extra limes. He laned his dustpan lid sized hands on the edge of the bar, bright blue eyes sparkling behind his mass of red hair and beard and eyebrows. "I heard you met my cousin."</p><p><em>Oh shit.</em> It had been a week since the trip to Queenscrown. Dany kissed her teeth. She shrugged, clamming up a bit and sipped her drink. "Yes," she answered, wary.</p><p>He laughed. "Relax Dragon Queen, she's a cunt."</p><p>"Oh." She relaxed. "Yes...she was."</p><p>He was going to say something else, but someone shouted for him towards the end of the bar. Rattleshirt, one of his other bartenders, had decided to pick a fight with someone. Tormund grabbed his bat from under the counter to go down with the situation. Dany propped her head on her hand, nonplussed by the chaos. Things certainly had changed, she mused. She swirled the plastic stick in her drink around a few times, pondering that visit.</p><p>She hadn't seen Jon since he dropped her off at the clinic after the insane day at Queenscrown. Even though he'd been at the sanctuary when she checked on the wolves from the park a couple times that week. She didn't know how this worked. They were what, friends now? That didn't seem to make sense. It didn't feel like it should.</p><p>They should talk some more. Even if it hurt. Even if it might scare him away, at least she could say they really tried. If of course, this was something worth trying for. It felt like it should be. Since it never felt like this before. Not with Drogo or Daario. Fuck, she'd almost <em>married</em> Drogo. They were about three steps away from the Dothraki wedding ceremony place in Vaes Dothrak when Missandei called her and knocked sense into her. She'd been in a low place at the time.</p><p>She watched the ice cubes spiral around and around, creating a little whirlpool. The door banged open, Arya shouting loudly. "Beer me!"</p><p>"Little Wolf," Tormund shouted, arms outstretched. "You're here!"</p><p>"I am, now give me an ale before I pass out. It's been a shit fucking day." Arya slammed her snow-coated beanie on the counter and knocked into her hard, almost sending her falling to her ass. "Your wolf cub is killing me."</p><p>Dany frowned. "My wolf cub?"</p><p>"Shadow. Little shit is having some setbacks. Keep peeing in the house."</p><p>She snorted. "He's only four months old Arya." Shadow was like a million years ahead of the average dog. That was saying something since he was a wolf instead of a dog. She chomped her teeth onto her straw, slurping up some of her drink.</p><p>Arya didn't care, taking the ale from Tormund and saluting him, guzzling a good amount before she spoke. She wiped suds from her lip with the back of her hand. "Well he's driving Jon up a wall."</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>"You guys have <em>got</em> to talk. I'm sick of it."</p><p>Dany ignored her, idly looking at the weather forecast on the television above them. "Is Rickon still around?"</p><p>"Aye, he's staying for a bit. Living at the office since if he goes home Sansa tries to baby him, then he and Bran get into fights over gods knows what, and I won't let him stay at my house since he's up to three in the morning fucking around with his guitar." She rolled her eyes. "There was also the time when he and Bran got stoned off their asses and tried to make a musical. They called it 'Bran and Rickon Wander Westeros.'"</p><p>"That sounds....horrible."</p><p>"It really was." She cocked her head. "He's worried about Shaggydog but won't say so. Do you have anything new?"</p><p>Dany shook her head. "The lab is backed up. I want to get him in for a CT scan." She had a bad feeling, after reading some of Jon's notes about Shaggydog's behavior over the past few years. She clicked her teeth. It wasn't suitable drinking conversation, unless they wanted to be morose. "What's Gendry up to tonight?"</p><p>"He's plowing the snow and then he's going to plow me."</p><p>She spit out her vodka, choking. "Fuck!" Her eyes water, the alcohol now stuck in her sinuses, while Arya cackled beside her. "You can't say things like that!" She pushed her hard. "Also, how do I get friends like you and Missy?" That would have sent Missy reeling with laughter. If she hadn't already made a dirty joke like it first.</p><p>"Guess you're just lucky like that." Arya pulled out her phone, glancing at the vibrating message. Her brow slammed to a point. "Shit."</p><p>"Everything okay?" No sooner had she asked it did her phone buzz. She picked it up and stared. It was from Jon.</p><p>SHADOW SICK. I'm at the clinic.</p><p><em>No, no, no, no.</em> "Fuck," she cursed. She'd been drinking, as had Arya. She would have to just hustle it over. Without even paying, Dany jumped from the stool and grabbed her things, shouting to Tormund she'd get him later. He simply waved, knowing she was good for it.</p><p>"Wait!"</p><p>"No, you stay there, I've got it." Arya would just be in the way. She shoved her beanie down over her hair and yanked her zipper up against the cold. It was still blowing snow, making her wonder what kind of crazy driving Jon had done to get to the clinic so fast. Or maybe he was around town anyway. She pushed through the thick layer of snow on the sidewalks and hurried the few blocks from Tormund's towards the clinic.</p><p>The lights were on; she'd had Gilly's husband Sam and Satin put up lights on the eaves, gutters, and around the posts. Fake candles were in the windows too and she'd left everything burning a bit irresponsibly, but the old-fashioned house looked quaint with the lights all around in the darkness, snow sticking to the sign out front.</p><p>Jon's Jeep was parked in front of the porch. She muscled her way up and opened the door, wondering how he'd already gotten in. Ghost came around the corner, wagging his tail and led her into one of the exam rooms, where Jon was petting Shadow's head, the little wolf lying on his stomach, his head pillowed on his paws, looking a little lost and confused.</p><p>She hurried over, not bothering to take off her coat. "What's wrong?" she signed.</p><p>"I don't know, he hasn't been moving and then he was throwing up. He stopped making sounds too." Jon appeared panicked. He leaned in front of the wolf, still petting his head, trying to get him to take a treat, but Shadow didn't budge. He straightened up, signing again. "Maybe a bug?"</p><p>"Maybe. When did he last eat?" Dany waited for Jon to sign that he didn't eat breakfast and last night wasn't hungry either. He'd been slow for the last few days. She went into her office, snatching up her stethoscope and returned, checking Shadow over.</p><p>It must have been worrisome for Jon to come all the way out here. He knew wolves, so maybe Shadow had made some other indication to him about why he wasn't feeling good. She didn't see anything overtly wrong. She felt up his belly and frowned, as his tail began wagging. He sat up suddenly, licking her face and barked, his familiar high-pitched yip sending her heart into a fit of fuzzies.</p><p>She missed the little guy. "Are you better?" she laughed, ruffling his ears, moving to his neck. His coal black eyes widened, and she frowned at him. "Were you faking it?"</p><p>Jon stared at Shadow, shaking his head slightly. "What the fuck man?" he signed.</p><p>Shadow popped up onto all fours and easily leaped from the table, shaking and scratching his neck. He took off, running to the bowl of water set out near the desk, still wagging his tail. <em>That little shit</em>, Dany thought, blinking. She looked at Jon, who was just as irritated. She forced a smile. "I guess he wanted to see me, maybe?" she signed.</p><p>"I suppose," Jon returned. He shoved his hands into his pockets. Meant he didn't want to talk. She knew the signs. She turned away from him and went into the lobby, where Ghost was waiting. Jon looked at Ghost and spoke. "Did you know?"</p><p>Ghost wagged his tail too. "They had this planned," she laughed. She looked over at Jon, who rolled his eyes and looked down at Shadow, who was now at the door to her apartment, scratching at it. On the other side she could hear the dragons meowing to get out.</p><p>Dany opened the door, Shadow yipping in glee at the dragons, each one rubbing against him. Then Drogon, the traitor, went straight to Jon, slinking in and out of his ankles. She swore the cat gave her a knowing look, flicking his tail up at her jaw dropping. <em>Now that one really is a shithead.</em>, she thought.</p><p>Jon looked over at her and signed. "I won't keep you. I'll take him back. Sorry about this."</p><p>"Don't be." She picked up her phone, just for something to hold. as she did ,she noticed she'd received a new email on the work account. She opened it up, probably just spam or something. It would give her time to collect her thoughts. Or at least distract her from how good Jon looked in his black Henley, jeans, and boots. There were still some random snowflakes in his hair. She wanted to push them away. Then kiss his red lips and see if his cheeks felt as cold as hers.</p><p><em>Get. A. Grip.</em> She chewed her bottom lip, and opened up the email from the lab company, scanning through the results for various patients. Most were just routine results, but then she stopped at Shaggydog's. <em>Canus lupus direwolf</em> She swallowed and opened it up. She scanned through and frowned, her heart breaking. She lifted her face up to Jon's. It must have shown. He immediately signed, asking what was wrong.</p><p>"Shaggydog," she spelled out. She looked at the results again and then signed back to him. "We need to do a couple more tests." She sighed hard. She didn't know the sign for it. It would suck so hard if there was. So she spelled it out.</p><p>
  <em>Cancer.</em>
</p><p>Jon closed his eyes. He inhaled and exhaled hard, rolling his face up to the ceiling. He fisted his hands to his side and then lifted them, signing fast. "What kind?"</p><p>"I won’t know until we do some more tests. X-ray, maybe a CT or MRI...." It would be hard. They'd need to heavily sedate him. Grey Wind's MRI had been difficult, but he was well-behaved. Shaggydog would need to be completely knocked out. She looked over at Jon, quiet. "I'm sorry," she signed, feeble. She hated this part of the job so much.</p><p>He nodded, understanding. He'd seen it and been through it before, she had no doubt. He walked towards her and reached into his pocket, removing an envelope, crumpled and torn at the top. He pushed it to her hands. Dany looked up, quizzical. He didn't say anything. She pulled out a letter and unfolded it. It was from the City of Winterfell.</p><p><em>In the matter of the Stark Wolf Sanctuary and Habitat, the City of Winterfell will convene a hearing to discuss community complaints and vote on shutting down the facility....</em> She scanned through, her mouth dropping, heart racing. Words like "zoning" and "legal" and "threat" all shouted up at her. There was an attachment to the page, a corresponding agreement from a lawyer's office representing....Alliser Thorne.<br/>
"You have to be fucking kidding me?" she demanded, glaring up at Jon. Her face twisted, pissed. "He got the city to vote on the sanctuary?! Can they do that?"</p><p>Jon signed. "They can pull our permits. Then we can't do business." He growled low in his throat and signed fast. "He wants the land. Shaggydog got out because of him. He hurt Grey Wind before. He's desperate."</p><p>"Fuck." She pushed the letters back into the envelope, handing it back to him. Eyes wide, she focused, lips speaking clearly to him. "I will do whatever I can to say that there is no threat from the wolves. Only from the humans who try to keep them from being themselves."</p><p>
  <em>Like how Ygritte tried to do to you.</em>
</p><p>It popped into her head, the thought. She shivered. She didn't want to focus on that right now. It didn't help. She looked up at him. Jon stepped closer. It became very warm. Heat wafted off of him and when he touched her face, his fingers were gentle, despite the slight chill still there from the outside. "Jon," she murmured, even though he couldn't hear her. She lifted her face and he lowered his.</p><p>Their lips were barely touching when the door banged open. Dany sprung backwards and Jon jumped, not hearing the door. He whirled around, dropping his hand fast from her. Arya stormed around the corner. "Is he okay? Shadow? By the way Dany you owe me for your drink. I didn't know vodka was that expensive."</p><p>Ghost jumped up and went to Arya. Shadow bounded around the corner where he had been playing with Rhaegal and one of Rhaegal's toys. Dany swallowed hard, grateful for the interruption. Or at least, her mind was grateful. Her body was furious. "He will be fine," she assured Arya.</p><p>"Oh good." Arya looked down ta Shadow, hands on her hips. "You little pissant. Stop peeing in the house too while you're at it."</p><p>Shadow yipped, circling around. Jon caught his attention and signed for him to sit down, which he did. Dany glanced at Jon, signing fast. "I think it is behavioral. The lethargy and illness and...peeing in house."</p><p>He nodded. "Me too."</p><p>She would regret this. "Let him stay with me tonight. Maybe he misses the dragons."</p><p>Jon hesitated, but nodded. "okay."</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>Arya glanced between them. She squinted. "What's going on here? Did someone die?"</p><p>Dany didn't want to repeat the news about Shaggydog. She should, but Jon would likely do it. She wondered what Arya knew of the letter from the city, about Thorne. She didn't want to bring up anything problematic and kept her mouth closed. "Nothing," she mumbled.</p><p>Jon agreed. "Nothing," he signed. He didn't look at Dany again and backed away, signing, eyes not on her. "I will talk to you about the CT."</p><p>"CT?" Arya demanded.</p><p>"I'll tell you in car. Come on." He pulled Arya's elbow, while she shouted at him, signing and demanding him to explain to her what was going on.</p><p>The door slammed shut, leaving Dany alone in the lobby. Well, sort of alone. She picked up Rhaegal, who was clawing her shin. Viserion and Shadow were rolling around together, one fat gray cat and a blur of black fur. She cuddled Rhaegal, his heavy purring vibrating in her chest. She gazed out the window, snow muting everything but the vibrations in her chest. She closed her eyes and imagined everything was silent. That there was nothing but that vibration.</p><p>And when she opened her eyes, she was crying.</p><p>"Time for bed," she mumbled. She alerted Shadow, the pup springing up and racing to the apartment. He circled three times in the center of her bed once he got there and plopped down, yawned hugely, and settled in.</p><p>Until later that night he was crying, whimpering at her side, and pawing at the empty space.</p><p>"I know," she mumbled, wrapping her arms around him, sighing hard. She closed her eyes tight, ignoring the tears. Shadow anted Jon there too.</p><p>and fuck, so did she.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"So you're saying he's crazy because he has cancer?"</p><p>"That's not it at all," Dany tried to explain. Rickon wasn't listening to her. He was so emotionally invested. She tried to speak and sign at the same time for Jon’s benefit, but her brain couldn't do so many things at once. She gave him and tried to focus on Rickon, who was almost lying atop Shaggydog, the wolf still knocked completely out from the journey to White Harbor for the MRI he'd had.</p><p>Thankfully she'd been able to get him into the following day. Rickon had been beside himself, trying to understand what was happening to his wolf. Jon had been silent as ever. She tried to explain the options. "He's not crazy," she explained. Her shoulders ached, tension sitting there after her fitful night unable to sleep and now this. She rubbed the back of her neck. "The cancer has been spreading, it's in his brain. It's why he's been so aggressive and it's only getting worse. The tumor is pressing on his optic nerve, he's losing sight in his eye and it's frightening for him, hence more aggression."</p><p>She made eye contact with Jon, focusing intensely on him, so he could understand what she was also saying, while Rickon just pet his wolf. "We can do targeted radiation at first, see if it shrinks the tumor. Chemotherapy for the remaining cancer." She widened her eyes. "He might be okay. No longer as uncontrollable."</p><p>Jon understood, his chin lowering in a slight nod. If they could prove that Shaggydog might be controllable, they could argue that when the city wanted to try to close the sanctuary. He knew he had Davos on his side; they were going later that afternoon to talk to the sheriff, who claimed Thorne pulled strings with the city to get them to look into things, failing to mention he'd been trespassing and antagonizing the wolves.</p><p>Rickon sniffed. "I don't want him to die."</p><p>"You need to prepare yourself," she said, quiet. She walked around to the other side of the table, lightly touching Shaggydog's scratchy fur. Rickon lifted his face, meeting her gaze. She whispered. "He's sick, Rickon. He's scared and the cancer has advanced, but it's slow moving, I will give him that benefit."</p><p>"Alright."</p><p>Jon pushed away from where he'd been leaning back against the wall. He touched Rickon's shoulder, waiting for his cousin to look up before he signed. Dany translated it in her head. <em>We have to do what is right for him. I cannot control him now. Maybe this will help him, and we can figure it out. If he's hurting and he's in pain, we need to think what is best for him. Even if it hurts us too.</em></p><p>
  <em>What is best for him even if it hurts us too.</em>
</p><p>She closed her eyes, fighting back emotion. She focused on the present. They would need to move Shaggydog into one of the kennels, as painful as it might be for him to wake up in a different enclosure. He would need observation at least. Arya already had the cameras on from that kennel so they could check on him via the app on their phones.</p><p>Jon left Rickon with Shaggydog, walking out into the cold early evening with her. Ghost bounded into the snow, a white beacon in the dark night. He blended in, save his bright red eyes, beaming jewels back at them. Shadow joined him, eager and excited, loving the snow. His littermates were the same, off in their enclosure. She heard a howl and glanced towards the road leading to Grey Wind and Shaggydog's enclosures. "Should we let Shadow in with Grey Wind for a bit?" she chuckled. "Sounds like he's lonely."</p><p>"Sure. It will keep him busy while we are with Davos."</p><p>Yes, Davos, she reminded herself. They would drive over together. She watched Jon walk with Shadow towards Grey Wind's enclosure and glanced at Ghost, who was with her, staring intently. "What?" she asked.</p><p>Ghost, she swore, shook his head. He shot her a rather disgusted look. She pouted. "I'm trying, Ghost. I just...we're going to be friends, right?" The wolf squinted. Or it seemed like he did.</p><p>She should talk to Jon about what she learned from Ygritte. She should tell him she understood more now. It made sense. It didn't change things. Mel had called again to book her. She would go in for laser ablation of the adhesions that were still on her uterine walls...maybe try to make it a <em>hospitable environment.</em> Or at least, easier for the embryo to attach. It frightened her, but Rhaegar said he would let her stay with him in Volantis. He'd take her to the hospital and be with her throughout the process. She could stay with him until she could go in. Mel thank the gods didn't need to get more eggs from her, as she already had some. They'd need to choose another donor as she didn't have any more embryos frozen from the last go-around.</p><p>The phantom pain from the numerous shots she'd had to give herself during the process seemed to flare then, in the back of her hip. She lightly touched it. It wasn't real. She was not looking forward to the hormone shots again.</p><p>So it didn't change things. They'd been dating two months. She hardly knew Jon. She couldn't ask him to go through this with her just because she now knew why he was so terrified of opening himself up to anyone. <em>"Hi Jon, I fell in love with you faster than I think anyone has ever fallen in love with anyone before, barely know you, and we fucked for two months on a fairly regular basis, do you want to raise a child with me? Oh yeah, you also do not want children because you think you're broken and a kid doesn't want to deal with you....we'll just skate over that, shall we?</em>"</p><p>Gods, it sounded so stupid in her head.</p><p>She wandered with Ghost to the enclosure. The floodlights were on around the entrances, Jon standing in the entry of Grey Wind's, but Shadow wouldn't go in. He wanted to go into Shaggydog's. It was wilder, since they couldn't get in as frequently to beat back the overgrowth. "You want to go in there?" she asked him.</p><p>Jon signed to Shadow, who didn't listen to him, pawing at the door. He opened Grey Wind's door wider, the older wolf wandering out and over to join Shadow. He signed to the wolves. "Just for tonight."</p><p>"We will be back to get you later," she informed Shadow. He pulled on Grey wind's neck, the elder wolf snarling, warning him, as he had been in a lot of pain lately. She touched Grey Wind's head and looked up at Jon "How cold will it get tonight? "she signed.</p><p>"He will be okay; he likes the cold. Shaggydog has a big den. He can bed down there." Jon looked at Shadow who sprang into the enclosure. He rolled his eyes the little wolf diving headfirst into a snowbank. He signed. "I worry about that one."</p><p>She laughed. "He's a puppy."</p><p>He managed a tiny smile. For a brief moment, she thought things were how they were. She stepped to him, but then he seized. She swallowed hard. <em>No, they're not like they were.</em> She moved away, watching Shadow following Grey Wind around one of the paths of the enclosure. She signed again, asking if he would be alright for the few hours they'd be gone.</p><p>Jon assured her. "He'll be fine. Let's go. I'll let Arya know he's in there being a real wolf."</p><p>Arya had been absolutely livid, according to Jon, regarding the sanctuary and Throne, but she hadn't had a chance to speak with her about it yet. Apparently, she'd been on the phone with Robb most of the day, screaming at him over what he wanted to do versus what they wanted. They' know more after speaking with Davos, apparently.</p><p>Jon got up into his Jeep. Dany noted he had chains on the tires, given the amount of snow they'd been getting. She climbed into her seat and leaned back, closing her eyes briefly. They drove in silence.</p><p>Except she felt something, she didn't know what.</p><p>It felt bad.</p><p>She stared out the window, watching the snow fall, the sky grow even darker as the stars seemed to fizzle out, one by one. It was probably just her thoughts, she assure herself, the confusion over her loyalties to Jon and the sanctuary and her personal feelings for him.</p><p>Nothing else.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"How is the lad taking the news?" Davos asked, solemn, concerned. Being the sheriff for the town, Dany imagined he had to frequently be forceful, but she couldn't quite see him like that, as he surveyed them both over the tops of his bifocals, seated on a small, uncomfortable couch in his office.</p><p>They'd just told him the news about Shaggydog. Jon signed; Davos understood most WSL, at least the alphabet, and nodded as Dany occasionally popped in to translate a few words. "Rickon is upset. He wants to save him. We all have one of the wolves. We've never had to face losing them before. It is hard for him." Jon paused, continuing. "He wants to save him. We are going to try."</p><p>Davos turned his serious, clear eyed attention to her. "Will it work? This treatment?"</p><p>"I don't know until we try. I have to admit, I haven't done this before on a wolf and rarely even on house dogs." Dany wanted to be upfront. She would need to do more research and consult some of the exotic animal vets she knew from Essos. She waved her hand back and forth. "Fifty-fifty."</p><p>"He was not always like this," Jon explained. "Just last few years. Never really trained." He rolled his eyes. "Rickon didn't train him."</p><p>"Hmm....well for young Rickon's sake I do hope Shaggydog pulls through." Davos pointed to the large file sitting on the table in front of him. He made a face, irritated and folded his hands in his lap. "As for Thorne and this crock of horse dung the city has laid at my feet, I have to say having a medical diagnosis that could be treated will help your case." he chuckled. "I am not a lawyer, however."</p><p>Dany sat up straighter in her seat. "I will testify and do whatever I need to do to say that the wolves at the sanctuary are safe, they are healthy, and what will become of them if it is shut down?" She snorted. It infuriated her. No one thought about that. "If they are released into the wild? Jon can control them. Anyone can see that. Does he need to do a fucking demonstration?" Davos's gray brows arched, surprised. She flushed. "Sorry."</p><p>"No, no," he laughed. "I quite like the fire you have Dr. Targaryen." He grinned at Jon, signing. "You found a good one. Her eyes darted to meet him, briefly. He barely smiled. It hurt. She fisted her hands in her lap, Davos continuing without noticing the discomfort passing between them. Or he did and was too polite to acknowledge it. "Well I want you to know Jon that I will attest to the safety and security of the sanctuary. It will not go over well when those wolves are left to roam the Wolfswood free. It's a danger in and of itself."</p><p>The laser-like x-ray of Davos's blue eyes scanned Jon up and down, prompting him to speak, his voice dry and cracking from lack of use. "And what about Thorne? The trespassing?"</p><p>"Unfortunately," Davos said, closing his eyes briefly. "We know he did it, but we don't have the proof. We can claim the trespassing, but it's a misdemeanor Jon. We don't have proof he actually cut fences, just that they were open. I will tell them that, that you have upgraded your systems." He paused. "You have upgraded them?"</p><p>Jon rolled his eyes. "Working on it." He stared down Davos, who did not blink, waiting. Dany was reminded of a parent letting a teenager talk themselves into a confession. <em>he's good</em>. "Robb needs to sign off, he's got the keys to the accounts we need to make the purchases," he said, grumbling.</p><p>"And how does it work though, if we do need to shut down?" Davos asked. He cocked his head. "I only ask because if...well if it comes to it...volunteering before they order you might be enough to get them to agree to let you keep it open. Or at least scale back."</p><p>"No, they can't do that," Dany began.</p><p>Except Jon interrupted her. "Vote," he said. He spelled out the names, rather than using their sign names. "All of us, Robb, Sansa, Arya, Rickon, Bran, and me. We have to vote." He shrugged. "Four to two."</p><p>It was obvious the two people voting to close would be Robb and Sansa. Dany was at least glad the other siblings were on board with the sanctuary. She licked her lips, dry in the hot air of the police station. She was going to say that she would work with them no matter what, contact centers and various other places she knew across Essos who would be able to help take the wolves if they needed to resort to such drastic measures.</p><p>Except the door opened, a woman crashing in, who Dany recognized as Marya. She was about to say hello, except Marya was urgent. "Davos," she exclaimed. "It's an emergency out at the sanctuary. Arya just called. There's been shots fired."</p><p>"Shots?" Davos demanded, springing up from his seat.</p><p>Jon read his lips, letting out a strangled cry. He grabbed for his phone but there wasn't anything there. Dany checked hers, but nothing either. Her heart raced and she grabbed hold of Jon before he could run out without information. "What's happening?" she demanded of Davos, her fingers tight on Jon's wrists, keeping him from lunging. Ghost paced around Jon, reading the room, his tongue out and panting.</p><p>"I'll find out."</p><p>They waited, shaking, and Jon texted Arya, but she didn't reply. "It will be alright," she assured Jon, having absolutely no idea if that was a lie or not. She cupped his chin in her palms, staring into his eyes. There were bags beneath them, heavy. He looked so tired. <em>He probably hasn't been sleeping either.</em> She ran her thumb over the top of his beard on his cheek. It was scruffier than normal. His hair longer and more unkempt than usual.</p><p>He wasn’t taking care of himself, his face drawn but eyes a little puffy. She frowned. She hadn’t noticed because they weren’t around each other as frequently. It wasn’t her business. They weren’t together anymore. She dropped her hands from his face, his gray eyes curious, tinged on the edge with nerves. She turned as did he, when the door opened again, Davos hurrying in and to his desk, removing his gun to attach to his hip. “What’s going on?” Jon exclaimed.</p><p>“Arya called it in, she’s going to secure the wolves, won’t listen to the godsdamn dispatcher to stay put,” Davos cursed. He grabbed his keys. “Reported shots fired near the wolf enclosure. Looks like Thorne might be back.”</p><p>“Oh gods,” Dany exclaimed, meeting Jon’s eyes at the same time. They both had the same thought, fear exploding in her heart. Ice shot right through her. “Shaggydog’s in the kennel, that means…”</p><p>
  <em>Shadow and Grey Wind.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p> </p><p>“Jon no!”</p><p>The Jeep wasn’t even stopped in place when Jon got out of the driver’s side, the alarms blaring from the parking gear in the wrong place, lights flashing. He ran to the office at the same time the door opened; Davos’s sirens and lights flashing behind them, arriving behind—Jon had cut him off on the road as they were speeding through the snow and ice to the sanctuary.</p><p>It reminded her of the night when Shaggydog got out. The panic and terror. Except this was different, colder and foreboding. It made her think of the odd tug in her belly earlier, a premonition of sorts. She met Arya at the front door. “I got Nym and Shaggydog accounted for,” she said, crying. “I can’t get Shadow and Grey Wind to come when I called, and I can’t find them on the cameras….”</p><p>Dany had never seen Arya crying; it was horrifying. It wasn’t supposed to happen. “Where’s Thorne?” Davos shouted, coming around to the cameras.</p><p>Arya pointed. “He’s there, in the sector near Grey Wind and Shadow’s enclosure. They’re in Shaggydog’s usual pen. I heard the shots, went to see what was going on, then started the recording like you said. I went out to secure the other wolves, the ones we have from the park. They’re frantic.”</p><p>It was then Dany saw Arya had a rifle over her shoulder, except it wasn’t one of the tranquilizer guns, but a real one. She watched Jon unload one from the safe. This was definitely different. They had real ammo this time, not just tranquilizers. Thorne had escalated, for whatever insane reason, he thought he was going to finally get through. She gaped, Jon locking a round into the chamber of a handgun. She shook her head, shouting. “Jon, no!”</p><p>He said nothing, even though he’d seen her lips. He ignored Arya and Davos, storming from the house, Ghost on his tail. “Fuck,” Davos cursed, running after him. He pointed to the fence line, some of the deputies having just arrived. “We’re going towards the east line, looks like that’s where Thorne started. I don’t know what his game is, but we’re going to finally stop him.”</p><p>“He wants to kill my wolves!” Arya screamed, answering Davos. She was now sobbing. “I can’t get Grey Wind to come, Dany…Jon can’t call for them and…and…” She grabbed her arms, panicking. “You have to go, Shadow’s probably terrified, and he trusts you. Go!”</p><p>There was no telling her twice. She took the tranquilizer gun that Arya shoved in her hands and ran out, sliding in the mud and snow. She could see the flash of reflective tape on Jon’s parka hood, as she caught up to him. Ghost cut in front of him and he turned, seeing her. He shook his head and ignored her, reaching the enclosure where Shadow and Grey Wind were. He punched in the codes and barged in, hurrying around the path and deep into the enclosure.</p><p>Lights popped on, illuminating what it could, Arya tracking them on the cameras. She followed Jon, her heart hammering in her ears. He knelt on the ground, his fingers dusting over a wide paw print in the snow. <em>Grey Wind</em>, she thought, lifting her face. She looked around, unfamiliar with this particular enclosure. She glanced up and could see one of the cameras on a pole, with the light, and dropped her gaze back down, scanning while Jon tracked the prints.</p><p>And then she heard it.</p><p>A yell.</p><p>A snarl.</p><p>A cry.</p><p>And then a high-pitched, terrified howl.</p><p>Jon hadn’t looked up from the paw prints. Ghost took off, blurring into the brush, Jon jerking up at the sudden movement. She moved at the same time, pushing right by him, screaming, forgetting where she was and what was happening and how there was a crazy man with a vendetta against the Starks roaming around, with a gun, and he probably just shot one of the wolves.</p><p>Because that’s what she focused on.</p><p>She burst through the trees, seeing a dark figure, too tall to be a wolf, knocking through the trees and she didn’t think, lifting the tranquilizer gun and fired, several times in succession. She screamed, sobbing and crying, unable to stop herself as her finger just depressed. One, two, three, four, five.</p><p>And whatever she hit, it worked, and the figure yelled out, a man’s voice, and then fell in a heap in the snow. Flashlights were somewhere in the distance, more voices shouting, and then she heard the sound, spinning on her feet, desperate.</p><p>It was Jon.</p><p>And the sound he made sounded like a wolf.</p><p>A wolf who had just lost its pack.</p><p>“Dany!” he shouted, over and over again, sobbing out her name. “Dany! Dany!”</p><p>“Jon!” she screamed, barreling through and following his voice, she didn’t know what she was going to find. <em>She didn’t want to know what she was going to find.</em></p><p>The tree branches broke, and she emerged near one of the paths, barely lit from the light nearby, and released her own pained, mournful howl, of a dragon who lost its family. On the ground, the snow turning steadily red, was Grey Wind, blood pumping from a horrible gash in his neck, his eyes closed. At Jon’s side, Ghost was pressed against his brother, and on the other side, pacing back and forth, was Shadow, whimpering, scared and shivering.</p><p>Jon was shoving his parka over Grey Wind, stuffing the gash as best he could. Blood poured over his hands. “Dany,” he cried. “Make it stop.”</p><p>
  <em>Focus Dany, focus, this is a patient. It’s just like Rifle. That’s it. It’s just like before. An emergency patient.</em>
</p><p>She fell to Grey Wind, taking her scarf and wrapping it tight around his neck. His eyes flickered, breathing labored. <em>He’s alive.</em> She saw a knife, on the ground, and the snow was disturbed, pawprints and heavy boot imprints left behind. Grey Wind must have lunged, Thorne tried to shoot, maybe missed, and then stabbed him instead. She lifted up the front of Grey Wind’s body, while Jon lifted the rest, and together they hurried, shuffling as fast as they dared in the snow, carrying the heavy fully-grown wolf between them.</p><p>Shadow and Ghost ran at their sides and when they got through the gate, Arya was there, still crying, but she’d thought to drive the truck over. “I saw on the cameras, when you brought him out, why didn’t I see it?” she cried, over and over. “I should have been watching closer, this is my fault…”</p><p>“No, don’t do that,” Dany exclaimed. They couldn’t have her feeling guilty. “It happened fast. Just, get him in, we’ll take him to your rooms here.”</p><p>“What about the clinic?” Arya asked, jumping up into the cab, already driving off before they even got into the back of the truck, the hatch still down, and Ghost running to leap into the back, while Arya had practically thrown Shadow bodily into the truck, so he wasn’t left behind.</p><p>Dany shouted over the engine, the roar of blood in her ears, and the silent screams Jon was letting out, his mouth open, face horror stricken. “We don’t have time!”</p><p>They stopped in front of the kennel house, the wolves howling, distressed from the activity around them, the lights and sirens, and cars coming and going. She heard yelling somewhere, thought maybe she saw Davos with cuffs on a larger man, who was shouting. She jumped out of the back of the truck, hauling Grey Wind with Jon, Arya pushing doors open and slamming on lights. It was freezing, the heating low with no one in the building.</p><p>“Can I help?” Arya cried, covering her mouth with her hands.</p><p>“No,” Dany said, pulling lights over so she could inspect the wound firsthand. She shook her head, mumbling to herself. Her brain already came to the conclusion of what was happening. What the end result would be. Her heart refused to accept it. There was no other option.</p><p>The blood had slowed but she couldn’t get Jon to pry his hands away from the wound. She knew why. So did he. She leaned on him, begging him, her hands shaking and squeezing around his. The blood had matted around the wound, Grey Wind panting, his chest barely moving, and his eyes flickering open and shut, slow. She let go of the scarf, the blood-matted parka, and let them fall to the floor.</p><p>His front paw twitched, reaching for Jon’s hand. She pressed her forehead into Jon’s shoulder, reaching around to grasp the opposite one. “No,” Jon mumbled, over and over. He grabbed at drawers and rattled around cabinets, gauze and towels streaming around him, using them to push at the wound on Grey Wind’s neck. It was futile.</p><p>“Jon, stop,” she tried. Tears streamed down her face. The surgical lights on the wolf’s gray fur were so harsh; he looked so small on the table. The regal wolf, his legs bent around him, his eyes unfocused, opened and staring up. The rise of his chest was shallower with each breath. <em>I know Dōna zokla</em>, she thought, taking deep breaths, unable to see through her tears. Everything was blurry. She could hear though. Hear the weak heartbeat under her fingers, hear the ragged breaths, and hear the pleading cries of Jon.</p><p>That made it so much worse than anything she’d ever gone through in this job.</p><p>Because it wasn’t a job.</p><p>She reached for him again, her hands closing around his as he tried to stop the blood, which was no longer flowing. “Jon,” she whispered. He couldn’t hear her, but he turned to her face any way. She touched her forehead to his shoulder again. Her fingers wrapped tight around his, letting go of the towel gripped in his hands.</p><p>He reached for the wolf, gently holding his head, and lowered his face towards Grey Wind’s muzzle, touching his face to it. He shook, silent, and she went to the cabinet, her fingers shaking so bad she couldn’t get the lock undone. It wasn’t even locked, but her fingers were shaking and slippery and she cursed, crying out and slamming her hand hard on it until it came free. She reached in and took out the vial she needed. She went back to the table and with her hands still trembling, she lifted up the bottle and the syringe, and she pulled back.</p><p>More than she needed, more than she ever would have used, but it was her only option now. It was the only thing that would help him.</p><p>“Jon,” she said, touching his shoulder. He was crouched, stroking Grey Wind’s head, his nose to the wolf’s, and it took her to kneel next to him, brushing her lips to his face. She murmured. “Jon.” He nodded, feeling her beside him. Gray eyes wavering, he nodded, jerking his head. She had to have it, before she did what she was going to do. She nodded, understanding, and forced herself to speak, loud, so he could read her lips. “Together?”</p><p>She stood with him. He signed, asking Grey Wind. “I need to know,” he signed. “Tell me.”</p><p>Grey Wind closed his eyes. That was the answer they needed. Jon nodded hard. He kept petting him, while she slowly slid the syringe into his shoulder. It would ease his pain. Help him sleep. Drift him away. Free from a world where he was suffering. She let go, dropping the syringe, and reached for Jon, who folded over Grey Wind, shaking silently. She shook with him, their hands entwined over the wolf’s chest.</p><p>Rising and falling, until it wasn’t.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <hr/>
</div><p> </p><p>It did not take long for Thorne to confess to what he had done. He’d broken into the sanctuary again to try to get the wolves out, to get Shaggydog out again, hoping that if he got out, he’d not even have to go through with the hearing, they’d just close the sanctuary. He could get the land that hit up against his. She had no idea <em>why</em> he wanted it so badly other than some sort of inherent hatred of the Starks. He’d tried to shoot around, to see if he could get Shaggydog, but he wasn’t there.</p><p>Because it was Shadow, and Shadow couldn’t hear.</p><p>And because Shadow couldn’t hear, he didn’t know Thorne was a threat and when he jumped towards him, Thorne tried to shoot. Grey Wind jumped over, saved Shadow, and Thorne stabbed him, trying to save himself and mortally wounding the wolf instead. He’d run off, just for Dany to shoot him full of tranquilizers.</p><p>But that didn’t matter to her, when Davos told them.</p><p>Grey Wind was dead. Ultimately, Thorne succeeded, he’d killed a wolf. Not the one he wanted. He’d killed the wolf who was kind, gentle, and protective. The one who already had survived an attack. It left him broken, but he pressed on, and in his last moments he’d saved the little wolf who didn’t know any better.</p><p>Dany did not say anything to Jon. They waited for a time and then Jon insisted on cleaning up Grey Wind, washing the blood from his fur. She sewed up the wound. He looked like he was sleeping. She would collect him in the morning and take him to the clinic, make the necessary arrangements. Jon said they would spread his ashes at the great weirwood tree in Winterfell. So he could rest with the Old Gods. He had to tell Robb too. All the others.</p><p>That would be a task for the following day.</p><p>Dany drove Jon to his house. It was almost early morning; the sun might even try to peek out from the clouds in a couple of hours. Ghost was in Jon’s arms, the massive wolf half on the floor between his feet and half in the seat with his charge. Shadow was asleep behind them in the backseat. She kept her hand in Jon’s the entire drive. He did not let go.</p><p>At the house she walked Shadow to his room, where he curled up in a ball in his bed and returned to sleep. She left the door open. Her limbs hung at her sides, heavy and aching. The tears from earlier were sticky, cheeks hot, and hair stringy around her face. Dany moved on autopilot. She pulled off her boots; left them in the hallway. She went up the stairs, following the sounds of the water running.</p><p>In the bathroom, Jon was staring at the sink, water filling the basin, but he didn’t move. His hands rested at his sides, stained the color of rust and mud streaking up his forearms. Dried blood caked on his neck and on his cheek. It didn’t show on his black clothing but ran down his jeans. He didn’t have on shoes. She wondered where he put his boots. She wondered how long he had been staring at the water. It rose to the rim of the basin, steam rising to fog up the metal faucet and around the mirror.</p><p>She went to his side and turned off the water. He blinked, seeing her for the first time. She went to the cabinet and pulled out some towels, returning to the sink. He sat down on the lid of the toilet and she rubbed his hands, returning to the sink every few minutes to rinse out the washcloths, wiping it along his hands and arms, and then to his face. She helped him up and together they slowly pulled off each other’s clothing.</p><p>They said nothing. She closed her eyes, his lips brushing along her temple, and her fingers resting lightly atop his heart. She reached around him to the shower, turning the dials. Steam coiled around them as they coiled around each other, allowing the hot spray to wash off the sweat, dirt, blood, and tears. It made her think of their first time, after Shaggydog got loose, how he took care of her, and now she was taking care of him. Except unlike that time, they were softer, gentle, and she knew every curve, dent, ridge of his muscles and scars. Her touch skimmed across his chest, gripped his upper arms, as he moved from her mouth to kiss along the long line of her neck, over her shoulder and moving across her collarbone.</p><p>She moaned, eyes shut, toes rising on the tiled floor, his lips open and hot over her slick skin. The pain filling her heart ebbed, another sort of pain filling the empty space it left. “Jon,” she moaned, gazing down at him, crouching before her, his hands gripping her hips tight, singularly focused on making her <em>forget.</em> They both needed to forget. To feel <em>alive.</em></p><p>And when she came, fingers tangled in his hair, his name a plea on her breath, she found that she did <em>forget.</em> They were like how they were before. All they needed was each other and they had each other. <em>Just for a moment.</em> He came to his feet again, crashing his lips to hers, groaning into her mouth, needing her now. She would give it to him, she vowed, digging her fingertips to his shoulders as he lifted under her thighs, hoisting her up against the shower wall. Her legs wrapped tight around his hips, thighs squeezing around him, rubbing herself over his hardness, desperate to feel it inside of her, filling and completing her.</p><p>That’s what it was, she realized, gasping against his mouth, as he groaned into her, a hand tight on her hip and the other reaching to cup her face, to force her mouth to stay on his. Their hearts beat in unison. The shower rained down on them, water running in streams and rivulets over their skin, pinking hot, courtesy of the combination from the water temperature and the rising heat within them. She didn’t want this to end, until she couldn’t stop it, sobbing his name, his body sliding easily over hers, over and over again.</p><p>He touched something deep inside of her. Every time. Her eyes flickered open to meet his. Their foreheads pressed tight. “Jon,” she managed to get out, head falling hard against the tile wall, distracted by the hard, punishing thrusts of him inside of her. “Jon, please.”</p><p>“Dany,” he mumbled over her. Repeating her name, a plea for her, and she gave what she could back to him. She hoped it was enough. Gods knew he was enough for her right in that moment.</p><p>They both came, no longer capable of keeping the floodgates closed. She sobbed, never wanting it to end. Every muscle and nerve twitched within them both. They were the same, never ending, and she never felt more alive. He made her feel safe, content, and <em>alive.</em></p><p>
  <em>Happy.</em>
</p><p>The water grew cold around them, chilling them both into a shivering wet tangle of limbs and clammy skin. Together they bundled up in towels, not letting it stop them. She dried off long enough to see he’d already started a fire in the hearth, and then was beside her again, tracing her face. He didn’t smile; his gray eyes deep and sad. “I missed you,” he signed.</p><p>She nodded, tears wavering again, blurring the image before her. “I missed you,” she signed back.</p><p>Jon kissed her, his knuckles skimming along her sides, along the slope of her breasts, and to her shoulders. His hands, wide and warm, pushed back down and splayed over her back, spinning her slowly and lowering her into the bed. He lifted away from her long enough to speak, but moved to her again, so he couldn’t see her response. “I want to forget.”</p><p>She nodded, gasping and arching up, his beard scratchy along her belly, kisses hot tracking down to her cunt again. “Yes,” she repeated. “Yes, please…” <em>Forget.</em></p><p><em>Forget what though</em>, she wondered vaguely, until she was crying out again, pleasure smothering out the pain.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
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</div><p> </p><p>The sun had started to rise, the warm glow waking her up from the deep sleep she’d easily fallen into after their final session of lovemaking, probably number four or five. Dany struggled to think beyond much else than the warm arms around her body, the comfortable weight of Jon behind her, and his slightly cold toes dragging on her calf. And his mouth hovering over her ear, just at where it met her neck, beard tickling the soft skin.</p><p>She smiled into the pillow. He had flannel sheets on the bed and her hair stood on end when she pulled back a little, static electricity crackling. “Morning,” she said, turning in his arms.</p><p>Jon moved his arm between them, signing. “Morning.” He flicked some of her hair out of her eyes. She sighed hard, breath mingling with his. The gnawing ache in her chest hadn’t faded from the night before. Grey Wind was gone. She and Jon were…here again. He tracked his index finger down her nose, touching the bow of her lips and smiled, barely. She smiled faintly, in return. He frowned. “What happens now?”</p><p>His voice cracked, too loud for what she was used to hearing in the early morning, thick from sleep and emotion. She took a deep breath, holding it in her chest. “I don’t know,” she exhaled. He frowned; she sat up on her elbow, signing. “I don’t know.”</p><p>He nodded, understanding. He rolled onto his back and lifted up. Dany touched his spine, lightly rubbing at the bumps along his back. She sat up to join him, chin on his shoulder. The fire had died out, but the residual embers pulsed intermittingly, deep orange against the blackened logs. Ghost and Shadow were curled together in a pile of white and black fur, keeping each other warm on the rug in front of it. She smiled, kissing his shoulder, her arm reaching through his, and folded his hand into hers.</p><p>She rubbed hers together over his, their fingers lacing tight. They looked like the same hand, she observed, unable to tell where hers ended and his began. <em>Tell him Dany. Tell him. He needs to know.</em> “Jon,” she murmured into his arm. She closed her eyes hard. “I have to tell you something.”</p><p>He glanced towards her. He must have felt her speaking, turning around to gently pull her into his lap, reclining backwards to prop against the pillows and headboard. He signed. “What is it?”</p><p>Dany turned completely. She wanted him to read her lips, and she tapped them, so he could focus. Confusion flickered in his eyes. They were both exhausted, the heaviness from yesterday and the emotion from the night and their reunion showing in the deep bags and grooves beneath the steel gray irises. She scratched his beard, nails dragging to his chin and thumb pressing at his lower lip. <em>I love him so much.</em> “Jon,” she began. She widened her eyes, intense. “I know what she did.” He frowned, cocking his head, silently questioning. She swallowed the dry patch in her throat. “I know what Ygritte did. She told me. At Queenscrown.”</p><p>Her thumb dropped off his lip. She signed, repeating it, as best she could with what sign she knew. It turned out that repeating it wasn’t necessary. The momentary flash of vulnerability, a brief insight to the scared child who woke up without hearing, in Jon’s gray eyes; that was enough for her to know he knew what she said. The pain did not go away. The scared little boy hid behind the shutters he put up, but the pained man remained. He swallowed; his throat constricted and bobbed, chin barely tilting in acknowledgment.</p><p>He glanced at their joined hands. He squeezed; hard. Dany didn’t realize the breath she’d been holding, releasing it in a strange feeling of relief. Except now, worry crept into her heart. He said nothing. She touched his face, trying to see what might be going through his mind. “Jon?” she spoke.</p><p>“Does this change things?” he asked, surprising her. He did not sign. He met her gaze again, earnest. The reaction was <em>not</em> what she expected. Then again, she mused, she really wasn’t sure <em>what</em> reaction she had been expecting. Jon was one of a kind in that regard.</p><p>She ran her tongue over her teeth. Did it change things? She shook her head; his shoulders slumped. “No,” she answered. She turned his face so he could read her lips. As much as she wanted to whisper, to try to mumble this away, she spoke clearly so he could understand. <em>In more ways than one.</em> “You need to work on yourself, Jon. What she did…” She spat in disgust. He barely quirked his lip, but it might have been a smile. “I could have killed her. It was horrific. Betrayal in a way I did not know you could betray someone. It…it explained a lot, but Jon…”</p><p>“I know,” he signed.</p><p>“You need to work on yourself,” she said. <em>We both do.</em> He nodded. He hesitated and then looked away, signing. She frowned, not sure she understood. He glanced up and nodded. “Really?” she asked.</p><p>He signed, spelling the name. “Jeor Mormont.”</p><p>“Jorah’s dad?”</p><p>“Retired…but he knows me.” He spoke. “It is hard. To talk. To listen.”</p><p><em>That’s what therapy is, regardless of if you can actually hear or not….physically.</em> “That’s really good Jon,” she signed. She smiled, unable to believe what his confession had done for her. <em>It’s so good.</em> She pressed her forehead to his, their noses brushing. “Really good.”</p><p>He barely nodded. The therapy was a long time coming, she imagined. For him to take that step…it was for him. It was only for him. She pulled back, frowning. “You are doing this for you,” she confirmed. Statement, not a question. She lifted her fingers, signing. “Not for me? It has to be for you.”</p><p>His fingers came up, fast. <em>It is for me.</em></p><p>
  <em>Good.</em>
</p><p>And then, what little shards of her heart remained, the ones that had not already been obliterated by Jon Snow already, he went ahead, and he eviscerated those ones too.</p><p>“Do you love me?”</p><p>The sob wrenched from deep inside of her soul. He asked it with the innocence of a child and not a grown man. He was scared. <em>And so am I.</em> She lifted herself higher in his lap, so her knees were wedged on either side of his hips, her body flush to his, and she clutched him around his shoulders and buried her face into his neck. And she nodded. A weight vanished off her shoulders. <em>I’m very tired now.</em></p><p>She stroked his face, breaking away long enough to nod again. “Yes,” she replied, kissing him.</p><p>He moaned soft into her mouth, touch gentle on her face, holding her in place so he could show her. It shattered her. They fell sideways, onto the bed, forgetting for a moment what this really happened to be about. <em>Just for a moment.</em> Until she broke away, sobbing and shaking her head. It hurt too much. She couldn’t keep hurting like this. He pulled away, confused. “Dany?” he said, forehead wrinkling. He signed. “What?”</p><p>“I love you,” she said. Tears made him blurry. She pressed forward. “But we want different things and…and I know what she did Jon. It explains things. But I would never, ever do what she did. And…” she pushed at his arms; he sat up, bringing her with him. She cried; he always made her cry. She was so tired of crying. “Until you know that…here…” She pushed her fist on his chest. She swallowed hard. This was probably one of the most painful things she had ever done.</p><p>Except she had to do it. To protect herself. To protect…them. If there was a them.</p><p>“I know,” he signed.</p><p>“You need to show it.” She kept speaking. Signed when she could to make sure. “We want different things Jon. Until you know…I love you exactly as you are. I love you for <em>who</em> you are now. Not the one I want you to be.” She licked her lips. It felt easier. The words coming freer. He kept his focus on her, darting from her lips to her eyes and to her fingers. “I want children Jon. It is all I ever wanted…I have been alone for <em>so long.</em> It is the only constant.” She hiccupped, the tears now coming. They’d been at bay too long. The fell down her face and her skin pebbled, scared of what might happen. Except she had to say this. Even if it destroyed them. “It is what I wanted, long before I met you…and then I did meet you. I met you when I thought all hope was lost. I fell in love with you.”</p><p>He smiled; his eyes were glassy. “It is hard.” His gaze faltered and he did not sign. “Very hard. Told all life. Nothing. You…” He laughed, hard, sad. “You show. Different.” He touched his hand to his heart. “Here.”</p><p>She laughed, palms framing his face. This hurt more than their fight did. More than the breakup, because they were both aware now. Of everything. “I love you,” she cried. He didn’t see her lips, but maybe he knew otherwise. Sensed it.</p><p>Because his hand came up.</p><p>And she stared, watching.</p><p>He glanced down, knowing what she was seeing. And very deliberately, he took his hand and slowly brought down his ring finger and his middle finger and stretched his thumb out to the side. Leaving the pinkie and the index finger up. The universal sign, as it were, she thought, the one that almost every child knew, before they knew it was even a sign.</p><p>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</p><p>And then he touched his hand to his heart and folded both arms over his chest cross-wise and pushed his hand to her heart. Another way of saying it. <em>I love you.</em></p><p>She nodded hard. She couldn’t see. Couldn’t hear either, ironically. They wanted different things. Until he understood how he felt on the topic, until he could process and understand, and truly <em>know.</em> “I love you,” she repeated, again and again, kissing him. Their tears mingled together on their cheeks and their hands pushed everywhere, touching any stretch of skin they could and tangled in the other’s hair.</p><p>He pulled back, scared. “I don’t.” He hesitated and signed. “I do not know what I want.”</p><p>And that was the sad truth of it, wasn’t it? “Until you do,” she said, letting the rest of the statement trail off. He knew. She kissed him again. Cried and held him close, their hearts thrumming together. She didn’t need to finish the rest of the statement. <em>Until you do, we cannot be together.</em></p><p>She was going to push forward in her quest to be a mother; she’d had it long before she met him. If there was a chance…even a small chance again…she knew the dangers. She didn’t want to do this. Moving here had been her attempt to forget it. To put everything behind her. Except it had caught up to her. She would try. One more time, she vowed, and then she could reassess. She could find alternatives. Rhaegar was right. She was born to be a mother and she would be one.</p><p>And Jon needed to look inside himself and see that he was worth something. She’d told him. She let him know and she loved him. He knew that now. He just needed to understand it, truly understand it.</p><p>There had been so much happening the last 24 hours. Too much. She held him tight. When she let go and she left the house, it would be the last time. Until he could understand what he wanted. However long that might take.</p><p>She pulled back long enough to trace her finger around the shell of his ear, staring into his sad, tired eyes. “You are perfect to me. I love you just the way you are.” She arched her brows. “And I want you to know…you are good and kind and perfect. You are not a burden. You are not a problem.” She grit her teeth, fierce, and hard. “And you are not <em>broken.</em>”</p><p>He said nothing. Hardly moved. Until he pulled her tight to him again and kissed her, desperate. They fell together once more, just for now, until they had to leave the house, to talk to Davos about the previous night’s events, and until she had to take care of Grey Wind and until they had to start a life without the other in it.</p><p>But he loved her.</p><p>And he said so.</p><p>And Dany focused on that, and she hoped he would understand, just how much she loved him too.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. the sign</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Missandei explains some things to Dany on the eve of her surgery; an unexpected visitor arrives in Essos.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Almost to the end!  This chapter is short(er) and marks the beginning of the end for these two.  Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <em><br/>Three Months Later</em>
</p><p>Missandei settled onto the oversized chair and a half beside Dany, cuddling underneath the extra-large worn black and red quilt, which Dany had tugged off a bed in one of the guest rooms she had taken as her own. She passed over a glass of water, instead of the wine Dany desperately wanted. No alcohol, Mel told her, leading up to the surgery. Dany knew the drill. She’d done it all. No alcohol, gluten-free, no dairy, no egg…any and every diet she could find that encouraged fertility and discouraged her body from rejecting the <em>one</em> thing it was supposed to do different than the other half of her species.</p><p>She smiled in acceptance, sipping the edge of the crystal decanter, with the Targaryen sigil on it. “He really does go into this thing, doesn’t he?” Missandei wondered, gazing around the room that was the closest thing Rhaegar had to a living room. It was chrome, black leather, gray walls, and red accents. There were musical instruments on the wall, fancy artwork, and no television or anything that Dany might constitute entertainment.</p><p>“He kind of has a thing with the Targaryens,” Dany agreed. Rhaegar had an entire mural in one of the rooms devoted to a prophecy about Targaryens he’d found in some old history book. She fussed with the edge fo the quilt. It had the Targaryen sigil on it, dragons embroidered all around. It was one of the only things she had a memory about from her childhood; she remembered itt being on her bed, when she stayed with Rhaegar once or twice. It comforted her to know he kept it all this time.</p><p>Missandei leaned against her shoulder. She’d flown in that morning, met Dany at the airport in Volantis. They shopped, went to lunch, and generally her best friend did what best friends do on the eve of a big thing like this. She distracted her as best she could, but Dany couldn’t be wholly distracted. “Who is taking care of the clinic?” she asked casually.</p><p>“One of the vets from Moat Cailin,” Dany said. She smirked. “And Jorah went back, just for a few weeks. I think to see his family, but he’ll see some of the patients.” She was grateful that Missandei didn’t ask about the sanctuary. She wans’t sure she was ready to talk about that just yet.</p><p>The surgery was scheduled, the future somewhat planned—as best it could be. Most of it was determined by the results of the surgery, by whatever Mel found and could do. Dany was trying to push the thoughts from her mind and focus on the now. It had been a pretty weird couple months. She glanced over at her phone, sitting on the edge of the chair arm. “Don’t,” Missandei warned, holding a finger up. “Just leave it.”</p><p>“I need to check on the dragons.”</p><p>“Hmm. Sure.” Missandei kissed her temple and got up, patting her knee. “I’ll be back. Also what’s that creepy music?”</p><p>An odd, haunting plucking had begun to filter through the house’s stereo system. Dany recognized it, rolling her eyes, and grabbed the phone. “Harp music. Rhaegar’s playing.”</p><p>“He’s so odd.”</p><p>“You have no idea.” She hit the contact for Arya, listening to it ring on the other side a couple times.</p><p>“What?” Arya demanded.</p><p>“Good evening to you too.”</p><p>“It’s midday here.”</p><p><em>Oh damn, time difference.</em> “Uh, sorry about that.”</p><p>“Not a big deal, I’m doing a food run in Torrhen’s Square. Nymeria has decided she doesn’t like the meat we’re getting from the wholesaler in White Harbor, so here I am. Fucking spoiled wolf.” Her voice muffled, obviously talking to the wolf who was nearby. “Right? Don’t look at me like that.” Dany chuckled. Arya was a softie at the end of the day. She returned to the phone. “How is Essos?”</p><p>“Hot.”</p><p>“Ugh, gross. And your brother? He still being weird?”</p><p>“Always.” She cleared her throat. “How are the dragons?”</p><p>“Good, Nymeria is officially afraid of them. Also Viserion has decided that Gendry is his ‘person’ or something and won’t leave him alone. Gendry got in the shower after working out and when he turned around, Viserion was right there on the edge of the tub staring at him. Almost killed him.” Arya chuckled, sighing. “Gods, he’s such a fool.”</p><p>It was always entertaining to hear Arya get soft over her boyfriend. It was clear they loved each other, but you had to be around them for a significant period of time to truly see Arya’s side of things. Otherwise it just looked like Gendry trailing after her. Now that Dany had seen the dynamics of the Stark family, she completely understood why Arya kept her feelings to herself. It was almost self-preservation. She smiled, missing her sweet little Viserion. “He is a good judge of character.”</p><p>“Or Gendry is just a softy. He got up and <em>moved</em> from his space on the couch to let Drogon have it.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, Drogon senses weakness like that.” It was easy to talk about the dragons. It distracted her from the morning, when she’d go into the outpatient surgery center, and subject herself to questions, poking and prodding, and hopefully burning away the areas of her body that refused to cooperate with babymaking. She could already smell the antiseptic and that gross hospital smell that clung to your nostrils, sometimes days after leaving. She exhaled, forcing herself to think about her silly dragons and their new babysitters. She rubbed her forehead. “How…how is Shadow?”</p><p>It was sometimes risky to ask about the little wolf. She tried to see him when she could, but she’d missed a couple weeks before leaving for Essos. She hoped he hadn’t forgotten her. Arya snorted. “He’s fine. He’s doing good with his training. Eating Jon out of house and home, you know.”</p><p>“And…and Jon?” Dany tested. She bit the tip of her tongue. It was easy to ask about him. They had kept their distance since the night they had to put Grey Wind down. Only coming together for business, which was fine. It was cordial. He hadn’t reverted to the standoffish dick behavior he exhibited when she first met him, but it certainly was not warm. With Thorne’s arrest and the sanctuary pressing charges, the city had dropped the hearing on the sanctuary. That was one problem wiped off the board.</p><p>Except she knew it also added a couple others, but those were family oriented. Between Jon and Robb, Robb and the rest of the family…she had been there when they spread Grey Wind’s ashes in front of the Winterfell hearttree. It had been heart-wrenching, seeing Robb’s pain so on display, and he’d confessed to her how he regretted leaving his wolf for so long, he thought it would be easier for him.</p><p>“The South is not friendly to Northerners, whether people or wolves, I just…” he had told her, sitting out on the back patio of the main Stark house that evening. He rubbed his eyes, red-rimmed and swollen. “He’s the first to go. The first of the pack…it doesn’t seem real.”</p><p>It also forced him to have conversatiosn with his children he wasn’t ready to have yet, about why Grey Wind had gone away and would not be coming back. He was with the Old Gods, he told Eddy and Alerie. Yet it had been Jon who knelt before them and who drew pictures with them, explaining in his silent, stilted way that Grey Wind had done a brave thing, like a knight in their stories, and he saved Shadow and now the knight had gone off to another world, where he could be forever, but they couldn’t visit, because Grey Wind was in the trees, the snow, the air and stars, with the Old Gods.</p><p>It made it easier for them to understand, Dany had observed, and in typical Jon fashion, he hadn’t wanted any attention for it. She didn’t stay long, only there because Arya insisted. Robb and Jon had gone off somewhere, she didn’t know what happened, but a few days later, Robb came to ask her at the clinic about how long she believed they should wait before they took on another family pet.</p><p>“I think maybe it is time that Eddy and Alerie actually have one with them, growing up with them in the same house, even if it might be a wolf,” Robb had laughed. They chatted for a bit; it was entirely up to them, she explained. He prepared to leave, before he turned to face her and with the most sincere smile, he grabbed hold of her hand, squeezing tight. “Thank you.”</p><p>“For?” she wondered.</p><p>“For what you did for Jon. We have a lot to…to talk about it and…and it might never be as close a relationship as he has with the others, but…” Robb smiled, genuine, blinding white teeth flashing. “But I think we will be better.” He almost cried, exhausted. Almost twenty-some years of tension lifting off just one weight at a time. “He actually told me he doesn’t blame me…gods…he also said it was you.”</p><p>She had been shocked at that. “Me?”</p><p>“Aye…that you…you helped him.” Robb beamed. “I told you, he feels something different about you…I don’t know what happened between you guys, but I hope you know that no matter what, you had an impact on him and we’re going to be alright…I think…I hope.”</p><p>It would be alright, she thought, but she also didn’t want to focus on it. Jon had to work on himself, just like she did. They could see where they were…in the future. It that’s what the future held for them.</p><p>She heard Arya ask about something with Shaggydog, and focused on the present again. “I will be back in a few weeks, I’m going to talk to a veterinary oncologist in Lannisport, about his prognosis,” she explained. The radiation had succeeded in shrinking the tumor in his brain, but he was still showing signs he couldn’t see well and his aggression, while it had abated, was still too strong. “And Rickon?”</p><p>“I think he’s doing as best as he can. He’s sticking around until we know what to do with Shaggydog. He did let him in the kennel, without sedation or anything. That’s something.”</p><p>“I’ll be back in a couple weeks, we can talk more,” Dany said, picking at a thread on the edge of the quilt.</p><p>Arya chuckled, disbelief clear in her scoff. “You are coming back?”</p><p>“Yes,” she laughed. “Of course I am.”</p><p>“You going to tell me what this is about?” All she told the others was that she was going for a medical procedure, it was outpatient, but she’d need to be away for a bit.</p><p>“Maybe one day, but not now.”</p><p>“Fair enough.”</p><p>“Tell the dragons I miss them.” She wished she had Drogon with her right now, curled up in her lap, cheering her up. The cushion shifted under her bum, her gaze darting to see Missandei returning. She smiled; at least she had Missandei. “Talk to you later Arya.”</p><p>“Good luck.”</p><p>“Thank you.” She disconnected, turning the ringer off the phone and shoving it under a book on the table beside her. The haunting harp music had become lower, a cello, she recognized. She hit her head against the back of the chair, groaning.</p><p>"This is super creepy, you know."</p><p>Dany closed her eyes, slumping deeper into the cushions and the quilt, reaching over to pat her best friend's knee in a rather comforting gesture. "Well Rhaegar can be creepy."</p><p>"Does he know any other instrument besides a harp and a cello?" she wondered, gazing around the room at the other ones set up. There was a display of guitars in the corner, both electric and acoustic. She pointed to them. "See? Guitars. Not creepy."</p><p>She laughed. "I think he's just trying to distract himself too."</p><p>"What's he got to distract himself for?" Missy grumbled. She had been a little possessive of late, which Dany appreciated. Missy had been with her since their first year of university. Rhaegar stomping in and deciding he wanted to be in her life threatened to usurp that position from Missy, or so Missy thought. Dany didn't think anyone could take over the role that her best friend had in her life. She reassured her by squeezing her hand, smiling gently up at her. Missandei smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, I know he means well. It's something."</p><p>"It is. He's trying." Dany chewed her bottom lip, lifting her brows. "He even is texting with some of the Starks. Bran and Rickon, he met them when he visited...I'm not sure how I feel about that."</p><p>"Me either." They fell into stilted silence. Until Missandei asked the question hovering between them. "And Jon?"</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"Does he text Jon?"</p><p>Dany didn't want to know if he did or not. She tried not to think about it. "Dunno," she mumbled. She picked up her glass of water and sipped, but it was mechanical. The water trickled down her throat and did nothing for her. She wished she could have a glass of wine, damnit.</p><p>The silence lingered. Missadnei broke it yet again. "You really do love him, don't you?"</p><p>They were speaking in High Valyrian, which Dany knew meant that Missandei was tired. She was tired too and it was easier to slip into her native tongue here. Rhaegar spoke it almost exclusively. She nodded, fisting the edge of the quilt. "I do," she whispered. She shook her head. "And I hate that I do...he has so many issues and...and I don't know if I should wait. If I can wait." There was probably going to be a baby.</p><p>She hoped there would soon be a baby. Even if JOn was able to get through the top layer of his emotional baggage, Dany didn't know if that still meant he wanted to be with her...and a baby. She refused to force him into it. It was all his choice. She hated that she was so in love with him and this was where they were. <em>Why can't it just be easy? Like Arya and Gendry? Or Missy and Grey?</em></p><p>"Think of it this way." Missandei shifted, so she could sit opposite her instead of beside her. Dany frowned, silently questioning what that was supposed to mean. MIssandei smirked. "He's been all alone his entire life."</p><p>"I know," she murmured.</p><p>"No, I mean...he's got Ghost, but he cannot communicate." Missandei propped her head on her hand, smiling. "I see it with languages. Things lost in translation. The misunderstanding snad the problems that happen when people mistranslate or it's a second language for someone and a first for another...he has his wolves and he communicates with them very easy, but with everyone else, it's not just a language barrier with him." She poked her finger to Dany's heart. "And the first woman he ever loved hurt him. Made him feel like that way he's learned to communicate is meaningless and he's less than. He isn't whole. She won't be with him until he can hear and that means everything to him....it means..." She looked up at the ceiling and shrugged. "Kids, marriage, all of that. He cannot have that unless he can hear."</p><p>"But I don't," Dany began.</p><p>Except Missandei cut her off. "Yes I know, but I don't believe it is just he doesn't think a child can handle him, as you say. He is clearly good with them. So it isn't just that." She smiled, her dark golden eyes glimmering. "And then you show up. He's gotten good at protecting himself. Layer and layer over his heart and you show up and in a blink of an eye you're you. You turn everything upside down and he loves you and he's scared. He's terrified. All he knew means nothing to you."</p><p>Tears began to drop down her cheeks. She'd been over this in her head for weeks and months. She'd gone over it with Jon. With Arya. With herself. Except Missandei had a way of making it all so clear. "It was just sign," she murmured. "I could learn."</p><p>"You did learn and the other woman he loved didn't." Missandei smirked. "It scared him. It's like me with Grey. We might speak the same language but we had a lot to get through too." A dark look crossed her face, her smile faltering. Dany squeezed her hand tighter. She knew the pain that both Missy and Grey had to get through. Both of their childhoods spent in foster homes and on the streets, Grey's childhood illness rendering him unable to have children, their failed adoption attempt...it was a lot. Yet she looked to them both as the "perfect couple", the type of couple she wanted to be one day. They never let it get them down.</p><p>Missandei squeezed back, continuing. "You communicated with his wolves. The one way he communicates, not only sign, but through them and you did it. Do you know how much that probably terrified him? No more misinterpreting or mistranslating. You had Shadow and you learned sign and you're....you're there. In it." She rested her head against Dany's. Dany closed her eyes; she knew everything Missandei was saying was true and she had heard it before, but it seemed to resonate differently. "You want a baby. And he can't forget what that cow did to him. You show how different you are from her, but he's still terrified you will change your mind and then there's a kid and then what? What if you give birth and then decide you want him to hear? He needs to protect himself. It's all he's ever known how to do."</p><p>Dany screwed her eyes against the tears. It was so clear to her. She nodded. "I know," she hiccuped. "I understand and...and I miss him. I miss him so much."</p><p>Missandei squeezed her shoulders, letting her cry on her chest. "I'm sorry. Love really sucks."</p><p>It made her laugh; a choke caught in her throat, but a laugh nevertheless. She tried to wipe at her tears, but they kept coming. Stress was unnecessary at this time and most unwelcome. It seemed to pour from her, the longing she felt for him. Three months of missing him, except she also missed him before that too. "I moved to Westeros to get away from this feeling," she struggled to say. She sniffed, shoving her palm over her nose to stem the sniffling. "To start over. Here I am. In Essos, heartbroken...trying to have a baby. Again." She peered up, bleary eyed, whispering. "I wasn't supposed to fall in love."</p><p>"That's the thing about love," Missy laughed. She shrugged, sympathetic. "It just sort of happens. You went to Westeros to escape but you found your guy, you know? It kind of happens when you're not waiting. When you're not forcing it."</p><p>"It's too bad he doesn't want me," she scoffed. It wasn't true. A very bastardized version of it, at least. He couldn't have her right now. He wasn't ready.</p><p>"Oh I fucking doubt that very, very much."</p><p>Dany ran her hand down over her flat belly, wondering if one day it would ever swell. She smirked. The irony of it all. "Well there might be a baby one day...I will have to think of them too. It isn't all about me."</p><p>"Soon enough."</p><p>They hugged, her head resting on her best friend's shoulder and after a bit, she felt Missandei wiping at her cheeks, like a mother would. Sometimes that's what Missandei reminded her of. a best friend, a big sister-- even if she was younger, and also a mother. All wrapped up in one perfect package. She closed her eyes and drifted off, suddenly quite exhausted.</p><p>And tomorrow was a big day after all.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>"Hello Daenerys, the morning is warm and full of light."</p><p>Mel's Assha'i-accented Valyrian cooed into the tiny vestibule where Dany had been whisked away upon arriving a couple hours earlier, told to strip into the cold scratchy hospital gown, place her things in a plastic bag, and get into the bed. A nurse came in and hooked her up, took all her vitals, and asked her the necessary questions.</p><p>And for two hours she sat and wondered, Missandei sitting with her, and growing increasingly incensed that Rhaegar had dropped her off, been in the waiting room all of fifteen minutes and suddenly got some call he had to take. Then Missandei said he hadn't even <em>come back.</em> He just fucking <em>left.</em>.</p><p>So no, the morning was not warm and full of light, to Dany. It was dark and full of terrors, Mel's usual foreboding greeting. "Where is Rhaegar?" she snapped again, like Missandei knew any more than she did.</p><p>Mel's red-tinged eyes lit up. "Ah, Mr. Targaryen is here?"</p><p>The idea of her brother and Mel having any sort of relationship disturbed her. She glared at her doctor. It was too bad Mel was the best in the world at fertility. "He should be, he isn't here." She didn't know why she wanted him there. Perhaps because he <em>said he would be.</em></p><p>Typical Rhaegar. He'd been very supportive that morning; now, nowhere to be found. Just like he'd been her entire life. She couldn't believe this. <em>Don't think about it. Focus on the task at hand.</em> She wasn't sure why she was so intense about Rhaegar being there for her. maybe because he convinced her to go back through this hellish ordeal. It was his damn appearance, his will, his regrets and convincing that she was a mother, a born mother...</p><p>And now he wasn't there.</p><p>Mel consulted her iPad, with the chart on it. She wore flame-red scrubs, matching her hair. Her scrub cap also had flames around it. No wonder she was in a <em>thing</em> with Rhaegar. Rhaegar was a dragon after all. Mel seemed to have some strange sort of obsession with fire. "Well I am afraid I cannot delay. It is time." She smiled in her weird enigmatic way. "Are you prepared?"</p><p>It was different than <em>ready.</em> Prepared? No, Dany wasn't sure she was prepared. She was terrified. And she was focusing her energy and her fear on Rhaegar's appearance at her side. "I don't," she began. She closed her eyes tight; Missandei squeezed her hand. She jerked her chin down in a half-nod. "I suppose I have to be."</p><p>"Let the flames tickle your feet and consume you," Mel said, breathing deep. "Inhale....the flames..."</p><p>Missandei shot her a concerned glance. She leaned in. "Is she qualified?"</p><p>"Just go with it," Dany muttered, pretending to inhale flames. She allowed herself to relax, like she was about to go in for a surgery that wasn't on herself. But at work, with the dogs, cats, horses, and even the wolves. She smiled at Mel, who opened her eyes. "All done. I'm consumed in flames."</p><p>"Bride of fire," Mel said knowingly. "Dragon queen."</p><p>A nurse came in to help wheel her back, also wearing the red scrubs that Mel's team and staff wore. Missandei pressed a kiss to her head. "You will be fine. There will be a baby in that hospitable uterus in no time."</p><p>"I hope so," Dany whispered, hand over her belly. She didn't know what else was lurking inside her system, but whatever Mel was going to do to get rid of, so be it. She took a deep breath. She didn't believe in gods-- maybe it was because of all that she'd gone through as a kid and the Targaryens didn't necessarily believe in anything but themselves. Jon's Old Gods were the only thing she had observed that resonated with her. She knew they might not hear her; they were in nature and the weirwood tree the true way to speak to them, but she hoped they could.</p><p><em>Please</em>, she simply prayed.</p><p>She opened her eyes, the brake on the bed shifting as someone pushed on it. Mel dropped the iPad to her feet and backed up, Missandei pushing the curtain aside. She kissed her head one more time, said something about how she'd be waiting when she woke up, and Dany nodded idly, everything muting beyond the hope that htis would <em>fucking work.</em></p><p>"Excuse me! Excuse me sir! You cannot have a <em>dog</em> in here!"</p><p>"Get that dog out of here, this is a hospital!"</p><p>"Sir!"</p><p>Voices shouting, a door slamming open, and Dany spun around, startled, even Mel looking up and over, a smile pulling on her crimson lips. "What the..." she began, wondering why there would be a <em>dog</em> in a hospital, when she saw a door slam open down towards the end of the intake area, and the last person ever running towards her.</p><p>"<em>Dany!</em>"</p><p>"Jon!" she screamed.</p><p>Jon came running towards her, frantic, and rumpled. Dany gaped, wondering if the sedative they'd dropped in her IV was causing hallucinations. Except she could hear the staff yelling at him, could hear imssandei's laugh, and saw Rhaegar struggling to contain Ghost, who was lunging towards her with his red leash and harness, a massive white blur.</p><p>
  <em>This is real.</em>
</p><p>He leaned over her, signing so fast she could not follow, stunned. He was trying to speak, words slurring together, too emotional for him to sign and talk at the same time. "No!' she shouted, when a security guard made to grab for him. "No, don't! He's deaf, he didn't hear you!" She laughed, speaking clear, so Jon could read her lips, his face fixed on hers, gray eyes wide and his face pale, nervous. "Jon, what are you doing here?"</p><p>He lifted his fingers again, but dropped them. "Fuck it," he shouted.</p><p>And then his mouth was on hers.</p><p>Rough hands lifted her almost bodily from the bed, her neck arching back as a set of warm, hard lips crashed onto hers. He gripped her tight, angling her head back so he could kiss her. Like she had never been kissed before. She moaned, her arms reflexively wrapping around his neck, awkwardly reaching over the side of the bed railing for him. His tongue speared into her mouth, between her teeth, and she eagerly opened her mouth farther for him to reach. To plunge into the depths of her soul and grab at her heart, and never let go. She let him. It was already his anyway.</p><p>Everything he had never said and some he had said, poured into the kiss. Promises and hopes and wishes. She knew the moment they separated it would be different.</p><p>He would be there.</p><p>They broke away, panting, and he continued to hold her face in his, until he broke his hand away, pressing it over her heart. "What's going on?" she laughed, peering at him through tears. "Jon?"</p><p>"I love you," he said, crystal clear. His hand was in the sign, pushed to her heart. He mouthed it again. He was crying too, unshed tears, but tears all the same. He kissed her again. Shorter this time. She laughed, holding his hands. He spoke, emotion thick on his words. "I..stupid." He laughed with her. "I...want you."</p><p>He began to sign. <em>"You heard me. I love you and I want you. All of you." </em> He dropped a hand to her belly, pressing the flatness. She covered his hands tightly, sobbing. "As you are." He laughed again. "Broken. Bent. Like me." He shrugged. "Whole." He grinned, rather stupidly now, his gray eyes shining and sparkling. They reminded her of the way the snow fell in the North, how the tears lingered on his lashes like the flakes on the trees. "I had to tell you. Before...just...before." He squeezed her hand harder, insistent. "I am here. Not. Going."</p><p>He kissed her head and then pushed his nose to hers. "I wait. Here."</p><p>Dany nodded hard. She kissed him, cupping his face. Mel said how they had to get back there. She let him go, speaking. "I love you," she said to him, laughing. A nurse shoved a cap over her hair and she held onto his hand as long as she could, until they swiveled the bed around and dragged her back.</p><p>Jon grinned, standing in the hallway, disheveled and exhausted, but elated.</p><p>Several minutes later, the anesthesiologist covered her mouth with the mask and told her to think of something happy. Dany smiled wide, eyes closing as she drifted off, that lasting image in the back of her mind.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p><em>Hmm....what was that light?</em> Dany blinked a few times, foggy and disoriented. She closed her eyes again and the brightness faded, replaced by a soft glow when she reopened them. She caught sight of the top of an IV bag on a stand and the pale pink ceiling above her bed.</p><p>
  <em>Where am I?</em>
</p><p>She turned her head and spotted Jon, slouched in a chair, a htin hospital blanket tossed over him, curls dusting his forehead and his mouth slightly ajar in sleep. Ghost was asleep at his feet, leash loose from his harness and looped around the arm of the chair. She watched him a moment, allowing everything to flow back into her, before she went under.</p><p>Jon, running down the hall. Jon, kissing her. Jon, professing his love. Jon, never going anywhere. And here he was. Jon, at her side.</p><p>She watched him for a few minutes longer, allowing the painkillers' numbing qualities to wear off a bit from sleep, leaving her with a pleasant floating feeling. Except she knew where she was going right now, unlike when she was asleep. Heavy footsteps broke her trance, her gaze darting to the flicker of the curtain into her little area of the recovery wing. "Rhae," she croaked.</p><p>Her throat hurt, from the breathing tube. Her abdomen felt like a thousand abdomens had run straight over it. She took in her brother's appearance, tired and smiling. "You don't remember do you?" he asked, frowning.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Ah, well...they brought you out in the recovery room, right after. He insisted on coming back to see you but he wasn't allowed to take Ghost." Rhae nodded to the two; Ghost was awake, red eyes gleaming up and his heavy white tail began to thumb. She smiled down at him, eager to get her fingers into his plush fur. "He's been here the entire time." Rhae set down a small cup of coffee on the tray table near him, continuing. "You can go home in an hour or so. I think they want to make sure you're fully awake and stuff."</p><p><em>The surgery.</em> She swallowed the dry, itchy patch in her throat, coughing softly. Rhae went over to the cup of water at the bedside and helped her drink. She coughed, swallowing it down and peered up, whispering. "How did you go?"</p><p>"I think Mel will come back, but seems good." Rhaegar smiled again, although now he was apologetic, beginning. "Dany, I..."</p><p>It made sense now. "You went to get him, didn't you?" The call Missandei said he got, texting and all, and then just leaving without a word. His appearance with Jon and Ghost. Her heart swelled, love for her big brother shining out. He didn't have to do that, but he did.</p><p>Rhaegar nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry I didn't say anything...I wasn't sure if it was going to happen and...I didn't want to tell you. He...he texted me last night...."</p><p>"Last night!?"</p><p>"Shh," he hushed, nodding to Jon, although he flinched, realizing that Jon couldn't hear them anyway. Ghost shot him an annoyed look. "Oh, yeah...sorry, um...he texted and said he was on the way. He didn't know you were going to be here...I guess Arya told him."</p><p>"I didn't want him to worry," she murmured. And they were keeping their distance from each other.</p><p>"Well, whatever it was, ikt kicked him into overdrive. Apparently he got the Stark jet to take him to Braavos, but he needed help when he got there. So I sent the company jet to collect him and make sure that everything went smoothly bringing Ghost into the country."</p><p>"Softie," she murmured, smiling.</p><p>He shrugged, although the teasing made his pale cheeks tinge pink briefly. He walked around the side of the bed, sliding his hand into hers, lightly squeezing. "Just tell me when the wedding is," he teased back. He grinned. "I really like him."</p><p>"So you have been talking to him," she confirmed. Rhaegar nodded, again abashed. She flinched, pain radiating up her side when she tried to hug him. He leaned down and carefully wrapped his arms around her upper half. "Thank you. I love you. I'm grateful."</p><p>Rhaegar kissed her head, whispering. "No more than one person back at a time apparently," he mumbled, trying to hide his tears. She let him go; too much emotion for him sometimes, she remembered, he tended to get odd about it. He let go of her hand and left, smirking as he flicked the curtain back again.</p><p>It might have been the movement, heavy footsteps, and Ghost shifting his weight on the floor, but Jon stirred, something waking him. He blinked a few times, adjusting to the light, and turned to face her. She signed, as best she could with tubes in her left hand. "How are you?"</p><p>He moved his arms from under the blanket, letting it fall to the floor. He sat up slightly and signed back. "I think that's my line."</p><p>"I'm fine, I think," she signed, meeting his gaze and lifting it when he stood, walking over to gaze down at her. He picked up her hands, kissing her knuckles. She spoke, knowing it was premature, but she had to get it out. "If this does not work I want to adopt. I will not know for some time, but...I think that is where I want to go."</p><p>It would be painful, she had seen Missandei's struggles, and she knew the risk associated. Except she wanted this desperately. All her love to give and she wanted to give it. To not be afraid. She created her family over the years and she would gladly add one more whether by her mother or from another.</p><p>Jon nodded. "I know," he said. He looked down at his boots, shifting. Experience told her he was thinking of something he was not sure he wanted to ask but he would likely do so anyway. He eventually gazed over at her, a pale red showing atop his cheeks, above his beard. "Do you...donors?"</p><p><em>Donors?</em> It took her a minute and then Jon rolled his eyes and made a squiggling motion with his fingers, eyes widening like he didn't want to say it out loud but also wasn't sure how to sign it properly. She laughed, realizing suddenly what he meant. She flushed. "Ah..." She reached for the side table, groaning in pain.</p><p>He handed her a pad of paper and pen. She scribbled out her response, turning it to him. <em>There's the same one from before. I have three remaining embryos. We will use them.</em></p><p>He shook his head and her eyebrows lifted. He pointed to himself. "Me," he said. "USe me."</p><p>Her jaw dropped. <em>What the...?</em> "Jon," she began, warning. She signed. "What do you mean?"</p><p>"I want to," he said, so she could understand. He took the paper and turned it over, writing fast. <em>Take my sperm.</em></p><p>She laughed. "That's romantic!"</p><p>He shrugged. "Direct," he said out loud, eyebrows lifting with his smirking smile. The smirk faded, replaced with an uncertain smile, the furrow of his brows. He touched his ear. "Cannot hear baby. Cry...first words..." He fumbled, trying to take her hand, but she was already reaching for him. He swallowed and his throat constricted, emotional. "That okay? With you?"</p><p>She cried and took his face to her hands, bringing him to hover over her. She pulled back enough so he could read her lips. "Is it okay with you?"</p><p>He swallowed again, nodding fast. "Now....it is. With you."</p><p>It made sense. He would not have done it with anyone else but her. Because she accepted him. All of him. Exactly as he was. She touched his fingers to her chest, the crepe paper gown falling over her shoulder so he could feel her skin, the bump of her ribs, the closest he could get to her heart. "Can you feel that?" she asked him.</p><p>He nodded. She nodded in unison. "Yes."</p><p>"That is what matters to me." He cocked his head, confused. She hoped she could say this right. She continued, making sure she enunciated properly, so he could understand, and the realization in his eyes told her he did. "You know my heart Jon SNow and you can hear my heart. That is what matters. Hearts, not ears."</p><p>The pain of the last few months dissipated, replaced with an understanding that would carry them through. They were stronger now. No more misunderstandings and no more mistrust and worry. He kissed her and she cupped his chin, keeping him there, even after he broke away. She edged to the side of the bed as best she could, and he took her cue, lowering the railing so he could join her.</p><p>He wrapped his arms around her and cradled her bruised body. He slipped a little lower and rested his ear over her chest, just under her shoulder, and closed his eyes. She covered his head with her hand and the other she took into hers, folding their fingers over her belly, holding tight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. interlude: the desperation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An interlude; Jon is faced with almost losing one of the only living souls closest to him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>**Peeks from behind rock** </p><p>I’m done with all the holiday fics (and then some) and am working hard on chapter 14 (the real one) but want to make sure everything is all together in the right timeline. I did this drabble in September before I posted the fic, but it is referenced in the next chapter. </p><p>It is a Jon POV, our first glimpse into his mindset. If you have already read it sorry to get your hopes up and if you haven’t...enjoy!</p><p>The “real” chapter 14 will be up soon!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</div><hr/><p> </p><p><br/>The world was closing in on him.</p><p> </p><p>It was a constant sensation in his life, one he had grown used to since he was seven-years old. Since that terrible day when he'd been playing with Robb, like nothing was wrong, and then he woke up in a hospital, with tubes and wires, his head exploding in pain, and...<em>silence</em>. Just nothing, nothing but vibrations when it was loud enough, nothing but humming when the frequency was just right.</p><p> </p><p>He spent over twenty years in that silent world, a world he'd created for himself, and part of that world entailed Ghost. Ghost was his counterpart, his equal, his shadow, and his heart and his soul. His entire world was courtesy of Ghost. Ghost let him know when someone was there, he saved him from stepping off the sidewalk without hearing the car coming around the corner...he was his ears, his eyes, and his entire life. Without Ghost he didn't know where he'd be.</p><p> </p><p>Ghost was his voice.</p><p> </p><p>Arya tried to get him to calm down, but it was no use. He dug his fingers into his scalp, tearing at his curls, yanking them free from the messy bun on the back of his head, and whimpered, like how he imagined his wolf felt. No, not imagine, he knew. His cousin held his wrists, her lips moving, gray eyes just like his wide and focused on him, and his brain processed what she was saying, but he didn't hear it. They were just words.</p><p> </p><p>She let go of his hands, signing furiously, like he didn't know what she was already saying. It didn't matter. "Where is she!?" he shouted, knowing in his heightened state what he said was probably unintelligible. He caught sight of the huge Suburban rolling up and raced towards it, panicked, not even waiting for the tires to squeal to a stop before he threw open the door and grabbed her hand, yanking her out of the cab.</p><p> </p><p>Silver hair flew around her face, her cheeks flushed, and she was dressed haphazardly. Arya had called her about thirty minutes ago. It took almost that long just to get from the front gate to the location in the depths of the sanctuary. He'd be impressed with her speed, if it weren't such dire circumstances. She was speaking to Arya, running with him, her bag slamming against her hip. He felt the pounding of his heart in his ears, the rush of his blood. Each foot on the ground anchored him to the present, the vibrations moving from his soles into his actual soul.</p><p> </p><p>They broke through the trees, to the clearing, where his heart lay on the ground, white fur damp and stained red. They always said that his eyes were bloody, but no one really knew, he supposed, what the real color of blood happened to be. It was crimson, so dark it was almost black, pumping from the gashes and wounds in his side. Ghost's eyes were red like rubies, like the glow of a sunset, not the hideous hue of the liquid leaving his body as fast as his body could generate it.</p><p> </p><p>His beautiful red eyes were closed, breathing labored, fighting with all the strength left in hi.m Jon didn't know what he would do if he lost him. He knelt to his companion's side, looking over at Daenerys as she began to work, pulling on gloves and instantly triaging. A finger darted out, guiding his chin up and he stared at her, watching her lips form the words clearly while her hand moved in unison.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, I'm here now."</p><p> </p><p>He nodded quickly, knowing that if anything would save his wolf, it would be her. He didn't sign his response; he didn't need to, just mouthed the words, not a whisper from him. "Thank you."</p><p> </p><p>In their language, the strange mix of sign, lip-reading, and gentle touches they'd perfected over the months together, he helped her stabilize him, get him onto the stretcher Arya and Gendry brought out, and into the back of the Suburban. He felt the vibrations from the siren in his head, wondering if it was even legal for her to have one when she wasn't a police officer, but he didn't care. He'd deal with it if they were stopped. it was Winterfell, everyone knew everyone. They understood what this meant.</p><p> </p><p>At the hospital he fell back, while she and her assistants ran in to work on him. Arya came up to him, tried to get him to come wash his hands, change out of his bloody shirt, but he didn't move. He replayed it all in his head, how they had even gotten to this point. The tracks in the snow, the worry he felt as one of his beloved wolves had already been injured-- Lady had been out wandering and she was too gentle.  He worried about her, she was too used to humans and other creatures, no doubt she thought the animal was friendly.</p><p> </p><p>A fully grown male grizzly bear early awakening from hibernation, hungry and still exhausted, confused, a single wolf would not be able to survive against it, but Lady had gotten away with a gash on her muzzle.  She would heal, it wasn’t serious. He went out with Ghost, to track the animal, to try to find it and figure its location, intent on calling the game wardens and having them come to relocate the animal somewhere else. Not in his sanctuary, for instance.</p><p> </p><p>And Ghost saved him.</p><p> </p><p>"She's a good doctor, Jon. He'll be fine."</p><p> </p><p>He signed the words, too tired to speak them. "He saved me."</p><p> </p><p>Arya clutched him, her tears wet on his cheek. She tapped the words into his hand, signing them even when he wasn't looking, but he knew. "He did what he was meant to do."</p><p> </p><p>Ghost saved him from a bear, but he saved him from despair and loneliness, and he gave him a voice when he had none to give.</p><p> </p><p>He did what he could, pushing it from his mind, and hours passed. Hours where he wondered if his heart would stop beating, if his breath would just suddenly cease, and he would die with his wolf. <em>What am I going to do?</em> he wondered.</p><p> </p><p>"Jon."</p><p> </p><p>The light touch on his shoulder jerked his head up, seeing her sign his name, her lips forming the words, and he knew. He lunged for her, tears hot on his cheeks, wracking sobs escaping his body, shaking him to his core. She clutched him, burying her face into his neck, kissing the pulse there. He pushed by her and ran into the room, and almost collapsed atop the white form lying on the bed, stark white bandages around his body, a tube helping him breathe, but the line on the computer monitor beside him beeping.</p><p> </p><p>Jon might not have been able to hear it, but he knew what those lines meant, and he verified them with his ear pressed to Ghost's chest, the steady thud lulling him into a trance.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Thud-thum. Thud-thum. Thud-thum.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He turned his face from his wolf's soft fur, kissing at his muzzle and crying, Dany behind him holding his shoulders steady as his body, exhausted and overwhelmed, just gave out, relieved. He didn't know how long he knelt there, or when someone moved him, but soon he was in his house with Dany, both of them frantic, adrenaline and need raging through them.</p><p> </p><p>They tore at each other's clothes, falling into each other, consumed with desperation to just feel alive. He knew the psychology of it, the reasons why when faced with death and chaos and possible loss, the human mind and body finally synced up with the single focus of wanting to fuck, to take and give to another person's body and mind, to remind itself there is still life, there is still feeling and love and passion, even when faced with ones own mortality. We aren't dead yet, was all it repeated.</p><p> </p><p>He collapsed beside her, his face buried in her chest, inhaling the slightly floral scent from her shampoo, the lavender of her body lotion, and the sweat and lingering antiseptic and coppery blood from the surgery room. His fingers sought hers, clenching, embracing over her heart.</p><p> </p><p>Jon might not be able to hear her voice-- one of the only things in his life he truly missed, truly wished he could go back in time and tell the little boy not to climb that tree, not to go dancing along the edge of the castle wall, and not to slip and fall trying to beat Robb. He could not hear her voice, but he could feel it, in the beating of her heart, in the steady thrum of her pulse, and the way her lips moved at his ear, the breath tickling. Her fingers sought out his, clenched tight, and she moved her hands in front of them, heads resting together on the same pillow.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm here now."</p><p><br/>He smiled, a rare sight only she got to see. He touched her lips, as she formed the words again, reassuring him, and he understood. He mouthed the words back: "I know." He then slipped his hand between them, covering her heart, and moved his fingers into the sign, the one she knew, that everyone in the world seemed to know, but for him was the hardest one of all. The only one he never used, in some ways never felt he would ever have need to use, but when Daenerys came into his life, it was the only one he felt he truly understood.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I love you.</em>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. the journey</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dany and Jon continue on their journey as a couple-- and hopefully parents--together.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is extremely self-indulgent.  It's everything I wanted for them in the show, but in the fic.  It's probably overdone, but I don't care.  This is also the last Dany POV.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>Six Months Later</em>
</p><p>"Lady, Lady, Lady, what have you been doing?" Dany tsked the beautiful wolf, who lay on the floor, thumping her tail happily, tongue lolling as she knelt down to greet her, using a handful of raw meat to distract while she inspected the red rash forming on Lady's neck. She shook her head, chuckling. "Been getting into things you shouldn't, hmm?"</p><p>Leaning against the window, Arya was texting, not bothering to look up. "She got into Sansa's fucking dressing room table or something, was rolling in makeup and powder and all kinds of really expensive stuff." She cackled. "You could hear the screams for miles around. I told her not to keep it out in the open. Lady is sweet, but stupid."</p><p>Dany clicked her tongue, rubbing Lady's ears. "You silly girl! You're not supposed to be getting into that!" She checked the rash again, shrugging at it. It wasn't too bad. "She's probably just reacting to whatever chemicals the makeup had, but it doesn't look too bad. I'll give her an oral steroid; she'll probably lick off anything topical. Should help the redness, itchiness, all that." She ruffled Lady's ears, chuckling. "And I know you don't want the Cone of Shame."</p><p>Lady woofed, agreeing. It also turned any dog into a megaphone, which for a wolf, probably wasn't the greatest. Most of Winterfell was still skittish around the Stark wolves anyway, regardless of how tame they actually were. Didn't need to make it worse by outfitting her with a speaker.</p><p>"Sounds good," Arya piped up from her spot. She scoffed. "Stupid Sansa, can't even pay attention when her giant wolf is nosing around in her room." She rolled her eyes, shoving her phone into her back pocket, crossing her arms over her chest. She chuckled at Lady, who walked over to nose her hand, possibly for more treats. "She liked Lady when she was a puppy and really small, now I think she's so big, she's just an annoyance. But if we even think of taking her to the sanctuary full time or putting her with Nymeria, she loses it. Says we're trying to 'out-Stark' her, like we know what that's supposed to mean."</p><p>"Probably just wants to be part of the family." As foul as Sansa could be, she understood what it was like to want to be close to someone, to be part of that connection. Dany opened up a cabinet and removed the steroid in question, going about prepping it. She knew Arya likely had other reasons for showing up at the office instead of just waiting for her to go out to the sanctuary.</p><p>And like any animal, you had to let them get comfortable before they were willing to open themselves up. Arya was no different from her wolves. She fussed about a few minutes, scratching Lady's back while Dany deftly slipped the needle into her haunch, the wolf momentarily startled by the prick, and then wagging her tail once it was over.</p><p>She patted the offended spot. "All done."</p><p>"How are things with you and Arsehole?"</p><p>That was pretty <em>not at all subtle</em>. She rolled her eyes. "Arsehole?"</p><p>Arya shrugged. "He's been a total toolbox the last few days, I wanted your take on why." She wagged her tongue and eyebrows. "You not putting out or something?"</p><p>"Arya!"</p><p>"What? Maybe he just needs to get laid."</p><p>She rolled her eyes, her turn now to be irritated. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the exam table, wrestling with telling Arya the full truth. It wasn't like she didn't know. By now, six months after she'd gone to Essos for her surgery, things had shifted, enough so that the ones closest to her and Jon were fully aware of them.</p><p>It had gone around town rather quickly, the vet moving in with the deaf wolf owner. It took a few months, her possessions slowly migrating from the apartment above the office to Jon's house— their house—until one morning Jon just asked her flat out if she wanted to move in. He had been very <em>Jon</em> about it all.</p><p>He was brushing his teeth, while she washed her face, side-by-side sinks, very domestic, and after he spit out the toothpaste, met her gaze in the mirror and signed: "Do you live here now? If not, you should." Then he turned around and walked out.</p><p>Dany raked her fingers through her hair, letting it fall out of the messy braid she'd tugged it into that morning, in a rush to get out and to the clinic in time for her first appointment. The distance between the house and the clinic had been the only thing she didn't much care for when it came to moving in with Jon. She began to rebraid her hair, quietly speaking to Arya. "It's just been hard, the last few months."</p><p>"I know," Arya murmured.</p><p>They were referring to Ghost's attack, the terrifying moment when they thought that all would be lost. She had been more scared than any moment in her life combined, focusing on every ounce of training in her bones, healing the animal that gave her loved one his voice. Without him, Jon could not speak, and with everything else in their life, losing Ghost was not an option.</p><p>Thank the gods that had not happened, he was recovering well, still weak and slow, but healing. So was Jon, his heart having been ripped from his body at the sight of his beloved companion bleeding in the snow and lying in the operating room while she stitched him together. They had been through too much to let it get to them, but it had been exhausting.</p><p>Six months of constant upheaval, they were still there. She figured Jon was allowed a few days to be an arsehole, even if it pissed off Arya. "I told him I didn't want to do another round yet," she mumbled, digging her toe into a groove in the tile. It was aged, desperately needing replacing, just another thing on her 'to do' list.</p><p>Coat rustling, Arya moved back from the window, and went over to stand next to her, lightly touching her hand. "I'm sorry," she mumbled.</p><p>"It is what it is, you know?" The surgery had been successful, Mel said, removing scar tissue and other adhesions, and so with the first round they hoped it would take, but she was prepared for the worst. It hadn't, which had been devastating for them both.</p><p>She blamed herself for getting Jon's hopes up too. He was all in; from the moment he'd appeared in that hospital hallway to the way he'd 'artfully' proposed he'd be her donor. They didn't speak much about another round, until two months later, and that hadn't worked. This time she was saving up for a third go, knowing Jon could afford it but not wanting his trust fund to be depleted because her stupid body couldn't do the one thing that it should do as a female.</p><p>Arya quirked her lip. "It just isn't time. Ghost's attack, moving in together...perhaps it's for the best right now."</p><p>"Yeah, I tell myself that too." They didn't bother to prevent it, didn't stop, but she was growing weary of 'scheduling' their lovemaking to when it was most conducive to pregnancy. She chewed her bottom lip, thinking of the box that was in her bag, waiting for when she went home, just in case. She was late. <em>Maybe this time....</em></p><p>She didn't want to tell Arya just yet. She didn't even want to tell Jon. Sometimes she didn't even want to tell herself. It was a constant struggle. She chewed on her bottom lip a moment and then forced a smile, when Arya gave her a furrowed frown. "I'm fine," she lied.</p><p>"Uh-huh."</p><p>Of course Arya would not believe her. She was so protective. It was a blessing and a curse. She patted her hand, reassuring. "Seriously. Things will be fine. We're also getting used to things."</p><p>"Like what? Can I help? Gendry moving in with me was the weirdest thing ever. I thought I knew all his strange habits but then..." Arya shuddered. "Men."</p><p>Dany laughed. She shrugged and knelt down to pet Lady, needing something to do with her hands. "Oh just all kinds of things. I had to get a sleep mask for his light alarm. Learning how to approach him so I don't scare him. Sometimes the silence can be a lot. I don't watch much TV but it's odd with nothing in the background now and then."</p><p>"He doesn't care about that, you know."</p><p>"I know, but I do." There were also the flashing lights on the microwave, the oven, and some other assistive devices she hadn't realized were even there until she moved in. Strobe lights in place of smoke and carbon monoxide detectors. Red blinking light over the door if someone was there, motion detected. There was also a vibrating device in the bed, she'd discovered, that could be hooked up to alarms to wake him, but he didn't use it.</p><p>"Freaks me out sometimes," he signed, when she asked why not. He smiled lecherously. "But we can find an alternative use for it."</p><p>Jon, always the resourceful one.</p><p>She clipped Lady's leash to her harness, standing and passing it over to Arya. "Then there's just the weird habits. You're right, men are weird."</p><p>"Jon has to be the weirdest."</p><p>"I don't know about that, but he does have some quirks." He hated laundry, waited way too long to do it, and it drove her insane. There was also the way he sometimes 'pretended' not to hear when she knew damn well, he'd seen her signing, feigning surprise when she asked why he wasn't 'listening.' Usually when it was related to chores. Otherwise they had settled into a routine.</p><p>Arya walked out of the room with her, allowing Lady to lead the way to the door. "Well if you ever need a drink, let me know. Tormund misses you."</p><p>"I know, I have to stop by and see him."</p><p>"Rickon also says he wrote a song about you, he wants to send it to you, but needs your email." Arya rolled her eyes. "I shudder to think what he says in it."</p><p>Dany laughed. She liked Rickon and it seemed Rhaegar did as well. He had connections to the music industry in Essos and was looking into getting Rickon’s band a few gigs. "I'll let Rhae know."</p><p>"Your hottie brother is so weird."</p><p>"Ew! He is not a hottie!"</p><p>Arya shrugged. "Sansa has a crush on him, don't tell her I told you that."</p><p>Dany pretended to gag, opening the door for Arya and Lady. She gestured for her to leave, with a flourish. "And with that, I bid you farewell. I also need to burn out my eyes, because my brother is not hot." Annoying and melancholy, yes. Hot? No way.</p><p>"Whatever. I think he's hot."</p><p>"Arya!" She made a face, sticking out her tongue. "Well, then let me tell you that your cousin is super-hot and kept me up all night long last night with his..."</p><p>"Ew! Shut up!" Arya slapped her hands over her ears, closing her eyes tight. "La, la, la, la!"</p><p>She smirked. "Two can play that game."</p><p>"Goodbye bitch."</p><p>"Later." She made another face and waved, Lady hopping off excitedly towards the truck. She leaned against the door frame a moment longer, watching Arya drive away. It was nice to have someone close. Someone to joke with when things got tough. Her friendship with Arya had been a constant for her to rely on during her time in the North, even during those hard times with Jon. Missandei was so far away. Even if Dany was still <em>trying</em> to convince her to move there, her best friend hadn't budged, citing the cold was too much for her.</p><p>After a few minutes, she closed the door and flicked the sign, closing up for the Friday afternoon. Gilly had already left, to go deal with some sort of school drama involving her sons. Dany finished up and did some paperwork, trying to distract herself from what lay ahead at home.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It was wrong of her and she knew it.</p><p>Dany entered the house, her stomach sinking to her feet at the sight of Jon's Jeep in the drive. He was probably working on stuff for the university. He'd taken on another class, to earn more money since their IVF treatments were sapping their savings. She found it kind of funny in a darkly comic way. Between their trusts they had a lot and she kept saving either way, just in case it all disappeared—there were things they needed for the clinic and the sanctuary that came first—and then they'd use up all the money in their trusts for medical treatments to get pregnant but have no money for when the actual baby came around.</p><p>The universe had a cruel sense of humor.</p><p>She entered the house, noting that Ghost wasn't in the kitchen or living room, probably with him in the study. Shadow popped up when he caught sight of her, wagging his tail. He'd been a good boy, helping out when he could while Ghost recovered.</p><p>Deaf leading the deaf, Jon joked, when she suggested he use Shadow as his guide while Ghost healed from the bear attack. Shadow had all the heart needed to be a guide, but unfortunately lacked the very necessary quality of a guide dog—hearing. He did what he could, providing the emotional support she knew Jon needed, especially while Ghost healed. Poor Ghost though, he wanted nothing more than to get better, sometimes she had to reign him back in, so he didn't overdo himself.</p><p>Holding up her hand, she stilled Shadow from making too much noise to alert Ghost, who would then let Jon know she was home. She wanted to keep this to herself for now. <em>just in case.</em></p><p>Dany greeted Shadow with a kiss to his head, patting her knee to request he follow her. He got up and trotted with her, such a good boy, grown up and a far cry from that tiny little runt who needed Jon's body heat to stay warm. She heard typing in the other room, walking by the stairs, and stilled, listening a moment to see if Jon sensed she was there.</p><p>For a moment, she listened to the typing, and then a frustrated growl. She chuckled, wondering if he was working on something for the dean. Her grumpy wolf really hated the administrative politics that came with being an adjunct sometimes. She hurried up the stairs and into their bedroom, going to her side of the closet and rummaging under a bunch of scarves where she'd hidden the item earlier that week. <em>Out of sight, out of mind.</em></p><p>As it had been over five days since she should have gotten her period, she thought it was a good enough time to try. Her fingers closed around the box, her heart stilling. "Please," she whispered, eyes tight. She inhaled deeply and exhaled through her nostrils, whispering again. "Please let it be true."</p><p>Two rounds of IVF had resulted in nothing. She hated the needles, the hormones, the insanity that went with it all. She'd done it before and there was a reason she gave up. This time though, she had someone with her to cry into when it failed. Maybe that's what gave her that shining beacon of hope she didn't have after the first round in Essos failed, after she decided to say fuck it all and come to the North.</p><p>Again, fate with its weird sense of humor, bringing her right into a collision course with one Jon fucking Snow.</p><p>She knew it was awkward and weird for him too. As painful as it was for her to go in and have them poke and prod her, Mel had been in a way worse with him. "Lovely," she'd commented, upon inspecting his 'donation' the first time. "Perfectly competent, if anything, quite eager. The light is strong with this sperm."</p><p>He'd almost died when she mortifyingly translated it to him in sign. She'd barely been able to get it out through stifled laughter and red-faced juvenile embarrassment.</p><p>They hadn't spoken about when to stop. They would need to talk about it soon, but Dany couldn't bring herself to truly focus on that day. She closed her eyes, sent another wish to the universe, and went into the bathroom, not bothering to check the instructions. She knew them all by heart now, finishing up and setting the test on the counter. While she waited for it, she studied her reflection.</p><p>She was tired.</p><p>It wasn't just the failed IVF, the flights to visit Mel in Essos, or even Ghost's attack. It was just a lot. Her life had upended itself in more ways than she could possibly have imagined when she decided to take on Jorah's offer to come North. It was supposed to be an escape. It had become a fresh start.</p><p>Dark circles ringed her eyes, the violet standing out brighter, oddly enough. She rubbed her cheekbone, willing away the fatigue bruises, but it served to darken them. "Damn," she mumbled, pushing her fingers over and through her hair. Some of the braids from that morning had unraveled, courtesy of the long surgery she'd been in that morning with one of the Mormont's dogs.</p><p>They needed a break, she thought, closing her eyes momentarily. Maybe they could go somewhere. Beyond the Wall or down to Dorne. Rhaegar was up her butt about visiting him on Dragonstone, especially since it was coming up on winter in the North again and didn’t, she want to get some warmth? It didn't cool off on Dragonstone until at least February. She kind of agreed with him there.</p><p>She would bring it up with Jon.</p><p>After a time, she finally dragged her eyes down to the test in her hands, realizing she'd been gripping it so tightly her knuckles were white. "Please," she whispered one more time and turned it over.</p><p>One line.</p><p>
  <em>Negative.</em>
</p><p>The sob came out before she could stop it. She swallowed back the rest, drawing in her breath so hard her lungs strained with the effort, holding in the oxygen before she gasped it out, unable to hold it longer than a few seconds. She dropped the test, forgetting it completely, and walked out of the bedroom.</p><p>To find Jon standing in the door, watching her. She blinked at him, falling against the doorframe of the bathroom. He furrowed his brow, arms crossed, the wolves flanking him, a sentinel guarding her from the world beyond the door. She could stay in their room forever if she wanted, curling up in one of the chairs or the center of the bed, and stare out the big windows at the forest surrounding them. Wallow away if she wanted.</p><p>He didn't ask her what she was doing, when she collapsed onto the bed, her head in her hands, stifling sobs. It didn't do any good to cry. It was just a negative test. Every month she learned one way or another. This time she was late, she thought maybe...but no. Soon enough her body would casually tell her "nope, no baby."</p><p>"I don't know why I got my hopes up," she signed, when he came over to sit beside her.</p><p>He kissed her temple and moved his arms so he could sign quickly. "You always get your hopes up. If you don't, then you don't care, and that's not how you feel."</p><p>She shook her head. "We didn't do anything; it would have been natural."</p><p>"Maybe it can be. Soon."</p><p>He tugged her into his arms and leaned against the headboard. She curled up against his chest, listening to his heart. It reminded her that she had him this time. Her fingers tightened in his shirt, gripping hard. He brushed his lips against her forehead, and she felt his finger tracing in her palm, a way they communicated sometimes when neither wanted to look up or were too tired to sign.</p><p>
  <em>I L U</em>
</p><p>She smiled and lifted her face, cupping his chin and bringing his lips to hers in a soft kiss. "I love you too," she mouthed, his gray eyes dark and focused on her lips. She smiled again, the tears leaking out the corners of her eyes before she could stop them. She had him, that was the difference right now.</p><p>They were in this together, but for how long?</p><p>He gathered her tighter against him, the wolves hopping up to lay on either side. Shadow whimpered, head on her knees, tail thumping. She moved forward a bit to rub his head. He had gotten so big. He was a year old and like Ghost, who had been the runt of his litter, he was larger than any of his siblings, who sometimes popped up here and there in the sanctuary when Jon was on his rounds.</p><p>She ruffled his ears, kissing between his eyes, which screwed together to following her as she leaned into him. She laughed, heartwarming at her beloved wolf's sweetness, his love for her. "You're my sweet boy Shadow. I love you too."</p><p>Tail thumping, he might not have heard her, but he sensed better than almost any animal she'd ever met. Except perhaps Ghost, who licked her hand, his head on Jon's legs, comforting him too. She fell back to Jon's chest, his arms wrapping around her again, squeezing and keeping her steady.</p><p>She sniffed, wiping idly at the tears. Jon kissed her temple and nodded, gesturing towards the door. he signed, "Come on, let's go for a drive....walk...something."</p><p>Anything to distract, he might as well have said. She nodded. She needed away right now. It was still a nice day; the sun hadn't begun to set as early as it would in the winter. She changed out of her scrubs, into workout pants, boots, and a long-sleeved half-zip workout top. She let Shadow lead her downstairs, his earnest dark eyes darting back up to her every few steps, until he was satisfied, she was safe in the car.</p><p>They drove in the silence she'd become accustomed to in cars, preferring Jon pay attention instead of trying to sign things to her. She idly rubbed at Shadow's head, her wolf pushing through the seats to put his muzzle on the console. She chuckled; she hadn't seen any of the dragons when she came home, no doubt they were sulking because she hadn't been able to play with them much. They didn't like sharing her with Shadow.</p><p>Jon took one of the side entrances into the sanctuary; he knew where they were going, so she let him drive. His Jeep didn't get as far in as his work truck did on the rough, uneven roads throughout the massive acreage of the sanctuary. He took a couple of turns here and there, until finally stopping in front of one of the gates.</p><p>He nodded and she followed, the wolves jumping out, Ghost a little gingerly. He huffed when she helped him get down. "I know, you're a tough guy," she chided him, his red eyes rolling up to pout at her . "But you need to be careful."</p><p>Shadow nipped at Ghost's ankles, as if to say, "Told you!" and the older wolf bared his teeth, warning.</p><p>"Shadow," she warned, using the sign for him, his tail wagging hard when he saw it. She used the red laser pointer to catch his attention when he tried to run off without them. He knew better than to run away and he came back to her side, well trained and focused.</p><p>She gazed around the area he'd brought them to, somewhere to the far north of the sanctuary's land. It was unfamiliar, she wondered which pack roamed this area. "Is Shaggydog around?" she signed, when Jon opened up the gate, the wolves loping in when he gestured for them.</p><p>He shook his head, signing. "He's in area C right now." He consulted his phone, nodding in confirmation. "Area C."</p><p>"Heart rate?"</p><p>"Good."</p><p>Shaggydog had recovered from his surgery and treatment for his brain tumor, but she still worried about him. He wasn't near as aggressive as he had been, his sight no longer disappearing on him. He still only truly responded to Rickon, but to everyone's surprise, as Dany dealt with him through his treatment, he adapted to her, preferring her if he couldn't have Rickon. He was well enough to be on his own in the sanctuary, but she still worried over him from time to time. She knew Rickon did too.</p><p>Her heart still ached for Grey Wind, lifting her face up to the sky, eyes fluttering shut when a cloud shifted, warm sunlight casting down on her. <em>I miss you,</em> she thought, wondering if maybe that was him, looking down on them from wherever he was, running pain free and happy, forever young.</p><p>"Come on."</p><p>"Mr. Impatient," she teased, at Jon's insistent call. He rarely spoke around her now, as she had become quite fluent in WSL. Only when he was really engaged or wanted her to know something. She walked over to him and leaned into his side, arms around his narrow waist tight and he draped his around her shoulders, walking together through the woods.</p><p>He picked through the brush, Ghost at his side, and Shadow darting ahead. They sensed where he was going, which was enough, she supposed. She let go of him and instead took his hand, threading their fingers together in tight embrace.</p><p>Idly, he swung their joined hands together. She noted that he'd taken a blanket out of the car, had it tossed over his shoulder. She exhaled hard, the pain a dull ache now in her chest. No baby. Again.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe one day.</em>
</p><p>"How long, Jon?" she asked, catching his attention, signing it out.</p><p>He shrugged, not signing. "How long what?" he asked.</p><p>"How long do we keep doing this? The hormones, the IVF, the scheduling..." she let her fingers fall, trailing off her thoughts.</p><p>It was his turn to exhale, pain flickering across his features. "I don't know," he admitted. He led her to the edge of the thick grove of trees they'd been marching through along a meadow that sloped down towards a stream and then to another stretch of Wolfswood. It was pretty, the sun warming the verdant grass. She sank down onto the blanket when he tossed it down, rolling her eyes at how he just threw it, while she actually spread it out nicely.</p><p>He sank down next to her and leaned back on his elbows, kicking off his boots. She did the same and mimicked his pose. They might as well be at the beach, she chuckled, closing her eyes again. The beach for Northerners, a meadow in the woods. She knocked her foot against his. he knocked his back. She smiled, pushing harder against his foot, and then he laughed, rolling to pin her back into the blanket.</p><p>It hurt sometimes to laugh, because there were times where she didn't think she should. Except it did make things better. It wasn't going to change the fact that she wasn't pregnant. That the negative pregnancy test currently in the trash was the third one she'd taken after getting her hopes up, ultimately for them to be dashed.</p><p>She giggled, his beard tickling her neck, lips blowing raspberries over the exposed skin as he lowered his mouth from her neck to the open vee of her shirt and his fingers pushing up at the shirt hem, revealing her belly, carrying on with his childish behavior. "Stop," she giggled, kicking her feet up around him, arching against him and digging her fingers into his hair, knotting dark curls around her fingers.</p><p>Their eyes met, his smile fading, and he peered up, hands folding just under her breasts, her belly still exposed and his chin now resting above her navel. He spoke, his voice rumbling through her. "I will do all you want. All times."</p><p>She translated it—<em>he would keep going as long as she wanted</em>. Her tears fell hot down her cheeks to the blanket. She nodded and swallowed hard, meeting his gaze again. "I love you," she said., dusting fingertips along his beard, cupping the back of his head. She hiccupped and kept her face on him as he sat back on his haunches and tugged at his jacket, throwing it and his t-shirt aside.</p><p>With her elbows propped under her, she sat up slightly, watching his eyes smolder. She tugged her bottom lip under her teeth, breath hitching in her throat when he unbuckled his belt and lowered the zipper, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. She lifted her legs and he pulled at her pants, removing the leggings with ease. She did not move, but kept her eyes locked onto his, when he knelt down and pushed her knees aside. She gasped, his fingers slipping under her shirt, pushing at it again. She fell from her elbows, arms pulling up when he removed the shirt. Her breasts spilled out of her bra from the movement and he knelt down, kissing featherlight from her jaw across her chest and down to lave attention to each one, fondling the other while he worked. She moaned softly, hands stretching along his warm, smooth back, his heavy weight pressing her deeper into the blanket.</p><p>It was easy now, both of them in tune with each other’s bodies, wants, and needs. They reacted accordingly, each kiss and stroke stoking fire inside of them. She arched her back, needing him closer to her. He moved away to kiss down her flat belly, resting a moment just under her navel. She screwed her eyes up tighter, forcing herself not to think about it. He did the same. Pressed a gentle kiss to the soft skin above her panties and peeled them off with the same easy he’d done her leggings.</p><p>She propped herself back up, hair cascading over her shoulder, watching him, his black eyes meeting hers, smiling darkly as he settled in to do his favorite thing—one of her favorite things well not that she would admit it publicly—except she wanted him now. She shook her head, mouthing the words. “No, I want you. All of you.”</p><p>There was a simple biology to certain actions, she knew as a scientist at heart. After learning of death, sometimes people wanted to make love, to feel the heartbeat and touch of another person. The brain wanted reminding that it was alive. What better way to remind yourself you were alive than a good fuck? It was like that with her. Each bad news they got, she wanted him inside of her, as close as he could get, the two of them in tandem. It reminded her they were in this thing as one.</p><p>He understood and nodded, rising above her. She nudged his jeans and briefs over his narrow hips, taking two handfuls of his arse. It made her smile, when he laughed, kissing her hard and she smiled in return. She wrapped her hands around his cock, pumping gently, slowly, teasing him against her entrance, which was slickening for him as his hand worked with the same languid strokes, his thumb circling her clit. She gasped against his mouth, toes curling into the blanket, knees rising automatically to bring him flush to her.</p><p>Their skin grew heated, from the twisting movements against each other and from the warm sunglow blanketing them. She panted, losing control, desperate. “Jon,” she gasped, keening, hips rolling. “Now.”</p><p>He didn’t have to hear her, knew her touch and movements by heart, and he kept stroking, teasing and touching, until she couldn’t take any more, trying to get her hand between them again. He lightly pushed it away but stopped his touch. The emptiness without his fingers drew a high whine out of her throat. It caught, strangling her, when he pushed easily into her, his fingertips branding into her hipbones, pressing her hard into the blanket.</p><p>They stilled, waiting a moment. She touched his face, breathing deep, hearing his gasps, his heart racing against hers. They met each other’s gaze and smiled. He kissed her, while she pushed up against him, encouraging his movements. They moved together, practiced, steady. Long, slow strokes, hips rolling almost lazily to the other. “Jon,” she repeated, panting, sobbing, as his gasps grew louder and more ragged, head pressed to her shoulder. She dug her nails into his shoulders, losing control, blood rushing through her, colors blending behind her closed eyelids.</p><p>“Dany,” he managed to get out, when his strokes grew less measured and steady, harder and faster, erratic, as his tether to reality broke. She squeezed his hand, foreheads together. She nodded hard, knowing, and finally felt it let go within her. Muscles tensing, crying out, she came, hurtling over the peak, squeezing her body around him, thighs tight against his hips.</p><p>A few more strokes, hard, fast, and almost punishing, he let go, burying to the hilt, and crying out, coming hard into her. <em>Please</em>, she thought briefly. She did not finish the thought. If it took, it took.</p><p>Heart continuing to race, Dany barely heard something Jon said, his volume so low and unpitched it almost didn't register. She blinked, coming back into herself, eyeing sideways, his eyes closed, and hair pushed askew from his face, temples damp from sweat. She turned and kept her face on the blanket, silently questioning when he finally glanced at her again.</p><p>"Marry me."</p><p><em>That I heard.</em> No question about it. For that matter, he rolled onto his stomach and folded his arms under his chin so he could look at her straight on, saying the words again. "Marry me." And then he sat up and rummaged in his jeans pocket, taking out a folded square of black fabric.</p><p>The fabric gave way, revealing a stunning twisted platinum band, a sapphire in the center, diamonds flanking it. It resembled a flower, she thought, at the silver etchings and setting, like leaves holding up the sapphire petals.</p><p>She gasped, covering her mouth with her fingers, sitting up. It felt odd to be naked, lying outside, and have such an important life-determining question asked of her.</p><p>
  <em>Typical Jon.</em>
</p><p>He tugged his jeans back up and she pulled his shirt on, not breaking eye-contact with him. The ring was something from another time, shimmering from all angles, no matter how the light touched it, it never seemed to reflect the same way twice. It was cool in her fingers, passed over to her, allowing his hands free.</p><p>Jon took his hands, the right over the left, clasping them together, and then took his right index finger, pointing to his heart. He was nervous, bottom lip tugged under his top teeth, gray eyes intense, faint worry lines threading from the corners. He repeated it and then quickly flicked his fingers into the alphabet, in case she didn't understand.</p><p>She did.</p><p>She also heard him and there was no denying what he'd asked. Tears welled up, held back by her willpower not to completely break down in front of him. "Jon," she gasped, clutching the ring, branding its outline into her palm.</p><p>A fraction of her mind judged it too fast. Only a year and most of that they were not even together, or they were struggling with each other's pasts and presents. Sometimes they could not even communicate—that was a poor excuse, they communicated better than couples who actually could both speak. They were strained with the baby—or lack thereof. The lingering pain of losing Grey Wind, Shaggydog's illness, and Ghost's attack.</p><p>Honestly there was excuse atop excuse, if that's how she wanted to be. She didn't. Not now. No more excuses, no more arguments, and no more secrets between them.</p><p>He waited, scared. Jon Snow was rarely if ever scared.</p><p>They could argue over why now. Was it the negative test? Maybe. Did it matter? No.</p><p>She lifted her fingers and spelled her answer. Y-E-S.</p><p>Jon gasped, relieved, and laughed, reaching for her. She clutched him, her hands in fists on his back, sobbing into his shoulder. "I love you," she mouthed against his neck, her heart lifting into her throat when he pulled away and took the ring, slipping it easily onto her left hand. She repeated the words, her nails lightly scraping down his beard, a comforting action for them both. "I love you."</p><p>He smiled; he never tired of those words, she knew, because he rarely ever had heard them before. He squeezed her fingers tight, the ring shining up, and glanced down at it, bringing her attention back towards it. He spoke out loud, owing to the importance of the moment. "My mom. My mom's ring."</p><p><em>Oh Jon.</em> She swallowed back her gasp, instead closing her eyes tight, tears still spilling out, and nodded again. "Thank you," she signed, hand tilting forward from her lips, mouthing it as well.</p><p>He cupped her face in his hands, thumb brushing across her cheekbones, tears trickling away, and touched his forehead to hers, noses brushing, and spoke again. "Wanted to do for long time. Now. Now just...wanted to."</p><p>When he became overcome, his words stuttered, broken apart in his mind as he tried to bring sign and verbal speak together. It made her understand the gravity of the situation even before, and she said nothing, nor did she break away from him, and instead moved closer, holding him tight.</p><p>Movement caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. She saw Ghost and Shadow wander back from wherever they'd gone and then there was more. Her mouth fell open slightly, continually stunned at how it just <em>happened</em> like this. At the edge of the clearing, several wolves appeared, watching.</p><p>They might have been drawn by the sounds or the movement. Maybe even the scent of Ghost or Shadow. There was a perfectly scientific reason, she was sure. She didn't like that answer though, because the other was that they wanted to be there for Jon. Their alpha had formed his pack and they wanted to be there to see it. She pulled back slightly and pointed, Jon turning his head to see. He smiled briefly, hand lifting, signaling to them.</p><p>Several wolves emerged completely and wandered over, each one a unique blend of coloring. Grey, white, black, brown, and russet. They settled around, some watching carefully and others approaching with more comfort. She settled back and watched Jon stand up and go over to them, ruffling their ears, signing to them, and eventually crouching as they approached.</p><p>A memory flashed, the first time she'd seen him with them. Sitting in a clearing, eyes closed, the wolves drawn to him. He calmed them. They calmed him.</p><p>Shadow nuzzled her hand, pushing his head underneath to request scratches. She obliged, her gaze never breaking from the beautiful sight in front of her. "I love him," she whispered to Shadow. She smiled at him and glanced at Jon again. She shook her head, whispering. "And the wolves come with him."</p><p>He was one of them, she thought, watching as he stretched out on the grass again, a smile on his lips, as one of the wolves walked up and licked his face, another yipping and another biting at his heels. Dany grinned, jumping to her feet and buttoned up his shirt, running barefoot across the grass and collided with him, jumping into his arms.</p><p>And the wolves danced.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>A sign language wedding was something Dany had never imagined for herself, the very few times in her life she'd ever let herself think she might get married. She didn't even think she'd thought of an Old Gods ceremony either, at night, under the stars and moon, at the base of a weirwood tree.</p><p>She fussed with her dress, Missandei behind her and finishing off lint-rolling black spikes from Shadow's fur on the skirt. "How does it look?" she fretted, turning back and forth in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirror. She felt ill; nothing had ever gone according to plan in just about anything to do with her and Jon's relationship.</p><p>Why should their wedding be any different?</p><p>"Is Rhaegar here?"</p><p>"He's got his harp out, he's already crying."</p><p>"And Viserys hasn't done anything abominable yet?" The fact that their middle sibling had deigned to show up was something in and of itself. Dany wondered if Rhaegar threatened to withhold some of his trust money.</p><p>Missandei chuckled. "He's flirting with Sansa, but beyond that..."</p><p>"Oh gods!" Now she really was going to be sick. The idea of Sansa and Viserys...she closed her eyes and pressed her hands to her belly. The antique wedding dress had been a discovery in a tiny shop in downtown Torrhen Square, a beautiful white coat-dress with a high-neck, which she'd paired with a pair of white boots and a dove gray underdress, the coat patterned and stitched in such a way it made her think of dragon scales.</p><p>She glanced at her three dragons, who had spent the night at Winterfell with them, although they likely would have preferred to have stayed behind in the house. Viserion yawned, digging his claws into the top of her suitcase, Drogon and Rhaegal scowling from the top of the dresser. "You need to behave," she warned them. "Be nice for Auntie Arya."</p><p>Only Viserion responded, yowling again. He no doubt was pleased he'd get to spend time with his Uncle Gendry. She smiled and glanced at Missandei, who smoothed her hands down the coat's shoulders, squeezing her upper arms. "You're beautiful Dany. You look like a queen."</p><p>It was her wedding day, she thought maybe she should look like a queen, although right now she felt a little sick. She didn't know why she was nervous. It was a big day. Lots of personalities were going to be around and in orbit of each other. Collisions and explosions might occur.</p><p>She rolled her eyes at the screeching of some sort of instrument from outside; Rhaegar's harp no doubt. "Thankfully Jon doesn't have to hear that," she tsked. She snapped her fingers, eyes wide. "he's got my ring, right?"</p><p>Missandei nodded, slipping on her coat. "Yes, he's got the rings, I gave them to Arya. She's the best man...best woman, I suppose."</p><p>"Alright." Dany closed her eyes and smoothed her fingers again over her belly, nodding smartly. She accepted the small bouquet of blue winter roses from Missandei and grinned. "Let's go."</p><p>They left the room, with a few last-minute kisses to her dragons, and made their way outside and across to the entrance to the godswood. It had been a very long day of <em>waiting</em>. Dany understood why the ceremony was done at night, but at the same time, she was excited and nervous and wanted nothing more than to see her husband.</p><p>Outside of the godswood, Gendry was waiting, grinning at her. He kissed her cheek, looking resplendent in a black suit. "You look beautiful Daenerys. I'll let them know."</p><p>"Alright." She swallowed hard and nudged Missandei, who kissed her cheek, whispering how much she loved her and then the music changed, the pretty harp changing to something different, not as sad as it had been, hopeful and beautiful. It made her think of stars. She closed her eyes and took another deep breath, slowly walking down the path laid forth, scattered with blue rose petals.</p><p>She emerged around the thicket of bushes and trees into the godswood, seeing everyone from their small guest list standing, waiting with grins and in Rhaegar's case—tears. He was sniffling as he plucked on his harp, seated nearby, fingers moving easily across the strings. Viserys gave her a tiny smile, not comfortable with being in the family gatherings, and she returned it. <em>Maybe soon we will be close</em>, but soon was still a far ways off.</p><p>Robb and his family stood next to Rickon, Bran in his chair, and even Sansa. The wolves were all brushed and washed, Rickon keeping a tight grip on Shaggydog's lead. Summer wore a huge floppy black bow tie and Lady had on a bright blue one around her collar. Nymeria stood near Arya, at the end of the aisle, since she'd be performing the ceremony.</p><p>There were a few others. Davos, his wife, and Shireen. Missandei's husband Grey, the Mormonts including Jorah, and then of course Shadow, who bounded up to join her and lead her down the aisle. He had on a big white bow, to match her dress.</p><p>And at the very end, under the red leaves, with candlelight glimmering across his pale face, stood Jon. In all black, hands folded in front of him, he smiled, waiting patiently for her. Ghost at his side, listening and focused, red eyes matching the laughing face on the tree behind them.</p><p>Dany grinned and came to a stop, the music tinkling away, unable to break her gaze from Jon's. It seemed he felt the same, his eyes wide, mouth fallen open slightly. He pulled his lips back into a wide grin, eyes crinkling, light and merry. It was the happiest she'd probably seen him since the day she met him.</p><p>He lifted his hands and signed: "You look beautiful."</p><p>Missandei popped over, took her flowers, so she could sign back: "Thank you."</p><p>Shadow stood at her side, Ghost at his, when Arya called out, signing at the same time, "Who comes before the Old Gods this night?"</p><p>Dany signed, while a loud, booming voice translated—courtesy of Tormund, who was grinning so wide his face might have split into two, their unofficial translator for the event. "I, Daenerys Targaryen, comes here to be wed. I come to beg the blessing of the gods, who comes to be my husband?"</p><p>It was a different version of the traditional vows. Jon said he would not hear of her saying the words that she belonged to him or that he would claim her. Which was fine, because Dany had no interest in saying them. Jon swallowed hard and his nerves showed, fingers slightly trembling when he signed, Tormund translating. "I, Jon Snow, come to be her husband."</p><p>Arya piped up. "Who gives you away?"</p><p>Off to the side, Rhaegar stood and approached, taking her hand gingerly, patting it and beaming down at her. She smiled up at him, squeezing his fingers. Initially she planned to give herself away, but the idea of Rhaegar being part of the ceremony appealed to her. He'd become a strange part of her life now and he'd helped bring her and Jon together. He kissed her temple and turned, speaking, while Arya signed for Jon. "I, Rhaegar Targaryen, her brother, come to give her away."</p><p>She moved away from Rhaegar and to Jon, Shadow moving in unison at her side. Her fingers lifted up and she signed, their addition to the traditional ceremony. "I came to the North to escape, to be alone, but instead I found you and I was no longer alone. You became my family and you healed me. Even when I did not know I needed to be healed. You showed me how to love without speaking and that family is not just those of your same blood." She smiled wider, tears falling freely down her face, and signed, her most favorite sign of all. <em>I love you.</em></p><p>A fan of the sign, Shadow barked, causing everyone to laugh, and Ghost to shoot him a silent, perturbed look. Jon laughed too, unabashed, and he lifted his fingers up, signing so quickly Tormund had to step closer so he could see to translate, and Arya had to occasionally provide the commentary.</p><p>"I met you and you were rude," Arya piped up, rolling her eyes at that, while Dany laughed, because they all knew it was Jon who had been the rude one. "And I wondered who this person was ignoring everything you shouldn't do with someone who is deaf. You made me smile. Even if you didn't see it." Even Arya choked up at that, clearing her throat and hurrying beyond the show of emotion. "The wolves love you. Ghost loves you. I love you."</p><p>After a long moment, Jon staring straight into her, in that way of his where he was seeing straight into her very soul, he lifted his fingers and spoke, voice muffled from emotion.</p><p>"I can hear you."</p><p>It was too much for her and she nodded hard, not even waiting, and stepped into him, at the same moment he stepped to her, embracing him tight, as he buried his face into her neck, cheeks damp. She sobbed and separated long enough to take his lips with hers, framing his face in her palms, Shadow yipping and bouncing around, Ghost even joining in, as everyone cheered and clapped, and in Rhaegar's case—cried.</p><p>And Arya, ever the comic, loudly proclaimed: "I guess you take her as your wife!"</p><p>"Yes," he laughed, when they finally broke apart, but she did not let him get far, before kissing him again, pressing herself to him and holding him as tight as she could, feet lifting clear off the ground when he leaned back, arms around her small body, hoisting her up with the intensity of the kiss.</p><p>It was official before the Old Gods, but she did not need it to be with him. It was another step to take in their journey together. It meant something. Their commitment to each other, after the back and forth in the beginning, their hearts healed, trusting and committing to each other wholly and completely.</p><p>It was incredible to believe that over a year ago he was so scared, he could barely acknowledge he liked her, let alone loved her. And that she would be so willing to take these risks. She raked her knuckles down his cheek, across his beard, and her fingertips along his bottom lip, his gaze dropping down, trying to follow her touch. She smiled, everything muted, and swayed in place momentarily, mouthing for him to follow, no one else to hear, but him.</p><p>
  <em>"I love you, my Jon."</em>
</p><p>His eyes crinkled, breaking into a smile, and he nodded, dusting his fingers over her hair and one of her braids, coming to touch his hand to her heart, eyes fluttering shut as he felt the vibrations. She closed her eyes and allowed him the moment.</p><p>"Ah-hem," Arya broke, a second later, and she shot a look sideways, quirking her lip up, questioning. She lifted her hand and grinned. "Rings!"</p><p>They exchanged rings, the beautiful sapphire returning to her left hand, attached now to a silver band, twisted in the same manner as the engagement ring, to resemble vines or leaves. She pushed the silver band onto Jon's ring finger, watching his eyes widen slightly when it made its way by his second knuckle. He squeezed his fingers into a fist, flexing them and lifted his hand, quickly signing.</p><p>
  <em>It fits.</em>
</p><p>And it didn't stop him, when he signed fast to Arya. "<em>Are we done now?</em>"</p><p>She rolled her eyes, Tormund booming in laughter, translating for everyone who chuckled. She clapped her hands. "Before the Old Gods, I now pronounce you wed. You may kiss...well you already did that, so oh well."</p><p>It didn't matter, Dany thought, as she enjoyed kissing her new husband. She did so again, wrapping her arms around him in a hug, everyone cheering around them.</p><p>They were tugged away, swarmed by their families, and Rhaegar lifted her off the ground, practically sobbing. "I'm so happy you are happy," he sniffled. He sighed; his indigo eyes watery. "My little sister...married."</p><p>"I'm glad you could be here," she whispered, squeezing his fingers, grateful they were reconciled. She took a deep breath, sliding her gaze to Viserys, who stood awkwardly beside him. They hadn't spoken all that much, even since Rhaegar had tried to bring him back into the fold. She nodded politely. "Vis."</p><p>He shifted on his feet, her second-oldest brother shorter and skinnier than Rhaegar, his eyes a cool lilac compared to Rhae's intense dark ones or her dancing lavender irises. His silver hair, like Rhae's, was pulled into a sleek queue, unlike Rhae's which had braids scattered throughout, his was simple, tied off with a black tie while Rhae had a ribbon in his.</p><p>He cleared his throat, leaning in and kissed her cheek. "Dany."</p><p>Vis was the one who gave her that nickname, she thought idly, her heart swelling. She kissed his cheek in return, smiling warmly now. "I'm glad you came."</p><p>"Yeah well, Rhae made me." He was speaking Valyrian, she noted, glancing around at all the distrustful Northerners, other than Sansa Stark, she was surprised to see, who had her shrewd blue gaze locked onto him. He shifted. "You married a Northerner...did not believe you had it in you."</p><p>"Viserys," Rhae warned.</p><p>She laughed. "No, believe me. I did not expect this at all when I moved here I just..." <em>Wanted to escape.</em></p><p>Viserys nodded again, glancing down at her hands. "And you sign now too? Fascinating."</p><p>It might not be as warm of a relationship as she established with Rhaegar, but he was trying, which was something, and so she leaned back in and hugged him, before he knew what was happening. He stiffened under her and she kept holding until he relaxed. She moved back, patting his shoulder, glancing at Rhae, who nodded in understanding. "I hope you stay longer than just today Vis; I think you might find the North could even appeal to you."</p><p>His eyes flickered across everyone, a sneer on his thin lips, until he paused. He smirked. "Maybe I found something."</p><p>Dany and Rhaegar both looked, following his gaze, and her eyes widened. It was Sansa, who grinned, wiggling her fingers at him. "Vis," she exclaimed, but it was too late. He smoothed down his black tie and trotted over to her, where she saw Sansa Stark of all people giggle and allow him to kiss her fingers. She glared at Rhaegar, pointing at him. "This is your fault."</p><p>"Everything is my fault," he grumbled, stalking off, muttering something about needing a drink.</p><p>It gave her an opportunity to take a breath, seeing everyone mingling in the godswood. She touched Shadow, who was at her side, his tail shaking so hard it might as well have been a blur. She spotted Shireen, who waved at her, standing beside Marya and Davos, who were chatting with Jon, who was signing a mile a minute, Tormund rapidly translating.</p><p>She nudged Shadow, nodding to Shireen, mouthing and signing, "Go say hi."</p><p>He barked and took off, running at her, and she laughed, kneeling down to play with him. Dany watched, smiling softly, as they made each other's acquaintance after some time. She heard footsteps behind her, turning quickly, and seeing Robb, hands in his pockets, walking up to her. She smiled at him and he nodded.</p><p>"You look beautiful, congratulations." He kissed her cheek, his rough auburn beard scratchy compared to his cousin's. he took a deep breath, smiling. "I wanted to catch you alone, before the feast."</p><p>"Oh?"</p><p>"Aye, I wanted to say..." He shrugged, hands going into his pockets. It looked decidedly uncomfortable on him. He was the Lord of Winterfell, always in charge, and here he appeared shy, awkward. His blue eyes darted to Jon; voice quiet. "I wanted to say thank you. You coming into our lives has been...different...but necessary."</p><p>That was something. She didn't think she'd heard it described that way. Her eyebrow arched. "Alright."</p><p>He scrambled, no longer as poised as she knew him to usually be. He laughed. "No I didn't mean that as a bad thing. I meant that...well..." He shrugged, quiet. "You coming into Jon's life, it pushed him. Pushed me. We aren't how we used to be, as little boys running across Winterfell, but we are healthier than we were." He smiled, warm. "He talks to me now. That's more than it ever was before."</p><p>She smiled, knowing that was the truth. Jon might still be getting used to his cousin again, but he was trying as Robb was trying. Robb still tended to smother him, but he was learning not to see Jon as "deaf first, brother second." "You both will be okay," she whispered. She caught sight of her brothers, laughing. "If I can...can talk to both my brothers and start working towards whatever it is we call family, you and Jon will be okay."</p><p>Her eyebrows arched again, warning. "You just have to back off when he thinks you're doing too much. He's forgiven you, Robb. You have to forgive yourself."</p><p>Robb nodded, pained. He exhaled hard, raking fingers through his tight auburn curls. "It's a struggle."</p><p>"I'm sure it will be. It isn't an easy thing to just sweep away."</p><p>"Thanks Dany." He grinned. "Sister."</p><p>She giggled, realizing that she indeed had far more siblings than she knew what to do with now. She reached for him, hugging close and smiled, breaking away to pat his chest and gesture for him to join everyone. "Go on, I think your children are probably wondering where you've escaped."</p><p>"They're learning dirty signs from Arya, probably."</p><p>Dany crossed her arms and stood to the side, watching everyone. It was chilly, under the open night sky, but it was lovely too. She lifted her face and smiled up. After a moment, she felt movement beside her, whipping her head around to see Jon approaching. She signed. "Husband."</p><p>"Wife," he signed back.</p><p>They laughed, with her falling against his chest, smiling so wide she feared her face might break. "Let's go inside, I'm getting cold," she said.</p><p>He signed. "The dragons need to see you, make sure I didn't steal you."</p><p>"They definitely do." She tapped his nose, grinning. "Robb came to me. He's good. I'm glad he could be here."</p><p>"Me too."</p><p>They glanced at everyone, realizing they'd all trickled inside, giving the new married couple some peace. Even Ghost had disappeared, most unlike him. She closed her eyes, sighing. It felt good.</p><p>He reached down to take her hand, squeezing tight, and without a word, turned her in a circle, and brought her to his chest, swaying side-to-side, leading her in a gentle, silent dance, to whatever he might have been thinking.</p><p>And Dany danced with him, to the silent song.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Dany surveyed the paperwork in front of her, hands clasped tightly in her lap, scanning the pages, one after another. She didn't know quite what to make of it, her stomach churning with the various implications. She heard a door open, close, and the familiar clacking of nails on the hardwood, one set steady while the other rushed through, catching her scent.</p><p>She lifted her head, smiling briefly at Shadow, who ran into the study, jumping up to greet her. "Hi baby," she cooed, kissing his muzzle, which had snow dusted atop it. He was cold, flecks of water sliding off his midnight black fur to dampen her shirt, his tongue licking furiously at her face. As if he had not seen her in days, when it had only been several hours.</p><p>Ghost entered, noting the dragons all curled in a multicolored ball on the armchair in the corner. Only Drogon bothered to look at him, wrinkling his nose and yawning, fangs showing before he stuck his head back under his paw, Rhaegal and Viserion curling tighter together in their nap. The white wolf sank down onto the floor in front of the chair, head on paws, red eyes glancing to Jon, who brought up the rear of the pack.</p><p>He looked excited, his cheeks flushed above his beard, shaking off his coat, even though she'd told him several times to leave it in the mudroom when he came in from outside, especially if he had been in the snow with the wolves. He signed quickly, gasping a couple words in excitement. "Pack D merged with Pack C," he signed, excited. "Rifle is the alpha, the others deferred immediately. It's amazing. I have been waiting for this day forever, it finally happened. I cannot wait to write about it, it will mean big things, I think. Also, good news from Rickon..." He paused, took a breath, and kept going. "He said Shaggydog's tumors are gone, the vet in Lannisport is really happy with it and he even said that Shaggydog let his girlfriend-- Rickon's girlfriend not Shaggydog's-- pet his head before he got mad. Rickon is so happy I think he is going to write you a song."</p><p>Collapsing into one of the chairs next to his desk, Jon stretched out, laughing and then flung himself forward, grinning. He signed. "How was your day?"</p><p>Dany said nothing. She pulled the papers together into a pile and turned them towards him. Her eyes unblinking, she watched the flush escape his face, pale and stricken. He swallowed, throat bobbing. He lifted his hands, his long, elegant fingers now stiffly moving. "I wanted to talk to you about that."</p><p>She stood, signing fast. She didn't need to speak anymore to follow her own movements. They could have full conversations without her even opening her mouth or Jon having to try to write it down or speak to clarify. "You should have told me. Where did you get these?"</p><p>"Davos. He suggested it. It's how he and Marya adopted Shireen."</p><p>At least he wasn't hiding it now. She glared. "You should have told me. How long have you been thinking about it?" She didn't wait for him to answer, before she continued, frustrations from the day mounting. "How long were you going to keep this without telling me Jon? I thought we were done with the secrets!"</p><p>He stiffened, his jaw locking. "I wasn't keeping it secret; I was thinking of the best time to tell you!"</p><p>"Or for you? Best time for you?" she countered.</p><p>She began to pace, hands pressing to her stomach, her face turned from him. He stalked to her and grabbed her shoulder, turning her so she could see his face, his hands. She glared, wanting a moment to just think of her reaction, but he carried on. "It hurts me too Dany. I'm in this with you. I told you in Essos, in that hospital room, this is my fight too. Do you know what I had to do to get to that point? I fought for it just like you."</p><p>It lashed at her heart, the implication she wasn't considering his feelings and his struggles to get to this part. The Jon she met hadn't wanted to deal with anyone, let alone put himself through the ringer they were going through to have a baby and a healthy relationship together. She sighed, jabbing her finger on the papers. "Adoption Jon? You want to adopt? That's a huge call to make."</p><p>He waited a moment, his jaw twitching. A second later he spoke, out loud, pain muffling his words. "I hate seeing your face. Each time."</p><p>Another failed round. Another negative test. Another month when her stomach cramped and she burst into tears, because the hormones and the therapies and the surgery hadn't worked. Her body refused. It was exactly what she wanted to avoid, the first time around, and Mel had done exactly what she didn't want to have happen again. That hope. The pain when it didn't work.</p><p>This time she wasn't alone. She had Jon. Jon helped her see she could do it on her own. Now he was here, she didn't need to be.</p><p>But adoption?</p><p>"It isn't giving up Dany," he explained, and she felt ashamed to think that's what he believed it was, her reaction. He sighed. "It's just another option. I want a baby with you. A child. No matter how."</p><p>She nodded quickly. "Me too," she signed. She wiped at her tears, not letting him off too easily. "You should have told me. You should not have kept it a secret."</p><p>"I'm sorry."</p><p>They had bad habits they were still trying to break. Jon and his secrets, she knew he struggled with that openness. She looked up, a thought suddenly occurring. "Jon, if we adopt...and it isn’t a baby...what about sign?"</p><p>A child no matter the age, if she ever considered adoption, she planned to check that box. Too many children were unwanted because people wanted fresh babies. She was one of those children, going from caregiver to caregiver, her brother too occupied with his own issues to worry about her and she was too old for many people to truly adopt as their child. She wrapped her arms around herself, waiting for his response.</p><p>He walked over and embraced her. Hands pressing to the small of her back, he dropped his head against hers. They waited, breathing each other in, and he spoke again. "It...not fair for kid to deal…with me too." She squeezed him, comforting; she hated hearing him say that. "But I am…me. We handle it."</p><p>It was so easy to say. It was a milestone for him to say it, in the first place, that it was just something they could handle, instead of something that would prevent it. Ordinarily she would have thought this a momentous moment for him; he was still working on his former coping mechanisms, learning how to trust and open, even now. She ignored tears leaking out the corners of her eyes, screwing them shut, his hands stroking over her face, down to her shoulders, keeping her in place in front of him.</p><p>They could keep talking about it; they would, they had to. She clutched him, crying into his shoulder. It wasn’t giving up; she knew that. It was another path to take in their journey. One she knew she had avoided because of what happened with Missandei and Grey…the changing of the mind last minute, the fear that you would fall in love with a child only to have it taken back suddenly.</p><p>She kissed him, swaying in place, a minute later. “I love you,” she whispered, her breath tickling his cheek; he twitched, knowing she said something but not hearing it. He knew though; she knew he knew.</p><p>They left the papers on the desk, because they could handle them later and discuss further. Right now, she thought, she wanted to sit with him and hold him.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>Three Months Later</em>
</p><p>“Summer no!”</p><p>Dany shouted, surprised, Summer jumping onto her when she entered the house, following closely by Lady and Nymeria. Behind her, Shadow joined in, ignoring the signs to stop, and Ghost meandered along, unbothered by the chaos. Above her, a black shadow flew, squawking: “Hello! Hello! Hello!”</p><p>“Three-Eye!” Bran yelled, trying to maneuver his wheelchair in the mess. He sighed, peering up at her, chuckling. “Sorry…they’re insane.”</p><p>“That’s a word,” Gendry said, coming in behind them. He was laden down with presents, for it was Arya’s birthday party. She insisted she didn’t want one, which was actually code for <em>Yes throw me a massive event and if you don’t, I will forever hate you</em>. He managed to get around Shadow, when Lady took off at the sound of another car pulling up to the front door and knocked into him, sending Gendry skidding sideways, presents collapsing and scattering on the floor.</p><p>Just another day in the Stark house.</p><p>Dany chuckled, reaching down for Shadow’s collar, guiding him towards the other room to simmer down. He was still a puppy and got too excited for his own good. “Good boy,” she signed, scratching his ears. She dropped her bag on the couch, spotting Jon coming in, his face rather pale, phone in his hand. She frowned, waiting for him to come to her. She signed, concerned, “Jon?”</p><p>“Jon!” Arya bounced into the room and straight at him, ignoring his pale, stricken look to grab at him, signing. “It’s my birthday! Just so you know, my mom is coming in, so I’ll tell you when to escape.”</p><p>Jon shook his head, pushing her away. “Dany,” he exclaimed, extra loud, too emotional to regulate. He held his phone out to her. She frowned, taking it carefully, looking down at the text.</p><p>Every muscle in her body slackened, her heart stilling, upon reading the message. From their adoption attorney, Tyrion Lannister.</p><p>
  <em>Call me. Lannisport Regional Hospital. Special circumstances.</em>
</p><p>“A baby?” she croaked, forgetting to sign.</p><p>Everything in the house went still. It was like the wolves even knew to stop barking. Three-Eye landed on Bran’s shoulder, silent. They all stared into the living room, watching. She covered her mouth with her hand, tears welling up. <em>It was happening.</em></p><p>Jon nodded. He signed. “<em>A baby.</em>”</p><p>Special circumstances. She didn’t know what that meant or why this was happening so quickly, when they’d been told it might take months. The mother had to select them. They had to wait months even, after the selection, depending on how far along she was. Tyrion had cautioned them, constantly, in the last three months since they submitted the initial paperwork, that even after selection it might change.</p><p>She hadn’t expected it to happen so soon. She handed Jon’s phone over to him and went to take hers, fingers shaking and hit Tyrion’s number. Fingers skating through her hair, she closed her eyes, teeth chewing on her tongue. Jon came to stand beside her, nervous, watching her lips. The phone rang twice, and Tyrion answered. “Daenerys, I’m so glad you called. Can you get to Lannisport?”</p><p>“Immediately?” she asked. She laughed, nervous. “Tyrion this is so fast, you said it might not even happen, what’s going on?”</p><p>“There’s special circumstances that make me think you and Jon are the best parents for this child.”</p><p>When Tyrion told her, she covered her mouth with her hand, gasping. She met Jon’s eyes, nodding, listening to Tyrion. He finished explaining and she hung up, holding the phone loose in her fingers. She lifted her face up, meeting his eyes again. He signed, fast. “What’s wrong? Is it not happening? What do we do?”</p><p>She drew in a deep breath, lifting her fingers and signed. “We are going to Lannisport. We have a baby.” She paused, signing slowly, so he could follow carefully. “There’s something…we would be the best ones, he said. Because…”</p><p>“Because what?”</p><p>Dany smiled, blinking through tears, and spoke, as she signed. “Because the baby is deaf.”</p><p>He stilled. She wondered for a moment if that was it. If he wasn’t going to be alright with this. He’d want to wait….she didn’t know why she was so scared all of a sudden. She swallowed hard, whispering. “Jon?”</p><p>Jon exhaled hard, not bothering to sign.</p><p>“Why are we still here? Let’s go get our baby.”</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. interlude: the birthday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>On Jon’s birthday, Dany gifts him a gift neither could have imagined.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This drabble was posted originally on tumblr about a month ago for AenarSnow’s birthday. He is a dear writer, reader, and friend who helped me with this story. It is a natural progression of the story from the previous chapter and then the epilogue will be a full Jon POV chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
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The familiar, early morning strobe light flashed behind Jon’s closed eyelids, which fluttered up, taking in the sight of the phone on his nightstand, flashing next to a glass of water, his watch, a book, and a very new addition to the random detritus that scattered from his pockets when he emptied them out on the worn wooden stand.</p><p>
  <em>A baby monitor.</em>
</p><p>He smiled at it and reached for the device, lifting it up to his ear. It was a very expensive model, one that Robb had purchased for them at the baby shower, which vibrated at the level of sound coming from the nursery. It did not help as much during the night, when he could not feel the vibrations from the nightstand, but he was very attuned to the shifting movement of the mattress and when he felt Dany move at his side, he was up immediately.</p><p>This morning it was silent, as was she, hugging Shadow against her chest, the great black wolf fast asleep between them, like a strange wiggling body pillow. He ruffled Shadow’s ears and got up, shuffling around Ghost, who popped up quickly. He knelt at his companion’s side, nuzzling his nose and stroking along his side, shivering at the feeling of the raised scar underneath the regrown white fur.</p><p>It was over a year ago, but he could have lost him. He signed to his wolf, speaking, his throat muscles constricting and vocal cords vibrating, attuning him to his spoken words even if he could not hear them. “You can’t leave me, not yet” he said, smiling down at him. He kissed Ghost’s head, coming up to his feet and lightly touching the middle of the wolf’s back, Ghost walking beside him through the house and to the room across the hallway.</p><p>It was still somewhat dark outside, sun creeping up above the horizon, the sky a mottled purple, blue, and black as the light fought the dark back to sleep. The trees were dusted with a fresh layer of snow, courtesy from the storm the evening before. It was one of his favorite times of the year, just after a snowfall. It was a twisted sense of awareness, knowing that when people stepped out into the powder, everything was muffled, all sound smothered out. It was his entire life and for some reason made him oddly satisfied knowing others could sense the same thing he did.</p><p>He didn’t know what the day would hold– that depended on whether Dany would try to surprise him or not— which he hoped definitely not. He hated surprises. Really saw no reason in having anything of the sort. All he wanted was to have his day to himself, as usual. Once morning was done in the house, he would go to his wolves. He was eager to see if Rifle and his pack had welcomed the new wolf who showed up a couple weeks ago, edging nervously into the territory. The wolf was certainly not an alpha contender but could support the pack with hunting. He suspected they’d be fine, after he’d sat with the wolf for a time and then released him into Rifle’s area, thinking they’d go on alright.</p><p>After that, there’d be some paperwork no doubt, and he’d stop at Winterfell to inspect Summer’s eye infection. Gods only knew how he got that one. Summer tended to just fall into mishaps, just like his owner.</p><p>Until then, he would be with his favorite person in the entire world. Save Dany.</p><p>Although for all the love he held for Dany, she did not hold a candle to the love he felt for the wiggling little body in the crib, gazing up at him with wide eyes when he leaned over, greeting her with a tickle on her tummy. He signed to her, wanting her to learn as soon as possible, even at the tender age of ten months. “Good morning,” he signed, smiling down. He leaned in and lifted her up, chuckling.</p><p>The baby did not react to his chuckle, instead squealing— he felt her chest constrict against his— she beat her fists on his shoulder and took a handful of his t-shirt, shoving it into her mouth. He nuzzled her head, eyes closing briefly, swaying from side to side. She rarely cried, but when she did, he might not be able to hear it, but it broke his heart. He savored these moments when it was just them, before the rest of the day started.</p><p>He carried her over to the changing table, resting her on it gently, smiling as she babbled to him, her fingers moving up. He nodded along, whatever she was saying was very important, he was sure, and he removed the hearing aids from their charger. She whined, not liking it when they first went in, obviously the plastic uncomfortable after an entire night being without, but she soon got used to them. It broke his heart, to see the heavy plastic behind her delicate ear, the tube and wire leading into her ear canal, but once it was in, once he flicked that little switch behind it, her eyes lit up, an entire world shut off to her in the night now at her disposal.</p><p>It was something he’d never know, so he was grateful her deafness could be rectified, at least for a time, and she would know the joy of her parents’ voices— such as his was he thought darkly—the barks and howls of Ghost and Shadow and everything else the world could offer her.</p><p>Aly waved her hands again and very carefully, he moved her fingers into the sign, the fingers folded and the thumb out to the side and dragged it from her temple, down to her chin. “Daddy,” he said, hoping she could understand.</p><p>She waved her hand again and he did it a few more times. She was very young, but anything they could do, the doctors and specialists said, would help her. Babies learned languages by doing. WSL was just another language. Same as Common Tongue or Valyrian, which Dany used with her.</p><p>Their baby would be trilingual by the time she was in preschool, Jon thought with a chuckle, lifting her up from the table once both her hearing aids were in and on. She’d quieted, her eyes wide, searching. Alysanne had almost black hair, but the largest green eyes, which he really loved. They tended to show her reaction before her face to anything.</p><p>Just like the day they first had her fitted for them, the audiologist warning that it might take some time, but when they came on, when Dany first said her name, the little girl freezing and then smiling, laughing at the sound of her mother’s voice for the first time, Jon almost died there from sheer joy. Such an unfamiliar feeling for him.</p><p>He signed for her. “It’s my birthday.” He was thirty-five. He’d been (officially) with Dany going on three years now. Married for a bit over a year. Parents for four months. How things had changed from the time when he thought he was fine, living alone in his house with his wolves, content to never speak to another human being again. Even with Arya, sometimes he never opened his mouth, preferring sign over trying to speak.</p><p>It was his first birthday as a father, he thought, nuzzling Aly’s thick dark hair, carrying her out of her room and to the stairs, Ghost trotting behind them. She wiggled her fingers at Ghost, squealing. He licked her foot, walking ahead of them to lead their entry to the kitchen, where he stopped hard, catching Dany.</p><p>She must have been preoccupied, because she didn’t turn around, fussing with something on the counter. Balloons wafted up near the ceiling and she’d draped streamers around the kitchen cabinets. He smiled, glancing at Ghost, who chuffed, continuing ahead to nose Dany. It didn’t necessarily matter, because at the sight of her mother’s silver hair and Shadow, Aly let out a squeal, waving her hands for her.</p><p>Dany whirled around, laughing and rushing to him, eyes a little foggy from sleep. “Happy Birthday!” she signed, reaching up to kiss him and grinned. She fell back on her feet and took Aly, nuzzling her. “And good morning!”</p><p>“What’s this?” he signed, walking up to see that she had coffee set out and doughnuts. He chuckled, noting the wolf bun she must have asked specially from Hot Pie’s Bakery. He picked up one of the couple presents sitting beside the pastries and coffee, setting it down to sign. “You didn’t need to get me anything.”</p><p>“Yes, I did,” she signed, adept now at keeping Aly hoisted on her elbow while she used her free hands to sign. She grinned, speaking now, because Aly was wiggling in her arms. “It is your birthday Jon.”</p><p>He shrugged; it was just a day. He kissed her again, because Dany should be kissed often, in his opinion, and he was happy to oblige her. While she prepared Aly’s breakfast, he sipped his coffee and wondered what his presents were. He really didn’t need anything. Most all he wanted was for the sanctuary. He finished some of his coffee and signed to her, when she caught his attention. “Taking Ghost and Shadow out.”</p><p>She nodded, focusing on Aly in the moment. Jon signaled for Shadow to follow, which he did, jumping up and running ahead and outside, the second the door opened to the yard. He pulled on one of the heavy parkas near the door and shoved his bare feet into boots, trudging into the snow to wait for the wolves to finish whatever it was they needed to do. It gave him a few minutes to clear his mind, inhale the cold air, and be in his preferred element.</p><p>Not being able to hear, he had heightened senses otherwise. Arya joked he had a super power. It was what he told the deaf children who came to the sanctuary to sit with the wolves. They had a superpower, they could see and smell, they could sense better than anyone else with hearing. He closed his eyes, smelling the pine and fresh snow, the smoke from the chimney. Even the wet wolves, both of them bounding around together. He rummaged in his pocket for the laser pointer, flicking it in front of Shadow, the wolf instantly turning and running up to the house, signaled to come in.</p><p>As it was still a regular day, he planned to finish up coffee and breakfast, dress, and head into the sanctuary. There were things to do. He stomped off snow once inside, found Dany feeding Aly, cutting up little pieces of a croissant for her. Somehow Aly already had jam all over her face. He signed, laughing. “Someone is having fun.”</p><p>“Too much fun,” Dany signed back. Jon studied them both, marveling at how things had changed again. He caught Dany’s eye and she smiled, shrugging. She signed, “What is it?”</p><p>“Nothing,” he signed. He shrugged, easily signing something that came so difficult for him before he met and realized that there was more out there, Dany helped him see it. He folded his fingers together. “I love you.”</p><p>Her face wrinkled into a smile; brow furrowed to keep from crying. She reached for him, when he went over to her and hugged his arm, wrapping around her shoulders and chest from behind, and pressed a kiss to her temple. “I love you too,” she mouthed, kissing his cheek.</p><p>Aly flung a piece of croissant at them, shouting. “Ah!”</p><p>“I love you,” he signed to her, kissing her head. He waited a moment, lightly stroking her hair. This birthday was different, he felt that in his bones. Even when he’d come to an understanding regarding his feelings for Daenerys, struggling with his emotions and history and being a father, he didn’t know until he held Aly in his arms. They could go through so many rounds of IVF, sitting in the doctor’s office, crying in each other’s arms with each negative pregnancy test, and exhausted mentally and physically. Their relationship suffered.</p><p>Then Aly came into their world. It didn’t matter if the baby was from their blood, she needed them and she was their daughter. Just like Ned had been his father. He knew that it would be a struggle; Aly would have her own struggles with her deafness, as he did with his, but looking back on his initial thoughts— he was mad. Aly would hear him— she’d hear his laugh, his voice, and while it might not be like anyone else’s, it was his and he was her father.</p><p>He kissed her again and went upstairs to change. Ghost came with him. HIs shadow. Just like Shadow was Aly’s shadow. He couldn’t help her from the same perspective that Ghost could, but she loved him, and he helped her with what he could. Both of them being deaf, not always a great combination, ignoring everything but each other. Which could actually be pretty sweet.</p><p>When he finished dressing and came out of the bathroom, he was surprised to find Dany sitting in one of the chairs by the fire, the embers glowing from the previous evening. They’d enjoyed themselves quite a bit last night, the fire merely providing ambiance—they’d provided the heat. He sat down on the chair arm, kissing her head, signing. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Open your gift.”</p><p>“Where is Aly?”</p><p>“Over there.” He glanced at the bed, seeing Aly caged in by Shadow, using him as a pillow while she played with one of her stuffed animals, ignoring them both. Dany poked him and handed him a small, wrapped gift. “Open this please.”</p><p>“I can open gifts later. I should get to the sanctuary.”</p><p>She shook her head, chewing her bottom lip. “Please open this.”</p><p>Jon didn’t know what had her so nervous, or insistent, so he slipped into the chair, pulling her into his lap. Her legs slung over his knees, she watched him open the box. He thought maybe it was jewelry, which was weird because he only wore a watch and even then, he often kept it in his pocket. He opened up the slim white box and pushed by tissue paper, staring, eyes widening in understanding.</p><p>It was a pregnancy test.</p><p>He was accustomed to those; he’d been at her side through four negative ones over the last couple years. Except this time, it wasn’t negative. There was a very obvious plus sign. He turned to gaze down at her, silently questioning. She was already crying and nodded. “Yes,” she said clearly. “I’m pregnant.”</p><p>The only word he could croak out was: “How?”</p><p>She laughed, wiping quickly at her eyes and set the test down on the table next to them. Taking his hands, she pressed them under her sweater, to the swell he now felt in her lower abdomen, which he couldn’t believe he didn’t feel last night or notice before. <em>So much for super senses.</em> “The usual way,“ she laughed. She kept his hands on her warm belly and signed quickly. "Mel said it happens. Couples adopt and then get pregnant and there’s no explanation. I was so scared something would happen that I waited. I am sorry, but I wanted to wait. I’m fourteen weeks.”</p><p>That was three and a half months. He knew that they weren’t completely out of the woods, but the risk lessened now. He pressed his head to hers, removing his hands and cupping her face, bringing her to him for a long, slow kiss. His heart was so full, it threatened to strangle him. It was all silent; his heart racing in his head, his breath coming in deep gulps. More than once he wished he knew what she sounded like, wanted to hear her voice. He trusted it was as beautiful as her.</p><p>The sign worked too. It meant as much to him as the words in English would be.</p><p>They broke the kiss, Dany laughing again. “Happy birthday. Daddy.”</p><p>He grinned. “Daddy,” he said, the words hard for him to wrap his mind and his tongue around. It was foreign, the word not something he ever wanted to hear or say. He could no longer imagine a world where that was not a word in his vocabulary. It took a long way to get there; however, and he credited Dany for that. He signed for her, knowing she understood. “Not without you.”</p><p>The tears trickled down her face again. He kissed them away, holding her to him, and briefly thought to the first moment they met. That haughty look on her face, shouting at him, trying to touch Ghost—who was just as amused at her as he was— apologizing over herself. Then angry, for no apparent reason. He fucked with her on purpose then, because her reaction was so…different. He never intended to see her again.</p><p>And he did. Even trying as hard as he could to push her away, not get involved, there she was.</p><p>His shadow.</p><p>A shadow he could not hear, always at his side, in his way. Silent, silver shadow.</p><p>He could never be without her again, he thought, getting up long enough to get Aly, who was ripping at her stuffed animal. She looked up, when Dany said her name, and smiled. He kissed the shell of her ear, just beside the hard plastic aid. “You are going to have a brother or sister,” he said to her. He didn’t know if she understood him. It didn’t matter, but she looked up and touched her fingers to his lips, smiling wide and began to babble.</p><p>Dany laughed again, tossing her hair over her shoulder, meeting his gaze again, pure love shining at him. She signed, fingers a blur. “Happy birthday my love, I hope you like your gift.”</p><p>Not a gift, he thought, nodding and squeezing them both against him. Ghost and Shadow both flopped down together, black and white piles of fur. Jon closed his eyes and sighed, listening to his heart and feeling the other two under his hands. And maybe, just maybe, a third.</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. the epilogue: part 1- the silence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A few years after becoming a father, Jon realizes how far things have come in his life.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>**Sniffles**</p><p>I know this took a long time to get up, but I have been very reluctant to work on the epilogue because I don't feel like saying goodbye just yet to this fic.  But all good things (and I hope this fic is good, let's be honest I have no idea anymore what people want out of fic) come to an end.  </p><p>Like everything, I did not anticipate the length this epilogue would be so in lieu of a potential 15k chapter, I will split it up and also give myself some time to finish it.  Perhaps this is repetitive, I don't care.  </p><p>Without further ado, part 1 of the conclusion.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<hr/><p> </p><p>Dany was saying something to him, but it didn’t register. He knew, because he felt the whispering tickle in his ear, the slight nudging on his shoulder, but he didn’t focus on it nor did he think it truly mattered, because she was responding very well to the way he was kissing her, the way her body wrapped tight around his, warm and slick, one of her feet snaked around his calf and the other hiked up high, toes digging right into his arsecheek.</p><p>He rose above her, fingers sliding down her thigh—the one that now was around his hip, while his other slipped between their bodies, desperate to get inside of her. It had been a few days—things had been busy around their house. He assumed it was noisy, not that he would know. It didn’t mean anything to him anymore that he might not be able to hear the chaos— he experienced it all the same.</p><p>Underneath him Dany writhed, and he mumbled against her throat, when he felt a very wet and very cold nose press hard on the bottom of his left foot, followed by a set of teeth nipping at his right foot. He yelped and rolled to the side, only to catch sight of Dany’s surprised look, mouth falling open as she scrambled for the sheets to cover herself.</p><p>The wolves had saved them, shadow and Ghost at the foot of the bed, as a set of two little eyes were on them both, before leaping up onto the bed, fingers moving fast on each, excited to tell them of their dreams from the night before, before he could chastise and tell his daughters to maybe go back in the hall and give their parents just another <em>fifteen bloody minutes of morning time.</em> Or ten. He wasn’t proud of it, but he could get it done in ten.</p><p>“<em>Daddy! Daddy! Guess what?</em>” Aly signed, jumping straight onto his chest, no regard at all for the fact that her feet were stepping on very vital spots of his anatomy. Which had disappeared up into his gut when she decided to stand up. He winced, lifting her under her arms and setting her off to the side, pulling the sheet tighter around his waist, as Dany used Aly’s excitement as excuse to pawn off little Rhae, who was trying to talk while also follow her sister’s hands.</p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, he read Rhae’s lips, saying how she had helped Aly with her hearing aids that morning, because she was a good sister. “Yes,” he spoke to her. “You are a very good little sister.”</p><p>Aly turned his face towards hers, huffing, frustrated. She signed. “<em>Talk with hands Daddy!</em>” Even though she was able to hear most sounds with her aids in, the pitch of his voice wasn’t strong enough for her to always make sense of. He had to be shouting, which often he didn’t always know if he was getting to. Unless Dany was using her ‘shhh’ motion with her hands, lowering them like she was pressing the air down to the ground. He only really got like that when he got very excited about something.</p><p>It was a more frequent occurrence than it ever had been before.</p><p>Since it was a Tuesday morning, it was a school day, and he needed the girls to get off the bed so he could get dressed and start helping them with their morning. Dany came back in from the bathroom, in a pair of shorts and one of his shirts, clapping her hands and signing. “<em>Alright girls! Let’s leave Daddy alone, come on now, tell us about your dreams at breakfast. Let’s go.</em>”</p><p>Grateful for her for many reasons, he blew her a kiss. She smirked, hoisting Rhae off and setting her on the floor, Aly still trying to sign about something she wanted to tell them both. Shadow pushed his nose at Aly, hurrying her along when she stopped, too intent on signing than walking. Ghost kept Rhae distracted enough for Jon to shimmy back into his boxers under the sheets and climb out of bed, heading into the bathroom.</p><p>A few minutes later, he was squirting toothpaste onto his brush, when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He smiled at Rhae, who had come back in, holding up her toothbrush, bright pink with her pink sparkling toothpaste. His little girl was a surprise, a blessing, and quite possibly the greatest gift the universe had given him besides her sister and her mother. He felt no difference in the love between his daughters. Aly was their firstborn, Rhae the second, and while she shared their blood, she also shared the same amount of their hearts as her sister.</p><p>He brushed at his teeth, glancing again at his mini-me. When she’d been born, he had been positive Dany’s coloring would win out, but her cap of dark hair told him that that wouldn’t be happening. However, her eyes shifted almost immediately from a grayish blue to purple, the spitting image of her mother. Her face was all him. Dany joked that while Rhae had more of her personality, it was Aly that took after him there. “So stubborn,” she always teased.</p><p>He lightly touched his daughter’s curls, flying around her little face from her messy braids. Rhaena had been born happy and healthy; they were scared that even though Dany’s pregnancy had been natural and unexpected, the other shoe would drop. It wasn’t like they’d had an easy go of it at all, in anything in their relationship. Rhaena arrived, right on schedule, the exact day she was due. Aly had been ecstatic, not quite understanding this new person she had to share her parents with, but happy all the same.</p><p>A light pressure on his arm drew his attention back to his daughter. She was tapping her toothbrush against him. She gestured towards the sink, requesting assistance in getting up so she could spit out and get her cup of water to rinse. He paused, lifting her up under her arms so she could get to the faucet, giggling the entire time like it was a game. He grinned, finishing up and signed to her. <em>What's for breakfast?</em></p><p>Rhae was nothing if not practical: "<em>Pancakes!</em>"</p><p>He hoisted her up, carting her out of his room and down the stairs, Ghost following quickly behind them. It was a process, each morning, getting everyone awake and ready to go for the day, no more different than any other parent, he suspected. It had been a learning experience for sure, when the girls were so little, Rhae crying and needing attention as a newborn, Aly requiring the attention she needed as a year old at the time, and the struggle of balancing their need for their mother—for nutrition mainly—while also ensuring they had him too.</p><p>It was hard sometimes, when people asked them point blank, mainly oblivious at the rudeness of their questions. "How can you parent if you can't hear?" one woman asked him, when they were in the airport going to visit Rhaegar. They refused the private plane because they wanted the girls to grow up as normal as possible. Private airfare was not normal.</p><p>Dany had answered for him, because he'd been so angry, his cheeks reddening and his lip downright snarling, even Ghost sensing the slight. "How does anyone parent? They just do it." When she walked away to take Rhae to the bathroom to change her diaper, he'd seen the woman tell her husband <em>"well she's rude"</em>, and before he could answer, Aly had shouted "And so are you! I can hear too!"</p><p>He laughed, letting it out, ignoring the sudden looks from people at the strange sound they heard and high-fived his daughter, lifting her up and carrying her and their two dogs with their service vests away, leaving the woman horrified.</p><p>Sometimes he lived for those moments.</p><p>The girls were at the table, arguing over their morning cereal—pancakes might be requested but it was a weekend breakfast— while Dany got the dog bowls ready, Shadow pacing around her ankles, panting in anticipation of his morning quail egg and lamb meat breakfast. Jon signed to him, "spoiled" and he yipped, rolling onto his back to entertain the girls who laughed and pointed at him.</p><p>In spite of the morning delight being interrupted, he came up behind his wife, kissing the shell of her ear. She turned her cheek up and he snatched her lips with his, swaying slightly as she giggled, hand coming up to pat his face. He pulled away, seeing the girls laughing, and stuck his tongue out at them, causing them to laugh harder. He might not hear it, but he imagined it, and it was the best sound he had come to terms with he'd never know.</p><p>Dany signed, not even speaking. Sometimes she told him her voice cracked when she went into work because when she got home, she had no need to speak. Even Rhae, born with perfect little ears and perfect little vocal cords, spoke infrequently, preferring sign. It got her into trouble at school, when she wanted to sign instead of talk, especially when the girls had recess at the same time and would run off together to ‘talk’ and no one knew what was going on. Which, despite being in the same grade as her sister, Aly had to go with another teacher for half the day, so she could get the extra attention she sometimes needed. Even though she could hear, she still needed to sign to speak.</p><p>“<em>Did you sign their folders saying one of us read them?</em>”</p><p>“<em>No, sorry, forgot.</em>”</p><p>He headed off her request at the pass, dropping another kiss to the back of her neck on his way to the backpacks in the mudroom. He tripped over a couple of fallen pink and purple gloves and scarves, some boots also kicked aside. There was a dog harness on the floor too, which made him suspicious that they’d tried to take either Ghost or Shadow—most likely Shadow—out without telling anyone.</p><p><em>My little monsters</em>, he thought lovingly, picking up the objects and setting them back in their place. He rummaged in the backpacks, removing the folders, and carried them back into the kitchen, flicking through the papers while he sipped the coffee Dany had dropped in front of him. His phone buzzed in his pocket, but he ignored it. If it was Arya, she could handle whatever it was going on at the sanctuary, and if it was the university, then they could fuck off. He wasn’t in the mood.</p><p>He removed the schedule for the week, scribbling his initials saying he’d reviewed their documents and was about to shove it back in when he noticed that it was Show and Tell that day. He glanced at Aly, who was carrying her bowl to the sink. He pressed his toe into Ghost’s flank, nodding to her. Ghost got up, walked to Aly, and lightly pressed his nose into her side. She turned, smiling at him, and detouring over to him.</p><p>He signed. “<em>What are you bringing for Show and Tell</em>?”</p><p>“<em>Can I bring Shadow?</em>”</p><p>Dany caught sight of the signs, while trying to wipe milk off the table, Rhae not paying attention to her spoon when she’d been reading and eating at the same time. She called out, so Aly could hear her, Jon reading her lips. “You want to take Shadow to school? For Show and Tell? Is that allowed?”</p><p>“Yeah!” Rhae yelled, throwing her arms in the air. Jon smiled, shrugging.</p><p>He signed, “I can bring him over, just tell me when you get there.”</p><p>Dany nodded, chuckling. She signed. “I remember show and tell being bringing in your favorite toy, not a wolf, but alright.”</p><p>Jon glanced down at Shadow, his black tail sweeping over the floor, tongue lolling. He signed to him. “Want a car ride?”</p><p>Shadow barked, unable to stop, turning in circles and tripping over himself, running after the girls, who went squealing and racing up the stairs to change. Ghost huffed, annoyed at the childish antics, falling back down into a white pile on the floor to rest before the day truly began. He scratched Ghost’s back leg with his foot, finishing up the folder review, and then consulted his phone. It was Arya, saying something about how they got a call from the Queenscrown park wanting them to come by later that week to do a sweep for any pups. It was springtime, the pups leaving dens, and the weak ones left behind.</p><p>He made a face, the idea of seeing Ygritte no longer causing the rage and intense pain it would have years before, when he’d been so full of anger at anyone and anything that disrupted his carefully structured life. He texted back that she could do it, she’d be fine, just bring Gendry, and all he got back was what he imagined was a finger emoji, structured together by various punctuation marks.</p><p>The phone buzzed again, distracting him from reassembling the folders. He picked it up, frowning momentarily at Robb’s name. He hit the text alert, studying the message.</p><p>
  <em>I have something to see if you’re interested in, so don’t kill me. Facetime later?</em>
</p><p>Sometimes Robb, even after these years, didn’t quite understand that he didn’t like to <em>talk</em>. Texting was one thing, he could do that whenever he felt like it, but Facetime? Ugh, he thought, immediately starting a text of <em>No way</em>, when he paused. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, and counted to ten. A light hand on the small of his back forced his eyes open, noting it was Dany next to him now. She smiled warmly, her eyes crinkling. She took the phone gently, read the message, and pressed it back to his hand.</p><p>“What do you think it is about?” she asked, signing.</p><p>He shrugged, not sure if he wanted to know. Their relationship might never be the way his relationship with Arya or even Bran and Rickon was, or seven hells, maybe not even how his relationship with his brother-in-law happened to be. He took a deep breath, releasing it through his nose, immediate annoyance at Robb dissipating with the soothing actions. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head, speaking. “Could be anything with him, but…I don’t know.”</p><p>“Margaery texted me, they will be in town in a couple weeks for the spring festival that Sansa is planning at the castle. Some sort of money-making thing to redo the ramparts, but I told her we’d see her. She’s looking forward to showing off little Jonny.” He flinched, each time he ‘heard’ the name of his nephew. It was his fault, really, because he had approved Robb to call his son Jon Rickard, but he assumed they would be calling him Ricky or Rick or something, but nope, ‘Jonny’ had stuck.</p><p>It was a rather interesting experience, when Robb had pulled him aside, after Margaery announced they were having a boy during the holidays. He’d stumbled over his words, signing haltingly, until Jon had demanded he just ‘say it’ because he was tired of trying to figure out what he was doing. Robb ‘blurted’ it out and after a long moment, he realized that this was in some way, the nicest thing Robb had actually done.</p><p>Initially he’d been annoyed. It was another <em>Robb</em> thing again, another way to try to apologize, but then suddenly he’d been hit with the realization that this was just…it was almost a way to put it all behind them. Robb had been nervous, saying it had nothing to do with their past, that it was just…he wanted to name his son after people he loved. His firstborn was after their father and uncle Brandon. Now he wanted to name his second son after his brother and grandfather.</p><p>“Sure, go ahead,” he agreed. Robb had been relieved, laughing and hugging, grateful. He quickly signed that they would need a nickname, because there could only really be one Jon at a time.</p><p>Thus ‘Jonny’ had been born. Literally.</p><p>He wrinkled his nose, signing quickly. “Do you have to call him that?”</p><p>“It’s his name.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>Dany reached her hands up to frame his face, nuzzling her nose against his. She kissed him softly. He pulled away a few seconds later, the counter stool underneath him vibrating at the banging and pounding of feet on the hardwood, the girls and Shadow racing back in. He didn’t need to look to know they were gagging, thinking it was gross that they were always kissing. He was quite happy they found kissing disgusting. Meant the little schoolboys would be far, far away from his girls.</p><p>She ignored the protests from their children, stroking his cheek and smiling again, enigmatic, waiting. He narrowed his eyes. Something was going to drop. She wiggled her brows, signing. “See you later…Jonny.”</p><p>“Dany!” he exclaimed.</p><p>The girls ran to him, hugging and kissing, saying they would see him for Show and Tell. “Don’t forget!” Aly signed, verifying he knew that yes, he would bring Shadow in for Show and Tell. She poked Rhae, when the other girl made to sign something, shaking her head fast. Rhae giggled, dropping her hands.</p><p><em>Uh oh.</em> “What are you two up to?” he signed.</p><p>“Nothing,” they signed at once.</p><p>Well that was a total lie. He shook his head, sighing and ushering them along, helping with coats and boots, the late spring snow still casting a wintry chill over the North. He leaned against the doorframe to the garage, watching them pile into Dany’s SUV. He waved, grinning, Shadow leaping up to sit between the girls in their booster seats. Dany waved, mouthing ‘love you’ to him.</p><p>A few minutes later, he was alone in the house. Save Ghost of course. He shifted on his feet, standing in the center of the kitchen. Ghost stood beside him, awaiting his next movements. He needed to get dressed, get his things, and head to the sanctuary. It was the schedule, but for some reason that morning he felt…odd. He lived in a silent world. It was easy to feel alone. He always had felt alone.</p><p>And now, these days, without Dany or the girls…he really <em>heard</em> it. The silence.</p><p>He scanned the kitchen, empty dishes in the sink, Dany’s half-empty coffee mug on the counter. The two fridges were covered in pictures, schedules, and drawings. ABC magnets spelled out ‘B-U-T-T’ and ‘P-O-O’ because they were apparently in <em>that</em> face now.</p><p>He wandered to the magnets, fussing with them, moving them around and smiled, spelling out ‘A-L-Y’ and ‘R-H-A-E.’ He picked out a couple more and stared at what he’d written.</p><p>‘D-A-D-D-Y L-O-V-E-S’</p><p>Ghost looked up at him, wagging his tail. He might not have been able to read the multicolored plastic pieces, but he sensed the sentiment. Jon lightly touched his wolf’s head, glancing down at him, lifting a shoulder. He signed. “What?” Ghost licked his hand. He walked away from the fridge, cleaning up the kitchen, and finished up his coffee, while sitting at his computer and going over emails and invoices. He used to do it all at the sanctuary, but now he found there was more reason to stay at home doing these things. He could work while the girls played, did their schoolwork, or watched television.</p><p>After puttering around, he got into the car, Ghost at his side, and headed to the sanctuary. He needed to trudge into the snow to move a couple of sleds they’d forgotten to drag back in the previous evening, before there was a meltdown from one of the girls that they had lost them. Ghost helped, dragging one of the sleds with him. He signed thanks, Ghost hopping into the seat next to him.</p><p>He paused at the end of the driveway, smiling slightly. He removed his phone, texting back Robb. <em>I can Facetime whenever. Just let me know.</em></p><p>The phone buzzed before he got onto the main road: <em>Tonight?</em></p><p>
  <em>Sure. What’s it about?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just something. I’ll see you later.</em>
</p><p>Mystified, he set the phone in the cup holder and drove off, several minutes later showing up at the sanctuary, Arya already there, standing in the yard by the kennels, Nymeria rolling around in a patch of snow. Ghost loped over to join his sister, his appearance alerting Arya, who waved. He waved back, hands in his pockets, letting her make the first move.</p><p>She pointed to the kennels, signing. “Shaggydog has an ear infection, Rickon dropped him off a few minutes ago. He has to do some sort of writing workshop with Rhaegar, so he headed back to Winterfell. Bran has Lady and Summer; he took them to White Harbor to pick up the special-order stuff for Pack D.”</p><p>“Cool,” he signed, frowning momentarily. “What’s Lady doing with Bran?”</p><p>Arya gagged, sticking her finger towards her throat, miming being sick. “Sansa and Viserys are at Riverrun, she didn’t want to bring Lady because you know how my mom gets.”</p><p>Jon wrinkled his nose, equally disgusted. He wondered if Dany knew that Viserys was ‘meeting the mom.’ The idea of his cousin and his brother-in-law…they were oddly suited for each other. The age difference was fairly large, but they were both self-absorbed and power-hungry. The news that Rhaegar was making Rickon do some sort of writing workshop for his band was not surprising, Rickon was doing very well on the indie band circuit, in large thanks to Rhaegar’s connections and mentorship. He signed back, “Gross, at least Lady doesn’t have to see that. I have to go get Shadow later at Dany’s, I’ll tell her then about Shaggydog.”</p><p>“I gave him some ear drops to tide him over.” Arya put her hands on her hips, smirking. She was going to say something, hands lifting and then dropping back down again. He ignored whatever she planned to say, scratching Nymeria’s ears and leaving his cousin, going into the kennels.</p><p>They had a litter of pups that a zoo in Dorne wanted to introduce to the wild and then good ole’ Rifle, who had to have a hip arthroscopy to diagnose some really bad arthritis, courtesy of his gunshot wounds. The old man was prowling his kennel, annoyed. Jon signed, stepping into the kennel with him, the wolf bowing back, recognizing his alpha. He smiled, kneeling before him and rubbed his ears.</p><p>He closed his eyes, deeply inhaling, and sensing Rifle’s pain. He stroked his face, moving his hands slowly down over the wolf, until he reached his bad hip, carefully massaging the tight muscles. He eventually had the wolf down in his bed, relaxed, and hopefully his pain managed for the time being, courtesy of his massage.</p><p>Jon finished with Rifle, visited with the pups, cleaned up their messes, fed them, and went into the house to inspect the packs, little blinking dots over the computer screens. Arya left a note saying that Dany called. <em>Pick him up at one, Show and Tell at one thirty.</em> He moved away from the monitors to his office and began to putter away at little tasks, until it was time to go out and patrol.</p><p>It was just a regular ole’ day, but the hair on the back of his neck felt prickly, his skin seemed to be crawling, and he could not put his finger on it, but something just felt…<em>off</em>. He double and triple checked his calendar, making sure that it wasn’t an anniversary of some sort, but he was in the clear there. He felt…<em>nostalgic</em>?</p><p>Normally he did not look back. There was no point in it. He learned early on in his life that no matter what you did, there would be a consequence, and nothing could erase it. How he wanted to erase that moment where he’d listened to Robb, succumbed to that pressure, and run over the rampart. He would give anything to go back, to just say ‘no’ and climb down the ladder and snow, get away from his stupid cousin and just accept whatever the consequences would be of Robb’s empty threats.</p><p>Life did not give do-overs. So he went forward accepting that, just pushing through, ignoring others, pretending they didn’t exist most of the time. He ignored the looks, stares, complaints. He hid under his deafness, used it as a crutch…exactly like Dany accused him in those early days.</p><p><em>Dany</em>.</p><p>He thumbed his wedding ring, worn and pressed up to his knuckle. He twisted it, studying the silver gleam, remembering that day like it was yesterday. The tears in Dany’s eyes when she signed her vows, the laughter he pretended he could hear when Arya pronounced them husband and wife, and the way she folded into him, the other piece to his heart, the light to his dark. His shadow.</p><p>That was years ago. It was scary to think, in some ways, he had spent so long in his life pushing people away, keeping those barriers in place, and living in his silent world, and then she showed up, blew right by them.</p><p>Literally, she just ignored the warning on Ghost’s harness and started petting him. Shouted at him, ignored him, and called him <em>rude</em>. He sighed, smiling and glancing at the picture on the corner of his desk. Shadow, Ghost, the girls, Dany and him, underneath the weirwood tree, in the fall, smiling at the camera, even if he hadn’t been smiling too wide. Arya said she wanted a family portrait of them, so they went with it.</p><p>He adjusted the image, brushing some dust from the silver frame. Ghost lifted his head at the hand movement, red eyes unblinking. He gestured towards the door, his wolf shifting to his feet. They would go on patrol now, checking the fences, the monitors, the wolves. He enjoyed this time. He wished he had the girls with him. They didn’t listen to the whole “please be quiet” aspect of observing the wolves, other than Aly, who would quietly lean against him and watch, wide-eyed as the wolves came to touch her hands, nose at her hearing aids, and lick her little cheeks.</p><p>His sweet Aly, who unlike him could hear the world around her, even if the world could not hear her beautiful voice. She tried, in therapy, to speak, but it was difficult. She struggled to hear her own voice and didn’t know how to form the words. He had the ‘luck’ if you could call it that, to know what voice sounded like before his accident.</p><p>Ghost came up and nosed his hand, bringing his attention to Arya, who was standing in the doorway watching him. He narrowed his eyes on her, signing. “Weirdo, you stalking?”</p><p>“Just looking.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>She shrugged, her arms crossed over her chest, resting on her massive belly. He gestured towards the chair in front of the desk, but she wouldn’t take it. Nothing would stop her even though she was almost full term pregnant. Sometimes Jon suspected Arya <em>forgot</em> she was actually pregnant. Gendry needed to remind her from time to time. Also, Gendry behaved more like he was pregnant, Arya had had to get him to focus on his breathing and they also allowed Viserion to visit with him as something like a service dragon, calming the man’s nerves.</p><p>Arya ignored the chair—like he knew she would—walking over to the window, her belly pressing against it when she tried to peer out towards the pen where Shaggydog would be. She narrowed her eyes again. “I got a call,” she signed.</p><p>“From?”</p><p>“You know how Rhaegar was going to talk to someone down at the Westeros Provincial Zoo and Conservation Center?”</p><p>He nodded; it happened a lot. Rhaegar, by virtue of his business dealings with just about everyone in the Known World, could put Rickon in touch with record companies, Robb in touch with energy corporations and political types, Sansa with whatever she wanted, and Bran with all the academics in the universe. Arya, thus far, had rebuffed any of Rhaegar’s offers to put her in contact with anyone. Until the holidays when he said he would talk to Westeros’s premier zoo and conservation center, in the capital, to see if they would be willing to strike up a partnership with the sanctuary.</p><p>It would really help, not just with the bills but with the cycling through of the wolves as the packs shifted and matured. He turned in his chair, propping his feet up on the desk, gesturing for her to continue. Arya did, signing quickly, her nerves clearly on edge. His heart quickened, tapping into her stress, hoping that she didn’t go into labor but also wondering what had her so worried. Nothing bothered her. Unless it had to do with him, but since Dany…well, since everything changed with his life, she had loosened her hold on the worry leash she’d attached to him since her birth.</p><p>“So they want me to go down to talk to them to help set up their wolf preserves in Dorne, for the desert wolves and then they have this place out in the Westerlands, but I don’t want to leave and…and the baby’s coming and then…” She dropped her hands, shrugging weakly, her eyes downcast. He furrowed his brow, concerned, and dropped his feet back to the floor, pushing up and going to stand beside her. She lifted her face again, brow wrinkled, her gray eyes so similar to his strained. “I don’t want to leave you.”</p><p><em>Leave me?</em> Her face turned away from him. He shook his head, clicking his tongue, chiding her for trying to hide. He tilted her face to his, tapping his lips. Arya rolled her eyes, nodding. She focused on him and he signed. “But you want to go down there? To talk to them about everything? Maybe set up their centers? It sounds like a good thing.”</p><p>She shook her head again, her ponytail falling loose. “But I don’t want to…”</p><p>“Leave me? You aren’t leaving me. You’re helping wolves.” He shrugged, speaking out loud, so she understood how important this was to him. “And that helps me.”</p><p>The wolves were part of him, they all were, and so if she were going to help with the other wolves out there…that was helping him, helping his heart. He smiled softly, his favorite sibling, cousin…the one who had seen him for who he was from when she was a little baby. She knew him only as who he was now, not how he was before. He chuckled, her frown deepening. “What?” she snapped.</p><p>“Nothing,” he signed. He sighed hard, shaking his head again and gazing out the window. The clouds were rolling across the sun, which strained to peek through, little rays stabbing out from the gray, flicking across the snow and deep verdant treetops. He glanced down at her again, meeting her intense gaze. It was his <em>approval</em> she wanted. He signed. “You don’t need me to say you can go, you’re a grown woman. You’re having a baby!”</p><p>“I suppose.”</p><p>“No, you really are.” He poked at her side, receiving a swift kick to his hand, her eyebrows arching, annoyed. He smiled sheepishly, continuing to sign. “Things are changing Arya. For good and you don’t have to be gone forever. Help the wolves, it won’t be for forever. I’ll still be here.” He spoke again, emotion choking him, forcing him to sign when she frowned, unable to follow. “I will be okay; you do not need to protect me. I have Dany and my girls. And my wolves.”</p><p>Arya whispered, something he didn’t quick get, and he shook his head quickly, frowning. She lifted her hand, signing and leaned in, kissing his cheek, patting his shoulder and walking off. The decision made, he guessed, staring after her, still smiling, thinking of what she’d signed.</p><p>
  <em>Your pack.</em>
</p><p>My pack, he thought, grabbing his coat and phone, nodding to Ghost, to go patrol and check on the wolves.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Are you ready for Show and Tell?”</p><p>Shadow had no idea what was happening, he was just constantly happy, an extension of being around Dany most of the day. He wiggled up and down, so hard Dany could hardly get his harness on him while Jon put on Ghost’s harness, so he knew where they were going, he needed to be on the clock. Ghost side-eyed Shadow, sitting primly and well-mannered, the other wolf barking and trying to lick Dany as she struggled to get the harness on him.</p><p>Dany grunted, snapping the clip around Shadow’s belly, standing up and huffing and puffing, catching her breath from the exertion. He watched her, leaning against the door in her office, smiling. She scowled. “You could have helped.”</p><p>“But then I couldn’t watch.”</p><p>“Pervert.”</p><p>He stuck his tongue out. She giggled, falling forwards against his chest, hands splayed over his heart and lifting her face so he could kiss her. He did as she obliged, settling his lips atop hers, tasting the sweet strawberry from her Chapstick, the lightest taste of coffee, and the overall joy and happiness that was Dr. Daenerys Targaryen-Snow. He dropped his fingers to her hips, tugging her against him, kiss deepening, her soft exhale tickling his cheek.</p><p>Their interruption from this morning played in his head, but they didn’t have time. Not even the ten or fifteen minutes he’d shamefully thought was all he needed that morning. She sensed it too, breaking away first, but not before she pressed another quick kiss and then one to his nose. “You have to go to the school,” she advised.</p><p>“Aye.” He moved his hands lower, cupping her bottom and squeezing it lightly, his eyebrows wiggling. “Tonight?”</p><p>“When the girls are asleep?” She grinned, cocking her head. “But what about the laundry?”</p><p>“And the dishes?”</p><p>“And sleep?” He nuzzled her nose, hand lifting to cup her cheek, thumb drifting across her cheek. <em>Gods her skin is so soft.</em> He had a sudden burst of memory, the first time he’d touched her, that first kiss, how he’d been so overcome, unable to tamp down his frustration and his attraction to the annoying, rude veterinarian. The gall of the woman, to just <em>appear</em> in his town and start bossing him around, ignoring his deafness like how she did, and then she started to learn <em>sign</em>?</p><p>It infuriated him.</p><p>Because he was pretty sure he fell in love with her the moment she snapped at him and said he was “very rude.” That was the most uncomfortable feeling in the world for him, this woman who saw through his defenses, who only wanted him. Letting her in, letting go of all those defense mechanisms…he was grateful that Jeor Mormont had helped him get through some of his problems. Then she helped with the rest.</p><p>He closed his eyes, inhaling deep, the scent of her hair, pushing his face into her neck, his ear against her pulse. Straining, he felt it, one hand on the other side. The steady <em>thrum-thrum-thrum</em> vibrating through his skin and into his heart. He used it to steady him, relaxing into her. Fingers curled up into his hair, scratching lightly, her breath in his ear now, whispering something he couldn’t understand, but he felt the tickling against his beard.</p><p>One of the wolves butted up to his knees, reminding him it was time to go. He sighed, breaking free of the spell she placed on him in her presence, and framed her face in his palms. “I love you,” he said out loud, her eyes crinkling with her smile. She nodded, mouthing she loved him too, and kissed him again. He stepped backwards, signing and snatching up the leashes for the wolves. He signed, “Are you going to come to Show and Tell?”</p><p>“We’ll see, I may sneak out and try to be there, but who knows what Gilly has me signed up for today.” She waved at Shadow, signing and laughing. “Have fun, let me know how it goes if I can’t get there.”</p><p>“See you.” He tugged the leashes, the wolves following along obediently, Ghost pushing ahead after a moment to lead the way, proudly showing off his harness with ‘Service Animal-Hearing Dog’ emblazoned on the red leather and nylon contraption. He opened the door, the wolves hopping in, Shadow pushing his face to the window once he closed the door on them, going around to the front and taking a deep breath, glancing back at the animals.</p><p>He signed. “Ready Shadow?”</p><p>At his name, the wolf barked, excited. He laughed, pulling out of the clinic and heading towards the school, thankfully not too far away. It was exactly one-thirty when he pulled into a parking space, getting the wolves out and going up and inside. The security guard at the little check-in booth near the front office was startled at the sight of the wolves, but at their service harnesses, relaxed a bit.</p><p>It took some explaining and scribbling on paper for Jon to convey his purpose there, the guard giving him a nametag and having him check in. He glanced warily at the wolves. “Are they trained?” he shouted.</p><p>Jon eyed him, annoyed. He didn’t understand why people still insisted on shouting when he was there, like he would be able to miraculously hear them. It was just condescending and ignorant. He shrugged, pocketing his driver’s license. “Most of the time. Thanks.” He didn’t even care if they guy couldn’t understand his voice, going down the hallway to the girls’ room, at the end of the corridor.</p><p>“Mrs. Seaworth’s Class” was stenciled down the door in bright primary colors, the names of all the students framing the door with their smiling pictures from the first day of school, along with their handwritten names, and a couple things about them. Jon zeroed in on his girls—the names were alphabetical by last name—noting that there was nothing shocking about either of their ‘about me’ tags.</p><p>
  <em>Rhaena (Rhae) Snow—One thing about me…I LOVE WOLVES</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alysanne (Aly) Snow—One thing about me… I am deaf and talk with my hands!</em>
</p><p>He smiled, glad that Aly was so proud of her deafness. He had been so alone when he’d had to go through school unable to hear. Ned’s response was to put him in private homeschool tutoring for years, isolating him further. Then sending him to a separate school. He hated it. By the time he was in high school, he had fully embraced his hatred of all society and just wanted to be left alone.</p><p>Aly would never know that pain, he vowed, knocking lightly on the door. He didn’t know if anyone had shouted to ‘come in’, so after a moment, when no one opened it, he lightly pushed it open. It seemed someone had shouted it, all the little kids’ faces expectant, sitting in a semi-circle on a large fluffy rug, Marya Seaworth standing in the center. She waved when she saw him, gesturing towards him and saying something. He narrowed his eyes on her lips, catching a bit, saying that this was Mr. Snow, Aly and Rhae’s father.</p><p>Rhae said something, causing the children to draw in sharp breaths and whip their head around to him. She signed fast, getting up, Aly joining her. “He has our Show and Tell!”</p><p>“Well you guys are the last to go,” Marya said. All the children were holding some items, mostly toys and stuffed animals, a couple with other random objects. Jon noted one child had a Westerosi military helmet he was showing off. He heeled Ghost back, the wolf sitting obediently.</p><p>With his harness on, Shadow also sat, tail wagging when the girls approached. Aly gave him a hug around his knees and took the leash, Rhae touching the harness and leading Shadow up to the front of the room. He hung back, with Ghost at his side, hand on the stiff upper handle of his harness, similar to one a seeing eye dog might have. It helped to direct Ghost when needed him in crowds and right now was nice to just hold, all the kids still stealing curious looks back at him.</p><p>He watched Rhae talk, Aly signing at the same time. <em>My little translator</em>, he thought, grinning.</p><p>Rhae pointed to Shadow. “This is Shadow, he is a wolf. He was the baby in his family. Very tiny and he almost died!” She said this with great emphasis, clasping her hands to her heart. Jon arched a brow. <em>Also my little actress</em>. She sighed dramatically again. “But he lived because my Mommy helped him, and my Daddy took care of him and he taught him sign language. Like how Aly talks. Because Shadow is….” She shouted. “Deaf!”</p><p>Shadow did not flinch at the yell, nor did he move when the kids began to chatter. Aly waved her hands, tapping her sister and signed, Rhae translating for her. “Aly says that Shadow helps her. He is a guide dog. Look in the back of the room.”</p><p>They all looked back at him. He smiled awkwardly, waving. “hi,” he said.</p><p>“you talk funny!” a kid yelled.</p><p>Jon shrugged; kids couldn’t help it. He expected them to be like that, not bothered, unless their parents were encouraging it. He was going to say something, but Rhae stomped her foot, hands on her hips. “Do not say that, because he is my Daddy!” She grinned wide, arms crossing over her little chest. She puffed her chest up and stuck her lip out, smirking. “And he is my Show and Tell. Come here Daddy.”</p><p>Aly signed, encouraging. “Come here Daddy!”</p><p><em>Uh….what?</em> He blinked, pointing to him. He shook his head, signing. “No, Shadow is your Show and Tell. I’m just here to take him back home.”</p><p>“No!” Aly exclaimed, everyone glancing at her, surprised. She pointed to the spot between them. “Here!”</p><p><em>Well shit</em>, he thought, eyeing Marya, who was smiling, amused more than anything. He sighed and pushed away from where he’d been leaning against the wall, Ghost leading the way. He stood beside his daughters, glancing down at him, wondering what they were up to with this little game. He spotted all the curious looks of the kids now, some whispering amongst themselves, a few eyeing Ghost warily. Shadow was at Aly’s side, obedient. Light and dark, Ghost and him flanking the girls and Jon.</p><p>He watched Rhae, who spoke, and Aly, who signed. “This is our Daddy. His name is Jon. He is deaf. He cannot hear.” She hugged Aly. “Just like Aly, but Aly can hear with these.” She poked the pink plastic aids and tubing around her sister’s ears. She pointed up to him. “But he does not use them because he cannot hear even with them. He talks with his hands, like Aly.”</p><p>“Like me,” Aly emphasized.</p><p>“But he also can talk too. Talk Daddy.”</p><p>Jon wasn’t sure if he was a puppet or what was happening. He frowned, glancing again at Marya and the children sitting rapt attention in front of him. He coughed and shrugged. “Hi, my name is Jon, I am Aly and Rhae’s daddy.”</p><p>“Wow!” was the prevailing opinion of the class.</p><p>Aly was smug, signing, Rhae talking over her hands. “He can talk, but he likes to use his hands. He can read your lips. So he still knows what you are saying. It is a super power.”</p><p><em>Super power</em>, he thought, remembering how that was how Arya thought of it when she was a kid, how Dany referred to it, even when he had carried it like a curse most of his life. Rhae carried on, pointing out Ghost, saying how he was a good boy, and he could not bark or make sounds, but he led Jon when he needed it and he helped him in big crowds and on the streets. She made him sign his name, saying that her ‘sign name’ was the letter ‘R’ and then the symbol or ‘sunlight.’</p><p>It made him think of when he and Dany chose their daughters’ sign names. They thought about Aly for a bit, getting to know her personality. They could spell out her name easily, but it wasn’t until her first snow day, when he saw how delighted she was with the cold drops that hit her little pink nose and tongue, giggling, feeling it and being so happy. Hers was the letter ‘A’ followed by ‘snow.’ Rhae was immediately sunlight, because Dany called her their ‘ray of sunshine’, born from the darkness, a miracle baby who appeared without warning, after so many dark days.</p><p>He frowned momentarily, unsure about being the ‘object’ of Show and Tell. They were showing him off, like a weird…toy, he thought, wondering how he would explain that to Dany and if they should talk to them about it. He wasn’t a toy. He wasn’t an object to be paraded in front, like how Robb always wanted to do with him. But…this…</p><p>A girl in the front row asked if he was stupid, because he was deaf, and Aly answered immediately, shouting: “He’s a doctor!” She couldn’t really hear her voice, was unintelligible, then frustratedly signed it again. “He’s a wolf doctor!”</p><p>Jon signed, speaking at the same time, as clear as he thought he could be for the little kids, who were fascinated at the noises he no doubt made. “I am a doctor because I wrote a very, very long paper. I work with wolves. Like these guys.” He gestured to Shadow and Ghost. He made a face. “But I can’t fix you if you get sick. Not that kind of doctor.”</p><p>“Like a vet?” someone asked.</p><p>“Mommy is a vet,” Rhae answered.</p><p>He tried to explain the concept of Ph.D. to a bunch of six- and seven-year-olds but it was impossible. Marya laughed, shrugging. “You tried,” she said, smiling warmly. She clapped her hands, the kids turning to look back at her. “Does anyone have any more questions for Dr. Snow? He cannot be here all day; he has important things to do.”</p><p><em>Dr. Snow</em>, he thought smiling. No one called him that. He looked at the kids, kneeling to the girls’ level so he could better read lips. He had one kid ask him if he could ever hear again, which he said no, he could not. “Not ever?” the kid asked, wide-eyed.</p><p>“How did you not hear?” another asked.</p><p>Rhae and Aly both peered up at him. He glanced at them, realizing that they never had asked. They just assumed he was like that always. He hesitated and reached to take their hands, one in each of his, glancing between them both and then let go, signing. He started to speak, when everyone looked to the back of the class, someone else speaking. He followed their gaze, surprised, at Dany, who was sitting in one of the tiny chairs, legs crossed, her parka pulled over her red scrubs.</p><p>She stood up and walked up, signing while she spoke. “I’m Dr. Dany, I’m the vet. Remember when I brought you guys the animals to pet one day? I am Rhae and Aly’s mommy.”</p><p>Jon reached for her hand, squeezing hard, oddly grateful for her being there. She nodded, encouraging, and he hesitated. He wasn’t sure how much to share, for a group of young children, what happened to him. He took a deep breath and began to sign. “I was not much older than you guys happen to be. I was playing and did something I should not have done….” He didn’t go too in detail, just that he climbed very, very high, and he slipped and fell very far, and he was hurt very badly, and he could no longer hear after that. He made sure to explain that they should always follow rules and when their moms and dads and grandparents or anyone told them not to climb too high or to get down off of something, to listen to them, because they didn’t want to get hurt.</p><p>He said he had to learn how to sign, to speak again, and it was very hard, but now it was how he spoke. His heart quickened, realization dawning, unable to believe that he hadn’t seen it when he’d walked into the room that afternoon.</p><p>The girls weren’t showing him off because they thought he was ‘cool’ or ‘interesting’, an object.</p><p>They were <em>proud</em> of him.</p><p>Aly puffed her chest out, finishing with their presentation. “That is our Daddy and our wolves and maybe we can teach you how to use your hands like me.” She grinned, showing off a missing tooth in her bottom row. “And Daddy!”</p><p>After fending a question of whether Aly would get a wolf one day to help her walk around like how he had Ghost—he explained Shadow was deaf and could not be a good hearing dog for her life Ghost was for him—he finally got to his feet and gathered the wolves, moving to go back to the rear of the classroom, when both of his girls flung their arms around his knees, hugging tight.</p><p>He touched their hair, noting that Aly’s braid was of course a mess, her black hair so adorably curly and frizzy. He knelt and hugged them both, kissing their cheeks, whispering against their soft baby smooth-skin. “Love you.”</p><p>“Bye Daddy,” they signed, giving the wolves a hug and kiss too.</p><p>To say goodbye, Marya allowed the class to go up and pet Shadow and Ghost, who were patient, used to people touching them, even though Dany also made sure to say that this was a special occasion, that when they saw someone walking around with a dog that had one of the vets like the wolves did, not to touch them. “They’re working,” she emphasized. “They cannot be distracted, always ask if it is okay.”</p><p>Numb, he walked out of the classroom, waving goodbye to the girls, and followed by Dany, who was leading Shadow. He said nothing, dropping off his visitor badge and nametag at the security desk, and signing out. At his SUV, he stopped, his lips pressed in a tight line. He hesitated, wondering how to say it to Dany, but by gods, the woman was living in his brain, and she answered before he could ask.</p><p>“I didn’t know, this was a surprise to me too.” She laughed, her eyes dancing, and he noted they were shining, the corners crinkled, holding back tears. “They must have planned it, using Shadow to get you there. They are smart, our little dragons.”</p><p>Little dragon wolves, he thought, nodding, still numb. He blinked hard; he couldn’t believe he was so moved. He <em>never</em> cried. Not for any real reason other than he just…he always tried to eb strong and growing up like he had, he couldn’t show anything like weakness, including crying. He didn’t like how he knew he sounded, probably like a honking duck, unable to restrain his vocal cords, and he had only cried on a handful of occasions. His wedding, the girls’ births, when Dany said she was pregnant…their miscarriages, when Dany was fast asleep and couldn’t hear him.</p><p>And now.</p><p>He reached for her, burying his face into her neck, letting the tears leak out and into her hair. She rubbed his back, comforting, and he took a few deep breaths, steadying himself. When he had control, he pulled away and she wiped at his cheeks. He sniffled, rubbing the back of his hand under his nose. “Sorry,” he said.</p><p>“Don’t be,” she signed. She framed his face, her thumbs grazing across his bearded chin. She was letting her own tears fall, trickling rivulets down her face. “They love you so much Jon, they’re so proud of you. So am I. They love you, everything you are. Just how you are.”</p><p>He never apologized for who he was; that was part of him. Yes, it made him an ‘asshole’ as Tormund always thought was funny and Arya encouraged, to keep his heart safe, so she didn’t have to worry about him like she did. He preferred it. Keeping that armor up. He didn’t know what it was today, if it was just…Arya making the decision to move on from the sanctuary or Show and Tell or…or what, but he was just <em>thinking</em> so much about everything.</p><p>Not apologizing for who he was, he was never ashamed, he was fine with it, it was who he was. The girls saw that, they loved him, not in spite of it, not because of it, but just…because it was <em>him</em>.</p><p>
  <em>Like Dany.</em>
</p><p>He handed Shadow’s lead to her, reaching around and embracing her tightly, his beloved Dany, the top of her head barely hitting the bottom of his chin. “I love you,” he mouthed into her hair. She squeezed him hard, letting go and blinking tears up at him. She thumbed a tear from his cheek, gesturing for him to get in the car.</p><p>She signed. “I have to go back to the clinic for a few things before I pick them up in an hour. We’ll be home and how about we get pizza?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“See you at home.”</p><p>He waved, waiting for her to get in her car with Shadow before driving away. He glanced sideways, Ghost watching him. He signed. “Want to go to Tormund’s?” It had been awhile since he’d been at the pub, the girls kept him so busy. He chuckled at Ghost’s eyeroll, punching the car’s ignition. “Alright. Let’s go home instead.”</p><p>
  <em>Home.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Up next:  Part 2 of the Epilogue, Jon talks with Robb and the day concludes.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. the epilogue: part 2- the shadows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jon comes to terms with some news Robb shares, which causes him to remember some important moments in his relationship with Dany.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I started this fic in July of last year, after meeting a wonderful human being on Tumblr by the name of AenarSnow.  Aenar had posted something earlier about how there aren't enough fics out there which have Jon and Dany facing serious matters like disabilities or mental illnesses.  I started to think about this and it led me to think about Ghost, who in the books (the show screwed it up) is mute.  He does not make a sound, he's a silent shadow, following along after Jon.  What if Jon used him as a service dog then?  What would that mean?  What if Jon was deaf?  This was kind of where my mind started going.  </p><p>So then I asked Aenar about it, wanting to make sure I characterized a deaf character properly and did a lot of research and before I knew it, I had this fic forming in my mind.  It's taken a long time to get here, but here we are, the end.  </p><p>This fic is for you Aenar!  You have been such a joy to get to know over these last few months!  Thank you so much for all the support!  Hugs!</p><p>And without further adieu, the end of 'silent shadows', the only fic I have written where I truly, truly did not want to end it.  </p><p>Enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<p></p><div class="center"><p>
    
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<hr/></div><p> </p><p>Arya had sent him some surveillance video that intrigued her of the wolves in Pack B, which had him curious and sitting at his desk for some of the afternoon, even after the girls got home, unable to stop buzzing about Show and Tell and how everyone had so many questions, and could he come back tomorrow?</p><p>“Sorry guys, Daddy does have to work,” he apologized, providing them an excuse for why he would be unable to answer questions about being deaf for the next week. They weren’t happy, but understood, hugging and kissing before racing off to the playroom. He watched them run, frowning at Aly’s sudden stop, reaching to fuss at her left ear.</p><p><em>The bad ear.</em> He sighed and got up, going over to her, carefully approaching her from the right so she could hear his footsteps. She looked up and tried to hide her face, but he shook his head, reaching over and kneeling, carefully taking out the left hearing aid. He inspected it and noted she must have been playing too hard, some of the components had become dislodged. He gestured for her to turn, so he could check her ear, and frowned at it.</p><p>Aly wrinkled her nose, making a face, and sniffed, pushing at his hand, crying. “Does your ear hurt?” he demanded, signing.</p><p>“No,” she lied.</p><p>He frowned, shaking his head, holding the hearing aid up. “I’m not putting it back in if your ear hurts.”</p><p>“No doctor!”</p><p><em>Unfortunately, doctor.</em> Dany heard the commotion, coming down the stairs, changed from her scrubs, and after her inspection and a trip to the bathroom with her scope, she confirmed that a trip to the pediatrician was warranted. “I’ll call him tomorrow,” she advised, to Aly’s disgust.</p><p>He set the hearing aid down on the desk, so she didn’t try to shove it back in, and let her run off and be angry with them for a bit. A disgusted look in his direction from Rhae informed him she was on her sister’s side in this and was furious they had taken out her hearing aid and would take her to the doctor. He let them plot their revenge against him and Dany, returning to his work, and Dany messing around with their bags and folders in the other room.</p><p>The flashing light on his phone caught his attention. <em>Robb</em>, he noted, remembering he’d said he would Facetime with him. He punched the button, his cousin’s face filling the screen, blue eyes worried, his dark brow pinched. “Robb,” he signed, setting the phone in the dock so he could sign. He shrugged. “What did you need?”</p><p>“Um…so how…how are things?”</p><p>“I was Show and Tell today at Rhae and Aly’s school.”</p><p>“You went to Show and Tell?”</p><p>He snorted, shaking his head, smirking. “No,” he corrected, still signing instead of speaking, as Robb tended to prefer. “I <em>was</em> Show and Tell. They showed me off and told all about me being deaf.”</p><p>Robb laughed, incredulous, the worry disappearing. “Seriously? How…how did you feel?” It was clear that Robb was wondering how the girls had been able to get away with something that Jon accused his cousin of doing to him all the time since the accident. Because he did.</p><p>He didn’t want to get into it with Robb, so he just said “Fine, they’re my daughters. I’ll do whatever they want.”</p><p>“I get that,” Robb replied. He ran his tongue over his teeth, shifting at his desk. He was in King’s Landing, in his office that they kept for the Lords in the Parliament Houses, Jon noted, recognizing the austere wallpaper and the stone décor. He had no idea what Robb wanted, this was clearly his show, so he decided to just do what he usually did to get Robb to divulge his secrets and let him sit and stew. Eventually he’d blurt out what he wanted.</p><p>It didn’t take longer than about fifteen seconds.</p><p>Robb coughed, moving some papers on the desk out of sight, averting his eyes and signing. “So how is the sanctuary? Did you finish the build on the Grey Wind Educational Center?”</p><p>He nodded, squinting at Robb. “Aye,” he signed. “We finished it months ago, I told you.” The center, named for Grey Wind, with a gorgeous steel sculpture Gendry had crafted of the stoic wolf, was in the center of town and would provide special education services to mentally and occupationally handicapped children. It was part of the sanctuary, along with the special education school where Brienne worked, who he already had the relationship with to come out to see the wolves. He was proud of it, it would help kids from all families in the region, help them get access to the extra bit of help they might need.</p><p>But that wasn’t why Robb was calling, he thought, saying nothing and continued to let Robb stew. A light scratch on his jeans drew his attention downward, where Rhaegal had apparently been sleeping in his open desk drawer, the bright green-eyed dragon peering up and meowing, stretching his front paws up on Jon's shin to reach him. He leaned forwards, lifting the dragon and settled him on his lap, the cat poking his head up to scowl at the camera and try to bat at the phone.</p><p>Robb signed, "He must not want me talking to you."</p><p>"He's spoiled," Jon replied, glancing at the cat, who would need to realize soon he couldn't pet him and sign at the same time. He wondered where the other two were. They struggled sometimes with the girls, preferring to venture out when it was somewhat quieter, lest they be roped into a game and dressed up in bonnets and blankets to be 'babies' or 'demons', depending on the game.</p><p>He lifted his gaze up to the half-closed door to his office, wondering how long this was going to take, as he wanted to go in and have dinner with the kids. He signed as much, at the same time Robb signed, "so I need to talk to you."</p><p>A little perturbed, he arched his brows, making a face. "I'm here," he signed. "What do you want?"</p><p>"Well I just...it's been a bit since we've actually been face-to-face."</p><p>"Alright." Maybe that was true, Jon didn't really count the days. He texted off and on, but his relationship with Robb, while not irrevocably damaged and while healed to an extent, was not constant. He shrugged, signing. “So talk? What’s going on? Are the kids fine?”</p><p>“Oh they’re…they’re fine.” Robb signed, making a face. “They’re learning sign, but only Alerie seems to like it. I think she thinks it’s a way to talk about me without me knowing.”</p><p>“That’s what I used to do.”</p><p>“Until I learned.” He hesitated; they rarely spoke about when they were kids. He tapped a pen off screen, eyes downcast, and reached his hands up again, signing once more. “I didn’t want to text this, but I also didn’t want you to get angry, so please don’t hang up and just listen to me, alright?”</p><p>Oh boy. He was wary now, if Robb was already suspicious that he’d get angry. He steeled himself and waited, saying nothing, allowing Robb to prepare himself. He nodded, silently signaling to Robb to carry on. His cousin began, fingers fumbling in his haste, Jon having to jump between signs to see what he was actually saying, some of it not making a lot of sense with the positioning of Robb’s fingers.</p><p>“So I know you don’t want to do much with the Auditory Center and that’s fine, that was…that was me trying to make up things and…and I know how you feel about that and I know how we are now…which is totally fine.” He hurried along. “But Jory Cassell, remember the financial manager of the estate? Well he called me, and it seems…seems my Dad had an account, which finally matured and is ready to be cashed out. Except…” He paused and spoke out loud, dropping his hands when he finished. “Except, when Jory went to transfer the funds, he couldn’t, the bank wouldn’t let him. He had his name on it, but he had someone else on it too and…and it couldn’t fall to me to take it on, like all the other accounts.”</p><p>His stomach hurt, because he knew exactly what Robb was getting at with this mysterious account. He chewed his bottom lip, unsure how to proceed. Robb filled the continued silence, signing away. “He also had strings on it, so we can’t just cash it to you or transfer it. He was really specific. It…Jon it matured…today.” He was scared now, his face ashen, blue eyes wide, and the bags under them more pronounced than ever, deep grooves in his young face. “And you know what today is.”</p><p>
  <em>Today?</em>
</p><p>He wasn’t sure what Robb was getting at. He racked his brain; no birthdays, anniversaries…it was late spring it was…<em>oh</em>. He choked, glancing sideways at the desk calendar beside his hand, the girls grinning up at him, wearing bathing suits with their gloves and hats and scarves in a photoshoot from the previous year. Typical Northern spring, jumping between temperatures.</p><p>
  <em>Oh gods, I forgot…I didn’t realize…</em>
</p><p>He closed his eyes, because it was a day that he used to always know…just instinctively. The moment his eyes lifted open in the morning and when he closed them at night, but it was not like he put it on his calendar or set an alert. He just <em>knew</em> the moment the day passed by and he never acknowledged it, because there was no point. Maybe Robb did, maybe that was something he was working through, but Jon just saw the date, shrugged, and carried on.</p><p>Except this year he hadn’t even noted it.</p><p>He flicked his fingers, signing, not looking at Robb. “Ned got the account the date of my accident?”</p><p>This time, over twenty years ago, he was lying in a hospital bed…or maybe in surgery still, his chest cracked open to take out his spleen and repair the wounds from the branches he’d landed on. He was undergoing evaluation for the damage to the delicate little bones that most people had no idea even existed, resting just behind his eardrum. He was in an in-between world, where he could still hear, the screams of Robb as he fell, the laughter as he taunted him to run across the wall. But he was also in another world, where he was in pure silence and would be for the rest of his life, only able to sense vibrations.</p><p>
  <em>What was Ned even thinking?</em>
</p><p>He took Rhaegal into his arms again, clutching the cat for comfort. If Ghost were nearby, no doubt the wolf would be....he felt a brush against his hand and glanced down. Ghost had appeared, sensing no doubt his need. He kept an arm around Rhaegal, another hand on Ghost, and in his frustration, blurted out, Robb leaning forward to focus on his garbled words.</p><p>"Why? Why he...<em>why</em>?"</p><p>Robb signed fast, cutting off his anger. "I don't know Jon. The bank notified Jory, he notified me. I spoke with one of the advisors there, he said there was a notice on the account, that's all and...well..." he raked his fingers through his auburn curls, deeply frowning. He signed again. "It gets...worse?"</p><p>The way he signed, the question at the end, Jon wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue with this any further. He signaled to carry on. <em>Might as well.</em></p><p>"The money in the account is rather hefty. The sum...it's a lot Jon. <em>A lot.</em>"</p><p>Money was hardly a concern for them. He struggled with the sanctuary because there was only so much, he could legally put into it, the way everything in his trust was set up. He had to set aside money for medical expenses for Aly, even for himself. The IVF treatments over the years, even the adoption, it had been a lot for him, and Dany and they were lucky they had the support of family and friends, grateful they had the family connections to help them. They had recovered but were still very careful. A new account would not be <em>unwelcome</em>, but he also knew they didn't necessarily <em>need</em> it.</p><p>He scowled, letting go of Rhaegal and Ghost to sign again, too tired to try to think through the words to speak. "What do you mean a lot?"</p><p>"Well, I mean...Ned made some sound decisions with this but there's a catch."</p><p><em>There always was, with Ned.</em> He was sick of Robb's games. He shouted, unable to contain his rising frustration. "Say it Robb!"</p><p>"Fine!" Robb signed, his gestures angry, but Jon didn't know why <em>he</em> was mad. "Fine! Dad set it so that the money has to go to a fund. A foundation. A center." He closed his eyes and signed again.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>Jon squinted, focusing on Robb, not seeing until she was beside him, hand touching his hand lightly, signaling. He jerked his head up. Dany was there. She had closed the door, probably heard his outburst. She ran her fingers over his hair comfortingly, hand resting at the back of his neck and the other on his hand. He closed his eyes, breathed deep, and steadied himself. Ghost was there, helping him, keeping the demons at bay. Dany.</p><p>
  <em>Dany.</em>
</p><p>He clutched her hand. He opened his eyes, staring at Robb, who had begun to type, the words running in a scroll down the side of the screen in text message, instead of signing. He read them, scanning fast, piecing it together.</p><p>
  <em>Dad set the account up for a foundation for deaf children, Jon, for you. We will never know if it was out of guilt or love or what emotion he was thinking when he did it. Maybe he planned to tell us one day, maybe he didn't. It doesn’t matter. There's nothing we can do to undo it. The terms of the account are pretty cut and dry. It is specifically for deaf children. We can talk about what that means. I can have someone else work on it if you don't want anything to do with it. That's fine. I wanted you to know. Don't get angry at me because I am relaying what Dad wanted. This doesn't have anything to do with me or the audiology center. I know how you feel about that. </em>
</p><p>Yes, he did know how he felt about that, about the Lyanna Stark Audiology Center, about parading his deaf brother around to assuage his guilt. They had gotten through a lot of those issues. Robb no longer pushed him. It took time and sometimes that flash of anger at his brother for trying to constantly <em>apologize</em> for what had happened by pressing that damn center on him all the time, it flared. He'd learned not to swallow it back and push Robb away, but actually tell him when it started to bother him, and Robb backed off.</p><p>He pinched his nose between his fingers, screwing his eyes shut, his emotions tossing about like a ship in a storm. It was too much for him, already coming off the revelation that he'd forgotten today was the day of the accident, the joy and tentative pride he had in his girls showing him off to their class earlier...now this? <em>Gods Ned, what did you do?</em></p><p>Rhaegal remained in place, hovering near him, watching carefully. Robb waited, bated breath, his bottom lip tucked under his upper teeth, and his auburn brows furrowed to a line, nervous. Jon closed his eyes again. Dany must have said something. Robb lifted his head slightly, signing. "Who else is there?"</p><p>"It's me," she spoke, coming around the side, leaning against him in the chair. She spoke out loud to Robb, Jon did not bother to look back and see what she was saying. She read through the message in the lower screen, her fingers curving into his shoulder, locking on. He didn't know if she said anything else to Robb, turning in his chair and gazing out the window behind him, the snow still pushed up against the house, curves and piles of it smoothed over from a fresh fall, but not enough to destroy the evidence the girls had been out there earlier in the week playing.</p><p>He wanted to go out and disappear into the snow, hide away in the forest, and sit with his wolves. That's what he did when things got difficult.</p><p><em>Used to do.</em> The little voice in his head spoke to him, the only sound he could hear, and he wondered if the voice was Dany. Not that he'd ever know. He sunk a bit in his chair, trying not to let the resentment bubble, especially knowing what the day was now. He closed his eyes and after a few minutes, the chair turned and he opened them, peering up at Dany. The computer screen was blank; Robb had left.</p><p>She signed. "I sent him away. Said that you would need to think about this. It's a lot."</p><p>He nodded, too tired to lift his hands. She crawled into his lap, lightly touching her lips to his. She stroked his face, guiding his chin up so he could look at her, read her lips. "I love you. Ned loved you. This was his way of...take it Jon. It is not pity. It is not regret. It was his way of dealing with whatever he was dealing with at the time, and you cannot fault him that. He's gone now. That is how it is."</p><p>"I know," he said, frustrated.</p><p>Dany touched his lower lip with her thumb, reaching her index finger so he could read her lips, for her other arm was wrapped around his neck. He focused, darting his eyes from her eyes to her mouth, translating the formation of her lips into words. "Think about it Jon. It will be good. Remember. Remember when you were scared. Alone. This could be good. For kids like you were."</p><p>The haunting memories of his time in that attic room, angry at the universe, furious with his family, and wishing he had just <em>died</em> instead of waking up without one of the most important senses, they washed over him in waves, aching dully in his heart. He wished at the time for someone to understand him. Someone to listen to him when he screamed and cried and hid away from the world. He found that in Ghost, many years later, his companion, familiar, the only creature in the world beyond Arya who gave a shit about him and did not treat him differently because of his...he didn't call it a disability. He was perfectly able.</p><p>His qualities, that was what Rickon called it once.</p><p>His wolves never judged him, they listened, and he could communicate with them. When he was with them, he was equal.</p><p>Until Dany appeared.</p><p>He wrapped her tighter, her head resting on his heart, and he closed his eyes, burying his face into her hair. It smelled like lavender and flower blossoms of some sort. Like how it was out in the parking lot at the school. It occurred to him this was the second time today he was in this position with her, overwhelmed and desperate for her steadying presence. He had no idea how he had lasted the way he had without her. He never wanted to find out what it was like if he didn't have her with him.</p><p>My rude Dany, he thought, smiling into her neck, remembering that evening. Running up to pet Ghost, calling him rude, being all affronted when Missandei understood his signing and laughed at what he called her. The way she appeared again, out at the sanctuary, focused so intensely on his face, watching and listening. He remembered Arya, a couple of weeks after the pups were born, after that little black furred runt almost died, and she had returned from town with Gendry, getting supplies.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p><em>"</em> <em>Hey, I have to talk to you," Arya demanded, signing and stalking to him . </em></p><p>
  <em>He was pissed, distracted from setting up a camera in an area where there was a new den. He signaled to a few of the wolves who were near, tails twitching nervously at Arya. He scowled at her, signing. "Busy. What do you want?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That vet, Dany? I saw her today."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"So?" He ignored Arya's protesting, signing about how she was actually nice, that she had met her and was pretty sure she was learning sign language. Wasn't that a good thing? He didn't care, why should he care? Some pretty new visitor to the town was fascinated by its main sideshow attraction? Should he charge tickets? Hey everyone, come look at the deaf guy and his wolves, learn how to sign, you can get bonus chances at the raffle later to laugh at him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Arya threw a rock at his back, dragging his attention to her again. He signed. "What the fuck?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Fuck you, don't walk away from me. What crawled up your butt and died?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Nothing, go away." He didn't understand why he was so mad lately. The new vet disturbed him. Her intense violet eyes, focusing on him whenever she was there, turning his face towards hers when he looked away, so he could see her lips. The first time she did that....he felt his entire body prickle, fire tingling throughout his limbs. Then there was when he did it to her, needing to see her lips ,to understand, and the shock...he had never felt it before. Not with anyone. Certainly not Ygritte. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Who was this Daenerys Targaryen, DVM? What did she want with him? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She's learning to sign Jon, that's something." Arya snarked, signing, digging that knife in so he knew she meant business. "Ygritte never did that in years with you. She's known you what? Few weeks?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Who cares?" He refused to listen to Arya, he knew it wouldn't last. It wasn't worth getting involved. The pretty vet thought he was a fun new toy; he was not going to let her think that. He had no intention of seeing this through to anything. He glanced at Arya, signing. "You check on the pups?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She nodded, brow wrinkling. "Lady won't let the runt nurse. She's rejecting him."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fuck. He frowned. "Alright. We need to take him in I guess."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'll call and make an appointment."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't worry about it, I'll deal with it." He had to see the vet again. Dany. He scoffed. What sort of a name was Daenerys anyway? It was too complicated to spell out. He wasn’t even sure how to spell it. He fiddled with his fingers, waling to the truck, Ghost at his side. He glanced at the wolf, leaping up into the cab and signed his name. J, with the wolf sign. He glanced at Arya, who was watching him, about to get into her truck. "What?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What are you doing?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Nothing." He ignored her and got into the truck, slamming the door. Ghost licked his hand. He ruffled his ears, thinking of the veterinarian. She had a thing for dragons, that's what he thought she said once. He narrowed his eyes and signed, catching the reflection in the rearview mirror. What was he doing? Giving her a sign language name? Ugh. He did it again. Silver Dragon. It worked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not that he was ever going to use it. It was strictly business with her. She'd be gone soon enough. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And he could go back to being with his wolves. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alone.</em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The soft pull of Dany's palm on his cheek, stroking his beard, guiding his face to peer up at her, distracted him from his memories. She ran her thumb over his bottom lip and moved her arm around, signing. "Where did you go?"</p><p>"Nowhere," he replied. He glanced down at the desk, spying the photo of him and Robb as little boys, about to go to school together for the first time. They were truly inseparable, they might have bene twins, if Catelyn wasn't so adamant that he was her <em>nephew</em> and nothing more. He never truly understood her dislike of him. Probably thought that he'd somehow get hold of Robb's share of the Stark inheritance. Didn't like that he had to share. Lyanna's trust was solid and thanks to her own machinations, she had amassed more of a fortune than even Ned, whose accounts were often tied up with the estate.</p><p>He knew Robb was just relaying a message from Ned, from wherever Ned happened to be and no one would know his thoughts, but...it was a very Ned thing to do. Quietly allow this to build up and reveal at a later date. Not that he intended to die. It had been quick, one moment he was there and then he was gone. Jon remembered all the Stark children being so stunned, in fugue states, unable to process how fast life could just disappear.</p><p>He knew better than them all how quick your life could change. One second. That's all. One second of running on that wall and his life had changed forever. At the time, for the worse. Never to enjoy it, never to be happy. To be happy in his own strange way.</p><p>And then one second to change again.</p><p>He peered up at Dany and wrapped his arms around her, squeezing. He moved slightly in the chair, signaling for her to get off his lap, which she did, silently questioning. He signed, letting her know. "I'll talk to Robb tomorrow. It will be good....a place for...for kids. Like me."</p><p>Her worried furrowed expression broke into a relieved grin. She rose on her toes, kissing him. "Good," she spoke, patting his chest. She signed. "Come on, let's go see what our pups have gotten into."</p><p>The pups it seemed, were enjoying themselves playing in their playroom, having directed Shadow to lay in his bed with a big cape around his shoulders, he was a superhero dog who needed to get his paw fixed, because he injured it, Aly was explaining to him. They were doctors like Mommy, they were going to rescue him.</p><p>"And fix his ears!" Rhae exclaimed.</p><p>Dany's head whipped to her, surprised. She signed first. "Fix his ears?"</p><p>"Yes, he cannot hear. So we will fix them." She blinked up at them both, unaware of the implications of her statement. She smiled. "Like Aly. Her aids."</p><p>Aly nodded and pointed to her ears. "My aids." She climbed over to him. "Daddy? Where your aids? You need aids too."</p><p>It happened more often than he would have liked, the girls forgetting the reasons why he didn't have hearing aids, but Aly did. He wasn't sure how exactly to get them to understand, so constant repetition would have to do. He swallowed hard, forcing a tight smile and signed. "I don't need them, remember? They do not work for me."</p><p>"Oh poo," Rhae said, immediately turning away and taking one of her doctor toys to inspect Shadow's stomach, listening through the plastic stethoscope, nodding and signaling to Aly that they needed to help him immediately. "Because he has...." She burst into laughter and pounced on him. "Tickles!"</p><p>Aly screeched, running and leaping onto the dog bed with her sister, both of them tickling Shadow's belly, the wolf happily barking and yowling, wagging his tail and kicking his feet up, entertaining them.</p><p>He smiled down at them; grateful he did not have to try to explain the inner workings of the human ear to a set of six-year-olds—again. He glanced at Dany, who was watching them with a small smile, and he nuzzled behind her ear, kissing the soft skin there. She closed her eyes and squeezed around his middle, letting go and disappearing. He left the girls and went to the kitchen, cleaning up and doing dishes, of which there was never an end.</p><p>It left him to wonder about things, running the towel over a glass, which the dishwasher never fully dried, frowning and thinking about Dany's somewhat sad smile in the doorway of the playroom. He glanced over his shoulder, when Ghost got up and wandered over to the entrance to the living room, pausing a moment. It seemed whatever the wolf heard, it wasn't enough to warrant notifying him, and he returned to settle at his feet. He continued to dry and put away dishes, wondering if Dany was thinking about another baby.</p><p>They hadn't discussed it. They had their girls. They never prevented pregnancy, they hadn't since he ran into that surgical room and shouted for her to take his sperm. Even if that wasn't how it really went, it was how Dany always told the story. He wanted more kids, if that was what the universe wanted, but right now, he was content.</p><p>
  <em>Hard to imagine.</em>
</p><p>They spent the rest of the evening like usual. The girls played, then it was time to go over some of their readings for school, and then bath time, which was always an adventure. It was his turn that evening, Dany somewhere in the house. The wolves were relaxing elsewhere, while he fussed with scrubbing bubblegum shampoo into two sets of curly heads, ignoring the protests from Rhae that her eyes hurt— she had them shut— giggling as she pretended to complain while he rinsed her hair.</p><p>Aly was quieter than usual, but he suspected it might be because her ear was hurting, and he'd taken out her hearing aids. He wrapped them up in their fluffy towels with hoods— Aly's was a dragon and Rhae's a wolf— the girls running down the hall to their rooms, giggling the whole time. There was a battle about brushing hair, as Rhae did not want it but Aly did. There was a slight debacle over a set of pajamas for Aly, as her favorites were in the wash, so she had to make do with the pink set not the purple.</p><p>Dany came over then, crawling onto Rhae's bed to read to her, while he took Aly. They liked to set them to bed at the same time, which could be difficult, so they alternated one kid each night. He gazed at the bookcase beside Aly's bed, wondering which one she wanted that night. Out of the corner of his eye, he noted Shadow had popped up onto her bed, curled around her and his head on the pillow beside her. <em>Uh-oh</em>, he thought, recognizing the signal the wolf was providing.</p><p>Aly was upset.</p><p>He wandered over, ignoring the books, and crouched down at Aly's bedside. She turned towards him, smiling, and signed. "Night, night."</p><p>Instead of tucking her in and leaving her, like she seemed to want, he moved closer, leaning against her bed and pulled his legs under him, his hand lifting to stroke her hair, twirling one of the black curls around her ear, stroking the little shell of it, and then back up. Her eyes closed, comforted by the action. He tapped her temple, forcing her eyes open so she could see his hands, and he signed. "What's wrong pup?"</p><p>She shook her head, signing. "Nothing."</p><p>He arched a brow, silently disagreeing. She was six, she did not understand her emotions, but he suspected she was more in tune with them than the average six-year-old. She lifted her finger and reached up, trying to touch his ear. He moved his head forward, letting her. She frowned, peeking into his ear. She pulled back and he quirked his lip up, again, silently questioning.</p><p>Aly signed. "Your ear not broken."</p><p>"No, inside. Very far inside. Broken."</p><p>"No aids for you?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Never hear? Ever?" She was saddened by this, her little forehead wrinkling, button nose screwing up. She frowned. "That's sad Daddy."</p><p>He signed quickly, assuring her it was alright. "It is how I am," he told her. He tapped her ear, garnering a little giggle. He grinned. "And you are how you are."</p><p>Aly thought a moment and then signed. "But Rhae can hear? Why?"</p><p><em>Oh damn.</em> He thought how best to answer. It was more difficult than he thought. he lifted his hands a few times, but the words did not come. After a moment, he signed, mouthing the words so she could understand, one way or another. "Because Rhae was born hearing. You were born not hearing. I had hearing and fell. Bad. Hurt myself. No more hearing. We are who we are. Everyone is different." He thought briefly of Dany. Unlike other women who could easily get pregnant, just close their eyes and have a baby whenever they set their mind to it— or not— she had gone through the seven hells to try to become a mother. Why though? Just because her body decided that's how it would be.</p><p>You could scream at the world and curse it and wonder why things were how they were, or you could learn to adapt, he thought. Like his wolves. Like he did. He stroked her hair and signed again. "You are a special girl. My little wolf." <em>My little shadow.</em></p><p>She nodded, reaching for Shadow, burying her face into his fur. She turned her head, her bright eyes blinking up, little pink lips pulled into a wide smile. She spoke, her lips forming the words. "My shadow."</p><p>He grinned, nodding. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, lightly touching her hair again, and spoke. "Sleep sweet. Love you."</p><p>"I love you," she signed, the hand signal one of the most recognizable signs in the known world.</p><p>And one of the hardest for some people.</p><p>He turned off her main light, her nightlight circling slowly, casting unicorns and fairies onto the ceiling in a warm glow. Her eyes were already shut, the lull of Shadow's heartbeat and comforting presence bringing her to sleep. He nodded to the wolf, who closed his eyes and settled closer to his little shadow and fell asleep with her.</p><p>Jon paused at the door, watching them. He closed his eyes and thanked whatever Old Gods might have been listening, and pulled it shut to a crack, before he turned and went into Rhae's room. She was already asleep, mouth ajar, her face relaxed, features so like Daenerys. He kissed the top of her head, the action causing her head to turn, mumbling something in her sleep, her little lips moving. Whatever she said, he would never know, and his heart clenched momentarily, the initial reaction something like a papercut.</p><p>No matter how many times you may have gotten one, it still hurt, that initial swipe into your skin. It stung, fading instantly, but it still hurt. He would always feel that, never knowing his daughter's voices. He sat on the edge of the bed, his hand on the small of her back, feeling her little heart thrum rapidly up through into his palm. Eyes fluttering shut, he savored it, this little creation that was half him and half Dany. The little miracle.</p><p>His eyes flickered open, peering at her through his lashes, her tongue slightly out as she slept, clutching her treasured wolf stuffed animal— a 'gift' from Aly to her newborn sister when she was born— the eye missing and the tail so ratty it was almost bald of fur. She loved her 'Wolfie.' Aly had a dragon. HIs little dragonwolves.</p><p>He tried to think back on the moment when he wanted them. It was the date, that's all he thought. The anniversary of the accident, the Show and Tell, that's why he was nostalgic and thinking of these things. He had been working so hard with Jeor Mormont, who knew sign from his time having to work with Jon at the sanctuary, the Old Bear a licensed therapist but who had worked up at a juvenile detention facility. He'd helped him a bit when he was a kid, struggling to get along with the world, but Jon had hated those sessions.</p><p>Jeor was helping him open up, learn to trust, but it had been more like a sudden shock to his system, like he had fallen asleep in the cold and someone splashed water on him to wake, cold realization shooting through his heart.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Where is she?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I told you!" Arya shouted, signing and storming around the office with him. She threw her hands at his shoulders knocking him back, while tried to open up her laptop, planning on buying a ticket to Essos, the first one, to the first city, he didn't even know where she was, he just knew he had to go there. "She's in Pentos, she's having her surgery."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I need...go. Now." His brain no longer fired on all synapses, the connections between his speech and his hands and his language center broken. It had come so fast, waking up and rolling to the side, finding the space empty. If he closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, he could still smell her lavender shampoo, feel the space give way where she used to curl up into his side. The last time was the night Grey Wind died. That painful night, when they just wanted to be alive. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love her. I miss her. I love her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>HIs eyes had sprung open, the words repeating over and over. I love her. I love Daenerys. Daenerys. My Daenerys. My Dany. Dany. I love her. I love her no matter what, no matter what happens and where she goes and what she does, I will always love her. Because she loves me. She truly loves me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>In spite of. Because of. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He jumped out of bed, racing through the house, startling Ghost and Shadow, dragging on clothing and searching for his phone, his thumb hovering over her name. He didn't know what the time difference was in Essos, would she be in surgery by now? No, no it was tomorrow, maybe that's right. The time was messed up, it was morning in Winterfell, but afternoon in Essos, so tomorrow morning Essos time she would be in surgery. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Surgery to help her have a baby. The baby she wanted. The baby she deserved to have. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And the baby he wanted to give her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It shocked him, every muscle fiber twitching, and nerve ending frayed. There would be time at a later date to run through everything. Jeor had asked him several times, trying to open up that door he kept closed away, about why he was so against becoming a father. He didn't want a child to deal with him. It was hard enough to learn sign language when he had, as a necessity, why would he force a kid to learn that? To have to deal with their "deaf dad" and be embarrassed and ashamed of him? Robb's kids thought he was a joke, they were scared of him, and he did not want to focus on anything but his wolves. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was no one he would want to have a child with anyways. The one woman he had allowed himself to grow close to, to let into his heart and to love, she had betrayed him, been embarrassed by him, and not even bothered to learn to truly communicate with him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dany did. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dany communicated. She hid things from him but why shouldn't she? He was not someone who would be receptive to her pain. He understood her decisions. He made a mistake. She was not trapping him; she was trying to move away from those choices with him. And he had reacted the way he had. They needed that space, but she was going forward, because she would be a wonderful mother and that was her decision and he respected it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Except he wanted to be with her in that decision. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wanted Dany. he wanted her no matter who fathered her baby, but...he...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wanted it to be him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He needed to go. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Arya had to know where she was, exactly where she was. He was shaking so badly, he could not even text. He grabbed Ghost's vest, harness and leash, knowing he would need them for a trip. He hated the idea of getting on a plane, having to explain to them about Ghost, trying to communicate with people who immediately seized up at the idea of a deaf individual on the plane. It made their lives more difficult; didn't he know? Except he would do it because he needed to get to her. Preferably before she went into surgery. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He had to tell her how much he loved her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Arya was trying to tell him where she was, but she was also saying how she had made promises to Dany, she was watching her dragons, she owed her that much. He shouted angrily, seeing no flights to Braavos or Pentos were available until the following day. That was too late! </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What about Rhaegar?" Arya blurted out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Rhaegar?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Dany's brother, isn't he some big corporate guy? He can help, right?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rhaegar most certainly could help, he thought, remembering the eccentric man who was doing his best to get close to Dany again. He had been fascinated by Jon's deafness, but not in a way that set him on edge, fascinated in terms of the science behind it all. When he offered to play the harp or violin, to see if Jon could feel the vibrations, he had thought it pity, before seeing the earnestness in Rhaegar's deep indigo eyes, desperate to convey his love for something that Jon would never be able to experience. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He did, sitting and allowing Rhaegar to play the music, his hand on the harp and at one point awkwardly leaning in so he could feel the vibration from the strings. It did form a melody, the different vibrations in his ear playing something akin to a song. When he asked Rhaegar why he was doing this, Rhaegar had sheepishly admitted, "because you are close with Dany and I want to be close to Dany again too."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rhaegar would help him, he thought now, pulling out his phone, finding the contact and frantically texting. He stared, nervous, hoping for a response, wondering if the man would reject him, would be taking Dany's "side", depending on what she'd told her brother. He hoped not. Rhaegar wanted her happy, right? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can make her happy, he texted, please Rhaegar. I just want to make her happy and be with her. I fucked up, but I need to tell her. I love her. I love your sister and I want to be with her. It can't be too late. Where is she?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After a few minutes, his phone buzzed. He stared at the text, eyes wide, mouth dropping.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>White Harbor International Airport. One hour. Private Hanger B. Plane Waiting. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He hardly processed it, he had a flight, when the phone buzzed again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She loves you too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His heart leaped in his throat, strangling him, and he grabbed his coat and Ghost's things, so overcome Arya did not understand him, chasing after him to the door. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm going to Pentos!"</em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They were proud of him, they were not ashamed, and he was a good dad. He was proud of them, his little girls, and the idea that he was willing to a live a life without them…he had no idea who that man was. That Jon Snow had disappeared, fading into nothing, into a wisp of a shadow.</p><p>He kissed Rhae’s head, pulled the covers over her shoulders.  Dragon popped up at his arm, picking his way over to settle next to Rhae's shoulder, blinking golden eyes slowly.  He made a face and signed, assuring the dragon he wasn't taking his place, and allowing him to watch over his charge.  He stood, leaving her to sleep, and went down the hall and into his and Dany’s room. Ghost was already on the bed, eyes closed, and head on his paws, and there was a laundry basket beside him, folded towels and clothes scattered in little piles on the chairs by the fireplace. He pulled off his shirt, throwing it into the hamper, and began to prepare for bed, when he felt something soft hurtle against him, a little blur of purple out of the corner of his eye.</p><p>A roll of socks bounced off his bicep and onto the ground. He blinked at them and then up, finding Dany sitting on one of the chairs, her iPad propped up on a stand in front of her, Missandei laughing behind her hand and Dany slightly amused. He realized that she’d thrown the socks at him because he was stripping right in front of Missandei. He turned slightly pink and waved, signing. “Hi Missandei.”</p><p>“Hello Jon. Nice to see you.” She cocked her head, smirking and signed. “A lot of you.”</p><p>He flushed deeper red now, escaping away from the giggling Missandei and Dany, disappearing into the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed. He glanced over his shoulder, eyeing Dany, who was smirking at him. She was turned away from Missandei, who was saying something and out of eyeshot from the iPad camera, she lowered her shoulder, her oversized sweatshirt falling off and revealing a lacy red bra strap, wiggling her eyebrows.</p><p>The meaning clear, he signed quickly. <em> “Finish with Missandei and lock the damn door.”</em></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>”I love you.”</em>
</p><p>Heart attempting to slow from its rapid beating, his limbs regaining feeling after the activities he and Dany had engaged in—a fuck lot longer than the ten minutes he’d been hoping to get that morning—Jon caught her hand in his, threading fingers and squeezing, his lips brushing over her hairline, which was slightly damp from sweat.</p><p>She tilted her face up, accepting the kiss he dropped to her mouth this time, and returned it quickly. The bed shifted under her, when she climbed off, walking naked over to the door and unlocked it, letting in Ghost, who shot a dirty look at him and curled up in front of the empty fireplace, his white tail sticking up in what could only be called ‘doggy middle finger.’ He signed to Ghost, the wolf not even seeing, but he didn’t care, it was the principle of it. <em>”Maybe if he stopped trying to look at us he could stay in the room.”</em></p><p>“Pervert wolf,” she teased, kissing Ghost and poking her head out into the hall. She closed the door, this time leaving it unlocked, and returned to the bed. Reluctantly, she slipped on one of his t-shirts and he did the same with his pajama pants, lest the girls decide to run in during the middle of the night.</p><p>He reached around for her, taking her back into his arms when she climbed under the covers, his hand going straight for hers, and allowing their fingers to tangle together again. He studied the glimmering diamond and sapphire ring on her left hand, the moonlight coming in through the windows around them shining off it. He dropped his gaze to hers, the moonlight darkening her violet irises to an indigo similar to Rhaegar’s.</p><p>Their hands became one, Dany folding her fingers into the “I love you” sign, and he smiled, remembering how difficult that was for him to make. It had been a day of memories. He furrowed his brow, speaking, preferring to watch their hands a few moments more. “Can I…question?”</p><p>“You are,” she signed, sitting up slightly so she could move her hands. She touched his cheek, concerned. “Everything alright? I know it has been a day.”</p><p>He leaned over and kissed her again, her lips already bruised from their kisses from moments before, each time they made love feeling like it was the first time again. When they did not think and succumbed to the tension between them. He should have known it then, he was ruined forever, she was his…his shadow, he thought. Always there, matching him step for step. He pressed her into the mattress, her hair fanning out under her head on the pillow, a pool of silver.</p><p>When he broke the kiss, he spoke again. “Do you…more…kids?”</p><p>Dany drew back, frowning, concerned. She signed quickly. “Do you want more kids?”</p><p>“Don’t know.”</p><p>She paused, biting her bottom lip, and glanced down, before she lifted her head and shook it slightly. “If we do…we do Jon. If not, I am happy. We have our girls.” She grinned wide, her eyes shining now, tears gathering. She signed, easily explaining. “I’m happy Jon. So happy…I love our life. I love you.” She sniffed. “I came here running away from the idea of a family. I never thought I could have one. I ran right into you…literally.” He chuckled, nodding. She continued. “I found my family, when I was trying to run away from it. I’m happy. So happy Jon.” She kissed him again, hands wrapping around his neck, holding him close.</p><p>They nestled together, fitting perfectly, meant for each other. Dany was made for him, he thought, somewhere across the Narrow Sea, when he was lying in the hospital bed, scared and alone and learning his new silent world, she was out there, waiting to find him. The only one who saw straight through his bullshit. Who made him the man he was today. Helped him see it. Made him a father. He did not want to think about where he would be if not for her. How angry and alone.</p><p>The lone wolf.</p><p>He found his pack.</p><p>“I love you,” he said.</p><p>She nodded, stroking his face, mumbled something. He felt her breath on his cheek, the movement of her lips. He pulled away so he could see her hands, forming words. <em>”Today is just a day. It means nothing now. Because you do not give it meaning. You are who you are. And I love you for it. The girls do too.”</em></p><p>He smiled, kissing her again and again. Until she pulled back, burying her face into his neck, and he rolled onto his back, holding her against him, Ghost and Shadow jumping onto the bed to curl at their feet. He stared up at the ceiling and watched the shadows playing across the ceiling, the outline of their bodies from the way the moonlight playing along their outlines.</p><p><em>My family</em>, he thought, smiling. He closed his eyes and nuzzled against his Dany, savoring the feeling.</p><p>
  <em>My pack.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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  <p>
    <b>fin.</b>
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